Feeling so much guilt
Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2021 11:33 am
Hi everyone, new here.
I'm having a bit of a rough time coming to terms with the passing of my beloved rescue cat, Pepper. He had been ill for months with IBD, flare ups would come and go but they were getting worse and worse, and steroids were not working as well as they did initially. So I made the hard decision to have him PTS in November.
Pepper was terrified of the vets and travelling in the car so thankfully I was able to have a vet come to my house to carry out the procedure. She said it's quicker to be able to just get the line in and euthanise and we tried to do that but he was struggling really badly, so she had to sedate him, which made him vomit but thankfully he went to sleep immediately after and appeared to be completely sedated and she was able to get the line in. We had a moment together for me to say goodbye and I then consented to her giving him the final injection. As he was passing he let out a final breath, which I know I normal but the thing that has been tormenting over since is that his fur puffed up as if he was scared. I hate to think that in his final moments he knew what was happening to him, especially when I tried so hard to make it as easy and gentle as possible for him. With previous cats of mine that have been PTS, I never noticed this happen before, but both times my cats were in crisis (one had been hit by a car and the other was very near end of life with kidney failure).
I guess the point of my post is to see if anyone can offer any reassurance and to see if anyone else has experienced their cat's fur puffing up during euthanasia? Is it common? I have tried looking online to find answers and have not had any luck. I hope it's just a muscular reaction during the procedure, rather than my Pepper still being 'aware' of what was happening to him while being sedated.
I'm having a bit of a rough time coming to terms with the passing of my beloved rescue cat, Pepper. He had been ill for months with IBD, flare ups would come and go but they were getting worse and worse, and steroids were not working as well as they did initially. So I made the hard decision to have him PTS in November.
Pepper was terrified of the vets and travelling in the car so thankfully I was able to have a vet come to my house to carry out the procedure. She said it's quicker to be able to just get the line in and euthanise and we tried to do that but he was struggling really badly, so she had to sedate him, which made him vomit but thankfully he went to sleep immediately after and appeared to be completely sedated and she was able to get the line in. We had a moment together for me to say goodbye and I then consented to her giving him the final injection. As he was passing he let out a final breath, which I know I normal but the thing that has been tormenting over since is that his fur puffed up as if he was scared. I hate to think that in his final moments he knew what was happening to him, especially when I tried so hard to make it as easy and gentle as possible for him. With previous cats of mine that have been PTS, I never noticed this happen before, but both times my cats were in crisis (one had been hit by a car and the other was very near end of life with kidney failure).
I guess the point of my post is to see if anyone can offer any reassurance and to see if anyone else has experienced their cat's fur puffing up during euthanasia? Is it common? I have tried looking online to find answers and have not had any luck. I hope it's just a muscular reaction during the procedure, rather than my Pepper still being 'aware' of what was happening to him while being sedated.