Is this normal?

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Hannah1980
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Is this normal?

Post by Hannah1980 » Sun May 17, 2015 4:48 am

I lost my gorgeous cat last year (he died on 26th August but due to a massive problem with the vets he was taken to, they cremated him without me knowing and I only found out at the end of November). I am still getting upset - sometimes extremely tearful. He went out one night and got into a fight with another cat and had a heart attack - I wasn't home at the time but I found this out from the person that took him into the vets. I have so much guilt - I wasn't there for him at the end.

My cat was literally my best friend and my baby - he was only 4 years old and when I say that he saved me, he truly did. I got him just 4 months after my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer - I hadn't planned on getting a cat, but mums neighbours cat had kittens and as soon as I saw Jasper I fell in love with him.
I have lived on my own for 10 years and he was such great company for me, and helped me when I was having bad days and worrying about my Mum (I was her primary care giver). One day I was crying, and he literally jumped up onto my bed, laid across my chest and started purring away which instantly helped. I am 34 and don't have any children so he was like me baby - he even had his own toy box!
On the night that my mum passed away (I was with her at the time), I held it together until I got home - Jasper liked being picked up but not for long amounts of time - but that night I picked him up and cried and cried and he just purred into my ear. I wanted to end it all after I lost my Mum because we were so close, but having Jasper helped me through and I didn't want to leave him.

The vets made a huge mistake and I took things further with them because I was so angry - it went to an ombudsmen whose outcome was that the vet in charge would pay for a memorial for Jasper - I had already taken things to the next level going to the ombudsmen and the vets were saying things which I couldn't prove were untrue so I accepted their decision and they gave me a whopping £50 to get a memorial. Don't get me wrong, I was never interested in financial gain - ideally I would have liked them to get fined or made to pay a decent sum to a cat charity.

I am still struggling to get over what happened - I think if I had his ashes and had known what had happened it would perhaps have been a little easier. I find myself, even now bursting into tears just thinking about him. After he went missing and I knew he was dead I couldn't even stay in my flat up until a couple of weeks ago because I missed him so much.

I feel awful because after I lost my Mum, I grieved but my family and I knew that we were going to lose mum so in a way we were expecting it. I just want to feel better because I hate getting so upset.

I really want to get some sort of jewellery as a memorial for Jasper - I have looked online and you can get some which you can put ashes in, but, as I don't have his ashes that wouldn't help.
I do however have lots of whiskers(!!!) - whenever I found one on the floor, I would pick it up and put it in a pot - and had done since he was a kitten so I have quite a few and was trying to think of anything I could do with them (or even one or two). I always wear one of my mums rings when I go out which really helps me to feel close to her and I want the same thing for Jasper. Feel so heartbroken - please somebody tell me this will get easier

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Kay
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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Kay » Sun May 17, 2015 8:25 am

it will get easier, but you can help the grieving process a little if you can follow through the plans you made to commemorate Jasper

personally I get the most comfort from the absence of my Trigger, who died last October, from a canvas print I had made from a favourite photo - there he sits looking down on me in the rather imperious way he had, and I can say good morning and goodnight to him every day

could you perhaps do something similar? it might help you to remember him in life rather than death

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bobbys girl
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Re: Is this normal?

Post by bobbys girl » Sun May 17, 2015 9:25 am

Dear Hannah,

I do feel for you. My OH has children and Grand children (and I love being 'Nanny Sue' to them) but the cats are my children. Bobby was late in last night and I couldn't go to bed until I knew he was safe.

Kay is right. You need to find some way to commemorate Jasper. It was an awful thing to happen, but going over and over with 'what if' is not helping you.

I have Poppy as a screen saver. I see her every morning and evening. When I turn the computer on and off it makes a noise that sounds like her funny little meow. It is sad and sweet at the same time.

I wish there was something more I could do or say to make the pain go away. It WILL get better. Please stay in touch and let us know what plans you make to commemorate Jasper.

(Hugs)

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by CIHALL » Tue May 19, 2015 9:57 am

Hi there

I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through, what a great and caring fella Jasper was.

