Advice needed on sticking my nose in

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Mrs Kane
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Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Fri Jun 12, 2015 11:53 pm

Hey guys.

I was hoping for a little advice on something that has been gnawing at me for a few weeks.

To explain:
My sister lives with two roommates. One decided to get a 4 month old kitten about 6 months ago without asking anyone, at much annoyance to my sister and other roommate. I knew at the time there were going to be problems from the conversations I had with my sister over skype. None of them were at home a lot and she was worried the cat was either going to end up neglected and forgotten, or her responsibility, which she can't afford because her job takes her all over the country, sometimes at short notice. She made the decision that because she had no say in getting the cat, and once they had it she had voiced strong objections to it being in the house that she wasn't going to be forced into looking after it and paying for it. She has kept her word, as hard as it has been for her.

Fast forward to now. I get regular calls from my family anyway and most now are about the roommate and the problems surrounding the cat. To clarify, it is a long haired Persian pedigree and is lacking in a few braincells, but is incredibly sweet. Roommate got her for free from a parents friend because she wasn't "worth selling" as the rest of the family are short haired and go for about a grand each. She lives indoors because she would not cope outside.

I'll list the problems below and if anyone can give advice I'd appreciate it.

The cat doesn't clean herself. She regularly has a terribly dirty face from eating and drinking and gummy eyes that need to be cleaned. She also smells terrible from not keeping her coat clean. The breeder recommended that roommate clean her eyes and face every day but she doesn't, so it's left to others.

Because she doesn't clean herself she sheds fur everywhere. Roommate doesn't brush her at all. My sister has asthma and has had to bar the cat from her bedroom to stop asthma attacks.

Roommate doesn't clean the cat's tray out. Sometimes many weeks pass before her tray is emptied.
My sister feeds and waters the cat out of pure humane decency when roommate forgets but has promised herself not to get involved any further.

The biggest heart-wrenching problem: The cat is terribly lonely and bored. My sister fusses her a bit when shes home but the cat is left on her own a lot and this is showing some really bad side effects. EG:
She's been pooing in her water tray for attention. She's also been pooing in the bath once it's been cleaned for the same. (When her tray is full she also poos and wees in the bathroom anywhere she pleases. )

Now I want to say, this is the sweetest cat I have ever seen in my life, and does not deserve mistreatment. The minute anyone sits down in the living room she is there on your lap waiting for attention. I have had many skype calls with my sister where the cat is on her shoulder or lap purring loud enough for the mic to pick it up. She just loves company. But she doesn't get anywhere near enough.
My sister has also proven that the cat just lets anyone do just about anything with her. She has been a prop "shotgun" and "Siiiiiimba" and even sported a little easter bunny hat on video for me. All the while purring away like a blender. She's the most docile cat you can imagine.

Now in an ideal world I would get the cat a passport and bring her here to Spain and look after her myself. But sadly this is not an ideal world as transporting a cat is very expensive (I looked it up, it's extortionate) and my other cat Sofi HATES other pets. Not to mention the stress it would cause to Luna (the other cat).

I'd really appreciate any advice anyone can give on this matter. I would also appreciate it if you didn't bad mouth my sister on this. She is an intelligent person and knows that if she helps out with something she didn't want in the first place from this roommate, she'd be landed with the problem permanently, which is why she has tried to detach herself from the issue as much as possible.

Thanks all, perhaps you can tell me if I just need to put this aside in my mind or do something more pro-active about it.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Lilith » Sat Jun 13, 2015 1:48 pm

Well.

I'm probably speaking well out of turn here. But.

I would suggest theft.

Arrange with a rescue shelter beforehand (I'm aware of the shortage of places but this is massive neglect - what would that cat do if other people weren't providing her with affection and food?) or even an alternative home if there is a sympathetic and responsible one available, though of course these don't grow on trees - and sneak Luna out when the coast is clear - and keep shtum. If possible don't even tell the other flatmate - people almost always blab or turn malicious over some tiny dispute.

