Struggling with grief

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Pip81
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Struggling with grief

Post by Pip81 » Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:48 pm

Hi

A couple of weeks ago I posted a thread about my FIV+ boy with possible renal failure. Unfortunately, it turned out that he had a massive kidney tumour that was growing at an alarming rate.

A few days after I posted, on the 14th September, we made the really difficult decision to have him put to sleep. I've been in a pretty bleak place since and have really struggled to come to terms with the loss of a relatively young cat, that we'd only had for just over 2 years. We picked his ashes up last Thursday and bought him home again.

Then yesterday, I woke up as normal and went to feed my other two babies, and I found that my little girl, Peggy, had died suddenly in the night with no warning. The night before she was bounding round the house like a lunatic, playing with her toys, eating really well. It was a completely uneventful, normal evening, so to find her yesterday was just horrific.

The vet checked for anything obvious, but couldn't find anything and said that it was likely to be a sudden death caused by a brain or heart issue. We decided not to have an autopsy, so we are now just waiting for her ashes.

I am completely broken, I can't believe that we have lost 2 of our babies in 2 weeks. Ralph was only about 8 and Peggy was around 4. I still can't quite believe what has happened, I've never known a cat just drop dead and I can't help wracking my brains to see if we missed something.

I'm a mess, we adopted them together on the 29th June 2013 and I feel so cheated at the limited time I got with them. I'm really not sure at this stage how I'm going to come to terms with this. All I can see right now is her little, cold body lying on the living room floor. She was alone, I didn't get to say goodbye, and we'll never know if it was quick or if she suffered. I hate the thought of her dying in the next room to me whilst I just slept.

My remaining boy is quite clearly distressed, he would have been around her after she died for several hours before we got up. I'm trying to give him as much love and attention as possible.He's barely left my side, it must be so confusing for him.

I know that it will get better over time, but right now it feels like my world is falling part.

Pip xx

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Kay
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Kay » Thu Oct 01, 2015 5:26 pm

how very sad - I think we can all understand your sense of shock and grief at two such losses so close together, and one so puzzling - hard though answers can be, they are always easier to deal with than the unexplained - if it's any consolation I think Peggy must have died without a struggle, as cats almost always instinctively hide away if they feel ill

the only thing I can say, at such a time, is that eventually your feeling of being cheated at having such a short time with them will be balanced with a feeling of gratitude for the time they shared your life, and the joy they brought to you

your boy of course wants your presence and comfort, but will be sensing your need of both at the moment too, so I hope you can help each other through this sad time

Mainecoon
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Mainecoon » Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:45 pm

Thinking of you at this time xx

Pip81
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Pip81 » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:02 am

Thanks both, I am so grateful for every minute I got with them.

I've attached their photos so everyone can see how gorgeous they were, I miss them so much. xxx
Attachments
Ralph 7th July 2015 (2).jpeg
Ralph
(42.66 KiB) Not downloaded yet
Peggy 7th July (1).jpeg
Peggy
(44.15 KiB) Not downloaded yet

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bobbys girl
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by bobbys girl » Fri Oct 02, 2015 9:03 am

Only just caught up with this thread. What an awful time for you, I'm so sorry.

The photo's are beautiful and would make a lovely reminder of two, much loved friends.

RIP dear Ralph and Peggy. (Hugs) to you Pip. xx

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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by BarryK001 » Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:01 am

Very sorry to hear of your losses, compounded by the sudden unexpected nature of the younger one. We are trying to come to terms with losing one of our two lovely cats. I cant imagine what it's like to lose two much loved cats in quick succession. Best wishes.

BK.

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GitaBooks
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by GitaBooks » Fri Oct 02, 2015 3:41 pm

I am so, so sorry. The loss of a cat is so difficult, no matter what the cause or what age. We have lost so many cats over the years, but it never gets easier.

However, I know that no matter how short a time you had with your cats, you gave them a wonderful life. They were very happy with you.

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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Mainecoon » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:56 pm

So sorry to hear of your very sad losses .. we are recently bereaved also . Think of all the good times you all had together Thinking of you at this time . x

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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by joforesthill » Sun Oct 04, 2015 4:45 pm

Hello, I am grieving the sudden loss of my darling little girl Mary Pudding. She died on Wednesday. I am heartbroken. I am frightened at how I can manage to live my life without Mary in it. I have no children, no family. Mary was everything to me. But I know that there is another little girl out there who desperately needs a home...

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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by joforesthill » Sun Oct 04, 2015 4:46 pm

Reading your post and how you lost first Ralph, then Peggy is just so, so sad. You are not alone in your grief. I am going to do the Monday candle ceremony tomorrow evening.

Pip81
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Pip81 » Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:54 am

Thank you everyone.

joforesthill - our little girl died on Wednesday last week too, I'm so sorry for you loss.

Nothing can prepare you for the sudden loss....I thought making the decision to have my baby boy put to sleep was bad enough, but at least I had time to be with him and say goodbye and tell him that I loved him. With Peggy, that was all taken away. All I keep doing is looking for a reason, what did I do wrong, what did I miss, it's such an awful feeling. This is a different kind of grief, something I've never felt before.

The candle is a lovely idea, I too will light a candle this evening, for your Mary and my babies and for everyone else suffering grief right now.

We all have a lot of love to give and although our babies can never be replaced, we can honour them by giving our love to other cats in need. xxx

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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by joforesthill » Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:11 pm

hello. How was today for you? I went back to work today. Had a really bad wave early in the morning when it hit me that Mary Pudding wouldn't be there when I got home...it took my breath away, so painful. This evening not so bad. We felt closest to normal yet and I haven't cried yet today, though I can barely stop thinking of her even for minutes. I have lots of beautiful photos. Do you? It hurts. I am so sorry for the suddenness you experienced. That is so traumatic for all of you in your household. With Mary, when she suddenly became ill on Saturday, there was a build up of dread and when it got really bad and at the end she was at least on kitty morphine. And I saw her, but she was sedated. There's no point being furious with the vet for not letting me see her the morning after they kept her in over night. I went down there at 8.00am, but they said they were too busy. The day was sheer hell, my hopes building then falling until she died at 5pm. A week ago tomorrow. Am thinking of you. xxx

Pip81
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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Pip81 » Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:39 pm

Hi, yesterday was also my first day back at work. I didn't have a great day, every time I was asked how I was or what happened, I just started to cry. I tried to keep my head down and avoid people as much as possible but then met my cat loving friend for lunch and we both had a cry. I found that helpful.

Today has been better, it's the first day where I haven't cried, although I suppose there's still time. I've been thinking about her a lot, as I just can't believe that this time last week I was going to bed without any idea what I was going to wake up to. A week ago she was here and playing, blowing me kisses and doing everything she always did. I still can't quite believe it.

We have lots of lovely photos and have had them made in to canvases for the wall.

I'm so sorry about Mary, I don't know exactly what happened, but it sounds like you did everything you could for her and I'm sure she knew that.

Unless you've loved and lost a pet, you can't understand the pain it causes.

I'm thankful for this site as I know people get it on here. X

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Re: Struggling with grief

Post by Crewella » Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:37 pm

I really feel for you as I've lost two cats in a short period of time, too - life can be such a **** sometimes. You feel so robbed of the time you should have had with them, but sometimes quality is everything - both cats were much loved, and in a world where there are so many unloved cats out there, that counts for such a lot.

I hope time eases the pain for you, and that are are able to look back at some of the time you shared and smile - bittersweet memories.

Rest in peace Ralph and Peggy - gone too soon but never forgotten. xx

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