Giving my cats up - advice pls!

[B4d4pple]

Hi all
Im really looking for advice as we are in a tricky spot. We got 3 cats from a rescue centre about 7 yrs ago. They had been strays for a years or so and were then at the centre for another year. We knew they might be difficult but decided that was ok. They never really became like "our" cats and in all the time they have been with us have been more like cats who happen to share our house! ☺ they dont reallt like being handled but are acually lively natured and dont scratch or bite etc. We accepted this was they way they were and that was all fine. About 18 months ago we found out they were visiting our elderly next door neighbour (where one cat goes they all do - they r very close). It later transpired they were getting the odd meal there! I was not overly bothered, ourneighbours are nice, they dont get out much and liked the cats company. I was also aware that the cats dont like being in the house when our boys are about as they are noisy etc and the cats get much more peace next door ( should say the cats came b4 we had kids). We are now at the pount where we see very little of the cats and they are almost always next door and are getting most of their food there. It was time for the boosters at the vet this weekend and knowing how hard they can be to catch, we asked the neighbour to stop feeding them for just a couple of days and to not let them in. That way theyd come back to ours and id keep them inside til after the appointment. Well the morning came and no cats. Turned out they were happily sleeping in our neighbours house and we had to cancel the appointment.

The whole situation is now really stressful. The neighbours wife died a few weeks ago and he is lonely. We are at a point where we need to either tell him to stop letting the cats in altogether or we need to give the cats to him and say they r no longer our responsibility. My worry is that he'd agree to stop feeding them but still do it out of bloody mindedness to prove that he can. He is not malicious or a bad person, but i think he likes a bit of one upmanship. I really just dont know what to do. On the one hand these are our pets and there is a principle at stake. On the other, maybe they prefer it at his since its quiet and there are no kids and i should be thinking of them not me. I would be sad to give them up even if they have never really felt like our pets.

What would you do? I feel constantly sick thinking about whats the right thing! Ive ģot 2 shut in the house finally and hoping to get them to vet this week for boosters, but this morning one looks like shehas the cold-really snotty nose! This has further added to the stress levels.

Husband thinks we should give them away as we are paying out on insurance and vet bills for cats that live with someone else! He has said its my decision tho.

Sorry for such a long post, just needed to get it all out!

[bobbys girl]

I think perhaps the cats have made the decision for you? It happens. One of my sister's cats was like that. He belonged to someone else and decided he prefered my sister's house (perhaps he didn't like the name, Elvis ) A quick word with the neighbour and change of address on the chip details and that was it.

[Catfan5]

I can understand how stressed you must be, I would feel the same. Maybe suggest to the neighbour that as he has them most of the time and feeds them would he also like to take on the vet bills and insurance payments? Or why not get his own rescue cat? Or keep them all in for a while to re establish where home is and if possible cat- proof your garden so they can't wander off. Seems a shame to give them up and hope you manage to sort this out.

[Crewella]

I think you definitely need to have a quiet chat with your neighbour to get his point of view. Just sound him out to find out how he feels about it - he's been through a lot recently so I wouldn't go in with any ultimatums, just a friendly chat. Then, when you know his side of things, you'll be in a better position to make some decisions. Good luck.

[Cussypat1974]

I am going to look at this from the point of view of the cat's welfare..... I think they have decided where they want to live, as has already been said. Please don't take this personally, it is likely, as you say, down to the fact that they simply like a quieter life with the elderly man. I had a cat move into my neighboir's house and I was absolutely fine with it. It meant that she had two families looking out for her rather than just one! We kept in touch regularly and if I hadn't seen her in a few days I'd simply text him to hear she was on his couch (or whatever) and my mind was then at rest. The issue of vet bills for her never arose, but of they had I would certainly paid them, although I think he would have offered to pay half. She moved to his place as there were less cats. It wasn't a reflection on me, and I was just happy that she had found someone else who loved her and where she was happy! A bit like a child growing up and getting married I suppose!!!!!

I think you should speak to your neighbour and tell him exactly what you have said here (apart from the bloody-minded bit obviously!) He may well be bloody-minded, but he is elderly and has lost his wife, and clearly loves the cats. He may just not be aware of the responsibilities as regards boosters etc. Either way you need to have this conversation in case you both end up giving flea/worm treatments at the same time and overdosing someone! Keep it friendly, keep it about the welfare of the cats, and please remember how difficult life must be for this man at the moment. He could be terrified of losing his only company, and I'd imagine that the cats are a link to his wife and all the happy memories they shared over them. Even if he IS a grumpy old sod, he loves the cats, so in my book he is a good guy!

What happens with insurance and vet costs is between yourselves. I don't know this man's financial situation, or yours. But I will say that the cats should be provided for by someone, naturally. It's a bit of a hard situation as I completely understand you not wanting to pay for a cat that has moved out, but (in my mind) we are still responsible for them. Ideally the neighbour would assume the cost, and he should if he is able to, but even if he is not willing (being bloody-minded or uneducated) then the cats should not suffer for it.

As for the one who now has the sniffles...... Stress takes a HUGE toll on the immune system..... So keeping her (in her mind) trapped away from her (chosen) home and away from her other cat pals that she relies on for security is gonna bring out any weaknesses in her immunity..... And lead to things like sniffles... Unfortunately.

Ultimately, my advice is to try to resolve this in a friendly manner. You will feel good about yourself and the situation and how you handled it, once things are resolved. If you end up in a huge argument with the elderly man you will feel like rubbish, and if the cats suffer any lasting effects you will feel even worse!

Cats are rascals who know their own minds. I admired my Scarlett for choosing her own home to be honest, and was just grateful that she found a good family to move in with!

[Janey]

I think Cussypat is right. I am on the other side of this, having had a cat decide to live with us! we actually didn’t want a cat at the moment, not a younger cat anyway as we only adopt older ones. She was taken back three times, the first time having been missing somewhere for 6 months. I took her for the chip checking at the vets and found she lives fairly locally. The second time she came was a year later! and she didn’t look too good. Her previous home was very different to ours, very busy, 6 cats, 6 kids and various other animals, and she was kept indoors as they live on a main road, but lovely people. Our home is very quiet, no kids, no other pets (apart from the ferals outside we care for) and we have a large, safe garden with fields at the side. Each time she escaped and each time I took her straight back and asked the owner what she wanted to do. In the end the owner handed her over as the best interests of the cat. She has never attempted to leave us, they say cats choose you though lol. I hope you manage to sort this and everything turns out ok for all.

[Cussypat1974]

Yep.... Cats choose their homes! Scarlett left me but I know it wasn't personal. Plenty others have moved in! I just feel for the old man here....... I imagine how I would feel if my husband died... I would lose it entirely..........