Need advice on fear of cats

[Sunflower]

Hi , new here I thought it may help if I give you a little background info so you will be able to understand a bit better and hopefully help with giving advice

I am an animal lover I love all animals but cats and horses are both my number 1's I love both equally and for a long time I've been waiting till the right time to get a cat , my dilemma started in 2019 when I , with the help of my sister left an abusive relationship and I had no were to go so I moved in with my sister who lived at the time on her own and I moved in with her and still to this I live with her as I am unable to live on my own due to how the abuse affected me I can't live on my own but I also will never go into another relationship and I've felt the safest I've felt in a long time with my sister and we're both the same we both don't want kids ( more my sister can't and I don't ) and we both have no interest in relationships ( she was in a long-term relationship and he was her soulmate but he passed away a few years ago and she is loyal to him and knows no one will ever be as perfect for her as him and she always tell me it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all) so what I'm trying to say is were both going to be living together for ever.

Now the issue is I'm a huge cat lover my sister is on the other side she loves dogs their her favorite and she finally is in a position to get one and has spent years researching the right breed and the right breeder and when I moved in , in 2019 she made sure I was happy to live with a Golden retriever and being an animal lover my awnser was yes and she will be bringing her puppy home next year and I asked her if she's ok to live with a cat as like her I'd planned to get a cat for awhile and she said yes she would be she is scared of cats and if she could get over that then she would be ok and she knows nothing about cats unlike dogs were she's read book after book on dog behavior and training she's new to cats and knows nothing and the fear comes from being scratched and bitten by a neighbors cat when she was a child and the misconception that cats are evil and attack for no reason ect so I was hoping you could help with advice on what cats are really like to live with and how I can help her with her fear

I was also thinking a more laid back breed would be better I read Ragdolls and British shorthairs are laid back and that British shorthairs are less likely to scratch as quickly than other cats?

Then my sister likes the look of Maine coons as she's read their dog like?

I will be getting an adult cat from rescue but I would prefer to pick a breed and even prefer going to breed rescues

I look forward to hearing from you all

[booktigger]

It might be good for you to visit some local rescues - ring first and explain a bit of the situation, some have areas where you can sit and spend time with the cats, and if the staff just let you meet friendly, confident cats, it might help show your sister the nice side of cats and help with her fear of them. Good luck

[alanc]

As the owner of a Maine Coon, I would certainly recommend them. They tend to be laid back and goofy. In addition to what booktigger has said, I would also suggest looking at older cats in rescues.

[Mollycat]

I'm really sorry but I'm going to pee on your bonfire about laid back breeds. There is so little difference between breeds and so much difference between individuals that picking a breed is not like picking a dog breed, cat breeds are relatively new and have not diverged nearly as much as dog breeds have.

I have only ever had one pedigree cat, he was a ragdoll and he never got the memo of what a Ragdoll is supposed to be. Sure he was laid back, unfazed, chill. But he was playful, lively (for half an hour a day in total) and he would bite or scratch me if I upset him.

For someone who has been hurt by a cat in the past and so has a reason to be afraid, I think I'd rather look for an adult already known to be gentle and placid, than a kitten that could turn out to be bonkers. Or take time and work on the fear, meet as many cats as possible, have lots of positive interaction, and see that cats are ok. It is hard when you know either cats or dogs making the crossover to the other, as their body language and warning signs are so different, but some time getting to know cats might be more helpful than trying to pick a character by breed.

[Sunflower]

I'm really sorry but I'm going to pee on your bonfire about laid back breeds. There is so little difference between breeds and so much difference between individuals that picking a breed is not like picking a dog breed, cat breeds are relatively new and have not diverged nearly as much as dog breeds have.

I have only ever had one pedigree cat, he was a ragdoll and he never got the memo of what a Ragdoll is supposed to be. Sure he was laid back, unfazed, chill. But he was playful, lively (for half an hour a day in total) and he would bite or scratch me if I upset him.

For someone who has been hurt by a cat in the past and so has a reason to be afraid, I think I'd rather look for an adult already known to be gentle and placid, than a kitten that could turn out to be bonkers. Or take time and work on the fear, meet as many cats as possible, have lots of positive interaction, and see that cats are ok. It is hard when you know either cats or dogs making the crossover to the other, as their body language and warning signs are so different, but some time getting to know cats might be more helpful than trying to pick a character by breed.

Thank you all for your replys , even if cat breeds don't have much differences I have read everywhere that Ragdolls are more lazy or have less energy than other cats is this true?

[Mollycat]

Thank you all for your replys , even if cat breeds don't have much differences I have read everywhere that Ragdolls are more lazy or have less energy than other cats is this true?

As I said, I only knew one Ragdoll and for him it certainly was not true. I got him at 8 years old and he was laid-back in the sense of not nervous but certainly not lacking energy, he was playful into his teens, he would bite or scratch if I annoyed him and he and my other cat kept us awake at night chasing each other around and play fighting.

My Ragdoll had a calm mind, not a calm body. I have known many ordinary moggies who were much more lazy and less energetic.

You cannot trust a breed to deliver the individual character you want.

Also bear in mind with long haired breeds that need brushing if you get an individual that doesn't like being brushed all over they might not be the best tempered cat when they have to be forced to accept grooming.

[Ruth B]

I have to agree with the others that just going on the breed to guarantee a quiet and calm cat may not be the best option.
I've known 2 Ragdolls, one we adopted and one a friend has. Blue, our Ragdoll was laidback most of the time, but we did get him when he was 3 years old and he was just as playful as any young cat could be, and just as happy to bite and claw if he thought your hand was a play thing, the grooming brush and comb was often viewed as a special type of toy when he was younger, much as he enjoyed being groomed, if he was in a playful mood then it and your hand were fair game. Mocha, my friends cat, is even worse. When she wants to be friendly she can be a typical Ragdoll, but when she decides she doesn't want something she can be the same as any moggy that doesn't want something.

So I'm going to agree with the rest, contact local rescues see if you can find one taht has a space where you can spend some time with some of the cats and ask about ones that are specifically placid and explain why. A good shelter will be more than happy to help you and your sister find the right cat. I would however suggest you do a bit of preplanning if you are planning on getting a dog and a cat, as while they can get on wonderfully, introductions need to be made carefully.

One last thing I will add, when i was a child, a large black cat adopted my family, his owner had moved into a nursing home and he had been left behind. Sam was about 2 or 3 years old when we got him, unneutered and had several abscesses due to fighting. My parents had him neutered and his injuries treated and took him in. Sam rewarded them by being the most loving cat i've ever known, even going beyond Blue, my Ragdoll. My Father was a dentist and had his practice in a couple of rooms of the house we lived in, on several occasions Sam would actually be allowed in the surgery to sit on a child's knee while they had treatment done (under the eye of the parent of course), he helped those children not to fear going to the dentist and never once tried to bite or claw a human (he was always a bit of a terror to the cat population as he would still defend territory). Sam was nothing more than you average moggy, but one like him would be perfect for someone who needs to build their confidence around cats.