When to let go?

[Bobandmarcy815]

Our beautiful TNR buddy (Frankie) is suffering but I just can't let go. He is in renal failure and after a month of torturing him with the multiple meds he is not getting better. Everytime I think we should schedule the appointment for his release he tries being himself and comes to us for help that we can't provide. When we talk about his leaving the talk of how much he was loved comes up but doesn't help.

We got him at a local shelter 9+ years ago (he was 4) after losing two cats we thought we would never get over but he changed that for us and we poured our love onto him. About 6 months after getting Frankie a baby stray showed up a our daughters house so he also became a member of our family. His name is Jessie and for his 9 years he has never been alone. He has looked up to Frankie all his life and we're not sure how this will play out with him. Can't fret about that right now as we deal with Frankie's up coming future, basically there is none.

We've discussed getting Jessie a kitten to mentor but we are old and are pretty certain any kitten or young cat would out live us and end up lost, confused and heartbroken in a shelter. That is unacceptable to us as we've seen too many cats in that situation. We also know that getting an older cat won't work as Jessie is very, very territorial and howls at any cat that comes anywhere near our house.

We're trying to deal with all of this but the tears, guilt and pain override everything. I want to end his suffering but I'm too selfish to give him up knowing the pain will be even worse once he's gone.

Hoping someone can be empathetic to our plight and provide some insight to this awful part of loving our buddy.

[phil-63]

I had to let my cat Flash go 3 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer. I know exactly what you mean by he tries being himself. Flash amazingly was eating very well almost as normal but got to a stage he was looseing weight fast but because he was acting fairly normal made my decision so so hard.I knew in the next week or two he was going to loose weight fast and suffer. I made the decision to let him go and it felt like i was putting a healthy cat to sleep. I'd make the same decision again given another chance but it doesn't stop you feeling guilty as hell. I swear i know the absolute impossible decision you have to make but think hard because in a few months you'll have to live with that decision.I know when hes sat on the floor and looks up at you he looks his old self but if you wait until hes really suffering and unfortunately it can happen so quick you may regret you waited to long.I know it took 10 minutes for me just to pick up the phone and make the appointment and i felt so sick i had to force myself to make that phonecall.I can live with the decision although i still analyse it but living without flash is a different story. It's been 3 weeks now and he possibly might still be alive now but he'd be ln all kinds of trouble so there's some comfort he's now at rest. There's no right time all you can do is try to make the best decision for him.
My thoughts are with you

[Kay]

I think we can all sympathize totally with you - many of us have walked in your shoes

the sad fact is that us animal lovers are bound to outlive many pets if we live long enough, but the pain of losing them never cancels out the joy of sharing their short lives

I promise you you will be more tortured if you leave it until Frankie has no quality of life at all - he doesn't know he has a terminal disease, only that he cannot enjoy life any more - he doesn't know he's bound to die, only that he's feeling rotten and wants it to stop

your pain won't be any greater if you let him go before the bitter end - you'll feel much guiltier if you let his suffering get worse

as for Jesse, and speaking as someone who has reached an age when I shall not have another cat when my 14 year old leaves me, fostering could be the way forward for us both