Making nightmare decision

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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phil-63
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Making nightmare decision

Post by phil-63 »

On monday flash my cat was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He had been vomiting all week then i took him to vet and got dreaded news.I Declined treatment of surgery as he's 15 or 16 and i'm not putting him through it.Since monday although vomitting he's still eating until today (friday).He walked away from his food and his vomit although not much looked pinkish. Anyway he was restless kept sitting up then lieing down before going to lie down in the field near my house. He returned within half an hour so i tried to feed him with treats and yogurt but there was no chance he barely would sniff it.
Off course it looked like the final decision to PTS was near.I spent time with him and after an hour or so he went back to his sleeping spot in the field.He returned in the afternoon so i put some yogurt down but of course he refused so 15 mins later i held a few biscuits in my hand and i was astonished he ate them and walked in the kitchen and ate the yogurt. The vet phoned me with an arranged call and i explained the situation and she said if i was ready i could take him to be PTS and i think i would of if he'd not eaten. Anyway within an hour of the phonecall he followed me in kitchen asking for food so i gave him a pouch thinking he wont eat it but he polished it off to my amazement and some treats afterwards.He's not got long before i have to make that decision but they never cease to amaze you.
How i'm going to cope i don't know i haven't been able to sit down or settle or eat proper.I could go on and on how i feel but you all know as its your worst nightmare.
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Mollycat
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Re: Making nightmare decision

Post by Mollycat »

In a few days it will be the third anniversary of my tough decision for Boo, who was 15 and had been increasingly struggling with some digestive issues. What gets me every time is how the little beggars rally, as soon as you have made decisions and arrangements, and it's easier to cancel everything and run with the reprieve, no matter how small.

My theory is that they rally precisely because we have made that decision, so we switch from anxious mode to sad and focused. Ironically they sense we are now ok, they can relax.

It's often been said better a day too soon than an hour too late and there's a lot of sense in that, but maybe refusing a few treats doesn't necessarily signal time. All I can say is, be sure to really be there for the time you have left together, try not to spend it anxiously looking for signs and wondering - Flash will tell you when the time is right. Trust him.
phil-63
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Re: Making nightmare decision

Post by phil-63 »

I live on my own and all that love and energy he brings will be gone. The calmness when they're snuggled up with you. During the day he pops in and out before he comes in at night to jump on the couch with me.Its hard to explain but when he pops ou during day i will do the little things like hoovering,cutting the lawn etc but without him here doing those things seem meaningless. I'm so sorry you lost boo i just wish i could believe the rainbow ridge stories i would love to be united with him one day after hes gone and i believe if we all 100% believed it things would be a tad easier but i live in hope. I've done some crying and i know theres plenty to come as i dread the future.
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Mollycat
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Re: Making nightmare decision

Post by Mollycat »

They do govern every aspect of our lives, every waking moment especially when they interrupt our sleep! Literally everywhere we look is an emptiness like a knife in the chest all over again and there's a dread silence so thick that no sound can pierce it. I remember many years ago another cat, and the months of waking up every day to her absence and wondering why I had bothered waking up at all, what was the point of being awake without her. Knowing we have given the greatest and most selfless gift there is to give, to deliver them from pain and suffering, is very little comfort when the pain is so raw.

Preparation can help a great deal. It may sound awful but it can help to make decisions in advance like where - home if your vet will agree or at the surgery - what signs will tell you it is time, what to do with the body - burial, cremation, memorials, pawprints - and whether if asked you think you want to agree to donation, for example corneas. This last one is tough and can catch you off guard if they do ask, so it's good to be prepared just in case. Your beliefs are important - personally I am not religious but I am spiritual, and it helps me to think that once the light of life has left the eyes, what remains looks like my cat but is not the essence of my cat, it's just an old winter coat the free soul doesn't need any more. Two things they should tell all of us before we go in - a cat's eyes cannot close when it's gone; and they should warn us about that cough, because it scares the life out of you the first time you hear it and as my lovely vet said to me last time, it scares the life out of you the 500th time you hear it just the same. Being prepared isn't any kind of betrayal and it isn't macabre, it's making sure we can truly be there for them and for ourselves.

