Are cats responsible for 99% of illiteracy?

[Lilith]

And will your cat permit you to type a reply?

This isn't an original idea of mine, but a cartoon I saw a while back. But by heck it had the ring of truth! As a readaholic and would-be writer, I've come to the conclusion that cats HATE the printed word (unless it benefits them of course!) Naturally a book, or magazine or newspaper, is a comfy place to roost, especially when it's on your knee and you have that settled, peaceful look that attracts the cat or cats of your heart to invade and enjoy that peace with you...THEY call this 'enhancing the experience' of course.

My Emily is the worst offender. She says that that flat black thing is not my laptop! SHE is my laptop. Trouble is, she doesn't come with a keyboard or broadband. And as for a nice read, well...Her body language puts Marcel Marceau to shame. Sitting over me on the sideboard she hunches, she looms, like a great big (dare I say it?) PURRPUSSFUL vulture. No putting her off. Have to rearrange me, book, and let Emily lounge...oh and she wants cuddles and bellyrubs too, and...and, well, it's very hard to get past the first paragraphs...

And that's not all. In this house there are A LOT of books. The cats and I sort of fit round snake vivariums and bookcases and when one of my (now sadly departed) tomcats, Finn, joined us after a feral adulthood and was introduced to a life of soft beds and full bowls and...books, well he didn't quite see the point of books. Books were on a par with car hubcaps, and he'd only one use for car hubcaps. Line up, take aim, fire...Pee D James, I do apologise! (Finn never did!)

Even the other night, as I sat up in bed with, as always, a book, my youngest cat Molly was having her mad half hour, which is like living with a poltergeist. This time she sprang on to the bed, attacked my book, chewed a corner of a page off, tore off another chunk and...tore off on her merry way, leaving me to find the sellotape...cats!

I think the worst insult though was when, a year or two back, I bought a spare laptop. This thing was a lemon. It never thrived with me. The first indication was a couple of days after its arrival when it jammed completely and I was forced to take it to a very glum computer shop person who accused me of 'disabling the mouse.'

'You've pressed a lot of keys together!' He sounded quite pleased.

'No I haven't!' I'd treated the damn thing like a new baby. Then the penny dropped.

Molly and Finn had paid friendly visits to me, via the keyboard, clumping over it, purring, sure of their welcome...and disabled the mouse!

Well, isn't that why cats were put on this earth? To disable the mouse?

[bobbys girl]

I can just about manage to read most things with cat on lap. But the keyboard is something elkdaeuhzxncjw qw.njeko ij

dvj

[Crewella]

I work from home on the computer a lot, and my lot are now used to the fact that the desk (as all hard furniture) is OFF LIMITS.

However ..... I gave up on the laptop as the fact that it was on a lap apparently made it fair game, and I've given up even trying to read newspapers. I can usually be found at my desk, typing away, sitting on the edge of my chair because Daz is wedged behind me and stretching to reach the keyboard because either Merrick or Basil is on my lap.

All my nervous/feral foster cats get read to, usually Harry Potter, though whether they actually like it ......

[booktigger]

That's one advantage of a kindle, you only need one hand to read. When Molly was alive, I gave up reading in bed, she'd wait till you were ready to turn the page, then put her head on either your hand or the book, and she got away with pretty much anything

[claire_lee]

I'm reading this through a load of paw prints I haven't got round to wiping off the laptop screen (that'll teach me to leave it open screen upwards.....

[hgale]

I don't know if any of you have read "The Silent Miaow" - its a book written by a cat (and translated by Paul Gallico) about how to take over a house, get the humans there to be your slaves, how to get the best food (and the best of everything else too). It is a very funny and thought provoking read - and there is a whole chapter devoted to "distraction techniques" which includes sitting on papers and books, trying to catch the typewriter keys (the cat wrote it in the 1960s), upsetting dice and other board games - all to get your people to take more notice of YOU!

Sounds like some of the cats on here have read it already..............

[Lilith]

LOLOLOL!

Lots of fellow-sufferers I see!

Ohh and the 'Silent Miaow!' Yes we have that book! With advice on 'takeover', 'shoulder cruising' and 'you may want the dictionary but I don't want you to have it.' Cica, who wrote it, also learned to type - the word 'kotteb' was found ...my copy has been carelessly left in the back bedroom where they dine and I've no doubt they've all been at it!

Cats are far craftier than they make out!

[PeanutsFriend]

My Peanut, when it is computer time is first on the chair. He has that backwards. He sits on my lap. I out weight him. But he thinks he is mighty and powerful. He loves his computer time. Willie use to. He is too old these days to argue with Peanut. With eight cats there are always someone on my lap. That way I am never too lonely.
Jill

[Lilith]

LOL - cats ARE mighty and powerful - it's amazing how an average sized cat can rearrange its human to its required specifications. Molly, who sleeps on the bed, takes it all. I'm allowed to sleep on the edge...by kind permission

[bobbys girl]

it's amazing how an average sized cat can rearrange its human to its required specifications. Molly, who sleeps on the bed, takes it all. I'm allowed to sleep on the edge...by kind permission

Our's have certainly got us well trained! As I type this, my OH has just bought me a cup of tea (I have HIM well trained ). While he was out of the room, Willow and Grace pinched his seat on the sofa. Bob is spread out on the other sofa, Purdy has claimed the basket we bought for Tom and Tom has made a nest on our bed. Poor OH is sitting on the floor.

[Cussypat1974]

Love this Lilith! You should start a blod or column or whatever they are called these days.

Incidentally, my Coco (now deceased) chose his own name by typing it on the computer at 6 weeks of age. Then he photocopied his bum on the printer.......

[Lilith]

LOL - Bobbysgirl - ain't that just typical?

Thanks Cussypat - I think the cats would type the blog...hmm, perhaps I should give them the freedom of the web..only they'd waste time looking for the spider lol.

Photocopied his bum? And told you his own name by typing it at 6 weeks??? Well I do have a pic of my Siamese Annie, 30 years ago, helping my ex with his OU maths by sitting on his knee, paw ready on the calculator, but Coco sounds quite some guy!

I'm sure cats know more about technology than we do...