Hissy fit!

[popmot]

I need advice: I have found a cat, although he is still in my garden he is under the ownership of another rehoming centre. I am rather drawn to this lovely and affectionate cat and am considering adopting him BUT I already have a female cat who is giving this one short shrift - she hisses, spits and whacks him. I have had the female for nigh on 4 and a half years. How do I solve this problem. Would it be possible to house both cats under one roof?

[Lilith]

Hi there and welcome - and yes, it will be

Eventually. Right at the moment she's doing the possessive girl-cat thing - 'Whaaat??? You expect me to tolerate thaat??? I'm not having Him in the garden, never mind the house!'

This changes. It's actually the best introductory mix - submissive younger boy cat to older dominant female. Female to female can be far more problematic. There will be fireworks at first but cats are communal creatures and she will come to enjoy his company - although she may still boss him about.

It will take time, but there will be a gradual shifting of boundaries and you may see her granting him 'privileges' - 'Cold tonight. I SUPPOSE he can come in...but this is MY hearthrug!' And he'll eventually get his paws underneath the table. Time is the remedy. I knew of one case where the older girl HATED the new intruder - and ended up washing him and virtually turning his ears inside out - 'What would He have done without Me?'

There's a good section on here about hierarchies and introductions but I'm useless with computers...please, can someone else post the link?

All the best with your lad and lass - expect a pic of them curled up together come this winter

[Kay]

I'll second that - my Tosker lived outside for three months after I first got him, before he plucked up courage to come into the house, and I think getting used to his being around but at a distance helped my hissy fit Tiffany to be more accepting when he did invade her indoor space

5 years later she still hisses and swipes at him on a regular basis if he comes too close for too long, but he takes it in his stride, because he knows she just can't help herself, and it doesn't make either of them unhappy

[popmot]

Lilith and Kay, thank you both for your comments. Lilith, you should go on the stage - I read your message, then read it out loud (using different voices of course) to my husband. He was grinning, I was nigh on crying I found you so funny.

In all seriousness I thank you. Poppy (obviously the female) is the first cat I have ever owned so I am not well versed in cat behaviour so to find another one which I am considering adopting has thrown me into turmoil. I feel disloyal to Poppy as she has had my devotion but she is not a lap cat and I think this one could be. I think perhaps I am thinking/analysing this too much.

[Lilith]

Aww thanks - you've made me blush!

I confess my writing style is heavily influenced by Doreen Tovey - if you like reading and haven't met up with her she's well worth it; although she wrote in the 50s and 60s and the attitude to cats then could be regarded as a bit old-fashioned today, she is the queen of cat memoir. She had a succession of Siamese and other animals too, including Blondin the squirrel, who once chewed up a watch to get at the tick... Only have a box of tissues handy! You can buy her books secondhand on amazon (I'm a tight git and always do.)

Please don't feel disloyal to Poppy. Most cats enjoy living with a friend or friends. She's scarcely older than my youngest cat Molly who I feel really needs a playmate but I keep thinking, what if I went out and got a cat from a rescue, who has food and shelter - and then a cat without a roof over its head turned up on my doorstep (as they've often done on this street) or on the forum...one day, when it's meant, her prince (it's going to be a boy next time - famous last words) will come...

I feel that Poppy will, once she accepts this lad, enjoy his companionship. And as Kay describes, even cats living together will sock each other - or the dominant cat will, like a mother cat clouting her kittens. As they do.

My other two are thirteen and fourteen; Molly is a little monkey and a total pest; Mouse is very timid and I protect her but Emily will give Moll a runaround on occasion and belt her too - Moll's had a well-deserved scar on her nose for a couple of weeks now. They all have their own place and their own habits. Emily is the lap cat. Mouse loves loads of kisses and cuddles - not bad for a feral kitten I was warned not to touch! Molly owns the bed - but, for whatever reason I can't fathom, hates all handling SHE doesn't permit. She's affectionate in her own way.

So I feel that Poppy and the new boy will work out their own routines with you and that love for every cat is different and doesn't detract from love of the cat who came first. I don't think you're analysing too much though - far better to think this situation out than to trust to luck.

All the very best with them and please do keep the story unfolding - have you got a name for him yet?

[popmot]

Hi again

Yes I named him Mr Tom but am now thinking that YOU would have been a better choice; think of the options 'Oi You, come here You'; there must be many more connotations.

Yesterday Poppy and Mr Tom met in the hall, Poppy spat and hissed and charged half way up the stairs. Mr Tom just sat down. I, like a proper idiot, climbed the stairs, sat down and spoke oh so gently to Poppy soothing her and telling her he just wants to be friends. She looked me in the eye, drew back her right front paw and socked me in the face knocking my glasses into my left eye - it throbbed for hours! I was so angry I slapped the stair sending both cats running in different directions - on top of the throbbing eye I now sport a sore palm and wrist!

Why do we love them so much?!!

[Lilith]

Yeowwwcch!

Little horror!

That was perfect dominant cat language, slamming your 'paw' down at her - but a sore paw too?

Yeah, why do we? I'm glad Tom just sat down calmly though - seems as if he's saying, ok Poppy I know you're top cat. I wondered if he was 'Tom' because of your user name - 'Tom' and 'Pop' backwards

Reminds me of the time my old lad Finn used to get up on to the roof of what was the outside loo and pretend he couldn't get back down and I used to coax him down - 'Ground control to ginger tom'... They do acquire nicknames though - I had a cat called Annie who had a zillion nicknames (not all complimentary lol!)

