Monika is gone

[LucyLou]

Today we had to put our beautiful girl Monika to sleep. She was only 2 - 3 years old (estimated age as she was a rescue cat). 2 months after we adopted her she was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and secondary lung carcinoma.
We decided against chemo but with acupuncture treatments, pain management and good diet gave her another 7 months of good health and happiness, but just before Christmas she started to retch, which was mistaken for fur balls by us and the vet and we had to give her laxative. When the retching turned to coughing I took her back to the vet. She was in fact suffering from pleural effusion ( a great amount of fluid in her chest caused by the cancer), and we trialled a diuretic (it was supposed to be for 7 days). But the medication did not help her, and today, after 6 days, we decided that she wanted to go and that we couldn't wait any longer. She had stopped eating and grooming herself and her eyes were just asking me to let go. Her quality of life was gone. We called the vet who confirmed she would never get back to her good health and contentment. She had became weary of us picking her up- as this would usually mean administering medicine.
We put her to sleep at home to save her another trip to the vet.
We kissed her good bye and then she was on the table, struggling against being restrained and crying. The last thing I saw was her body going limp and then I had to run out of the room. I'm not sure I will ever get over feeling sorry and guilty for all the times I had to shoot pain medicine and diuretics in her mouth. All I can think of is how sad her eyes were, and her crying. I want to think of all the good times we had. We only had her for 9 months but I couldn't have loved her more., and I think I bonded so much with her because I knew time was limited. She'd sleep at the foot of the bed and settle there when we turned off the light and call Good Night to her.
I wonder if she knew how much we loved her and that we tried to help her. I hope she wasn't scared in the end.

[bobbys girl]

Hello LucyLou,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Many of us here will know what you are going through. There are always the 'what if's' and they don't help any.

Monika had but a short time with you, but it sounds as though you did your best for her. She was a lucky little girl to have found you.

Please don't beat yourself up about those last few moments. As I write this I am reminded of my little Whippet x dog, Bonnie. We had the vet come to our house so as not to stress Bonn. But at the end she flinched when the needle went in. I will never forget the look in her eyes. BUT I also remember we had 17 1/2 wonderful years together and I will see her again. Then we can pick up where we left off.

Bless you for taking her in and giving her a loving home. RIP sweet Monika. x

[Kay]

those last moments are awful to us because we know they are the last moments, but our beloved pets don't know - they only know someone is doing something to them, and they want it to stop, and it does, and they go to sleep forever, free from pain and suffering

the pain of losing them is cruel indeed, but no worse I think than the pain of seeing them suffer, and it does not long blot out the remembrance of the joy of sharing their lives, however brief

[samijane]

Lucylou....I lost my beloved Opie a week ago and the pain I have felt is unbearable but I believe these beautiful animals chose us to care for them because they knew they would have the best life even though it had been cut short. I too had such a strong bond with Opie and I blame myself for everything that happened that fateful night especially as I wasnt with him in his final moments but I do know he knew how much I loved him. We have learnt as a family to keep thinking of funny things he did to keep us from crying but it is hard. Monika was very lucky to have you as you were to have Monika and you should be very proud to have made one special little creature feel so wanted. Take time to grieve...it is a long road of which you should take as much time as you need. Always remember they are with you whenever you go . Big hugs to you

[LucyLou]

Thank you all!!
She was my first cat. Such a sweet girl, I'm so grateful she trusted us to look after her.
I can "see" her everywhere in the house and it hurts to realise she's gone. It's just a house now, not a home.
I've started a scrapbook with photos and comments to remember the good times we had.

[Crewella]

I'm so sorry Lucylou, it's very hard to lose them so young .... it's hard to lose them at all.. Please be kind to yourself, it sounds as though you did your best for her, as has been said, she wouldn't have been aware that they were her last few moments. (((hugs)))

Rest in peace little Monica. xx

[Walesgang]

I am so sorry for your loss.

My Luna lost her battle with cancer 3 years ago.

I still remember the what if's.

I think Kay's words are spot on. Cat's don't know their final moments are their final moments, but I think they know that enough is enough. When quality/quantity time is out of balance they have had enough. Our help just makes it easier for them.

I will never forget that day. But I never regret that is was right for her, as it was for Monika.

RIP Monika. Play happy and healthy at the Bridge