Tray not emptied for WEEKS? Would this 'owner' even notice if Luna wasn't around?

'Have you seen the cat?'

'Not for days...'

'Well she doesn't seem to be about.'

'Did she come for her food this morning?'

'Don't know...well, I haven't fed her. Did you feed her?'

'Thought you must have done...'

Even if the flat isn't ground-floor, a door could have been left open, front door left open. If your sister can act the part, even offer to put up 'missing' notices and be sooo sympathetic...

Always supposing this fiendish plan was feasible of course.

Sorry. What I'm suggesting is disgracefully illegal. But it's what I'd do... :twisted:

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Walesgang » Sat Jun 13, 2015 2:03 pm

I agree!!

The poor cat deserves better than the life it has!!

I am speechless with the life she has - sorry - but that's just me :cry:

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Sat Jun 13, 2015 3:21 pm

I would suggest theft.
My sister and I have actually discussed this quite a bit, even to the point of me hiring a car and transporting her myself to perhaps the next county when I come over for a holiday. Ideally we'd want her to have a good home rather than dumping her in a shelter, but she's just so loving and sweet I don't think she'd have a problem being rehomed.

However currently we're at the talking stage of "Well that solves Luna's problem what if she just gets another cat?"
I'm hoping the lesson of "losing" the cat would deter roommate from getting another one, but we're just not sure. She keeps going on about getting a dog as well, which until now has been completely vetoed because of the cat.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Crewella » Sun Jun 14, 2015 1:10 pm

I really feel for your sister, that's a horrible position to be in and I completely understand why she's taken the position that she has. I also, obviously, feel really sorry for the cat.

I'm guessing there's no 'no pets' clause in the lease that can be invoked? Even if there isn't, I wonder if a quiet 'phone call to the landlord or managing agent might stir things up a bit ....... it would need to be judged carefully as, obviously, your sister doesn't want to lose her home over this!

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by nanny pamy » Sun Jun 14, 2015 1:26 pm

Oh I think Lilith has great advice. I'd definitely do the same. And I wouldn't feel like I was "dumping her in a shelter". The shelters have the cats best interest at heart and the poor little thing would be groomed and fed properly and probably get more attention than it has now.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Ruth » Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:05 pm

Where abouts is this poor cat located?

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Tue Jun 16, 2015 12:01 am

Where abouts is this poor cat located?
Portsmouth, so if anyone is looking for a lovely little cat that's ten months old, but needs a little brushing and face cleaning and lots of love let me know so we can start operation "cat nab" :P

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Tue Jun 16, 2015 12:24 am

I'm guessing there's no 'no pets' clause in the lease that can be invoked? Even if there isn't, I wonder if a quiet 'phone call to the landlord or managing agent might stir things up a bit ....... it would need to be judged carefully as, obviously, your sister doesn't want to lose her home over this!
I asked my my parents as sister is currently on a 3 day shoot in London. From what they know there's nothing against owning any amount of pets in the house, but I'd need to check with my sister to be sure on the contract they all signed. Unless the cat is ruining the integrity of the house I can't really see the landlord being bothered though.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by pandorawarlord » Tue Jun 16, 2015 9:14 am

I am the owner of The Magic Lemon Wood Sanctuary and I deal mainly with mutilated / abused persians.I am going to contact you off the forum to offer help and possible home for this poor little baby girl

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Crewella » Tue Jun 16, 2015 10:58 am

Mrs Kane wrote:I asked my my parents as sister is currently on a 3 day shoot in London. From what they know there's nothing against owning any amount of pets in the house, but I'd need to check with my sister to be sure on the contract they all signed. Unless the cat is ruining the integrity of the house I can't really see the landlord being bothered though.
Actually it seems that most landlord really do enforce the 'no pets' rule, and a cat soiling indoors is exactly the sort of reason they give. A large proportion of the cats we take on are homeless because people move to properties with 'no pets' clauses, which are the vast majority of rentals on offer.

