Resident cat being chased away by new kitten - please help!

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Sunnyey
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Resident cat being chased away by new kitten - please help!

Post by Sunnyey »

Hi there -
I've created this account a few minutes ago at almost 1AM after a particularly stressful day and evening of trying to understand how I can make this work.

My husband & I have a beautiful 2 year old female kitty. We were suspicious about her birth and socialisation and we've concluded now, 2 years later, that we are fairly certain our RC was not socialised properly as a kitten.
She's terribly shy, incredibly fearful of everything & everyone. She hisses at leaves if she stands on them and they make a noise!
She's not obviously affectionate but will give you a little head bump if she's in a good mood.

A few months ago, we noticed she was a lot more playful than normal.
She'd sit alone downstairs and get all excited when one of us would come down and we'd play with her for a while but she'd eventually get bored and stop. A few hours later, wanting to play again.
My husband & I took this playfulness as a sign that she was lonely and we thought a kitten could make her feel more confident too.

Boy, were we wrong.

We knew it was going to be a rough ride introducing our 8 week old female Turkish Angora to our RC but we were not expecting this!

It's been three weeks, which I know is not a long time but it's been the longest, most strained three weeks of our lives.

We took careful steps introducing them.
We took the new kitten to the spare bedroom immediately with her own food and litter box.
When our RC came back from outside, I gave her a toy the new kitten had been playing with.
She seemed curious about the smell before rubbing her own scent on it and going on her way.

My husband has been sleeping in the spare bedroom with the kitten since she arrived. I've been sleeping in our bedroom where our RCs bed is so that neither cat feels rejected.

The day after, I switched blankets in their bedding.
No obvious response.

A few days after that, I cracked the door to the spare room so RC could see inside. As soon as she saw the kitten, lots of hissing & growling and she immediately ran outside.

This was the case for days after.
Eventually, I let the kitten roam a bit outside of the bedroom.

The RC could tell the smell was different but no obvious signs.

And then we did a face to face introduction.
After a few attempts because RC would run outside, she eventually sat on the counter and watched the kitten play.
She watched and watched. Wasn't interested in food, treats or playing, and if the kitten got too close, cue the growling & hissing.

I spoke to a family friend who is a vet who told me I was taking this too seriously and I needed to allow the cats to establish their own relationships without me getting over involved.
I stopped chastising the cats for hissing, stopped carrying either of them away and stopped locking the kitten up.

The kitten follows RC around, RC freaks out & backs herself into a corner with hissing and growling and even flinched when the kitten lunges playfully at a toy in her direction.

She runs away very quickly after and will stay outside for hours.

My husband is still sleeping downstairs with the kitten because when he tried sleeping up here, the new kitten hissed at RC when she tried to get by to her bed making RC run outside again.

We bought Felliway Friends diffuser a few days ago with zero results.
RC eats her food pausing every two seconds to hiss at the kitten who is sitting nearby watching her.

RV spends all night outside.

My husband and I are sleeping separately & arguing every day about this. We've both cried over potentially rehoming the kitten & how stressed our RC is.

I know time is the remedy.
But am I doing something wrong?
I'm terrified my RC is going to never come back one of these days.
I'm worried the cats will never get along and I'm forever stuck having to comfort one (usually RC) after a stressful growling match.

I just need some advice or suggestions or reassurance. Something.
I'm at a complete loss of what to do!
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fjm
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Re: Resident cat being chased away by new kitten - please help!

Post by fjm »

Separate them. Go all the way back to the beginning, and go much more slowly - weeks for what you tried in days, months instead of weeks - and only move forward when RC tells you she is comfortable. It took her over 18 months to trust you enough to relax and play with you, after all, and then her safe territory was invaded...
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Mollycat
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Re: Resident cat being chased away by new kitten - please help!

Post by Mollycat »

I read as far as then we did a face to face introduction ... go right back to the beginning and think months not days. At each step both cats should be completely relaxed and comfortable for a week before moving to the next small step.

Hopefully it can be repaired from here but you need a huge amount more patience and still be prepared to fail and have to rehome the kitten.

You definitely need to stop "chastising" (whatever you mean by that) a cat for hissing when it has plenty to hiss about and you and your husband also need to bring the stress levels down in the house as your constant arguing could be doing more to make your cat feel like leaving home than the new kitten is.


Added - sorry meant to say, your friend/vet is right up to a point that some hissing and growling is needed to establish their relationship, but if it's allowed to get out of hand into a full on fight, quite apart from the risk of physical damage and a large vet bill, the mental scars can at best put the whole process back to square one, or potentially make it impossible to ever have them in the same room again, and force one to be rehomed as well as leaving lasting mental scars on either or both. Not adviseable.
Last edited by Mollycat on Sun May 09, 2021 9:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Ruth B
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Re: Resident cat being chased away by new kitten - please help!

Post by Ruth B »

I have to agree with the others, go back to square one and start over. However I will add that I don't think you and your husband need to sleep separately if that is causing stress. Get the kitten settled in their room, a comfy, warm bed, food, water, litter tray and a selection of toys like balls or kick toys, and possibly an item of clothing that you or your husband have been wearing that day so it has your scent on it and access to a window to look out of, and the kitten will be fine.

Make sure your resident cat has plenty of high places they can get to to feel secure where once the kitten is let out they can watch them safely.

When ever you do a scent swap make sure the resident cat associates the scent of the new kitten with something nice happening, treats, food, play etc. I would also suggest getting some type of door screen that you can use when you do get to the stage of opening the door to let them see each other, something that allows sight, but won't let the kitten actually get to the resident cat, whether you opt for a full door screen, or just a magnetic one you can fix onto the frame is your choice and depends a lot on the door itself.

Then take it slow, months not weeks. Don't tell the resident cat off for growling or hissing and unless there is signs of actual violence starting don't separate them, growling and hissing is just her way of telling the kitten that they are invading her territory and they have to respect her. At every stage make sure she is happy before moving onto the next one and the first step is to make sure she is confident once more in her own home before trying to introduce the kitten again.
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