Did i do the right thing?

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Nicyorke79
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Did i do the right thing?

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Hello all

I had to have my baby Puzzle put to sleep on Sunday. She had oral cancer and wasn't responding the medication she'd been on for the last 6 week so the tumour was growing. I just can't help feeling I gave up on her too soon. I just didn't want her to suffer as she was struggling to eat and had lost alot of weight, it had also started to affect her breathing. It was the hardest decision i've ever had to make and I feel like i've betrayed her :(

I just can't stop crying cos i feel so bad.

Miss you Puz Wuz xxxxx

Nicola
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Lilith
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Lilith »

Hi there, welcome to the forum and very sorry to hear about Puzzle.

I think the answer to your question is a definite 'yes' and that anyone on here would say the same. From the info you give, poor Puzzle needed that merciful release and you loved her enough to give it.

However, no matter how many times we have to say goodbye to a cat in these circumstances (or any circumstance come to that) it's still awful; the guilt and grief are awful - but the cat is the one who comes first and although we have to go through this, the cat is free. It's the last loving thing we can do for them.

Puzzle is beautiful; she looks so happy in that photo. The cancer was destroying her body but it won't have destroyed her; her spirit lives on and someday you two will meet again (well, that's what I hope for for myself and cats I've had to part with.)

I do feel for you, lots of love and hugs, Lil x
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JulieandBarney
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by JulieandBarney »

Hi Nicola

First of all, so sorry to hear about Puzzle, bless you for taking such good care of her..

You completely did the right thing, I also lost my lovely boy, 'CC' to oral cancer less than 2 years ago, his tumour was on his tongue and grew very fast, very quickly, to the point he could not eat, without really struggling...I too felt like you, "Should I have waited longer ?"..."Did I do the right thing ?"..It took a long time to realise that Yes, It was the right thing to do...though I felt racked with guilt and so upset for such a long time, I knew that he would only get much worse, I could not have waited until he was in agony and died in pain, just because I couldn't let him go, it would have been cruel, you would never have wanted to see Puzzle in pain either...I am sure Carol, who recently lost Fluffy, won't mind when I copy a poem I sent to her recently which I used to read over and over.....:-take care and keep posting on here...xx


May I go now?
by Susan A. Jackson

May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days
and endless lonely nights?

I've lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?

I didn't want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving light.

I want to go. I really do.
It's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.

To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid,
because I see your tears.

I'll not be far, I promise that,
and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
wherever you may go.

Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you, too.
That's why it's hard to say good-bye
and end this life with you.

So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you'll let me go today.
.
Nicyorke79
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Thank you for your kind words. I just wish I didn't keep replaying the last few minutes in my head. I wish i'd held her differently, but i didn't realise she'd go so quick.

The vet was lovely though and said i'd done all i could for, just doesn't feel that way at the moment :(

My other cats have been a bit more clingy than usual so I don't know if they're trying to comfort me or they're missing her.

Hopefully i'll feel a bit better once i have her home. Should get her ashes back by the end of next week.

Nicola x
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Lilith »

I know what you mean, those are the things that come back to torment - but you were there with her, and holding her, and that's what matters.

I still keep beating myself up because when I lost my old tomcat Finn 19 months ago, he was so old and doddery that the vet couldn't raise a vein in his paw and had to give him a sedative before injecting directly into his heart, which she said she didn't want me to watch. I refused to leave him but she was so territorial about it that I stood back at the actual point of his death (by now he was unconscious and the injection was only like a normal one and acted very quickly; don't know why she made such a fuss) and I didn't touch him till afterwards. Still feel I let him down...

Yes, the others will miss Puzzle and pick up on your grief; they're very intuitive aren't they? I'm glad you've got them to comfort you. Also, that's the classic symptom of shock, the relentless playback.

I'm so sorry you and Puzzle have had to go through this x
Nicyorke79
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Lilith

I'm so sorry the vet was like that with you. They should understand that we want our babies to feel our touch as they go. You didn't let him down, at least you were still there at the end.

