I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

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Thierry 1
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I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Thierry 1 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 7:06 am

I started to write this in the middle of the night but couldn't continue. My little man Tush Tush is ready to leave me and cross the rainbow bridge and I know that in the next few hours I must do what is right by him and call my vet.
My big ginger best friend who wandered into my garden almost 10 years ago and stole my heart has finally succumbed to the FIV that we knew one day would seal his fate.
We went to the vet last night and he gave him another injection to ease his pain, I brought him home and asked the vet that when the time was right for Tush would he come to the house to put him to sleep and he agreed. As I write now, sat on my bed, my brave little man downstairs, I'm listening out for him plodding up the stairs and running into my bedroom, jumping on the bed. I know this morning it won't happen. As I knelt down beside him last night and kissed him, I knew he'd had enough, I almost wish that when I do go downstairs shortly he would have passed in the night peacefully, knowing how much he was loved. I live in France and my partner is away working in the UK, my elderly Parents are in the UK also.
I intend to bury Tush in his favourite spot in the garden, that way we can still spend many hours together sat in the sun that he loves so much. I know this must sound pathetic but I can't dig a grave for him and so last night I posted a request for help on a couple of expat forums, in the hope that some kind soul would offer to come and dig one for me as I have no friends over here who could help. My fear is that when the time comes I won't have anything prepared and I owe it to Tush to make his final journey a dignified one. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm finding this really difficult, like most cats, Tush has used many of his nine lives over the years and I suppose you just think he will go on forever. I'm dreading when he does leave me, all the silly, ordinary, everyday things I'm going to miss, him waiting at the top of the steps for me when I return home, him hiding behind bushes in the garden and jumping out at me, playing with his favourite toy.
As I write, my little man has just wandered into my bedroom, I have lifted him onto my bed and intend to spend as much time as we feel like just lying here together, these are precious moments to cherish.
I have just checked and received my first reply from the forum, someone who lives too far away to help but offering comforting words which really helps. Again, I'm sorry for rambling but I just needed to say all this.

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Kay
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Kay » Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:01 am

I can so relate to your post because last October I was in a very similar position, sat with my beloved Trigger waiting for the vet to help him out of the pain and discomfort of a rapidly growing tumour which was crippling him more each day

I too felt I must be prepared - I got a local handyman to dig a grave in my patio once I knew the end was near, and I had a big tub ready to sit over it, together with plants for it - I took some final photos as we waited - I even found a lovely poem to commemorate his passing - all this while he was still alive - but somehow it seemed right to me to do this so I could make his passing really significant

he died very peacefully and easily, and I so hope your boy does too - it is our final act of love, and the price we have to pay for that love, but a price so worth paying for the years of companionship they give us

come back when it's over if you can - you are among friends who understand on here

Thierry 1
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Thierry 1 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 11:30 am

Kay, thank you for your kind words. It really does help in these circumstances to have support from people who understand and have been in a similar situation. I'm so sorry to read that you lost your beloved Trigger last year. I think what you did for him sounds lovely and I am sure you must take great comfort in spending time on your patio to be near him when perhaps you are feeling a little down.
I have had a tremendous response to my plea for help on the expat forum, I am overwhelmed by the kindness of complete strangers willing to help. A kindly couple are popping round in an hour to help dig the grave. While this morning, I have spent the time with my little man outside in his garden, talking to him the whole time, reassuring him, loving him.
He went to the door to go inside, telling me he wanted to try at least to manage a bit of food. I tried him with the tiniest piece of poached salmon, and God love him he managed to eat some of it. Its the strangest thing, outside the air is so calm and quiet and we just sat together. He has wandered through the edge into next doors garden now, he does this every afternoon, he can still see me from where he is hiding! I know it must sound silly, but earlier in the garden I was just pottering, tidying pots etc as I didn't want him to sense anything was wrong when my good Samaritans arrive to help with the digging, in other words I just want him to think they are helping me with my gardening. I will post more later x

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by jillyvillyvoo » Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:20 pm

My heart goes out to you, you just can't replicate the joy these wonderful companions give you. I lost my lovely cher after 13 years together just a few months ago. Hardest thing I had to do was allow the vet to stop her suffering, even though it was the right thing to do. I had her cremated and have her ashes, she left behind Sonny her brother from the same litter and when he goes he will be cremated and I will keep them both together again forever. Anyone who loves these great creatures understands your pain. But, I always say this, remember all there love but especially all the daft things they do to make you smile. All the best x

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Grace56 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:47 pm

My thoughts are with you and your beautiful boy, Thierry. Know that you are doing what is kindest for your little one. I know that anything anyone says is no comfort, we want our fur babies back as they were, well and healthy. I know that only too well.
But knowing we are not alone in our grief for these most wonderful of creatures is some comfort.

