Lost my best friend

[rosiemay]

Yesterday we lost our best friend Molly. She’d been in our lives for 14 years and brought us so much joy and happy memories. She died suddenly yesterday and I can stop crying. I can’t imagine life without her and I don’t want to
I don’t know how to get through this. She meant everything to us and our home now feels like an empty shell. I keep looking at the door thinking she’s going to come in but I know she’s not and it breaks my heart thank you for reading

[Kay]

we all know how you feel, as we've all been in that place you are in now, and will be again - the price we have to pay for the great joy having a cat share our lives - when death is sudden the shock is much worse, though much better than watching and worrying through weeks and months of suffering

it does get better in time, as the rawness of the loss begins to give way to the myriad happy memories of the life you shared

I personally have always found some comfort in having a favourite photo turned into portrait to hang on the wall - a burial and a special plant in the garden if you are in a position to do so might help a bit, and would certainly do so in the future - it's keeping them with you in spirit, I suppose

your post reminds me of Thomas Hardy's poem, Last Words to a Dumb Friend https://internetpoem.com/thomas-hardy/l ... dumb-poem/

[rosiemay]

we all know how you feel, as we've all been in that place you are in now, and will be again - the price we have to pay for the great joy having a cat share our lives - when death is sudden the shock is much worse, though much better than watching and worrying through weeks and months of suffering

it does get better in time, as the rawness of the loss begins to give way to the myriad happy memories of the life you shared

I personally have always found some comfort in having a favourite photo turned into portrait to hang on the wall - a burial and a special plant in the garden if you are in a position to do so might help a bit, and would certainly do so in the future - it's keeping them with you in spirit, I suppose

your post reminds me of Thomas Hardy's poem, Last Words to a Dumb Friend https://internetpoem.com/thomas-hardy/l ... dumb-poem/

Kay, thank you for your reply your words really mean a lot.
I’ve read your message a few times as it makes so much sense. You’re so right, I wouldn’t have wanted to watch Molly suffer, that would have been completely heart breaking but the shock has hit me like a tonne of bricks.

We have a burial outside in one of her favourite sunshine spots where she used to love to sunbathe. We also lit a candle there until we find something permanent to have there. On the first night the candle stayed lit for 24 hours and it was only a small candle. We couldn’t believe it and would like to see this as a sign that she’s ok and still here with us in spirit.

It’s very hard to get over not seeing them again, I just hope this gets easier as right now I feel like a piece of my heart is missing that I’ll never get back.

Thank you for sharing the poem, it is lovely.

[fjm]

I think we lose a piece of our hearts with every loss of those we love, but in its place they leave a small part of their own - all the memories of the things we loved them for, and all the love they gave us in return. Sudden death is very hard to bear for those left behind - illness at least gives us some warning, and a gradual decline accustoms us a little to the inevitability of what is to come. But as Kay says Molly was spared all of that - no pain, no discomfort, no long drawn out decline - and you were spared the gnawing anxiety of watching every symptom and worrying if it was time to say goodbye.

It does get easier to bear with time, if we allow ourselves to heal. Be kind to yourselves and to each other, and let Molly's light continue to shine in your memory as her candle does in the darkness.

[Kay]

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[rosiemay]

Thank you to everyone whose taken the time to reply to me.

I feel overwhelmed by the kindness and reassurance of people on here and appreciate it more than you know.

You are absolutely right, although it was sudden Molly was spared the pain and discomfort which would have been so difficult to watch.

Monday feels like a whole life time ago. It still feels so raw and our house is to quiet without her. I keep hearing or seeing things and thinking it’s her which is unbearable when I realise it’s not.

We have another cat called George who is very different to Molly. He is not very affectionate and pretty much uses our house as a drop in centre for food. He has strangely started purring since Monday, something I have only heard a handful of times during the whole 13 years we have had him. Do you think this could be due to Molly passing? Or a sign of anxiety? I don’t know if I’m looking into this too much.

[fjm]

It could be either, or something else altogether. It could be that Molly took the "making the humans happy" role, and that now she is no longer here George is stepping up to fill the space. It could be that he senses your need for feline companionship, and is providing it - another way of saying the same thing. Perhaps he is missing Molly, and the purring is self soothing. He too needs your kindness and reassurance - you may find that he unfurls new elements of his character as an only cat.

[rosiemay]

I took a week to myself to try and process everything that happened. It still feels horrible but I can have a conversation now without crying which feels like good progress seeing as I didn’t think the world would ever look the same again last week.

I just wanted to thank those that replied for your kind words. You have no idea how much you helped me in what was probably the hardest week I’ve ever had.

I ended up having two days off work - when I returned some people laughed when they found out why I’d been off. Is this because they’ve never experienced what it’s like to lose a pet? I have had family members and close friends pass away and I have never felt like this before. In some ways I feel quite guilty that I feel more emotional about our cat than actual human beings. Do other people feel like this?

Thank you,
Rosie

[fjm]

Our animals share our homes, we are responsible for them and for many of us they are at the centre of our daily routines. Many of the humans we love have lives that are a little separate - we may see them often, but they are not interwoven with every waking hour. I think that is why the loss of a beloved animal can be so devastating, and sometimes feel even more painful than the loss of a human friend - their absence leaves a huge, empty space in the centre of our lives and we are aware of it constantly. Be sorry for anyone who can laugh at such a loss - they can never have experienced the joy of truly sharing their lives with a loved and loving cat or dog.

[rosiemay]

Hi everyone

Thank you for getting me through a dark time last year. I still struggle to think about Molly but I manage to get through the days without crying.

We adopted another cat called Tilly. She was not to replace Molly, but to give another rescue cat a chance to have a good life.

This morning Tilly was ran over and didn’t make it. I can’t believe I’m going through this pain again so soon. 7 months she was in our lives and she was the most adventurous little thing. I’d never seen a cat with a tail so fluffy and her colours in the sun were just beautiful. I just can’t believe this has happened again. My heart is completely broken that she’s been taken away from us.