Advice please on new kitten and old cat introductions

[Lisamum]

Hi all,

I'm new to the forum and would really appreciate some advice.

We had a pair of cats who had been together since kittens. They were inseparable until we lost Homer about 3 years ago. Since then Lisa has been ok but very clingy and vocal. We hoped she would settle down but while she picked up a routine, it seemed that she was still missing Homer. Lisa is now 14 or 15.

We took some soundings and decided that we would try introducing a kitten. We chose a 7 month old male and bought him home last Saturday.

We kept him in a safe room and started mixing their scents (we've also got a Felliway diffuser going). At first Lisa was pretty put out and hissing at the door. She refused to use her normal cat bed (on the same floor different room) and went outside in the rain. Things got a bit better over the next few days and by Wednesday she was calmer and, although not completely happy, had stopped hissing and basically ignored the room even though the little fella was meowing occasionally.

On Wednesday we thought it was time to take the next step and popped him into a dog crate with a box to hide in (just in case) and let Lisa into the room. I don't think she saw him at first as he was sat on the box but as she got close he jumped down which startled her and she had a hissy fit and there was a bit of paw swiping. I took her out of the room and we left it for a day.

Next time we set him up in the crate but let Lisa sit on the stairs outside the room to watch (about 15ft away) she hissed once but really just meowed. Her “I'm not feeling confident and I'm uncertain” meow! After a few minutes she went upstairs and hid on the bed. She was very quiet and submissive. We managed to coax a few purrs out of her and she seemed to come around. We've done this twice now with similar results. Lisa meowing, then hiding.

She saw him from the corridor today so she was level with the crate although about 10-15ft away. She had another hissy fit and went into our conservatory obviously very upset. Once she had calmed down I also let her wander around the kitten's room while the kitten was in a different room. She was sniffing and hissing quite a bit (including at me)then disappeared outside again in a proper grump. At present she is back to being very quiet, nervous and accusing and staying downstairs in the conservatory.

I think this is all pretty normal although it is heartbreaking to watch. I'm wondering if anyone has a view on how long we keep up with the crate? How do we know when to move to the next stage? I was planning to put a barrier across the door so they could see each other (I'm not sure she realizes he is a kitten, if that would make a difference?) but I'm not sure if I need to wait for the hissing to stop. BTW I can't use food as a comforter as she is a grazer so wouldn't be interested (a whole new problem I hadn't considered with a greedy kitten in the house!)

I'd really appreciate any advice and personal stories. I'm racked with guilt and exceptionally stressed. The little guy is absolutely fine btw seems to be very happy if eager to explore!

[Mollycat]

I'm no expert at tricky introductions as all mine have happened either organically when cats have just walked in off the street with the resident's blessing or the last one with an exceptionally gentle and persuasive resident indoor boy who made it clear he needed company - but it sounds like you may be moving much too fast here and your stress may not be helping. Think weeks and months for each step rather than days.

Both cats should be comfortable and relaxed and showing positive interest in each other before each next step, not just once but reliably every time.
Instead of the crate at this stage, Lisa needs to be relaxed near the closed door of the kitten's room, happy to eat play or receive affection from you there and sniffing at the door with raised tail and no hissing. Then you can open the door a crack so that they can see each other but not reach each other, there is a step somewhere about swapping places but I'm pretty sure that's further down the line.

You need to be calm too, Lisa will pick up your anxiety and this will be making her even more anxious. Some hissing at each stage is normal but running away should not be allowed to become a habit - backing off or walking calmly away is fine but running outside into the rain is a sure sign you've asked for too much too soon from her. She needs her curiosity about the newcomer to work its magic, at the moment fear is blocking it and the more she gets to run away the more deeply set that response will become.

And worst case be prepared that with the best care in the world and the slowest step by step introductions, some older cats will never be happy to have a bouncing kitten in their territory. We recently lost our gentle boy and I know the 12 year old girl I had to get for him would not accept another cat. She has also become much more demanding, but then losing one member of the household does change things and remaining cats often take up the roles, places and time that the gone one used to hold.

Wishing you all the best and I'm sure more experienced people than me will be along soon with really good suggestions.

[Lisamum]

Thank you Mollycat!!

I'll take a bit more time. Lisa is recovering quite well after the interactions, this morning is very happy and has been wandering around having a yowl on each floor ( very normal behaviour!). Rather than the crate I think the opening the door a crack might be a better approach I was worried that the crate would be an 'event' that might re-enforce negative behaviour.

To be fair Lisa is backing off slowly rather than running. Last night she was rolling around on the floor and playing with a soft toy.

Thank you so much for the advice, as you suggest we'll play more with her outside the door then look to opening it a crack.

[Mollycat]

Sounds much more positive than how I read your first post, still early days too, so Patience and Percy Verence as I always say.

Another thought, but you know your cats best, it can work or backfire depending how they respond to catnip but sometimes I have found it helps to get them stoned together, if they respond mellowly. My Molly gets quite excited and can be a bit nippy on the stuff so in her case best avoided as a tool for introductions!

[Lisamum]

Short update, we stopped any further introductions and let Lisa chill out a bit. Over the weekend she was back to normal, playing outside the room and even sleeping on a bit of the kitten's bedding. This morning I have opened the door a crack and left it. First encounter involved quite a bit of hissing but no aggression,, then she walked away. Second encounter, she stopped by the door and watched for a moment then walked off.

Hopefully we can hold in this position for a while and Lisa will get used to the situation. Kitten is still happy but more vocal now he can see out!

Fingers crossed!

[Lisamum]

Unfortunately things aren't going too well. Lisa seemed to be calm around the door so we let her see the kitten without mingling. There was some hissing but then unfortunately on one occasion I think Lisa felt trapped and I had to stop her launching herself at the kitten. I went back to scent mingling to let things calm down and started again with the door open a crack. Lisa is now completely refusing to come upstairs where the kitten is so she simply isn't getting any exposure to him.

I have no idea how to proceed! I don't want to force interaction but Lisa seems to have decided to change her habits to avoid any meeting instead she stays in her igloo downstairs all day. We are giving her loads of fuss but it's getting very difficult managing two cats separately with no idea how to move forward

Any ideas or should I give up and rehome the kitten?