The advice from the other guys is right, celebrating and remembering Jasper is the right thing to do. When we lost our Giggsy we made sure we did exactly that. A canvas is a great idea, we have one that’s massive, 1.5m squared of our favourite picture of him. Everybody sees it when they come around and shares a little memory of him. His treat cupboard is now our treat cupboard, so every time we fancy something naughty but nice, we say “cheers Giggsy” and it feels good.

It’s the little things like that, they've really helped and although it’s been hard, makes it easier to remember the good times.

Best of all for us is a picture we have upstairs in our bedroom. It’s the first thing we see in the morning and last thing before we go to sleep.

It is a personal preference what you do, and hope you find some way that helps make you smile about him again.

Take care.

Chris x

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by nannymcfee » Tue May 19, 2015 2:51 pm

There was a lady on here ( Kate ) who lost her cat Star, i suggested she buy a little locket with a star on it,

what about buying a little necklace with the stone Jasper? ( its crystals are said to be a powerful healer too ) to remember your little Jasper? and a little jewellery box to keep it in when not in use and his whiskers..

It will get better, just take a little step at a time...

Take care...

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Crewella » Wed May 20, 2015 1:53 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. As the others have said, it really does get easier with time, but hurts like heck for a while. (((hugs)))

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Cussypat1974 » Wed May 20, 2015 12:55 pm

Hannah,

Jasper was a lucky cat indeed to have you in his life, as you were lucky to have him. What happened is terrible, and the way in which it happened is terrible for you to deal with..... But it DOES get easier with time, honestly.

I love the idea of the locket myself.... I think it is a beautiful way to remember him, close to your heart. Grieving is a painful process, but one we must go through if we have loved. The pain you are feeling is the very proof of how much you loved Jasper, and of the bond you two had. It will ease with time, and until then, you must remember that it is a direct result of love, just like when you lost your mother.

NEVER feel bad about grieving. It is natural process and a necessary one. If you never had the need to grieve then you have never known love, it is that simple. Never allow anyone to make you feel bad about loving unconditionally.

I too lost my mother, and it actually felt just as bad when I had to euthanise one of her cats. I cried just as much and was just as down as when my mother died. That is no reflection on me, my mother or the relationship I had with my mother, and I am not ashamed of being more upset about losing certain cats and dogs than about losing my grandparents, who were old and had lived their lives.

What happened with the vet just makes it all so much harder for you, and the sum given was, I suppose, a token gesture. You will never forget Jasper, and while a locket or other memorial will surely help you brough the grieving process, there is no way you are going to forget him anyway. You loved him, and you are now having to cope with the one downside of true, genuine love..... My heart goes out to you, but please do believe me when I say that time really really helps.

Focussing on the wonderful also helps. Try to remember the great times.... And never ever forget the fact that you gave Jasper a wonderful life, full of care and love, and that he was an extremely happy little man with you. Xxxxx

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Hannah1980 » Sun May 24, 2015 7:30 pm

Thank you all so much for the lovely replies - I am sat here with tears in my eyes!
I feel things are getting slightly easier - I came back to my flat today after being away for 5 days and managed to not burst into tears which is an improvement.

I do have some framed photos of Jasper in my living room but I do like the idea of a canvas aswell. Does anyone know of anywhere good? Also the Jasper gemstone necklace is a fab idea so I am going to look into that.

I still miss Jasper so much - I used to call him my "hairy angel" - because he came into my life just a couple of months after my mum was diagnosed with cancer and he was there for me a year later after she lost her battle. He gave me a purpose and we did have a strong bond because it was just the 2 of us in the flat. I used to worry about anything happening to me and what would happen to Jasper.

I remember the day that I got him - he was so timid and hid under my chair so I left him alone so as not to scare him - the next day when I woke up, he was curled up in bed next to me!

Jasper was the first pet I had of my own and he was rather spoilt - although I wish I had been there for him at the end, I don't know how I would have coped seeing him in the car park of where I live after the cat fight. Although the vets messed up massively, I am still grateful to the neighbour who took him into the vet because God knows what could have happened to him if left.

I have been thinking about the possibility of getting another cat but worry that it might be too soon. I do miss the company of having a cat so was thinking about looking into cat fostering - I adore all animals but living in a flat I am a bit limited. I do have a cat flap and my flat is off of a main road with a huge field behind it. I also still have Jaspers toy box full of toys plus other bits and bobs.

