Lost my best friend 😭

[Love_my_cats]

Hi,

I don’t know where to start with but hoping it all makes sense.

I lost my best friend late Sunday night, she was my everything, I got her when she was a tiny kitten and she turned 14 nearly 6 months ago. I’m so upset, feeling guilty, worthless, helpless, unmotivated to do anything, can’t stop crying.

I think the worst thing is that it all happened so suddenly within about 1 and a half hours from getting to the vets, she was put to sleep. I’m so worried I rushed into it. She was doing fine, started to walk a bit slow at times going up and downstairs but I just put that down to her age, then Sunday she was also fine, she was sat on the sofa went and had something to eat then went upstairs, I then went up about 30 mins later and she had been sick at least 3/4 times and then saliva sick, I picked her up but she couldn’t stand or move her back or back legs and was panting and breathing so heavy I’ve never been so scared in my whole life. I panicked and just immediately phoned the emergency vet, took her straight in, the vet asked question of what had happened etc, she’s an indoor cat so definitely not eaten anything she shouldn’t have, he then weighed her and put her on the floor and said she was in a critical condition and needed to put onto oxygen straight away He then came back to me and explained the options how they could do tests to find out the cause of it but that as she was paralysed and struggling to breathe to the panting, she may go under more stress from all the tests and procedures and could pass away while these are being done and he advised that when he’s seen cats like this especially at her age, the best thing to do would be to put to her sleep to stop her from suffering further and being in anymore pain. I really didn’t want to put her to sleep, but I also couldn’t imagine her being in pain and didn’t want to put my selfish needs above what may have been best for her. So we decided to put her to sleep, I held her when the vet did the injection, kissed her and told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her

I’m just so heartbroken and don’t know what to do, I’m now worrying that i made the wrong decision and maybe should have had some tests done but then didn’t want her passing away without me with her.

The vet did say of multiple things it could be, most one being a blood clot or tumour, after coming up and looking this all up , to me it seems she could have had something called saddle thrombus.

Has anyone been through similar, would you have done the same thing? How did you manage to get through this and all the guilt.

I still expect to see her when I go into the rooms she slept in most, and it then breaks my heart all over again.

Sorry about the long post and if you’ve read it, thank you for taking the time out of your day xx

[Mollycat]

So sorry for your loss, such a terrible shock for you. Medical emergencies for our beloved cats do send us into overdrive and then so suddenly it's all over and you're left with the all the pain, sadness, and most of all the unanswered questions.

In a different way I was where you are, my 14 year old boy walked in looking like he had met a car, within 10 minutes we were at the vets but it wasn't, he had a mouth tumour and the vet said we could be we recommend letting him go peacefully. At the time like you I did as they suggested and then did my research after, and I'm glad I made the right decision. To be honest, with things like saddle thrombus and mouth tumours, if my boy had been 4 rather than 14 I still would have made the same decision.

Tests might tell you letting her go was the right decision, or they might have said we could do this and test for that and put her through a lot more visits and treatments. At some point we sometimes need to step back from our love and wanting them to last forever, and ask - if we do tests, what can they tell us? With that knowledge, what can we do about it? And if we go ahead and do everything we can, how much time will that buy us? What will the cost be to our lovely companion - will the trauma of treatment be outweighed by the quality of that extra time? Almost always, a good vet is only recommending gentle euthanasia because the answers to those questions are often bleak.

But now your sweet companion is at peace, no more pain, and ahead of you is the long and difficult journey through grief, with all those awful what-ifs and if-onlys, and so I wish that you will be able to find peace that you did the best you ever could as she would have wished if she could have said so. Be kind to yourself through this tough time.