How do we cope?
Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2015 2:54 am
I joined these forums after I lost my beloved cat Jasper last year. It was sudden and a complete shock (made worse by the fact that a problem at the vet he was taken to meant that I had no definite clarification that he had died for over 2 months and never got his ashes).
I've been catching up on the forums a bit - it makes me so sad to read about people who have sadly lost their cats because I know that pain - and it hurts, a lot. It doesn't matter what age a cat is, a loss is a loss and I never in a million years (as much as I adored my cat) thought that the pain would be so raw. I guess I never really thought about losing him as he was only 4 and healthy.
It took me over 6 months before I could return to my flat and get back to "normal" - and even then I would regularly burst into tears just missing my boy. I never thought I would feel ok again - I live on my own and don't have children so he was pretty much my baby.
What helped so much was these forums - the lovely people here understand so much of the pain and sadness that comes with losing a pet.
What doesn't help is comments from family with statements such as "get over it", "it's just a cat" - and heck you would think family would be supportive huh?
I've typed posts here whilst bawling my eyes out but its always helped to read the lovely and supportive responses I have received.
The loss of a pet can be just as traumatic as the loss of a family member - I lost my mum 4 years ago to cancer and I grieved a lot but the pain was still the same as losing my cat. But that is grief and grieving is hard. You feel that you are never going to get over it or feel happy again and I didn't, not properly until last month (almost a year after my cat died)
You can never replace an animal - every animal has their own characteristics, personalities, little quirks etc and I never thought I would get another cat. I decided instead to do some fostering and had 2 lovely cats bought round to my flat - I didn't get much chance to think about it - their owner had decided she no longer wanted the cats and dumped them at a vets, quite happy in the knowledge that they could have been put to sleep (they are 5 and 10 and both healthy).
When they arrived I got upset, because I missed my cat but also because these 2 gorgeous cats could have easily been euthenized despite being healthy (luckily the vets contacted cats protection).
Over the 6 weeks I've been looking after them they have improved so much and really become more confident. The youngest one reminds me in some ways of my cat and they are both very affectionate. It was odd having cats around again but they have helped me tremendously in dealing with what happened to my cat, and the way I saw it was that I was helping out 2 cats in my cats memory.
I know people cope very differently with grief etc and I'm not saying anyone who has lost a cat should rush out and start fostering. My reason for this post is just to say that it does get better - it might not seem like it but the pain does lessen - it can take time (which is hard) but you start to forget the sadness and remember the good times.
I'm a bit odd and have frequent chats with the 2 cats I am fostering and tell them about my cat - yes I'm a bit bonkers but it helped me cope and I feel more normal now than I have done in over a year.
I was probably more of a dog person before I got my cat - growing up we had lots of animals but my cat with my first pet that was just mine and we were very close. Cats are amazing creatures and what I found fascinating was, during my mums last few days, her cat only left her side to go to the toilet and eat - only did he leave her side about 30 mins after she passed away. My cat always knew when I was feeling low and the ones I am looking after now are very in tune and will come for snuggles if they sense I am not feeling great.
So thank you to you lovely people here on these forums who have helped me and for being so understanding - and to those of you who are recently bereaved - keep typing, keep talking - it does get easier x
PS: Sorry for rather long/waffly and in some part slightly depressing post!
I've been catching up on the forums a bit - it makes me so sad to read about people who have sadly lost their cats because I know that pain - and it hurts, a lot. It doesn't matter what age a cat is, a loss is a loss and I never in a million years (as much as I adored my cat) thought that the pain would be so raw. I guess I never really thought about losing him as he was only 4 and healthy.
It took me over 6 months before I could return to my flat and get back to "normal" - and even then I would regularly burst into tears just missing my boy. I never thought I would feel ok again - I live on my own and don't have children so he was pretty much my baby.
What helped so much was these forums - the lovely people here understand so much of the pain and sadness that comes with losing a pet.
What doesn't help is comments from family with statements such as "get over it", "it's just a cat" - and heck you would think family would be supportive huh?
I've typed posts here whilst bawling my eyes out but its always helped to read the lovely and supportive responses I have received.
The loss of a pet can be just as traumatic as the loss of a family member - I lost my mum 4 years ago to cancer and I grieved a lot but the pain was still the same as losing my cat. But that is grief and grieving is hard. You feel that you are never going to get over it or feel happy again and I didn't, not properly until last month (almost a year after my cat died)
You can never replace an animal - every animal has their own characteristics, personalities, little quirks etc and I never thought I would get another cat. I decided instead to do some fostering and had 2 lovely cats bought round to my flat - I didn't get much chance to think about it - their owner had decided she no longer wanted the cats and dumped them at a vets, quite happy in the knowledge that they could have been put to sleep (they are 5 and 10 and both healthy).
When they arrived I got upset, because I missed my cat but also because these 2 gorgeous cats could have easily been euthenized despite being healthy (luckily the vets contacted cats protection).
Over the 6 weeks I've been looking after them they have improved so much and really become more confident. The youngest one reminds me in some ways of my cat and they are both very affectionate. It was odd having cats around again but they have helped me tremendously in dealing with what happened to my cat, and the way I saw it was that I was helping out 2 cats in my cats memory.
I know people cope very differently with grief etc and I'm not saying anyone who has lost a cat should rush out and start fostering. My reason for this post is just to say that it does get better - it might not seem like it but the pain does lessen - it can take time (which is hard) but you start to forget the sadness and remember the good times.
I'm a bit odd and have frequent chats with the 2 cats I am fostering and tell them about my cat - yes I'm a bit bonkers but it helped me cope and I feel more normal now than I have done in over a year.
I was probably more of a dog person before I got my cat - growing up we had lots of animals but my cat with my first pet that was just mine and we were very close. Cats are amazing creatures and what I found fascinating was, during my mums last few days, her cat only left her side to go to the toilet and eat - only did he leave her side about 30 mins after she passed away. My cat always knew when I was feeling low and the ones I am looking after now are very in tune and will come for snuggles if they sense I am not feeling great.
So thank you to you lovely people here on these forums who have helped me and for being so understanding - and to those of you who are recently bereaved - keep typing, keep talking - it does get easier x
PS: Sorry for rather long/waffly and in some part slightly depressing post!