Lost without my Cookie

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Inge
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Lost without my Cookie

Post by Inge »

Hello,

This morning I lost my little kitty Cookie. She was just over a year old and was diagnosed with FIP about half a year ago. She had been doing great so I was hoping the vet diagnosed her incorrectly. However, all of a sudden she went downhill. The last two weeks we tried to do everything to get her better but when we saw the vet this morning it turned out she still had a fever (now for two weeks). She was weak, sinuses clogged, had difficulties walking and she hardly ate. Even this morning I still had hope we would find a way to make her better and that the vet was incorrect. After talking to him and going over the expectations and the possible suffering for her, we decided to end her pain.
I am hurting so much and crying the whole time. She was my little baby. She slept with me and followed me around the whole time. I am just so scared I will not be able to get over this. I keep on looking for her through the house calling her name. I just cannot believe this has happened and I feel so guilty for making this decision. I am not sure why I am writing this all but I hope you will understand. There are so many people who just do not understand this and just see a cat as a cat and cannot understand why you are so upset. Also, I have to travel a lot for my work which is so hard now as the only thing I want to do is crawl in my bed and crying. I will post a picture of my little angel. Thank you so much for reading my story.
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Kay
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Kay »

I'm so sorry to hear about Cookie - FIP is a horrible disease, and always fatal, so you mustn't feel you made the wrong decision to put an end to her suffering

I lost a 5 month old kitten to FIP many years ago, and by the end he had enlarged kidneys, severe anaemia, and tachycardia - Cookie could only have got worse, and death was the only outcome

this won't help you feel her loss any less, but I hope will stop the guilt - you did the very best you could for her, and when no more could be done, you did the final kindness

in time the period of her illness will not dominate your thoughts, and memories of happier times will creep in - putting together a book of her life, with words and photos, can help with this - she deserves to be remembered with love as well as pain
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Gemma
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Gemma »

Hello Inge
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful girl cookie. There are lots of people on here that understand your pain and distress and can help chat through your thoughts and feelings.
You gave cookie a lovely life and ultimately made the kindest decision for her at the right time. It is normal to feel guilty as its a massive part of the grief process but in time those feelings will fade. You did everything you could to give cookie a super life. She has been a big part of your life and so missing her along with what's happened is bound to be very difficult. Don't be too hard on yourself surround yourself with the people you love to support you. It's because you were such a good cat mummy that you feel this way it's normal. Try and think of all the lovely memories you made together xx
Inge
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Inge »

Thank you so much for your kind words. It does help to hear from other cat lovers and how you are all dealt with the loss of your furry babies. I am trying to find a way to cope with this and it is so nice to hear all your comforting words of advice.
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Gemma
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Gemma »

Bless you, don't worry to much about coping it's all very new, just let yourself feel what you want to feel xx
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bobbys girl
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by bobbys girl »

Dear Inge,

I am so sorry to hear about Cookie. Kay and Gemma are right in everything they say.

We do understand that she was not 'just a cat' and many of us have experienced the pain of losing one of our darlings. I know what you are going through, it's horrible. But it will get better. You must know that you did the best for her.

She is playing at RB with her new friends. They will look after her. You have friends here to look after you.

Sue x
hgale
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by hgale »

Dear Inge, please try not to feel guilty (I know that is easy to say). Although I have no experience of FIP, having read other peoples posts on here, you certainly made the kindest decision for little Cookie, who now has no more pain or illness to endure. It is perfectly normal to feel guilty, but trust me - give it time, and you will remember all the good times you and Cookie shared.

RIP dear Cookie, my Kit and Mischa will look out for you. And I'm sending a {hug} to you Inge.

Helen
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Crewella
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Crewella »

I'm so sorry to hear about Cookie, she looks beautiful. It's a horrible decision to have to make, but it really is the last and most loving gift we can give them - a peaceful end and freedom from pain. She was dieing anyway and you just made it easier for her - that's something to be proud of.

