Cat Chat Feline Forum

Hello! Our kitten is 12 weeks old today and has been with us 12 days. We adopted her from a rescue. She’s doing so well. Uses her litter tray. Doesn’t cry at night. Eating and drinking well. Plays gently with us and our children - we don’t use our hands. She enjoys strokes and rarely hides under the sofa as she did in the early days, although I know still early days as she’s only been with us 12 days. She’s not a fan on being picked up. The rescue and our vet said she needs lots of interaction which she gets as we play with her pretty much all her waking time. How can I get her used to being picked up? I had to hold her at the vet so he could check the skin around her face (which was fine) but I got quite scratched on my chest as a result! Also, how can we help her feel comfortable and confident to come and have cuddle next to us? She did 2 days ago fall sleep next to me for half hour on the sofa but I put this down to her having had her 1st vaccination so she was sleepy! Thank you.

I think that as a general rule kittens (and puppies) are not cuddle bugs - life is too exciting, there is so much to see and do and learn and...then they fall asleep wherever they happen to be. I would concentrate on the interactive games you are already playing and on letting her come to you - no picking up just yet, no restraint, when she does jump up on you stroke her just a couple of times, watching carefully for the tiny ear or tail flick that means she has had enough. When she is a little more confident try teaching a pick up cue - I use a cupped hand, and then always run my hand along the cat's side so she knows what I am about to do - and as far as possible let her choose whether to be picked up or not. I don't need to say that any grabbing, chasing or other aversive actions could set things back by months as you are obviously already being careful - taking things slowly and at her pace is much more likely to bear results, but some cats never really like being lifted or carried although they may be taught to tolerate it.

You could also try clicker training, especially if there is a treat or game she really loves that would make a suitable reward.

You're right about not using hands as playthings, but the more kitten gets used to hands handling gently the better and to my mind that can include gentle physical touch. Hard to describe what I mean, contact where the whole hand with the palm and fingers splayed to make it as large as possible and gentle but not timid - not twitchy fingers begging to be captured and "killed" if that makes sense.

How you pick them up makes the world of difference too, and children should learn how. My old girl is 15 and fat and not one to be picked up. When she has to go to the vets we have been picking her up and lifting for speed and keeping out of the way of the claws, and she complains and hisses. But a while ago she got out and was utterly confused in the stairwell of the flats and was becoming quite distressed and not following me or treats, so I had no choice but to carry her. Right hand under the chest, a scoop under the back end with the left, and have her sit on my left arm across my chest with right arm around her side with hand on her chest. To my astonishment she was calm and did not struggle, this cat that I could never pick up for 8 years. Always support the back end, never ever lift by the scruff (scruffing is only to keep them still, not to lift by) - I'm sure you do this already judging by the gentle way you talk about her.

Even with all that some cats just don't like being picked up or sitting on laps, but as fjm says kittens are more interested in other things than cuddles so it's far too soon to assume you have one of those.

Having had several cats in the past they are as independent as it gets. Some are attention lovers and others aren't. It's the luck of the draw. Giving lots on attention early on is a positive.