Why does it not get easier

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Post Reply
Zaccydupe
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:51 pm

Why does it not get easier

Post by Zaccydupe » Fri Oct 09, 2015 7:13 pm

Why oh why does losing a beautiful much loved puss never get any easier. My gorgeous Zac had to be put to sleep four weeks ago aged 8 and I feel so cheated and guilty that I was unable to do do anything to help him, time doesnt seem to be healing the pain. I always thought that if I had two cats and lost one it would be easier to deal with the pain, and although I have my gorgeous poppy it still hurts so much. I miss all of the things that Zac did, all of our little ways...like cuddling in bed, he would always crawl in when the weather went cold. Zac is the fourth cat I have lost and it seems to get harder to deal with every time. My thoughts are with all of you who have lost your babies and it does help reading all of the experiences we go through...

Hannah1980
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2014 2:20 am

Re: Why does it not get easier

Post by Hannah1980 » Sun Oct 11, 2015 6:27 pm

These forums were a huge help to me after I lost my cat last year (he was 4 and died following a cat fight). Like you I felt cheated as he was still so young and I always thought I would have him until he was an old boy.

I know it won't feel like it now but it does get easier - the pain never fully goes away but time does ease it. You are only 4 weeks on from losing your beautiful cat so it is still very early days in terms of grief. It is so very hard to lose a pet and I never realised how much so until my cat passed away.

My advice for now would be to chat to the lovely people here - they helped me so much when I was grieving for my cat - (many people don't understand the grief we feel over pets but in my experience it is just as painful as losing a family member)

Best wishes xxx

CIHALL
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:24 am

Re: Why does it not get easier

Post by CIHALL » Mon Oct 12, 2015 1:43 pm

Hi

Sorry to hear about Zac, he sounds a lot like my Giggsy and clearly had a happy spoilt life.
For me it’s hard to explain, but to think about the loss of your little feline friend does not get any easier, but over time dealing with that loss does. I hope this makes sense.

We lost our Giggsy in April, he was ten when we had to end his suffering and I felt so cheated. It happened so quickly and I thought we had years left to enjoy his great little personality. My world ended for a few months, barely ate anything, did not want to talk to anyone else and missed the little fella soooooo much.

Gradually I’ve done things to help cope with him no longer being around. I still have moments when I think about his last week and it hurts so much. But they are soon overtaken by the good memories. My biggest coping mechanism was having his ashes added to a photo frame, I’m thankful I found this. Giggsy still comes places around the house with us. And I even drop him off at my sisters when we are away.

I still talk to him and say goodnight every night, where’s he’s the last face we see before we turn the light off.

I hope this helps. What I’m trying to say is that it is understandable to be upset when thinking about the last few days of Zac’s life. But believe me when I say that overtime, your ability to think of all the good times and the great life you gave him will help turn any sad tears into happy ones. Yep, you’ll still have bad days too, but there are A LOT of great people on here that are always happen to listen.

Take care

Chris

Thierry 1
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Aug 17, 2015 7:23 pm

Re: Why does it not get easier

Post by Thierry 1 » Mon Oct 12, 2015 3:33 pm

Hi,
I'm sorry to read of the loss of Zac, it sounds like he had a great life with you. I don't think any of us who have suffered the loss of our companions can truly say there is a definitive time frame on when the grieving ever seems to ease. My beautiful ginger boy was PTS seven weeks ago and I still ache every day without him. But then something will trigger a happy memory and I feel much better. For example, this morning I was vacuuming my sofa and I found one of his little toe nails, it instantly brought a smile to my face. I placed it in his little memory box with some other keepsakes on my bedside table. Its just these simple little things that seem to bring some comfort.
I also find the support on this forum really helps and I hope you find some comfort here too.
Take care, Dawn

Zaccydupe
Returning Cat Chatter
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:51 pm

Re: Why does it not get easier

Post by Zaccydupe » Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:54 pm

Thank you Chris, Dawn and Hannah for all so much for your lovely words and kind thoughts. It is such a comfort to know that I am not going through this on my own, and as sad as it is we all have such lovely memories of our beautiful babies now at Rainbow bridge. Oh dear Hannah that is so sad to lose your cat in those circumstances, I once had a ginger boy who was always fighting (not sure if he ever won one!) and we were forever at the vets, it must have been such a shock to you.

I will read the messages on this site now and keep in touch ....I cannot even mention cats at work as no one understands and I think they thought I was odd when I had a days holiday when we had to go to a referral vets and on Zac's final day. (they dont understand what they are missing).

My other cat Poppy has recently been going on the places where Zac used to go outside but where she didn't go so that is upsetting also, but she is a comfort.

Thanks you all agains

Best wishes Hazel xx

Pip81
Frequent Cat Chatter
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Sep 11, 2015 8:55 am
No. of cats in household: 3
Location: Nottingham, UK

Re: Why does it not get easier

Post by Pip81 » Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:22 am

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, please don't beat yourself up at all about how you're feeling.

We lost our first cat in May 2013, it broke our hearts and it still hurts now 2.5 years later. We've recently lost 2 other cats within a couple of weeks of each other. All of them were relatively young and died due to really unlucky reasons....a deformity of the spine (that he was born with), a kidney tumour that is very rare and the sudden death of a healthy cat, probably due to an unknown heart condition. I'm the same in that I feel cheated.....all of them had so many years left in them and yet they've all been taken away from us too early.

For me they were my family and so I will grieve for them that way....lots of people do not understand and I feel sad for them to have not known that love. I'm pleased to have this forum and some close friends that completely get it. There is no timeframe for grief and everybody is different. Some people wait years to have another pet for instance (if at all) where as I feel better adopting again quickly....I have the love to give and there are cats that need it, so I honor the memory of my babies by putting my love and energy into more cats (always FIV+ and desperate for homes).

It will get easier, but honestly (for me anyway), the hurt never goes away. It just fades into the background so that the happy memories can come first, but occasionally the sadness will come rushing back. I embrace the sadness as it just reaffirms how much they meant to me.

Take care of yourself and take the time you need, don't worry what others think or say - give Poppy a cuddle xx

User avatar
Crewella
VIP Cat Chatter!
Posts: 3627
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:59 pm
No. of cats in household: 6
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: Why does it not get easier

Post by Crewella » Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:40 pm

I don't think you ever get used to it, but we all get over things in our own way and time does help you bear the loss. (((hugs)))

Rest in peace lovely Zac. xx

Post Reply