Thanks again for the lovely messages x

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Kay
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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Kay » Sun May 24, 2015 10:32 pm

I got my canvas from this firm, and they were very http://www.photobox.co.uk/shop/photo-books#p=a4-classic" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

fostering sounds an excellent idea and I wouldn't be at all surprised if you soon join quite a few others on this forum in the special category of failed fosterers - Jasper taught you how special the bond between cat and owner can be, and I'm sure he would want you to carry on his good work with a new companion

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Mrs Kane » Mon May 25, 2015 12:34 am

Hey Hannah,

I'm sorry to hear about Jasper and that you weren't able to be with him at the end. He sounds like a wonderful little cat and just your memories of him brought tears to my eyes. The fact that you have such amazing memories of him I think show that he loved you as much as you loved him.

CIHALL has a lovely picture of his cat Giggsy in a frame with his ashes in the back. If you still have Jaspers whiskers maybe you'd consider something similar for him. That way you'd always have a little part of him with you and his pretty face in a frame to put wherever you'd like most.

I think fostering would be a lovely idea if you think you're ready for it. It does give animals a lot back but it isn't quite the same as having your own little kitty. If you're able to put in the hard work it is very rewarding to see animals come out of their shell, but it is sad when you aren't able to manage to do this.

When you're ready and in a good place maybe you might consider adopting another cat. I'm sure there is one waiting for you out there. They won't replace Jasper by any means, but perhaps they'll give you a little something else in your heart you didn't know you were missing.

Jasper will never leave you in your heart as long you remember what you loved about him. I hope that in time that little lump in your throat will fade and when you think of him all you'll have on your face is a smile.

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Topcat10 » Mon May 25, 2015 7:51 pm

Hannah, yes your feelings are normal, but only to people like us who share a genuine and natural love of our whiskered faithful friends. I've shared my experiences and my nightmare on cat chat before so please believe me when I say that I know exactly how you feel!!
Like you for a long time guilt caused me such distress especially throughout the night. No one on this planet could have ever known the heartache that crippled me, or how many times I I have silently thought.....: If only;
Had I not done a good turn for a good pal my little (ER) would not have suffered such an untimely, lonely and horrible death.
I allowed this pal to stay for à few nights as a result of his domestic problems. He went to work one morning and let ER out. I got up a couple of hours later came down stairs and happened to look through the window. I will never forget the horrifying sight that broke my heart.
ER was lying on her side. I knew instinctly that she was dead. I walked into the garden and touched her, she was cold and rigid which confirmed that she died not long after being let out.
I held her head and blood from her neck stained my hand. She had been shot by an air rifle, the pellet had passed through her neck and embedded in the soil.
Had I refused accommodation to my pal the fact remains that she would have lived much longer and hopefully died peacefully in the company of the person who loved her........me!
After a long time I've recently homed an abandoned cat. I found that I'm able to to re direct that love to a deserved soul.
I now know that ER has never blamed me for what happened. Just as you're beautiful soulmate does not blame you Hannah.
Time will ease your distress, you known what they say.....: It takes one to know one.)
God Bless.
Keith TCs Dad.

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by CIHALL » Mon Jun 01, 2015 12:39 pm

Hi Hannah

Here's the link for the picture frame we have for Giggsy - http://www.pcsonline.org.uk/tribute-frames" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. You could put his whiskers in the back and maybe some other little things that remind you of him.

As I've mentioned in my own post, Giggsy and his picture move around the house with us, we even took him on holiday to Norfolk with us last week. It helps knowing that we've a good way of looking after him and he can come with us. His picture looked out over a field all last week, watching the birds and enjoying the sun.

Our furry friends are the best and its nice to find a way to remember and care for their memory. Loads of good ideas on here, you'll find one you like that's personal to you and help remember the good times for that lucky little fella that sheared your life.

Take care

Chris

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Hannah1980 » Sat Jun 06, 2015 2:51 am

Thank you so much again for your replies - it really helps to know that others feel similar when they lost a beloved pet (I've been told by my sisters that "he was just a cat").

I got myself into a complete state when I tried to reply a few days ago and broke down in tears - it happens a lot though not quite so much as before.

I really want to thank those who have been so supportive and understanding - it means so much to me - also to those who have given suggestions of what I can do as a memorial - thank you so much for taking the time to post.