Great offer, Pandora - I really hope it works out. xx

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by pandorawarlord » Tue Jun 16, 2015 7:49 pm

had no response to my email so will have to check back tomorrow or maybe something has been sorted for this cat?

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by bobbys girl » Tue Jun 16, 2015 7:52 pm

Crewella wrote: A large proportion of the cats we take on are homeless because people move to properties with 'no pets' clauses, which are the vast majority of rentals on offer.
Ooh that bought back some memories. Many years ago we lived in a little terraced house, mum, dad, us two girls and our dog, Barney. The house was ours, bought and paid for, no mortgage. But that didn't stop the local council buying it under Compulsary Purchase (for a 1/5 of it's market value) and, as my parents could not afford another mortgage they 'offered' us a choice of flats, smaller than our house, no garden and 'oh you can't have a dog!'

My dad told them it would be like losing a member of the family and told them what they could do with their flats! :lol:

It worked out fine in the end, we got a really nice council house with a big garden and went on to buy it. Many pets became homeless under that scatter-brained project and it still makes me angry today. :evil:

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Crewella » Tue Jun 16, 2015 8:31 pm

Urghhhh ....... just reading that made me angry too, Sue! Good for your dad, my response would have been much the same .... and unprintable! :evil:

I really hope a solution can be found for this poor cat.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Wed Jun 17, 2015 12:29 am

had no response to my email so will have to check back tomorrow or maybe something has been sorted for this cat?
Sorry Pandora, I work pretty late so I only check the forums late every night. Your email was routed to my personal email which I only check at night too. Sorry for the delay, I'm replying now.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by pandorawarlord » Wed Jun 17, 2015 6:55 am

OK have sent you another e-mail and hope we can sort this all out for Luna's sake

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Sun Jun 21, 2015 9:44 pm

Well this story has basically drawn to a close and I'm pleased to say it's a good one.

Luna is off back to her breeder at the end of July. There was an incident on Thursday night involving Luna, other roommate, the kitchen and a lot of poop. Other roommate called up Luna owning roommate who was out and basically told her "If you do not give this cat back I will give her away to a shelter."
Roommate relented very quickly (I think she saw the writing on the wall, probably in poop.)

Sadly the breeder can't take Luna back any earlier due to her already having a litter of kittens that aren't quite ready for new homes yet. But she's willing to take her back, which is good news.

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice and help on this, especially Pandorawarlord, who has been very kind in offering to take Luna to her Sanctuary and has been emailing great tips to me as well.

I'm sad that Luna has basically got to start over, but I'm very happy that roommate was adult enough to get over herself and realise the relationship wasn't right for anybody involved, especially Luna. Hopefully now Luna will get the loving home she needs.

I sent Pandora a few pictures that my mum sent me, I thought you'd like to see them as well so here you go. They're quite old pics but you can see how cute she is.
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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Lilith » Sun Jun 21, 2015 10:23 pm

That's great news! :D

When I bred Siamese in the 1980s I copied the breeder of my first girl who always put it in writing that if the new owner couldn't cope with the kitten (at any age) that kitten/cat was welcome back and a full refund of the selling price would be made. Once I did actually do this with a pair of kittens who caused an allergy. It did cross my mind to suggest contacting Luna's breeder - wish I had but now all is well. Good on that breeder!

Poor Luna though! Sounds like she's had a hell of a time despite the efforts of your sister and the other housemate. She's a lovely little thing; I'm sure she will find a new home and hope it's a responsible forever one this time.

And I hope the idiot who took her on will NOT replace her impulsively with another kitten or puppy...good luck to your sister and good on that housemate for putting her foot down :D

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Sun Jun 21, 2015 11:45 pm

And I hope the idiot who took her on will NOT replace her impulsively with another kitten or puppy...good luck to your sister and good on that housemate for putting her foot down :D
Here's hoping! But I think if anything like that happens in the future everyone else in the house will put their foot down over it before it starts. Or at least I hope they will...