Puz was 16 and I know she wouldn't have had long left even without the cancer but its soo hard to say goodbye. It really helps to talk with people who understand how i'm feeling. Thank you x
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Lilith
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Lilith »

Thank you too x
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Crewella
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Crewella »

I'm so sorry that you had to let her go, but it does sound as though you make exactly the right choice for her. I've been through a similar situation with a cat with oral cancer, and several people on here said 'better a day too early than a day too late' when I was struggling with the same decision, and I absolutely agree with that. Cats are very stoic and good at hiding the fact that they are in pain - by the sound of it she was starting to struggle and you released her at just the right time from a situation that was only going to get worse by the day.

You did your best for her, that's all she could have asked of you. Rest in peace lovely Puzzle. (((hugs)))
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by CIHALL »

Hi there

I’m so sorry to hear about Puzzle, what a cutie.

Please don’t punish yourself, you made the decision that many of us have to make, one that any loving and responsible cat owner should take.

It hurts and any decent person will have the same thoughts you have shared on here. I still think about the day we had Giggsy put to sleep. He was battling an aggressive stomach cancer, but was losing. It was horrible to see him decline so quickly, but he never once moaned or changed his loving ways, he was his usual loveable and stubborn self right until the end. I still ask myself “could he have carried on for a few more weeks”. It’s natural because we love them so much.

Giggsy was suffering and I have to keep reminding myself we did the right thing. As did you with Puzzle. It the hardest act of love for your cat that you will go through, ending their pain. They aren't suffering any more and you gave Puzzle a great life.

You will feel better when she’s home and you can remember her in your own way.

Take care and give your other cats a tickle from me :)

Chris
Nicyorke79
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Thank you all. I'm so glad I joined this forum

Its getting a bit better each day. I know deep down i did the right thing. It just feels so quiet without her, she was the most vocal of all my girls. I got a lovely card from the vets today so that set me off again, but it was very nice of them.

I've already got an urn all ready for her, with a matching photo frame and i'm getting a pendant so i can keep some of her ashes close to me. I know some people will think thats morbid but its what i want to do.

Puzzle was the same, she never lost her loving side, she was giving me head bonks on her last morning to wake me up cos she wanted breakfast and she always slept under the duvet with me, curled up in my arms. I really miss her :(

Nicola x
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Lilith
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Lilith »

Hi, I don't think that's morbid with the ashes; it's a case of what you feel is the way in which you need to keep her close to you. In 2007 I lost a cat to a road accident and for weeks afterwards I wore her collar as a bracelet. I still have it. I'm sure other people on here can tell similar stories.

That must be the worst, waking without her (hugs)

I'm glad you've found the forum helpful - I think everyone on here really does care about cats and can empathise with what you're going through; please do keep in touch as there will always be someone to talk to.

Still thinking about you and Puzzle, lots of love, Lil x
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Mrs Kane
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Mrs Kane »

Hey Nicyorke,

It's not morbid at all. It's hard when you lose someone close to you and you want to remember them. One of the guys here had a custom photo frame with their cats ashes so they'd have them close when the football is on as their cat would always be on the sofa with them.

It's natural to miss Puzzle. A lot of the people here have also grieved over their lost ones. There's an expression here. "See you on Rainbow bridge." I'd never heard of it until I joined the forum but I think it rings very true.
We all outlive our pets. We all experience the joy of them, the annoyance when they do something bad, and the overwhelming sadness when we truly realise they won't carry on with us. But that doesn't mean they're truly gone.
All the photos you have, all the memories. They'll be with you forever. Puzzle may not be snuggled up beside you in the morning, but that doesn't mean she isn't snuggled up beside you in spirit giving you a little nudge each morning.
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Cussypat1974 »

I am so sorry for your loss.

You DID do the right thing. She wasn't responding to the treatment and would only have ended up suffering, by the sounds of things. You spared her that pain, and you have taken that pain and are feeling it yourself. There is no greater sign of love, and no greater indication of devotion than what you have done for her. You are hurting like heck now, but you chose to hurt so she didn't't have to.

