3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

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HeatherCrazyCat
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3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by HeatherCrazyCat »

Hi everyone,

I had to say goodbye to my beloved cat Angel 3 weeks ago, and it still hurts so much - I feel as though I should be starting to pull myself together by now and I can't.
She was my third foster and she was so badly injured when she came into my care, I realised once she had returned to health that I couldn't let her go and adopted her. She showed me what can be achieved with determination and strength of spirit.
We had just over 5 lovely years together and she suddenly became very unwell from a host of age-related issues the week after she had been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. It has all happened so suddenly and I miss her so much.
How do others cope?
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Thierry 1
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by Thierry 1 »

Hi Heather,
I'm so sorry to read of your loss of beautiful Angel, what a lovely, selfless thing you did in fostering her (and others cats also). She obviously knew she was safe and loved when she came into your life and that's what gave her the determination and strength of spirit to want to be with you for over 5 years.
I don't think any of us on this site who have lost our precious furry companions can give a definitive answer as to how long it takes us to start to recover from our loss and sadness. Speaking personally, I lost my ginger best friend last week and posted on here and found the support offered was a huge help to me. I decided to do things in my own time and take as long as I needed to cope with my loss. I have left his bowls and his bed where they always live in the house and I have bought a little wooden keepsake box to keep safe, such things as one of his whiskers, a little toe nail, some fur, one of his toys. Only today could I vacuum and clean my floors, it might sound silly but it would have felt like I was cleaning away his scent, his being, from our home. I needed to wait until a week had passed, I guess, to deal with this. I set myself tasks, while I was cleaning this morning, I placed new photos of him in the rooms I cleaned and put candles by them. In the week since he died I have been spending time outside sitting by the spot where he is buried in my garden, now I have taken care of the tasks inside, I can now do the same indoors now too.
You will know in your heart what feels right for you, please come back on here and let us know how you get on and remember we are all here for one another. Dawn x
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HeatherCrazyCat
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by HeatherCrazyCat »

Oh Dawn, I am so sorry to hear about your little Tush Tush - taking him in and giving him a home after a hard life as a stray is so lovely, and he must have been very grateful to you fo being there for him all those years.

Like you, I had to take my time to start cleaning after she had left me. My other half came around and vacuumed for me as I couldn't feel as though I was cleaning her away - but I have 2 of her favourite chairs still left untouched. I want to brush her fur from them and put it in a keepsake box like you have done, with her collars.

I am fortunate to have a great relationship with the trustees of a local animal sanctuary, who allowed me to bury Angel in their grounds, next to her friend Lucky. Lucky was my Grandpa's cat who I inherited after Grandpa passed away. I am sure I never missed Lucky as much as I am missing Angel.
We have made Angel a wooden grave marker that we need to take up to the sanctuary, but I keep having mixed feelings about going back - I know I won't feel right until she has a marker but I am struggling with the idea of seeing her grave again.

I am now fostering again for the first time in about a year, and I think it helps to know I'm assisting another cat in finding their forever home, but it does feel odd having a different cat in the house, especially without Angel to befriend them :-(

I really hope it gets easier for both of us Dawn x
Nicyorke79
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by Nicyorke79 »

Hi Heather

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was still in pieces after three weeks after having my old lady pts and i still have a weep every night cos i miss her so much. She now sits on my bookcase in a lovely urn with a photo next to it. I had her 5 and a half years after she was abandoned outside my workplace. It took me two weeks to clean the house because i felt like i was washing her away (she drooled on the windowsills alot as she had a tumour in her mouth) and i kept finding bits of her fur everywhere.

I think everyone is different in how long they grieve and non cat lovers don't make things any easier. Luckily i have 3 other cats to keep me company. I hope the fostering helps to keep you distracted.

take care

Nicola x
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HeatherCrazyCat
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by HeatherCrazyCat »

Aww Nicola... how sweet of you to take in your old lady!
You had her for around the same length of time that I had Angel, too.
I am so sorry that she is no longer with you :-(

My remaining own cat, Bela, has became super-cuddly since Angel died, which is helping a lot, and my new foster seems quite ok in the spare room for now (I'll wait until Bela is ready for introductions). But I miss so much about Angel, and her strength and courage and her ways. I also really regret having never taken enough photos or videos of her while I had the chance.