To Topcat10- thank you for sharing your story - I am so sorry for what happened, it bought tears to my eyes - it must have been so difficult to deal with that. It is lovely to hear that you have been able to home an abandoned cat - I really hope that in time I will be able to do the same. No other cat will ever replace Jasper - every cat is individual, but I think it will help as I find animals brilliant company and just to give an unwanted cat a home would be a nice thing to do. Thank you for your understanding - it means a great deal.

This forum is brilliant and I hope that I might be able to help others as they have done for me - I've had family pets before but Jasper was my first pet who was mine and I never thought I could feel such heartache for an animal (even though I am a huge animal lover) - but as with lots of people, Jasper was my family and, as I've said before, he was my baby as I have no children - it was just the 2 of us for 4 years. Getting ever so slightly teary so will leave it here for now but once again - a huge thank you x

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by bobbys girl » Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:06 am

Hannah1980 wrote:(I've been told by my sisters that "he was just a cat").
:evil: And what would they know?!

Glad you are feeling a little better, it does take time. You know where we are, don't be a stranger. :)

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Hannah1980 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 2:04 am

Hi again - so it is coming up to a year (next week) since my beloved cat died. I am so emotional at the moment missing him so much.

I wanted to do something in his memory and have long wanted to do voluntary work but sometimes struggle to go out due to anxiety so I registered an interest in cat fostering- on Monday I received a phone call to say that a foster home was urgently needed for 2 cats that had been abandoned by their owner (owner had pretty much taken the 2 cats into the vets to be put to sleep because she didn't want them any more). I agreed to foster them and they arrived on Wednesday.

I got so emotional- thinking about my cat who is no longer here, but also thinking of what could have happened to these 2 cats (both female - one 10 and the other 5 years old) if no one could have taken them in. They are both healthy although sadly underweight due to neglect I imagine. I miss my cat so much but the 2 I am looking after are wonderfully natured and so affectionate. I now want to do fundraising for the cat charity. I still find it tough some days without my cat - I didn't feel ready to take on a cat as my own just yet but the 2 foster cats are amazing. Kind of dreading when they find a forever home!

Sorry for waffling!

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by bobbys girl » Fri Aug 21, 2015 7:07 am

Nice to hear from you Hannah. You have done a wonderful thing for those two kitties. Fancy the owner doing such a thing :x .

Best wishes for your future as foster mummy and, who knows, one of those kitties might find a forever home with you.

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Crewella » Fri Aug 21, 2015 9:38 am

I think it was a great idea to foster - I started fostering about a year ago and I've never regretted it, though it's tempting to keep them all! I hope you find it as rewarding as I have. xx

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Thierry 1 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 9:04 pm

Hi Hannah, I have just finished reading your story and I am so sorry you lost your Mum and Jasper. What a truly awful sad time. I think there have been some good suggestions as to how to remember your lovely Jasper. I have Tush Tush as my screensaver and wallpaper on phone and laptop, I have photos everywhere. I've seen a little silver locket with a forget me not on the front and it is engraved 'forget me not' on the back, I'm going to buy it and put some of his fur and a photo inside. I like that you kept his whiskers whenever you found them. I also think its fantastic that you have opened your home and your heart to these 2 little ones in their hour of need and I bet Jasper would approve too. Your energy knows no bounds, fundraising too, what a special Lady. All we can do is take each day at a time, and do what feels right in our hearts. Big hugs x

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Grace56 » Sat Aug 22, 2015 9:10 am

Hi Hannah. Just seen your post and I am so very sorry for the loss of your mum and Jasper. I hope that by now the pain is beginning to lessen a little bit for you.

Like you, I live alone and don't have children and when my Oscar died in 2012, I was utterly distraught for many months. He was my child, my baby and I was devoted to him. However, in 2014 I met and fell instantly in love with Dave (left) and brought him home in August last year. I have never looked back.

He has been a source of comfort, and love and affection. So, after a little while I would seriously consider adopting another fur baby. You will never regret it, and it's such a lovely feeling to know that you've given a unwanted or abandoned cat a forever home.

Oops, just re read your post and I see you're fostering. That's brilliant and I am so pleased for you.

