Cat Chat Feline Forum

I adopted a cat on our farm named Sushi. I fed her daily and gave her water, sat on a porch swing with her laying on top of me for hours, and gave her medicine. I had to do her ear mite treatment twice a day for weeks on top of my job. I also had to wash her food and water dish daily because it would get dirty in the barn. I had to cut some of her fur because it was matted with poo. I took care of her and loved her and she did a lot better after months together. She ended up having kittens (despite being only I’d say a year old herself) because she was already pregnant by the time I brought her to the vet to get spayed. A month after her babies were born, she disappeared. I took care of her babies from there on out. One day two of them got lost in a storm and I had to search the farm to find them. (Luckily, I did.) I ended up moving them to our granary where they could be locked in at night and I got them a litter box and trained them with that. Today they are four months old and healthy and fixed. I have two of the six and the others are with great owners who love them.

The problem is I have been incredibly overwhelmed with my kittens. I feel like I can’t handle it and have not been doing well. I was thinking that they triggered some commitment issues (which may still be part of it), but now I think I may just not be ready for kittens when I still miss sushi. I can’t tell if I want the kittens because I love them or if I just don’t want to lose my last tie to sushi. How do I cope with my feelings for sushi when she went missing and I didn’t get a proper good bye? I miss her so much