Four years on I am in limbo

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Post Reply
Bertie 2017
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 125
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2018 8:24 pm
No. of cats in household: 1

Four years on I am in limbo

Post by Bertie 2017 »

This November will mark Bertie’s fourth anniversary ,all though the early days were hard ,
I feel I am ,improving: but I feel ,like I am under a dark cloud ,and a Bertie shaped hole,
In my heart and home ,I miss him so much ,I feel I will never ever get over my loss ,or
Put the feeling of anger and feeling cheated ,Bertie was taken to soon ,he was only 7 years.
Something I am finding hard to accept ,and move on ,every day is the same ,thinking of .
Him ,none stop ,longing for things ,too go back to the way ,there were ,even though ,
I know that cannot happen ,still it doesn’t stop me ,wishing I could turn back time ,and
Change the outcome ,I have no guilt over the accident ,or making the decision to let him go,
Bertie was very intelligent ,and independent, and lived his short life too the fullest ,he
Was a free sprint ,no keeping him alive ,and having to express his bladder 3x a day ,add
The baths and even nappy’s,,it would have destroyed him ,and he’d would have had a
Miserable life ,no I loved him too much ,too do that ,too him ,Bertie’s suffering is over,
But mine is still affecting me, I feel I will be stuck like this forever , frozen in time ,I
Cannot go back ,or move forward ,is this it for the rest of my life ? Will I ever feel normal
Again ,? I feel a different person ,the old care free self is gone ,for good I fear ,
User avatar
fjm
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 1245
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:11 pm
No. of cats in household: 2
Location: North West England

Re: Four years on I am in limbo

Post by fjm »

I am so sorry you are still caught in the depths of grief. I know that at one point you were at least considering counselling - did that help at all? I think you need help to learn to live with Bertie's loss, and perhaps need to talk to your GP about help for what sounds like quite severe depression. Bertie would want you to live in the sunshine and with joy, not in this dark place of frozen feelings and unhappy thoughts - find a professional, qualified grief counsellor and allow them to help. It can be very hard to let someone in and to accept what they say, especially when you have lived with this grief for so long, but I think you know that the time has come to try, and to try again and again if necessary.
Bertie 2017
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 125
Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2018 8:24 pm
No. of cats in household: 1

Re: Four years on I am in limbo

Post by Bertie 2017 »

Thank you for your kind words and advice , going back too
2019 , I was seeing a breavment councillor , but sadly
I only had six sessions , yes I understand that the N H s
Has a waiting list as long as your arm and do an amazing job, but yes I felt I needed more , I was thinking of going
Private after lockdown but who knows how long it will be be ? I feel you understand Bertie , yes one thing that
Affected Bertie the most was seeing me upset , I feel
Cats understand our moods , and it affects them
Bertie was amazing after my mum died , laid by my side
With a paw on my face , and a concerted look on his face
Whenever I was upset , I have had cats since I was 4 years old, and I believe , human and cat have an unbreakable
Bond and understand each other
Post Reply