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Crewella » Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:57 am

I'm so pleased that lovely little Luna now has a brighter future. Result! :)

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Cussypat1974 » Mon Jun 29, 2015 2:44 pm

Sweet Jesus I read all this with baited breath! SOOOOOO glad it is sorted because I wanted to go get Luna myself and I live in Ireland! Your sis is cool and the roommate needs a face-to-face meeting with my snow shovel!

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Tue Jun 30, 2015 1:04 am

Sweet Jesus I read all this with baited breath! SOOOOOO glad it is sorted because I wanted to go get Luna myself and I live in Ireland! Your sis is cool and the roommate needs a face-to-face meeting with my snow shovel!
Believe me I was pretty ready to use a blunt object on roommate as well. If I ever hear she's getting another pet she'll be getting some pretty blunt words (and possibly objects) from me.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Cussypat1974 » Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:59 pm

Good on you Mrs. kane! My brother in law got a dog years ago and brought him home and cuddled him as a puppy, then took no responsibility. Luckily the other family members are more sensible and compassionate! Blackie is unsocialosed but has a happy life. Sme people eh?

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:53 am

My brother in law got a dog years ago and brought him home and cuddled him as a puppy, then took no responsibility. Luckily the other family members are more sensible and compassionate! Blackie is unsocialosed but has a happy life. Sme people eh?
Sadly we're still in the "throw away" era of animals. Christmas, Valentines, Easter, Birthdays... It all means pet presents to a lot of people who aren't aware of the responsibility it entails. They think it'll be a cute gift and then once they grow out of the honeymoon pet owner stage and enter the "omg I need to take care of this animal for X years and they keep annoying me" stage the novelty wears off.

"I suppose I'll just give it away then. I'm sure they'll be okay."

At my age (26) of people finishing education or just moving into their first house or just getting married, the idea of a new cat or dog seems a dream. It's something they've always wanted and now can do now they're out and about. They can be those "white picket fence" owners they've always wanted to be. However, I don't think many people realise just how much effort and love you need to give in order to own a pet that loves you back. TV makes it look so easy. Even documentries don't tell you the full story of what happens a lot of the time.
"Sure you rescued a bunch of cute puppies from an ****. What happens after that?"
It makes me so angry that people buy pets on a whim and then abandon them for stupid reasons.

I rant, and I'm sorry. I am aware that a lot of people, especially here, have to give up their cats for real legitimate reasons, and I've seen some threads on here from people that would rather do anything but give up their furry loved ones, even to the point of total sacrifice on their own well-being. Still I can't help but feel my blood boil over owners that want the cute and cuddly FB pictures, but can't bear to clean out a simple cat tray.

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Lilith » Wed Jul 01, 2015 11:21 am

Mrs Kane wrote:Still I can't help but feel my blood boil over owners that want the cute and cuddly FB pictures, but can't bear to clean out a simple cat tray.
I so agree! Don't blame you for ranting!

When I meet this sort of specimen my gorge rises!

It's such a pity they can't go on some kind of virtual reality training before they consider buying a pet.

Experience a few worst case scenarios such as the cat sleeping all day and using them as a trampoline all night till you're at SCREAMING point; the tray-cleaning and feeding when you have flu or a bug and only want to lie down and die without throwing up again; the furball carefully sicked up into a favourite chair and you don't look before you sit down :shock: ; the INCESSANT spilled litter/cat fur forming giant dust-bunnies everywhere. The vet bills, the...well, need I go on? We've all been there done that. I'm lucky in that I'm not houseproud lol.

(Oh later edit - I mean not houseproud re dust etc. I AM particular about cat trays, clean dishes etc )

A cat is a person, and if you live with a person you won't always adore them; you'll curse and swear at them sometimes. Well, I do lol. And then I know I didn't really mean it. To lose any of them would be heartbreaking. But even when there's love there it's hard work sometimes.

