Sudden and traumatic loss of my 5 yr old baby

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mduffy19
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Sudden and traumatic loss of my 5 yr old baby

Post by mduffy19 »

Yesterday I faced the most traumatic event of my life as a cat lover. My sweet boy Mackerel, the first ever cat I raised all on my own from a small kitten, passed away in the most shocking and unexpected way right in front of my eyes. He was 5 years old, a beautiful big Burmese mix and one of the most loving creatures I’ve ever known. Mackerel loved being outside, and I’m lucky enough to live in an apartment with an enclosed patio so he could roam around, chase bugs, and lounge in the sun. Yesterday he was laying on the doormat in front of my front door, and after petting him for a while I got up to close the door a tiny bit. I usually leave it open a crack so he can let himself back in.

This time, his tail must have been caught underneath the door because he immediately darted up in alarm and I could see tufts of hair fallen from where the door caught him. I of course started to examine him and get things together to take him to the vet to make sure it wasn’t broken. However within minutes Mackerel was acting extremely strangely. A look of shock passed over his face, and the next thing I knew he has collapsed, coughed deeply several times, and was gone before my eyes.

I rushed him to the vet but I knew he was already gone. They suspect he may have had an underlying heart condition, or perhaps a blood clot in his lungs as they did find blood in his lungs. He was a big boy (17 lbs) and sometimes showed signs of uneven breathing which I attributed possibility to allergies. The shock of his tail being hurt may have triggered his underlying condition.

Mackerel was a stray cat who I found roaming the grounds at a pool I worked at 5 years ago. I raised him from a six week old kitten. He came into my life like a dream when I needed him most and we’ve been inseparable ever since. I just don’t know how to carry on my life now that he’s gone, when he was such a constant presence in every moment of my days. I can’t wrap my head around how he was here with me one moment, and within seconds he was gone and I’ll never hear his sweet voice or feel his beautiful fur again. How I’ll have to live such a long life ahead of my without my most beloved companion. He was my soulmate and my best friend.

I know this is long, and to any who has read this far I appreciate you. If anyone has kind words or similar experiences to share so I don’t feel so alone in my grief I would be most grateful. My love to all of you, to all of those who have lost a dear friend in their cat.
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fjm
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Re: Sudden and traumatic loss of my 5 yr old baby

Post by fjm »

I am so very sorry. I think the sudden, traumatic loss of a young and apparently healthy loved companion is one of the worst and most painful griefs there can be. I can hardly bear to think about the accident that took my darling little dog, who broke her neck and died in my arms, so I have some idea of how you are feeling. The grief can be overwhelming, but you know Mackerel did not suffer - a few breaths and it was over. Had it not happened he may have faced a long, slow, painful decline, and although I know you would have done everything possible to help him, and would give anything to have him back, in years to come there may be some comfort in knowing you gave him 5 gloriously happy years, and he never knew the pain and discomfort of long illness.

Everyone has to find their own way through grief. I hope you have family and friends who understand and are there for you, and so many of us here have lost beloved cats and know something of how you feel. When you are ready I hope you find another little cat to share your life and all that Mackerel taught you - we can never replace them, but their loss leaves such a gaping hole in our homes and hearts, and love expands to embrace the new arrival. But that is for the future - for now be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to get over the shock.
mduffy19
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Re: Sudden and traumatic loss of my 5 yr old baby

Post by mduffy19 »

Fjm, thank you so much for your beautiful message. It brought me to tears. While I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone, there is great comfort in knowing that others have endured this grief that seems to me so inescapable. I am trying not to spiral and wallow over the years I now have to spend without him, but instead cherish what I did have with an incredibly special creature. It’s so hard. But I’m lucky to have a large support group of family and friends, and even my 18 year old cat Monroe who I’ve had since I was 10. I know one day I’ll find another baby to love once I’ve had time enough to grieve. For now I’ll find small ways to honor Mackerel until I see him again.

Thank you for telling me about your baby. I know it’s so hard to recall these things and your solidarity with me means so much. Your message brought me peace and comfort during a very dark time. I wish you much healing and love in this life, you seem like a wonderful person.
Bertie 2017
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Re: Sudden and traumatic loss of my 5 yr old baby

Post by Bertie 2017 »

Hi midnuffy I am so sorry for your sudden and unexpected loss ,it must have hit you hard ,
But you mustn’t blame yourself ,what happened was totally out of your control ,and unexpected, and you are not alone ,every one on this website , will agree with me ,when I
Say ,we have all been there ,and understand perfectly ,how you are feeling ,if I could
Give you some advice ,I have learned over the four years ,since I lost my Bertie ,that
Regret and thoughts ,can beat you up bad ,never ever ,feel you let your cat down ,this
Was something out of your control ,and bad thoughts ,will drive you ,out of your mind ,
Sadly it’s the grief that makes you feel and think ,this way ,so please don’t be so hard on yourself ,I always say be kind too yourself , and I got lots of online support ,from other
Websites ,so look into it ,if you feel like it ,yes life will go on ,but it will never be the same,
And your heart will heal ,but they will always be cracks ,and a cat shaped hole ,

We are always here for you

Take care
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