Had to say goodbye to my baby

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Post Reply
joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Wed Feb 18, 2015 2:34 pm

image.jpg
(115.77 KiB) Not downloaded yet
I had to say goodbye to my baby Chloe last Friday after being diagnosed with congestive heart failure last September at age 15.
I had taken her in late last Tuesday evening after her breathing increased and I could hear a crackling noise which I'd not heard before.
The vet was hopeful the fluid could be drained with a needle and her breathing reduced so Chloe could come back homes I was told there would be blips now and again. I was worried never the less and was every follow up apt.
I was told I could go pick her up on the Friday and just before I was ready to leave I had a call saying Chloe had take. A turn for the worse and had suffered a blood clot that had left the heart and travelled to the back legs.her pink paw pads had gone black and she had no feeling of her back area. I was advised of options and that outlook was poor as likely to suffer more clots which could travel to the brain etc and unlikely to recover with her back legs.
I rushed to see her and she had been given morphine so I was shocked when I saw her little face but the vet assured me she would know who I was. I talked to my baby and held her paw and stroked and kissed her head telling her mummy was here now to be with her.
I spent some time in the quiet room with her until it was time, as she was already sedated to a degree there wasn't much to do, I held her paw and cuddled her as I spoke to her, determined to hold back my tears as I didn't want her seeing me upset, I needed to be brave.
My baby had gone, my tears have poured even day since and the night time is the worst, I keep reliving the last moments and wishing Chloe hadn't spent her last days at the vets without me. The vets have tried to reassure me that if the clot had happened at home, Chloe would have been in a lot of pain and that it was lucky she was at the right place when it happened as pain meds was given within seconds.
I will be having an individual cremation for her and she will be back home this Friday.
I have another cat Ruby which is a comfort but after having Chloe for 16 years the hole in my life is I
Intense. I gave. Up my job last September she was diagnosed so I could care for her and be there as I wasn't sure how much care etc she would need. I don't regret that and my sister is telling me I gave her so much love the last six months and couldn't have done any more for her than I did.
Last edited by joolz42 on Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Crewella
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3627
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:59 pm
No. of cats in household: 6
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by Crewella » Wed Feb 18, 2015 3:21 pm

Your sister is right, as are the vets, but I know it doesn't make you feel any better right now. I'm so sorry. It's awful to lose them like this, but you need to grieve and the pain will pass. (((hugs)))

Rest in peace and free from pain, lovely Chloe.

User avatar
bobbys girl
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3174
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:58 pm
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Co. Fermanagh

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Feb 18, 2015 5:31 pm

I am so sorry to hear your news, I do feel for you. Helen has said it all, I can't say it any better. Thinking of you. x

RIP sweet Chloe.

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Thu Feb 19, 2015 12:44 pm

Thanks for the kind words, I have just had a card through the door with the post from the vet who looked after Chloe bear and it has started me off again, crying uncontrollably

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:40 pm

I have uploaded a photo of Chloe taken a few weeks ago xxx

User avatar
bobbys girl
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3174
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:58 pm
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Co. Fermanagh

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by bobbys girl » Thu Feb 19, 2015 7:42 pm

What a sweet girl. She looks very cosy there. Hope you are feeling better after this morning. It takes time. x

Topcat10
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2015 3:47 pm

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by Topcat10 » Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:43 pm

Hope that by now you've reached your personal warm and cosy bed in cattery Heaven Chloe.
Sleep well and perhaps we'll meet some day?
Perpetual purrs from me to you.
T C.

hgale
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 459
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:51 pm
No. of cats in household: 1

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by hgale » Fri Feb 20, 2015 7:05 am

RIP dear Chloe.

I can't add anything more than Crewella (Helen) has said either but I'm sending you a {hug}

Take care.

Helen (another one)

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Fri Feb 20, 2015 11:36 am

Posted a memorial for my baby this morning x

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Fri Feb 20, 2015 1:02 pm

:cry: it is a week today at 5pm that I had to say goodbye to my baby, I can't stop thinking that this time last week I was all geared up for picking her up from the vets.
This is so difficult and I just dread the nights as so quiet and too many thoughts x

lily71
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2015 8:06 pm

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by lily71 » Sat Feb 21, 2015 12:44 pm

Ah hon i know what you mean about certain times of the day that you have to get used to, with them no longer being there.
Just very recently I also thought "This time last week....." remembering saying goodbye to our lovely boy. Since then there was that first feeding time without him (we still have a little girl cat), that first night in bed without him jumping on it for cuddles.....and the list goes on.
It will get easier with each day though believe it or not and you have all of us here to reach out to any time, knowing that we've all been there and some of us are sadly there right now.
You gave Chloe a wonderful life, right up to the very end. Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people to get yourself through the grieving process until the pain eases which, with time, it will. xxxxx