These people who think that a cat (or any pet or a child for that matter) is some sort of living toy, to pose with and an enhancement to their 'personality' (what personality?) ...And the poor creature trusts them to care for it and loves them...when there is no love in return. Nothing.

These people make me get baleful notions of wishing to turn them all into toads (smacks own wrist.)

And that would be an insult to toads... :twisted:

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:49 am

It's such a pity they can't go on some kind of virtual reality training before they consider buying a pet.
It's a shame their aren't stricter licences for owning and breeding animals. At the moment it seems to be: "You have money? There's your pet."
Experience a few worst case scenarios such as the cat sleeping all day and using them as a trampoline all night till you're at SCREAMING point; the tray-cleaning and feeding when you have flu or a bug and only want to lie down and die without throwing up again; the furball carefully sicked up into a favourite chair and you don't look before you sit down :shock: ; the INCESSANT spilled litter/cat fur forming giant dust-bunnies everywhere. The vet bills, the...well, need I go on? We've all been there done that. I'm lucky in that I'm not houseproud lol.
See THIS is exactly what I mean. Lilith, you and I and everyone here know the good, the bad, the downright ugly and also the Absolute joy of owning an animal. And you guys take it all, even if there's sometimes more ugly than joy.
I just don't get people that think owning an animal is going to be like owning another stuffed toy. They have needs and wants just like any of us. They may not have a pre-frontal cortex but that doesn't mean they're disposible.
Sometimes I want to choke my own cat to death when she decides that EVERYthing needs to be on the floor, or she just NEEDS to use her litter tray right when I'm trying to wash it out in the Bidet, or when she decides to run off with a pencil I'm using. But that's all part and parcel of owning an animal. The more intelligent they are, the more push back you're going to get.

But when they give you a little lick on the hand, or a little rub between the legs when you're preparing their food, or even a spontaneous little purr, you think "Yeah, I've done a good job today."

And then they'll scratch you and the moment's gone :lol:

I know, I'm preaching to the choir here. I hope this is all out of my system now.

Long story short I think every pet shop should hang a sign saying "Ready for a long term relationship? No? Then you're not ready for a pet."

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Cussypat1974 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:20 am

I curse the lot of them here on an almost daily basis! Lol the air turns blue at times, and that is no joke! We (hubby and I) refer to them as "the horribles" quite a lot! But I adore them and do my utmost to care for each of them. It's just a thing I suppose...... Some people don't think ahead. I'd LOVE a horse but bless I can ever buy a field, it isn't gonna happen. I could rent grazing and stables, but who knows if I will be able to afford that in ten years time? Horses live a long time and anything could happen. I don't want to be in a situation where I have to choose between paying the house mortgage, and paying for the horses grazing!!!!!

People have kids all the time without thinking it through, but you can't dump a kid as easily as a pet. So they HAVE to manage. I don't have or want kids (I HAVE thought it through and don't want my life disrupted in that way), and if I DID I too would figure it out and not dump the kid (obviously!), but I don't want to put myself through that scenario. It is far too easy to dispose of or neglect a pet......

Sorry for joining in the rant! But it DOES drive me crazy. I also sympathise truly with those who have to give up their animals for genuine reasons. I dread the idea of being in that position myself, and life can throw things at us that mess everything up, no matter how dedicated we are.... If something happened to leave me disabled or anything like that, if we lost the house..... I dread to think of the consequences for the cats and other animals here. It'd be just awful......

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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Mrs Kane » Sat Jul 11, 2015 2:24 am

Sorry for joining in the rant!
Invitation accepted ;)

I know what you mean Cussypat, for the longest time my sister and I really wanted a dog. (A lab or retriever) and we had these grand plans that once we'd be out from our parents heel we'd get this amazing dog and she/he'd be our best friend forever and live in our house!..... Then we grew up.

