Grief and Guilt- I missed signs of his cancer

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Vanessa888
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Grief and Guilt- I missed signs of his cancer

Post by Vanessa888 »

I lost my beloved 1.5 year old cat, Melvin, to cancer of the bone marrow at the beginning of december 2021. I had him since he was a 5 week old kitten, when he was found near a busy road by a person in my neighborhood.

It has been so difficult because he was such a young cat and I felt like I didn't get enough time with him. He didn't get to have a long life. I feel so much guilt and grief because I feel like I missed the signs that he had cancer. And if I had only noticed the signs and brought him in sooner, I could've had more time with him and got him help sooner. Instead, I noticed when it was too late and the cancer had already metastasized to his spleen and liver, and we had to end his suffering. I feel so much regret that I didn't question why it seemed like he was sleeping more than usual, and not playing as much- I just thought he was making that transition from a high energy kitten to a more relaxed adult cat. Besides these small behavioral changes, I assumed I shouldn't worry about it because he was still eating like normal, using the litterbox like normal, and jumping on counter tops and cuddling with me. I am devastated over losing him. And it hurts so much that I barely had time with him. Everyday is so difficult because I feel like I failed him, and I keep thinking what could've been if I had only brought him to see the vet sooner. And most of all I just miss him, he was such a sweet boy. Has anyone had a similar experience? And does anyone have advice on how to deal with all of this guilt? Thank you in advance.
booktigger
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Re: Grief and Guilt- I missed signs of his cancer

Post by booktigger »

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but if he had cancer of the bone marrow, picking it up sooner likely wouldn't have changed the outcome, and instead, he got to spend more time being a cat rather then being put through tests that probably wouldn't have made much difference. RIP little one
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Mollycat
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Re: Grief and Guilt- I missed signs of his cancer

Post by Mollycat »

My kindest thoughts are with you and your lovely Melvin, but I have to agree with Booktigger - quality of life is more important than anything else, and cats don't understand that all the misery of treatments and tests are in the all too often vain hope of a miracle.

My Henry was 14 but nobody realised he had a mouth tumour until the day we thought he had been hit by a car, but after reading about treatments and outcomes I can say hand on heart I wouldn't have put him through it if he had been only 4. Be kind to yourself. There is a rather lovely idea that we all have a Purpose in life, that we are all interconnected, and that before we are born our souls make agreements to give each other challenges and life lessons in our time on earth. So everything is exactly as it should be - that's the idea. I take comfort from this idea whenever a life is ripped away from us that seemed to have barely begun its life journey.
Vanessa888
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Re: Grief and Guilt- I missed signs of his cancer

Post by Vanessa888 »

@booktigger -Thank you for your response. That's very true. If I had caught it sooner, there would've been so many trips to the vet (which he hated, like all cats do) for diagnosis and treatment and I don't think that would've improved his quality of life, it would've been just more stress. Instead, he was comfortable here at home in his cozy nap spot and window watching with his brother. Thank you for your kind words.

@mollycat -Thank you for your response too. You're right, quality of life is most important and I think that despite his cancer progressing over time, he still had a good quality of life since he was still acting like a normal cat up until the week before his passing. I am so sorry to hear about your Henry. It consoles me that you wouldn't have put him through treatments either. That is what Melvin's doctor said too, that she wouldn't have put her own cat through treatments for such an aggressive cancer knowing that it might only add a few months to life, if any. I love the idea you brought up. Mostly the part about all of us being interconnected. That way I know that I can never truly be apart from him. That somehow he is always with me.
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