We all grieve differently, and whatever grieving helps you is what you should do, to help yourself. he wouldn't want you to hurt, she loved you with her head boops and purrs, and she doesn't want you to be in the pain that you took from her in an act of love and kindness. Be kind to yourself. X
Nicyorke79
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Hello all

Has anyone else ever had a family member tell them to get over it and she was just a cat. My dad really upset me saying this today, didn't expect it to come from him. Is there something wrong with me still being upset three weeks later. He also commented that i was more upset over Puz than a relative dying which wasn't very nice. It was totally different circumstances. Just wondered and i really needed to have a rant cos its really bothering me.

Nicola x
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Lilith
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Lilith »

Hi there. There's always one, isn't there!

Years ago my mother was visiting and the current kitten was zooming about and fell off a shelf with a vase, which got slightly chipped (all my cats have been smashers!) I said something about being glad it was the vase that was hurt and not the kitten; my mother exclaimed, 'Did you hear what she said? Glad it was the vase and not the cat!'

Puz lived with you; she was your constant companion and closer to you than a family member who, however dear, you might only see once in a while. No wonder you're still grieving but unfortunately people will not try to understand that love is love and grief is grief - and that a cat IS a person and a presence you miss badly. I think your father was very tactless.

Feel free to rant and please do keep in touch x
Nicyorke79
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Thats what i tried saying that its only been three weeks and she was with me every day for the last 5 1/2 years. I think its more that I had to get her put to sleep that's upsetting me more and that she was ill for weeks before. If she'd died in her sleep of old age it would be alot easier i think.

I was actually very upset when my gran died (his mum) but i prefer to cry in private.

It just makes me so mad when people say animals aren't as important as humans, i personally would choose my girls over most people.

My kittens (just turned 1) are good at knocking things over as well, i've got two sisters so they play chase. They've managed to destroy all the blinds in my house but they're very amusing to watch. Glad i've had them to cheer me up the last few weeks.

Nicola x
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Crewella
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Crewella »

As Lilith says, there's always one. This says it all for me:

JUST A CAT

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a cat,"
or "that's a lot of money for just a cat."

They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent,
or the costs involved for "just a cat."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a cat."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a cat,"
but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by
"just a cat," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch
of "just a cat" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a cat," then you probably understand
phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a cat" brings into my life the very essence of friendship,
trust, and pure unbridled joy.
"Just a cat" brings out the compassion and patience
that make me a better person.
Because of "just a cat" I will rise early, take long walks and look
longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a cat"
but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a cat" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts
away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that its' not "just a cat"
but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being
"just a man" or "just a woman."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a cat,"
just smile,
because they "just don't understand."
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Lilith
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Lilith »

Nicyorke79 wrote: I think its more that I had to get her put to sleep that's upsetting me more and that she was ill for weeks before.
Yes, having to make that decision does come back to haunt you, no matter how right it was. Bereavement is a cruel process and for some reason guilt is a big part of it. It gets impossible to see past that guilt to all the love and care that has been shared between you and the cat; the grief blanks out all the good memories and feelings. Some of my cats have died at home, on their own beds and I've still thought, why couldn't I have saved them, shouldn't I have got them to a vet, even when my commonsense tells me how very good it was that they should be able to go that way. Whatever the circumstances, grief gets you - because of the love you feel. You DID make the right decision for Puz - there are owners who, from cowardice and sentimentality, let an animal linger on in pain and discomfort that can't be relieved or cured. But at the moment that guilt is unbearable.

I'm glad you've got the kittens, but I'm so sorry about the black hole the loss of Puz has left in your life. It's horrible, worse than horrible, but as Crewella says, people who make facile comments about 'just a cat' really don't know what they're talking about.

At the moment you may feel that you've failed Puz, but you haven't, you really haven't!

Thinking about you, love, Lil x
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Re: Did i do the right thing?

Post by Mrs Kane »

I'm a bit late but that is a beautiful poem Crewella. Thankyou for sharing it on here.
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