((Hugs))

Thierry 1
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Thierry 1 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:34 pm

Grace and Jilly, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is true that these forums really do help in the darkest of times and to know that you are not alone really helps. Jilly, I'm so sorry to read that you lost Cher and I know your pain will still be raw. My good Samaritans came and the gentleman kindly dug the grave for me while his Daughter chatted to me, we talked about anything, everything and I know she was doing this to help to distract me and I thought afterwards what a kind sensitive person. I feel genuinely humbled with all the offers of practical help I have received over the past few hours together with all the messages of support too. I have put in the call to the vet and asked if he can come tomorrow morning as I would like the rest of the day then to take care of his final resting and then just to sit for a while in the garden and reflect on our life together as he crosses the rainbow bridge. I have decided to wrap him in my fleecy dressing gown as he loves to nuzzle into this and that way there will be part of me with him wrapped around him keeping him safe forever until we meet again.

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SkeeterLove
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by SkeeterLove » Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:43 pm

I'm so sorry. I went through this yesterday and my Skeeters passing was peaceful and he wasn't scared a bit. I am sure that Tush Tush will be the same. I knew when Skeeter was telling me that he needed my help, and I can see that Tush Tush has told you the same. Our hearts want to resist it but it is the final grace and mercy given for a lifetime of beautiful companionship. Today I still find myself wondering what if, but that's my sadness talking. It's so so hard, and I will hold you and Tush Tush close in my thoughts. All he knows is that his mommy is holding him and petting him while he rests. He will be content. Take care.

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by bobbys girl » Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:21 pm

You and Tush are in my thoughts tonight. I am pleased that you found some kind people to help. God bless.

Sue xx

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Grace56 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 10:38 pm

God bless you and your lovely Tush Tush, sweetheart. My thoughts are with you both. ((Hugs))

Thierry 1
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Thierry 1 » Wed Aug 19, 2015 8:01 am

Thank you to all of you for your thoughtful words and support, they really do help at a time like this. I am desperately sorry to read of Skeeters passing and how you describe how you lovingly cared for him and the lengths that you went to shows your unconditional love for your companion.
I slept on the floor with Tush Tush last night I don't think either of us got much sleep, because of the FIV one of the downsides near the end is their inability to eat or drink much at all despite still wanting to and the gums and mouth are tender. So I kept wiping his mouth and neck for him with a soft damp piece of kitchen roll and he really loved this, it seemed to ease the pain for him. I truly wanted him to pass over in his sleep but he is here on the rug snoozing as best he can, he even managed a tiny drop of milk. I'm waiting for the call from my vet to tell me when he can come to end his suffering. I just hope he can come today as I can't bear the thought of my little man having to endure another night like last night. I would have gladly injected him myself at 4am this morning as he sounded in so much pain. I wanted the vet to come to the house as I want Tush to be in his own familiar surroundings. If he can't then I will have to take him there and bring him home with me. I'm sending out virtual hugs to all the caring souls out there that are, as I type facing the same agonising decisions that I am about to make and also to the bereaved amongst you that are doing your best to carry on with life but still struggling because of the loss of the little rascal that is missing. x x

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by nanny pamy » Wed Aug 19, 2015 8:40 am

Awww so sad.