How is Flash this morning, did you both sleep?
phil-63
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Re: Making nightmare decision

Post by phil-63 »

flash seems alot better than yesterday hes eaten most of his food and some treats.Yesterday he was irritable and not eating but today seemed like his normnal self really so one day at a time as they say.How do you feel about boo now do you find it a bit easier to cope.I've no idea how i will cope and this may sound silly but i will hear the silence and feel the stillness i'm dreading it.Years ago he couldnt pee in his litter tray so i got him to the vet and had to leave him there a day and that drove me crazy and i know what awaits. .
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Ruth B
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Re: Making nightmare decision

Post by Ruth B »

It is the hardest decision any pet owner has to make, and it never gets easier. It can be worth making a record of the good days and bad days, so you have a visual reference as to what actually happened, our minds can get cloudy when we thing things aren't going well.

We lost our golden oldie, Tiggy earlier this year, she hadn't been well for a long time and we had had a few vets visits when we weren't sure she was coming home, and had been through all the ups and downs of whether it was time or not. The thing that scared me the most, was the thought i wouldn't know when her time really was up and would let her suffer. In the end I did know, late one evening she was just totally unresponsive, we weren't sure she would live the night through, she did and while she did recover a little the next day, we knew it was her time and said good bye to her that evening when we took her to the vets.

Tiggy had been on palliative care for a couple of years, we weren't willing to put her through anything invasive, so just treated the symptoms for anything we could, by the end she was on 3 different types of medication all taken in food and not mattering if she missed a dose, so keeping her going with minimum stress to her. It might be worth asking about palliative care for Flash, there might be medication he can have that will make him feel better even if it doesn't cure him.

Like Mollycat, I'm not religious but i do believe in spirits and there have been times that I am sure i have seen something leave when the cat is pts, I always prefer to be with them and give them some fuss and love right to the end, but again not everyone can manage it, and if you can't it will just stress the cat to try to, other times it has been like the spirit is gone before the cat actually goes. For me what is left is just the body, the pet I loved is gone, I have never worried about what happened to it afterwards, just opting for a normal multianimal cremation, but i know some people take a great deal of comfort from private cremations and having the ashes back or even having the body back for a burial if you have a suitable site available,it is something you need to think about.

Finally, think about what happens afterwards. Even before we lost Tiggy, I was already browsing charities and selling sites. While we had her (as well as my other 2 cats) i knew we couldn't have another, but looking through the adverts and thinking what might be gave me a degree of comfort, there were plenty of cats that would love the home i could offer. Some people need time to grieve others are like me and as soon as one is gone I'm looking for another cat to fill the void. We got another cat within about 2 weeks of having Tiggy pts. I have no guilt about it, it is the way I am, and i was never replacing her, just completing my household again, and offering the love i could offer to a cat that needed a home. However long Flash has, give him the best life you can, and afterwards, you do what ever feels right for you.
phil-63
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Re: Making nightmare decision

Post by phil-63 »

I don't know if cats or humans go anywhere after they die i'd like to think so and i don't know how i'll feel about getting another cat.Idon't blame you getting another cat after tiggy died and as you were sure in your mind thats what you was going to do why wait there is no right or wrong.An older couple next door lost their 2 dogs to cancer in a short space of time and said they would be their last but 2 months down the line they bought a pup home so you just dont know.I will be thinking about all the things you mention and you and mollycat may well be right that there body was just their armour and there spirit has gone. As for having the ashes back and a private creamation its not for me i will probably opt for same as you. Anyway thankyou for sharing your feelings and anything that helps me prepare might just ease things.Flash came home about an hour a go and is sat at the open frontdoor and honestly compared to yesterday you can't tell anythings wrong with him. It's a lovely day so now i must join him.
thankyou.
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