Yesterday I got the tragic call from my mom that my cat of 15 years was passing. I didn't rush over there immediately as I started to cry at the thought. I have crushing guilt because by the time I arrived he was already gone. I have beyond overwhelming guilt that he may have spent his final moments confused, and not feeling like he was loved by me.
We unfortunately knew his time was coming to an end as any animal in their older years, you just know at some point when they're no longer the same rambunctious baby you once knew. I remember sitting outside with him one day and saying to him that I loved him, cried my heart out then. Made it a point to always give him a hug when I was there just in case I didn't see him again. I still can't help but feel guilty that I couldn't be there for his last moments. How do you cope with not knowing if your cat passed feeling loved in his final moments?
Today will be hard as I am taking him to be cremated. I never thought it'd be this hard since we knew his time was coming but I wish more than anything we had had more time.
I didn't get to say goodbye
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Mollycat
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Re: I didn't get to say goodbye
I am sorry for your loss. Honestly? How do we cope with not knowing what our loved ones felt at the end of life? We have faith. I don't mean religion, though many people find great comfort in their beliefs - I mean trust in the relationship you had and still have and always will with your cat. In those last moments, you held him close in your heart and in your mind, and in your special relationship, don't you know deep down he could feel that? Do you need to be by a person's side to feel loved by them? Or do you carry their love in your heart wherever you go, even when you're thinking of other things?
On a more practical note, very often dying people (and animals too) seem to wait until they are alone to slip away quietly. You can keep watch at a sick person's bedside day and night for weeks, and the moment you take a bathroom break or go to make a cup of tea, they seize the moment and are gone when you return. I don't know you but I have a sense that you would really benefit from reading Elisabeth Kubler Ross Life Lessons. It's an incredible kind and gentle book that helps you forgive yourself, realise you are normal and not alone, and holds your hand through your saddest and most challenging moments with your grief. Take good care of yourself.
On a more practical note, very often dying people (and animals too) seem to wait until they are alone to slip away quietly. You can keep watch at a sick person's bedside day and night for weeks, and the moment you take a bathroom break or go to make a cup of tea, they seize the moment and are gone when you return. I don't know you but I have a sense that you would really benefit from reading Elisabeth Kubler Ross Life Lessons. It's an incredible kind and gentle book that helps you forgive yourself, realise you are normal and not alone, and holds your hand through your saddest and most challenging moments with your grief. Take good care of yourself.