Thierry 1
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Thierry 1 » Wed Aug 19, 2015 4:18 pm

I'm sad to report that Tush Tush crossed the rainbow bridge this morning, it really was a blessing. He had the most uncomfortable night and I am just relieved that I spent the night lying on the floor with him, doing my best to make him as comfortable as could be in the circumstances. The vet was lovely, he was so respectful, calm and he didn't rush anything and I held my little man right to the end. What I thought was really touching was just before the vet left, he knelt down in front of Tush and spoke softly to him all in French (he's the only vet in the practice that doesn't speak English) and then sat for a moment in silence with him. I've never witnessed anything so beautiful as this. Once Tush and I were alone, I sat holding him, I had wrapped him in my fleecy dressing gown (the one he loved to nuzzle so much) I played a carefully selected piece of music and we sat together for a while. I then carefully carried him to his final resting place and placed him with care and said a prayer before wrapping him up. He is in between two roses, sunflowers and cosmos, so lots of colour. I have placed an olive tree in a large pot together with two other statues, one at either side and a little carved wooden sign that my Dad lovingly made for me a long time ago with Tush Tush on it, is hanging from the olive branch. Nearby, the moon gazing hare looks skywards. Its all starting to catch up with me now, I've been sat outside next to his spot and chatted away to him and I shall be doing so again before bedtime. I've had several tearful phone conversations today with my parents, they adored him so are feeling it also. I've tried to keep busy today, just in a small way, but I haven't moved any of his things and I don't intend to, his dishes and bed will stay in their usual place as this is the only way I can deal with this so that he remains in my home with me. Sorry for my rambling, but I just wanted to share this when so many of you have been kind enough to enquire. x x

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SkeeterLove
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by SkeeterLove » Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:02 pm

Thierry, my heart goes out to you. You did the right thing for Tush Tush, and he felt loved and cared for til the end. What a sweet baby, and your garden sounds lovely. Holding you and Tush Tush in my thoughts and I asked Skeeter greet him and show him around. Hugs.

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bobbys girl
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:06 pm

RIP sweet Tush Tush. Play happily at the Bridge, 'til we meet again.

Many ((Hugs)) to you. God bless

Sue xx

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by hgale » Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:38 pm

RIP dear Tush Tush, you will be missed. Kitten and Mischa will also show you around up there.

{hugs} to you Thierry.

Helen

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Kay
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Kay » Wed Aug 19, 2015 6:26 pm

you have given Tush Tush a beautiful end Thierry - it is all any of us can hope for when our time on earth is up, and it is your final loving gift to him

I salute you, and hope you will find plenty of good memories to treasure to comfort you while you grieve

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Alice Mitchell » Thu Aug 20, 2015 4:11 pm

RIP

nanny pamy
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by nanny pamy » Thu Aug 20, 2015 6:06 pm

Tush must have felt so loved. The vet sounds absolutely lovely. How caring

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Grace56 » Thu Aug 20, 2015 7:55 pm

Oh what a lovely vet. That was such a touching scene you described, Thierry. I'm glad Tush had such a beautiful passing.

Sleep well, little fella. My Oscar, Rowan, Holly and Moses will play with you up there.

Thinking of you,

Grace xxx

Thierry 1
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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Thierry 1 » Thu Aug 20, 2015 9:19 pm

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post such wonderful and comforting words of support at this awful sad chapter of my life. Again, today I have just pottered around in the garden and let my little man know I am here with him. I have sat by his resting place throughout the day and talked and reflected on the past 24 hours. My parents went away at the weekend to a place we used to visit when I was a child and when I checked the postbox this morning a postcard had arrived from them to Tush Tush and I. I took it into the garden and read it to him. Tonight I have lit a candle again next to his resting place and before I go to bed I will be going to say good night and God bless to him.
Again, thank you to everybody who has written such lovely words, I hope I can be of help and offer the same comfort on here when I read of someone else going through this pain. One thing I have done this evening is to add Tush Tush to the FIV cat project on this forum, I don't think it is showing on there yet though, what a good idea this is to provide some insight into this condition by collecting information from owners for comparison . Also, its nice to think that even after his death, Tush can still live on through this project.
Sending virtual hugs to all and your furry companions x

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Crewella » Fri Aug 21, 2015 12:18 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. I found your story very touching, and if ever there was a 'right' or 'good' way to pass over the bridge, then surely it must go something like this. I think it's very fitting that his memory should live on in the FIV project and I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing you did your best for him.

Rest in peace beautiful Tush Tush. xx

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Re: I'm about to lose my beautiful boy

Post by Hannah1980 » Fri Aug 21, 2015 1:55 am

I am sat here in floods of tears - what a beautiful thing you did for your beloved Tush Tush. I really don't know what else to say other than my thoughts are with you - I lost my beloved cat almost a year ago and I still feel the pain at times xxx hugs

Rest In Peace Tush Tush xxx

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