Wait... that sounds really bad put that way. Let me phrase it another:

So I would still really love a dog, but I won't get one because I live in a crowded city and honestly, I am not equipped to deal with a dog. Plus I'm totally lazy. If I ever got a dog I'd want a big one because that's what I'm used to, and big dogs need a lot of exercise that I don't think I'd be able to commit to. Large dogs need to be walked at least 4 time a day for a minimum of 20 minutes. I honestly don't think I could do that.

My sister now wants a Sausage dog. But she doesn't get one because of her schedule and her inability to be around the house a lot.

Hmm.... that still seems to round-a-bout. How about this:

Are you ready for a cat? Take this quiz below to find out!

Q1: Are you willing to commit to caring for a cat for 16 years or more?
A: I can't think that far ahead.
B: I think so, but I'm not completely sure.
C: Yes, I am certain I can look after a cat for this amount of time.

Q2: Can you provide a minimum of two 20-minute play sessions with your cat each day?
A: Yes, I have time to play with my cat each day.
B: No, I'm busy all the time.
C: I believe so, but I might have to skip a few days.

Q3: Do you have time to groom and make sure your cat is happy with her coat?
A: He/She should clean their own coat!
B: I will go out and buy the brushes right now!
C: I will if they need it.

Q4: Your cat really needs to see the vet, pronto! Are you ready for the expense?
A: Not really.
B: I suppose.
C: Yes! Although I'd rather not.

Q5: Your cat is bored and is tearing up the furnishings. What do you do?
A: Smack her.
B: Give her treats.
C: Distract her with a toy.

Q6: You just bought a brand new couch and your cat is tearing it up. Do you?
A: Lock her out of the room permanently?
B: Buy a new scratching post for her next to the couch? Or move her old one.
C: Do nothing. It's just a couch after all.

Q7: Your kitten is having a little toilet trouble. How do you deal with this?
A: Lock them in the bathroom until they learn their lesson.
B: Scoop up the mess and put it in their litter tray, no fuss, no muss.
C: Clean the place from top to bottom so you won't get ill.

Q8: Your cat keeps crying while you are trying to study. Do you:
A: Go and see what the problem is straight away.
B: Ignore them. You need to pass this exam!
C: Wait and see if they continue.

Q9: Your cat has caught a mouse and has placed it in your bed. Do you:
A: Shriek!
B: Praise her for a good job.
C: Get up and clean the sheets immediately.

Q10: You're really low on money this week. Do you:
A: Buy your cat their normal food and eat salad until your pay arrives.
B: Buy them discount brand and eat the food you normally would.
C: Splash out and feed them the food you have bought.

Q11: Your friend is taking you on vacation for 3 days. Do you:
A: Take your cat with you?
B: Leave them with a whole bag of open food and a water fountain.
C: Hire a professional cat sitter.

Q12: You just got a bonus! Time to buy:
A: That coffee maker you always wanted.
B: The cat tower you know your cat will love.
C: A weekend of booze and good food!

Q13: Your cat is depressed but you don't know why. Do you:
A: Look for clues as to why and research them.
B: Hope they'll snap out of it.
C: Play with them until they stop being sad.

Q14: You're really ill. Do you:
A: shut your cat out of the bedroom.
B: Call your friend/relative to pick up the cat.
C: Go about your daily routine.

Q15: You have to move house across country. Do you:
A: Get rid of the cat.
B: Take the cat with you.
C: Leave the cat with a friend/relative in the area.

(Note, I started this as a joke but if anyone wants to answer I'll grade them. Bare in mind it's only my opinion though. (teacher Kane to the rescue!))

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Lilith
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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Lilith » Sat Jul 11, 2015 7:57 am

In my Siamese breeding days a fellow-breeder once told a prospective buyer - 'This is a cat you're buying, you know. Not a tin of beans!'

:D

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Crewella
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Re: Advice needed on sticking my nose in

Post by Crewella » Sat Jul 11, 2015 9:51 am

Blimey, Mrs Kane - I don't think I'd pass you're test!! :shock:

But then I have a gang of older outdoorsy cats who are pretty independent and do a lot of hunting - we don't really have or need much in the way of play sessions here! :D

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