Sounds like they're making advances but hope the next encounter isn't as painful for you, paws crossed for a quick recovery

[Crewella]

Lilith's posts make me laugh too. Here's the link she mentioned:

http://www.catchat.org/hierarchies.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[popmot]

Crewella, thank you so much for the link. I have read it quickly but need time to digest it slowly.

Yes super sleuth, you are correct; my user name is pop and tom backwards.

Poppy was 9 months old when I took her on. I helped a friend out who had to return to her mother's home. She had a german shepherd and Poppy was terrified. It was either me or a cat sanctuary. She is not a particularly friendly cat although she does have her moments. Usually early hours of the morning when she likes to be groomed followed by an early breakfast. It seems that she has different rules upstairs from down. When I am lying flat in bed she can be affectionate but she has started to do something odd. She halts my progress (usually at the top of the stairs) with her front leg then nips my calf (once she drew blood). Then she allows me to progress.

Downstairs she passes by me allowing me to touch (but not for too long) and then she has certain signs that I have to follow - let her out, feed her, a treat (usually cream cheese/shrimp). I know my place, STAFF!

Poppy also has had to bear both my husband and I being ill. Whilst I was on chemotherapy she didn't come near me very much but was alright with the next stage of treatment. Twixt both treatments my husband was diagnosed with cancer and heart problems and she tends to dodge him at all times.

BUT I wouldn't be without her. She is a recalcitrant child with four legs, a fur coat and sharp teeth/claws.

With Tom, he seems to be what she isn't. Affectionate, wanting company, following me around but unfortunately he eats whatever is around. He should have gone off bang by now but always seems to have room for more. Poppy is a grazer so I leave her food on the floor. I feed Tom outside but he comes in for a mooch around and by the time I have remembered Poppy's food it's gone!

Must stop now as Midsommer Murders has come on.......I like to pick up tips where I can!!

[Lilith]

Lol Crewella, thanks for posting that link. My pc is not very helpful - sick of hearing me make too many jokes perhaps - always reassuring when other people find them funny too

Ha, Popmot, you wuz sleuthed! I'm always fascinated by people's usernames - mine's straightforward, it's my name, but I've had some fancy ones on other forums...we must have a thread on usernames and why.

Poor Poppy being afraid of the dog - I had an Alsatian who was totally maternal around cats and kittens but they're all different of course. And it meant that you got Poppy. My Molly can be funny about feet and legs too...callers to the house are always scrutinised...is she wearing tights? Have I got some cash handy to replace them in case Moll scrags them? (They must think it's me who's got the foot fetish, not Molly!)

Blimey, you and your husband have been through it health-wise - all very best wishes for the best of health now - and also for the calm integration of Tom and Poppy

[popmot]

Things between Tom the stray and Poppy are not going too well.

I let Tom come into the house during the day (Poppy is out most of the time). She lets her displeasure be known but he tends to run at her. He is a young cat so I am not sure if he wants to play or is starting to be a bully. You can see in his demeanour that he is trying to be top cat i.e. it's MY house so YOU can just get out. After a certain time I won't let him in but he meows loudly and taps on the window and I feel guilty.....oh so guilty. But I can't put him before Poppy. Am I doing the right thing?

Poppy is not a lap cat, in fact most of the time she is not even approachable. When it comes to Spot-on time I have to catch her unawares and tackle her to the floor; and somehow she always knows when it's that time! So I can't pick her up and soothe her.

Tom is staying in our summer cabin: he has a cushion, a throw (instead of a rug), a cube bed, litter tray and toys plus water/food. At night I leave the door ajar so that he can go wandering as I am told that cats are nocturnal. Bearing that in mind when the lights go out at night seems to be Poppy's signal to come in.

What I want to know is should I lock him in the cabin at night (that way he would be safe) or leave things as they are. I am not au fait with tom cats (whether entire or neutered).

[Lilith]

Hi, personally I like to keep my lot in at night, but so much depends on the area you live in. When Emily and Mouse first arrived they'd wake me up at 3am in summer, doing a wall-of-death round the bedroom with Mouse's mother Tess; I'd open the cellar window for them to go in and out, and they'd be off. The street was much quieter in those days though; now I don't let them out of the garden. I always keep a door open for them though.

It sounds to me as if Poppy and Tom are working out boundaries. Easy for me to say but I wouldn't worry too much; certainly you don't want him to bully her but it sounds as if she's a feisty character who won't stand any nonsense. I feel as if she could be safely left alone to fight her own corner but understandably you'll feel protective.

My personal instinct would be to leave a door open and let them make the arrangements at this stage, even if they have words on the subject - but that's just my personal feeling of course; I don't know them like you do.

Tom's summerhouse sounds cool. 5* chalet!

Good luck with them both - I feel you'll get there but paws crossed anyway

[popmot]

You must live in a nice and quiet part of W Yorkshire. There are too many cats around here to leave a door open not to mention a certain element that one wouldn't want to visit (if you get my drift).

I think I said that I leave the cabin door ajar so he can nip out if he wants. In fact I'm not sure whether he stays in there or not but that is where I feed him.

I am not at all sure about him being in the house overnight as when he and Poppy do meet she obviously has a go but then leaves the house. She hardly comes home during the day, except for food but if he is here she will go without. When the lights go out she comes upstairs.

He is a lovely cat but I think he needs to be the only cat in a home so that he can get all the love and cuddles that he so desperately wants.

He is registered with CP but as yet I cannot find his picture on their website and feedback from the organisation is sparse (and that is being generous).

[popmot]

I was approached on this site by a TV Company. An email was sent. I have accidentally deleted it so if you are 'chatting' could you please email me again.