Best wishes,

Grace xx

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by Hannah1980 » Sun Aug 23, 2015 2:27 am

I want to say a massive thank you to you wonderful people here on this site - it felt at times that you were the only ones who truly understood the pain that I was going through and typing out my feelings helped so much.

Thank you so much for your kind words - they mean a lot
Thierry 1 wrote:Hi Hannah, I have just finished reading your story and I am so sorry you lost your Mum and Jasper. What a truly awful sad time. I think there have been some good suggestions as to how to remember your lovely Jasper. I have Tush Tush as my screensaver and wallpaper on phone and laptop, I have photos everywhere. I've seen a little silver locket with a forget me not on the front and it is engraved 'forget me not' on the back, I'm going to buy it and put some of his fur and a photo inside. I like that you kept his whiskers whenever you found them. I also think its fantastic that you have opened your home and your heart to these 2 little ones in their hour of need and I bet Jasper would approve too. Your energy knows no bounds, fundraising too, what a special Lady. All we can do is take each day at a time, and do what feels right in our hearts. Big hugs x
I was in tears reading about Tush Tush and posted a reply on your thread - the locket idea sounds lovely - I want to do something similar - want to get something I can wear to remember my Jasper by so a locket seems a good choice - I hope that your pain lessens in time (I know it is only recent that you lost your baby) - it does get easier in time but it still hurts - big hugs to you x
Grace56 wrote:Hi Hannah. Just seen your post and I am so very sorry for the loss of your mum and Jasper. I hope that by now the pain is beginning to lessen a little bit for you.

Like you, I live alone and don't have children and when my Oscar died in 2012, I was utterly distraught for many months. He was my child, my baby and I was devoted to him. However, in 2014 I met and fell instantly in love with Dave (left) and brought him home in August last year. I have never looked back.

He has been a source of comfort, and love and affection. So, after a little while I would seriously consider adopting another fur baby. You will never regret it, and it's such a lovely feeling to know that you've given a unwanted or abandoned cat a forever home.

Oops, just re read your post and I see you're fostering. That's brilliant and I am so pleased for you.

Best wishes,

Grace xx
Oh Dave is a beauty! I have already fallen in love with the cats I am looking after - they are so affectionate despite what they have been through - Ive only had them since Wednesday morning but they have really come out of their shell - I do hope in time I will be able to have another cat of my own - I may even end up adopting the 2 I am looking after. You can never replace a cat but the love that cats give is so amazing and helping another cat that needs it is very rewarding x

I wish I could respond to each of you individually but it is almost 3.30am(!!!) - I think the cats have taken themselves off to (my) bed!

Thanks again everyone - you have all helped me through a really rough patch - I hope I can help others out there xxx

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Re: Is this normal?

Post by faerieevenstar » Thu Aug 27, 2015 3:44 pm

I can tell you what I did with my cat's whiskers, but it may not work for you. For years I collected whiskers from all the cats in my life I've known and loved, including a couple from friends' cats. but mostly from my cat Lila who I had to put to sleep earlier this year due to cancer, and Tiggy who lived with my parents and passed away just before my 30th birthday...

I made a paintbrush. I'm an artist, and when I was at art college, we made paintbrushes out of found objects, and that stuck with me, and I wanted to make a paintbrush with my cat's whiskers. It's not a very sturdy brush, but I use it in important paintings that mean a lot to me, and oddly enough, they are perfect to paint cat's whiskers with :) I found it particularly cathartic to use that brush to paint a portrait of Tiggy as a memorial. I intend to paint Lila too, but it still feels a bit too raw.

If you want to do the same, here's how I did it:

wrapped them tightly with some thread, knot it, then I covered the thread in glue to hold in place.

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c287/ ... lzygs5.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I used an old make up brush handle I had (it had a sponge applicator that fell out) but you could use a stick, but having the metal ferrule is handy. I bent open the ferrule with pliers.

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c287/ ... ubrp9d.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Put hot glue inside the ferrule on the wood, and push the end of the whiskers firmly into the hot glue, and hold in place until it dries.

Bend the ferrule flat with pliers. It won't look perfect, but just enough to pinch them into place.

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c287/ ... 3vpnbh.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

The final picture, I'm holding it next to an acrylics liner brush :)

I don#'t know why I can't get images to work on this forum.. *sigh*

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