Jasmine
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by Jasmine » Sat Feb 21, 2015 4:53 pm

It is now 4 weeks since Chino was put to sleep and I still have moments of feeling upset. I have to collect his ashes from the vet and cannot get the courage to do it

lily71
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2015 8:06 pm

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by lily71 » Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:14 pm

Hi Jasmine,
It will help I think once you have Chino back home.
Our boy came home yesterday and just having his ashes in the house and no longer on his own at the vets or at the crematorium, is somewhat comforting.
Bring your boy home and you if/when you have a wobble in doing so, remember....we're here :) xx

User avatar
Fran_ki
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 110
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 1:44 pm
No. of cats in household: 2
Location: Glasgow

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by Fran_ki » Sat Feb 21, 2015 6:36 pm

Joolz I'm thinking about you and darling little Chloe.
You were the best mum she could have ever hoped for and I'm sure she knew you were there for her before she went to sleep .
A memorial is lovely. I put one on for our Kenzie and it helped. Thinking about you . RIP wee Chloe xxxx

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Sat Feb 21, 2015 6:38 pm

Thanks for your replies they are comforting,as I dont feel anyone really understands unless there a cat lover.
I can't get picture out of my head, when I went to see Chloe at the vets, that last day,when I was called and told Chloe had taken turn for the worse.
She was in a cat ward in her own little bit and she was in a sitting up position( having been given morphine an hour and half before when suffered a clot)
Her eyes were like glazed and I keep torturing myself with this image.
The vet said she would know who I was as I leant in and held her paw and stroked her head and told Her mummy was here now.

User avatar
JulieandBarney
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 709
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 6:04 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: WARWICKSHIRE

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by JulieandBarney » Sat Feb 21, 2015 6:48 pm

Oh Joolz.

I am so sorry, Ifeel your pain too...I hope you don't mind me copying my reply to another poster earlier this week, but it's just what I would want to say to you too....I have been there, as most of us have..and it hurts...


It took some time to get past the point of "What if only...." and " I wish I could have done more..." The terrible guilt and grief does stay with you a while, I always used to think 'Maybe I should have realised earlier...Maybe he would have been made better' It drove me crazy, our boy 'CC' had oral cancer and we had to have him put to sleep within a week of diagnosis, it tore me apart.....but now I look back and think of him with a smile on my face, remembering his funny ways, he was only about 7 when he died, far too young...

One day you will feel the same too, give yourself time and allow yourself to grieve, you have lost a member of the family, it will hurt for a while, post on here anytime, I am in and out throughout the day...take care of yourself, I used to read the poem below over and over..:-

MAKING THAT FINAL DECISION TO SAY GOOD-BYE

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner till the end.
Please, understand just what this gift
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the ties that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady cat,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
... a young kitten once again.

author unknown

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Mon Feb 23, 2015 11:53 am

Had phone call from vets and got to go and collect Chloe's ashes later.i went out and brought a yellow rose bush and planted it in s lovely pot on my patio, so when it flowers each year, I remember my sweet Chloe. I've also got a lovely big lantern with flickering candles inside which look lovely by the rose bush.
I got a pink rose bush for my first cat Jassie who I lost nearly seven years ago, so there both together on my patio.
Still feel sad and know later when pick up ashes it will set me off again xx

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Mon Feb 23, 2015 9:04 pm

I have my Chloes ashes back with me this evening, there sitting next to my other fur baby I lost 7 years ago xx

User avatar
JulieandBarney
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 709
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 6:04 pm
No. of cats in household: 1
Location: WARWICKSHIRE

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by JulieandBarney » Mon Feb 23, 2015 9:05 pm

Oh Joolz....I can only imagine how you are feeling right now......thinking of you tonight....x

User avatar
bobbys girl
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3174
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:58 pm
No. of cats in household: 5
Location: Co. Fermanagh

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by bobbys girl » Mon Feb 23, 2015 9:53 pm

Thinking of you Joolz. (Hugs) xx

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Mon Feb 23, 2015 10:44 pm

I am getting some comfort from having Chloes ashes back with me, which I didn't think would be the case xxx

User avatar
Crewella
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3627
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:59 pm
No. of cats in household: 6
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by Crewella » Tue Feb 24, 2015 12:37 am

I'm glad you have her home again, and that you've been able to find some comfort in that. (((hugs)))

joolz42
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:09 am

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by joolz42 » Mon Mar 02, 2015 4:15 pm

Having a wobbler moment over weekend and today, I keep thinking Chloes going to come through the door any moment and what I would give to see her little face again :(

Jasmine
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Had to say goodbye to my baby

Post by Jasmine » Mon Mar 02, 2015 7:36 pm

I know exactly how you feel - it is 5 weeks since Chino was put to sleep and I still keep seeing him everywhere. Have his ashes back but cannot decide what to do with them

Post Reply