Living Without My Starla

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Lenelor
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Living Without My Starla

Post by Lenelor »

On January 25 my orange tabby, Starla, died. She was 21 years old and I'd had her since she was a kitten. I knew the time was coming due to her age, but that still didn't prepare me for the reality of living without her presence. I go back and forth between feeling devastated at her absence to feeling overwhelming gratitude for her long life. I find it hard to put into words, particularly verbally, how much she meant to me. She never showed much affection to other cats I've had or other people I've lived with had, and she was one of those cats that would purr and seem super happy that you were petting her, and then when she was overstimulated would bite or scratch you to let you know it was time to stop. I became super attuned to her body language to prevent this - I would carefully watch her ears and tail and stop petting her at the slightest sign of annoyance. So I was the only human she really bonded with, and that made me feel special. She'd even randomly swat at the dogs to make sure they kept their distance and knew who was boss. As she aged she developed glaucoma in one eye and kidney disease. The last couple years of her life I was giving her eyedrops twice a day and subcutaneous fluids twice a week, and my feisty little kitty became a sweet lap cat who didn't bite or scratch. She even let me carry her up and down the stairs when those became harder for her to navigate. I particularly miss how every night she would snuggle up next to me when I got into bed. I think I'm really lucky to have had her for so long, but I'm also so sad that I don't get to hear her meow, or see her cute furry body, or pet her head anymore. I know it was her time, and I wouldn't want her to suffer any longer. I was hoping when I took her to the vet her last day that the symptoms she'd been having the past week were a UTI or something, but she had heart failure so the vet recommended euthanasia. I sat next to her for a while before the vet administered the injections and I could tell it was time, and she slipped away peacefully. All in all I think she had a good life, and I know our bodies just age and cannot go on living anymore, that's just how existence works. I just want to tell our story to some people who may understand.
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fjm
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Re: Living Without My Starla

Post by fjm »

After 21 years of companionship it is very hard to say goodbye, no matter how much your head, and even your heart, tell you that it is time. Starla sounds like a cat of great character, and your bond must have become even stronger as you cared for her over the last years. It is lovely that she accepted that you were helping her and snuggled rather than fighting the various treatments. Her going tore a hole in your life and heart - so many daily routines suddenly ended, so much comfort from her warm presence beside you suddenly gone - but I hope the good memories of your long years together help, and that there is comfort in knowing you did everything you could to make her life happy, including the last gift of a painless, peaceful slipping away.
Lenelor
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Feb 01, 2021 9:53 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: United States

Re: Living Without My Starla

Post by Lenelor »

Yes, the good memories of the years together do help. I've found a lot of comfort in printing out old photographs and putting them into an album and framing some and placing those around the house. Looking back on Starla's life has given me some light bulb moments as well. Towards the end, like a lot of older cats, she'd gradually lost a lot of weight. When I look at the pictures of her from four years ago and older I admire the way there was more of her, particularly that nice belly that cats get. It made me think about how obsessed the media tends to be with being so thin that adults have flat stomachs, and how most people's bodies just are not like that, and maybe we should appreciate the human form for what it is and be grateful our bodies work and we (if we are so lucky) have enough to eat to have full bellies. I mean, Starla always knew she looked fabulous. Living to a great age and having enough to eat are gifts, but somehow we've made problems out of both. Thinking about how much I loved Starla as she aged, and how much that time meant to me, makes me wonder why anti-aging products are continually being marketed. It makes no sense to me anymore. So Starla ended up teaching me a lot, including I don't have to be nice all the time to be worthy of love. Thank you for replying and offering validation and support.
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