As the others have said, it's perfectly normal to feel as you do, and it will get better. You won't ever forget your beautiful girl, but the pain will ease. (((hugs)))

Rest in peace much loved little Cookie. xx
Inge
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Inge »

I want to write good morning but it does not really feel like a good day. I do appreciate all your sweet words and it does comfort me.
I have been crying so much wondering if I did the right thing and what we could have done. When we went to the vet yesterday she perked up and was giving head bums. The vet said it is because of the adrenaline going through them when they are there. Still I wonder if she was better than we thought she was and if we should have chosen to give her more cortisone to see if that would have worked. Maybe the vet was wrong that she had FIP. I know it is difficult to say for sure that it was this disease. Maybe the cortisone would have given her the energy to start eating more and feel better. I know we had to make this decision and that we owe it to her to make the best decision for her to make sure she would not suffer anymore but still it hurts so much. She was only barely a year old! I also feel so guilty that I was crying when I was with her. I am so afraid it made her more upset. I keep on walking through the house looking for her and calling her name. You might think I am crazy. That a grown up is acting like this. I just cannot believe what happened. Today I have to leave home again for a week away and all I want is to stay at home and be with my husband in my safe environment. I really do not know how I am going to deal with this.
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JulieandBarney
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by JulieandBarney »

Hi Inge,

Our last darling boy 'CC' was diagnosed with oral cancer, exactly this time last year....he was my little baby and I too have a very responsible job, so I understand. I could have wrote you post myself this time last year. in fact, I probably did. The day we were taking him to the vets to be put to sleep, was the day that he decided to brighten up and just one hour before the appointment, he came downstairs and jumped on my lap and began purring...he had not done that in a week or more, how me and my husband got him to the vets and hour later. to this day, I have no idea...my husband could hardly see as he drove, he was crying so much, and I felt a dreadful sense of betraying my lovely boy. I cried like a baby to the vet and begged her to tell me he would not suffer, she told me that cats often behave this way, even when in great pain, as they are comforting themselves, something humans cannot understand...I still wanted to take him away and say I had changed my mind.....I too thought that maybe it was just an ulcer in his mouth..or something else...the truth of it was, I couldn't face the truth, it was too hard. Looking back now, I knew had I left it any longer, he would have been in great pain, deep down, the 'sensible' part of me had to come to terms with it. You would not have wanted Cookie to suffer such pain, you know this, that would have hurt even more, his prognosis would not have changed.....you loved him and gave him a peaceful, dignified passing. before he felt that terrible pain, bless you... I know it is hard, believe me, those first days, weeks, almost tore me apart, but time will make you see that Cookie would not have wanted to be in any pain and you saved Cookie from that .......xx
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JulieandBarney
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by JulieandBarney »

Inge, I read this many times after that vet visit, it somehow gave me a small ounce of comfort :-


The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

xx
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bobbys girl
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by bobbys girl »

Dear Inge,
Inge wrote:You might think I am crazy. That a grown up is acting like this. I just cannot believe what happened.
If that's crazy, you have plenty of company!

I've said this before on CC, I wailed like a Banshee when we found Cassidy. Looking back I didn't think a human was capable of such a noise - it was such a shock.

I'll be thinking of you this week, take care. x

Julie - that's beautiful
Lefty
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Lefty »

I recently lost my best mate Garfield He was 15 years old and developed a tumour on his bowel We tried everything to save him to no avail. He wasn't complaining but he must have been in considerable pain so we had to make the decision to have him go to sleep
I'm a 6'4" bloke and I cried AND I still miss him terribly. I'm also disabled and he used to look after me in that no one could get near me until he was present then he would keep an eye on them particularly the nurse who comes to check my wafarin level. If he saw blood he would emit a low growl & I would take hold of him in case he attacked the nurse :shock:

I'm telling you this to show just how much Garfield was loved and that we have now obtained via a rescue centre a new cat called Milly and her presence s helping to ease the pain.