You just never know when it's going to be too late to do everything you want to, do you?
Grace56
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by Grace56 »

Hi Heather. So sorry about little Angel. She sounds as though she was a very courageous little lass, and you did a wonderful thing by loving and caring for her as you did.

There is no time limit with grief really. Some people seem to get over loss quicker than others. And it doesn't matter how long one has had the cat, be it a week or 20 years, the sense of loss is just as profound.

In my case, when my cat, Oscar died in 2012, I grieved for a very long time. I missed him dreadfully and only last year was I able to adopt another boy, Dave ( my avatar) who I love very much.

I had Oscar cremated and I have his ashes with a photo in my bedroom. I also created a board of photos on Pintrest and.....I talked about him, a lot. I am a firm believer in talking things out and not bottling things up. It is, IMO a great help in the healing process and I was lucky to have friends who understood and a family of cat lovers.

My advice to you is grieve how YOU want to, let nature take its course, talk about the little one, post on here and remember her with your tears and your smiles. They are a tribute to her and the love you shared.

Take care Hun, post here often and.... sleep well, little Angel. xx
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Crewella
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by Crewella »

I'm so sorry for your loss. Angel sounds, and looks, a real characterful puss and sometimes, even when you have several cats, one just sneaks past your defences and into a special place in your heart. There is no 'right' length of time to grieve, it just takes as long as it takes. (((hugs)))
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HeatherCrazyCat
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by HeatherCrazyCat »

Thank you so much, Grace and Crewella, for your kind words!

It's funny how your furkids get right into your heart, isn't it? We speak the same language, in spite of it being non-verbal, and we give our homes and care to them in exchange for so much happiness.
My friends and family have been very understanding, and have let me talk about pretty-much nothing but Angel. I am happily now starting to turn a corner, very slowly, where I can remember her with nearly as many smiles of affection as tears of grief. However, I know it will be a long time before I can truly love another cat of my own. I'm enjoying having my foster cat around but I am not feeling like I normally would when I foster.

Angel definitely got through all my lines of defences! I will never forget her bravery, and her ability to overcome and make the most of everything that life threw at her. She taught me so much and I am eternally grateful to her. She helped to turn me into a better person thanks to her gifts <3
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nannymcfee
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by nannymcfee »

My avatar is Luca, who was a stray, he was only with us 10 months and died very suddenly at the end of June, he is buried in the garden and i chat to him, as if he is still here, i find that helps, i kept some of his fur that he moulted, in a little box with butterflies on, to remind me he is now a free spirit ,it does get better with time, ( in the beginning i could not bear to log on here, as his photo would have me in tears , but now it just makes me :0) )

Was that Angel's halloween outfit? it was very good ! to get her to stay still and have photo taken, now there are not many mogs allow that !
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HeatherCrazyCat
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Re: 3 weeks on and I'm still so upset

Post by HeatherCrazyCat »

Aww nannymcfee, thank yuo for taking such good care of Luca in his final months!
I looked after one of our charity's foster cats last year, just for a weekend, who was called Luca too - he looked very similar to your boy, but he had no voice as his vocal cords were cut in an operation to remove a tumour from his throat.
I think it's a lovely name for a cat :-)

That is a lovely thing to put his fur in a butterfly box! I am yet to find a nice box for Angel's things but it is something I really want to do. All her things are in a drawer at the moment still.

Angel was the best little devil ever - she got her idea for the outfit from her friend Loki, another black rescue cat who lives with a friend of mine ;)

Tonight I am on shift for the charity, in case someone rings up about an injured animal.
I went onto the website to check the number, and look!

http://www.animalaccident.org.uk/tribute-to-angel/

I had been asked if I wanted to submit anything to the charity newsletter; it's a lovely surprise to see her tribute on the website too <3
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