Is there ever a way to "get over" it?

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MysticalVamp
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Is there ever a way to "get over" it?

Post by MysticalVamp »

So this might seem random but after I explain you'll understand why it's not...

It's coming up to the day that marks 14 years after the loss of our beautiful boy Spike.... And lately I've thought about him a lot more.

I don't know if it's because I was still very young when it happened or if you just never "get over" losing one, but I'll be honest I wasn't expecting to feel like this again until one of my current cats passed(which I'd hope is a LONG way off yet!)....
A bit of back story:

When I was a lot younger(3 years old) my mum said we could get a cat. We found out our neighbours cat had kittens so we went to look, and picked out a beautiful ginger boy. Named him Spike(Buffy The Vampre Slayer... Still a huge fan) and absolutely loved him... I made the childish mistake of carrying him around everywhere despite my mums attempts to stop me(this I know because she told me, I don't really remember that far back).
When Spike was about 12-18 months old my mum had a house party, Spike got out onto the balcony and he.... "Fell". I say that with quote marks because we're not convinced he actually fell. A few people at this party weren't too keen on cats and some of them were caught on the balcony at that sort of time.

Well, we got him back and rang emergency vets. They said that if he's acting fine he should be OK overnight, they also said that if something went wrong overnight then it means more internal damage has been done than can be fixed..... Or something like that anyway. Basically said that if he died overnight it was too late for him anyway :/

So got him to the vets, no breaks(phew!) but he had bruised a lot of his internal organs... This seemed to clear up and he was back to his normal self soon... But at just 2 years old he developed bladder stones.... We chose to have them removed and he bounced back, but not for long... The bladder stones came back and the vet said we had two choices- Let him suffer through the multiple operations which would be costly and stressful for him, or have him PTS.
My mum tried to explain to me, and I was only 5 at the time... I tried to understand, I tried badly to understand that it was better for him to go... But I wanted my kitty cat... I didn't want to lose him. So my mum asked the vet if they would hold him for her until she came back while she dropped me off at my nannans... She came to my nannans after and told me he wasn't in pain any more, he was free and he would be much better now. I cried, of course...

My nannan being the caring person she is she bought me a Build-A-Bear cat that had his date of birth, his name, etc... I loved it but it reminded me of him too much and I couldn't bare to look at it. I cried whenever I saw it.

So I guess my question is... It's been 14 years, am I ever going to be "OK" after this?
I don't want to forget him, that's not what I'm saying at all! I just don't want to feel like it happened yesterday over and over and over again because it leaves me feeling very vulnerable... And I think it distresses my boy Sox too as he tries to.. I guess he tries to comfort me by snuggling up next to me and rubbing his head all over my face. That cat has probably had a tear bath by now!
And now I'm going to have to stop writing an essay and post this as I'm in floods again and if I carry on I could type for ages which I'm sure no-one wants to see..

Thanks for reading, as I said I know it seems random but I hope at least some of you can see why it's not just out of the blue random. I've been looking in this section thinking of posting but been putting it off in the hopes the feeling will die down again but it didn't this time.... Sorry! Rambling again! I'm done!
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Crewella
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Re: Is there ever a way to "get over" it?

Post by Crewella »

I'm sorry that it still hurts, but you've done what I believe to be the best thing - you've shared it and told us about how you feel. That always helps me, I hope it did the same for you. (((hugs)))
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bobbys girl
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Re: Is there ever a way to "get over" it?

Post by bobbys girl »

I wouldn't worry about 'getting over it'. There are things that happen in life that we just don't 'get over', not completely anyway. These are some of the things that make us who we are. That early loss has made you someone who realised how precious life is. It is an odd person who can't feel that way.

I lost my dog, Bonnie, when she was 17 1/2. A brave age for a dog! her time had come and I could accept that. A few years later when we lost our Lurcher, Katie, suddenly, to cancer we were devastated. Even now, 9 years on my OH and I both get upset when we talk about it. She was a remarkable animal, a thinker, so wise and cunning that we called her 'Spooky'.

Now I'm surrounded by cats. We have lost a couple, Cassidy, a stray who was with us for 6 months, Sparky the stray who kept my OH company in the garage where he was working and Poppy and Lily who were both with us for 6 months (AGAIN?) and then disappeared without trace. I miss them all to varying degrees.

When their time comes, I will grieve for my posse of pussies. But I know they have had the best life possible and I really believe it is not the end. Somewhere out there Katie is collecting a big pile of sticks for me to throw, and swimming whenever possible - a swimming Lurcher, who'd a thought. :lol:
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MysticalVamp
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Re: Is there ever a way to "get over" it?

Post by MysticalVamp »

Crewella wrote:I'm sorry that it still hurts, but you've done what I believe to be the best thing - you've shared it and told us about how you feel. That always helps me, I hope it did the same for you. (((hugs)))
Thank you. Posting about it did help a bit... And I fell asleep with Sox laid next to me purring away and Tiger on my hip(he sleeps on my hip when I sleep on my side...) so I had my boys with me both physically and in mind(Spike)..
bobbys girl wrote:I wouldn't worry about 'getting over it'. There are things that happen in life that we just don't 'get over', not completely anyway. These are some of the things that make us who we are. That early loss has made you someone who realised how precious life is. It is an odd person who can't feel that way.

I lost my dog, Bonnie, when she was 17 1/2. A brave age for a dog! her time had come and I could accept that. A few years later when we lost our Lurcher, Katie, suddenly, to cancer we were devastated. Even now, 9 years on my OH and I both get upset when we talk about it. She was a remarkable animal, a thinker, so wise and cunning that we called her 'Spooky'.

Now I'm surrounded by cats. We have lost a couple, Cassidy, a stray who was with us for 6 months, Sparky the stray who kept my OH company in the garage where he was working and Poppy and Lily who were both with us for 6 months (AGAIN?) and then disappeared without trace. I miss them all to varying degrees.

When their time comes, I will grieve for my posse of pussies. But I know they have had the best life possible and I really believe it is not the end. Somewhere out there Katie is collecting a big pile of sticks for me to throw, and swimming whenever possible - a swimming Lurcher, who'd a thought. :lol:
Thank you bobby's girl. I was quite shocked at how horrible I felt... I wasn't sure how many years it was until I remembered that I turn 19 on the 20th September, and he was my "3rd Birthday gift" from my mum. I lost him 10 days after my 5th Birthday...

We had a Lurcher too, a Rottie x Whippet girl. She was beautiful, my girl!
I miss her as well, everyday... I would love another one of her, she was the best dog I could have asked for. She trained easily, she was obedient.
But a dog will have to wait until we live in a bigger place, preferably with a garden lol.

Sox is 7 and Tiger turns 3 in October so I'm hoping for many years with both of them yet!

Thank you both for the replies, I'm glad I posted as like I said above it helped a bit.
I guess it's going to be a case of work through it, which I should be able to do. I've done it for the past 13 years...
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bobbys girl
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Re: Is there ever a way to "get over" it?

Post by bobbys girl »

MysticalVamp wrote: We had a Lurcher too, a Rottie x Whippet girl. She was beautiful, my girl!
Yay, Lurchers Rule! Bonnie was a Whippet/Collie x. Very smart, very loyal and if you get them as pups they never chase or tease cats (quite the opposite, they protect them). Our sofa of an evening was a pile of cats and Lurchers. :lol: :lol: :lol:

OH's Lurcher was beaten up by a rabbit. In her defence, it was a BIG rabbit!

Yes we miss them. But what a privilege to share your life with them.
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