My suggestion is even though you might not want to just yet is to go and get another friend. You won't regret it and it will help you to overcome your grief

PS yours looks very much like our Milly they could be related
Inge
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Inge »

Hello,

After being away for work this week I wanted to write you all to thank you so much for all your support and kind words. It really does help to share our feelings! I read all your emails and it means so much to me!
It has been a week today since we had to say goodbye to our beloved Cookie. It has been a rough week and it was even more difficult coming home again and realizing she is not here anymore. She is missed so much and every time I look in the room where she spend her last days I still think I will see her there. I keep on calling her name! Just thinking about her makes me cry again. We miss her very much but know that we had to make this decision to make sure she was not going to suffer any more. Maybe in future my heart will be open again for a new buddy.
I was looking online for a sweet song to remember my baby and for all the babies we all have lost and found this song. I do not know who wrote the song but I think it is beautiful and it comforts me in some way. I hope it will comfort you as well. Again, thank you all so much for all your love and support. I am thinking of you all who are in pain of losing their beloved babies. XOXO

Think of me and smile

I will live forever
In your heart and mind my friend
If you cherish all the memories
You have of me and then
When you think of me be happy
For all the time we had
If you must cry, cry tears of joy
Don’t cry because you are sad

For the reason I was sent to you
Is simple but it is true
In the too brief time we had together
I had a job to do.
To make you smile and brighten up
your days if just a bit
I know I did my job so well,
We were a perfect fit

So think of me real often
Of the great times that we had
Don’t let your memories of me cause sorrow
Please be glad
That we could share a bond so close
Soul mates through and through
Just close your eyes, reminisce and smile
I am always there for you
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bobbys girl
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by bobbys girl »

Oh that is so lovely, I'm welling-up just reading it.

Thinking of you Inge, (hugs)

Sue x
connie
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by connie »

Months ago a tiny stray came into my garden looking sick and hungry. It took me weeks to gain her trust, but oh! when I did! I called her Bubs and she filled my somewhat lonely life with love and joy. Later, when I realised she was pregnant, I was over the moon! Alas, one morning a neighbour rang to ask if anyone was missing (I have two 19 year olds) and we found her at the side of the road. Strange, as they never wandered far from the house, and this is a big garden. No sign of injury, so I just don't know what happened, except that it broke my heart. It has now been a month, and although I have no tears left, there is a huge empty place where my heart should be and I have no interest in anything.
She loved my garden, my baby chooks (chickens) the two oldies and gave me so much joy. One of the oldies lovingly took to her and I'm convinced she is grieving and missing her. Having read these comments, I feel that people here will understand. I find some people lucky enough to have children and families just have no idea what she meant to me.I have always had animals and loved every one of them but feel this was a once in a life time relationship.
Thank you
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bobbys girl
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by bobbys girl »

Oh Connie, I know just what you mean.

On 10th Nov 2011 a skinny, damp rag of a cat came into my life. She was very ill and we didn't think she would make it. But she did. We called her Poppy (for the time of year) Hastings (because she was a battle-a) :?
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She was with us for 6 months - then she vanished. Not a sign. There is STILL a Poppy-shaped hole in my life. For such a tiny cat, she was a massive character.

I have my beautiful boy Bobby now, but I still miss Pop's and always will.
Inge
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Re: Lost without my Cookie

Post by Inge »

Hello,

Today we brought Cookie's ashes home in a beautiful box. Of course, we had to cry again and I talked to her the whole way back home telling her how much she was loved and how much we miss her. Now she is back home again. We do miss her a lot and we still have to cry just thinking about her. She was such a special girl. I also have a piece of her hair that the vet took for us when she passed. It is a piece of the red part on her head that looked like somebody tried to paint it but could not finish the job. My husband said it was God who tried to paint it but Cookie was in such a hurry to get to us that he could not finish his job. And because she was always so fast and active, that is why she had to leave us too early because God has another job lined up for her ;)

We do still have two other cats left. They are both sisters (Calico and Tortoiseshell) and are 10 years old. They now are very "high maintenance" because now they get all the attention again and nobody is biting in their legs anymore. ;) Even though Cookie was much younger than they are, she was in charge and gave the big girls sometimes a hard time.

I notice I sometimes would like to get another cat but am a bit scared after the FIP experience we had with Cookie. I just could not deal with having to go through that again. So for the time being, we just continue spoiling the other two girls.

Thank you again for all your sweet and kind words. You are all wonderful people and I will send all my love and prayers to the fur baby parents reading this who are going through tough times because of their baby's illness or death.

Lots of love,
Inge
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