Living Without My Starla
Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2021 10:36 pm
On January 25 my orange tabby, Starla, died. She was 21 years old and I'd had her since she was a kitten. I knew the time was coming due to her age, but that still didn't prepare me for the reality of living without her presence. I go back and forth between feeling devastated at her absence to feeling overwhelming gratitude for her long life. I find it hard to put into words, particularly verbally, how much she meant to me. She never showed much affection to other cats I've had or other people I've lived with had, and she was one of those cats that would purr and seem super happy that you were petting her, and then when she was overstimulated would bite or scratch you to let you know it was time to stop. I became super attuned to her body language to prevent this - I would carefully watch her ears and tail and stop petting her at the slightest sign of annoyance. So I was the only human she really bonded with, and that made me feel special. She'd even randomly swat at the dogs to make sure they kept their distance and knew who was boss. As she aged she developed glaucoma in one eye and kidney disease. The last couple years of her life I was giving her eyedrops twice a day and subcutaneous fluids twice a week, and my feisty little kitty became a sweet lap cat who didn't bite or scratch. She even let me carry her up and down the stairs when those became harder for her to navigate. I particularly miss how every night she would snuggle up next to me when I got into bed. I think I'm really lucky to have had her for so long, but I'm also so sad that I don't get to hear her meow, or see her cute furry body, or pet her head anymore. I know it was her time, and I wouldn't want her to suffer any longer. I was hoping when I took her to the vet her last day that the symptoms she'd been having the past week were a UTI or something, but she had heart failure so the vet recommended euthanasia. I sat next to her for a while before the vet administered the injections and I could tell it was time, and she slipped away peacefully. All in all I think she had a good life, and I know our bodies just age and cannot go on living anymore, that's just how existence works. I just want to tell our story to some people who may understand.