Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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BarryK001
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Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Thu Nov 05, 2015 9:25 am

I wanted to start a thread where we can discuss a bit the issues that arise when one of our cats dies.
For example, our Lucy was closely bonded to her mother Lexi, whose behaviour is now very different than before. Has anyone else got experience of this?
I also have to walk past the spot where I had to recoup Lucy's remains every morning and I find it hard.
Also I look at a lot of photos of Lucy. I've decided this is probably not a good idea as it is so upsetting.

Anyone want to talk about their experiences?

Barry.

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bobbys girl
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by bobbys girl » Thu Nov 05, 2015 10:00 am

Morning Barry,

I hope you get the responses you hope for on this thread and you and other recently bereaved kitty folk can find some comfort.

Regarding Lexi's behaviour, I just wanted to say that when we lost Bobby's adoptive mum, Lily, Bob would sit in the window for hours looking for her and calling. But then he and I became very close and now he comes to me for his cuddles. He has become a real Mummy's Boy. :D

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by Kay » Thu Nov 05, 2015 10:52 am

when my beloved Trigger had to be euthanized, I got a lot of comfort from having a favourite photo of him enlarged and framed, so he could sit in a prominent place in my sitting room and survey his old domain

it feels as if he is still with me, and his two furry companions, in spirit if not in reality

we are all different though - he spent his last month in the top bed of the cat tree, and indeed died there, but I was really pleased when Tiffany got into the same bed on the evening he died - continuity in cat ownership is the experience of many cat lovers, and it does help to accept the passing of one, and the arrival of another, as part of the process

BarryK001
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Thu Nov 05, 2015 1:20 pm

Hi,

When both Lexi and Lucy were around, they used to march around their territory usually not very far from each other. In addition, the area they dominated was pretty large. Now she's on her own, Lexi doesnt go far at all, in fact very rarely out of our garden. Maybe it's due to the time of year, but she is quite happy to spend most of her time indoors as well, whereas before the two of them would try to open the windows to get out ;-)
Also, I think Lucy was the dominant cat - occupying more of our attention. Lexi stayed in the background, not really wanting that much in the way of human laps/cuddles. But now, she loves to go to sleep on one of us. We're not getting much of the housework done!

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by Jamsie22 » Thu Nov 05, 2015 1:21 pm

Hi Barry,

Since i posted a few weeks back on my cat Alice's passing, I have learned from the commonality of experiences. It is comforting. Since my cat's passing, I have learned how complex our cats bonds with us can be. I still terribly miss my cat, but talk to her daily and keep her bed still in it's place of honour. I have mounted a collage of photos on the wall, which is good. I still cant believe she's not at window waiting for my car to come in.
In time, I think I will get another cat, but have to be careful based on a nearby aggressive tom cat seeming to have role in her death. I don't want same to happen.
It is really good that people on this forum can be sensitive to and understand all these issues.

Take care,

Niall

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by Leos Mum_1 » Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:58 pm

We have another cat, Oli, who is the complete opposite in personality to our Leo.

Oli was mistreated before we got him and has a lot of trust issues, although he has come on leaps and bounds since we got him. He has been acting very strangely ever since we lost Leo, he goes out and sits by the chair where we had put Leo after we found him. He also does a lot of scarpering around the house which is very unlike him. It's odd because they were not the best of pals but I do think that he misses him and wonders where he has gone.
BarryK001 wrote:I also have to walk past the spot where I had to recoup Lucy's remains every morning and I find it hard.
I can relate to that, for a week after we lost Leo I always took the long route to my work rather than risk passing the spot where Leo was knocked over. I have started to force myself to pass it now but I doubt I will ever travel that road and not think about him.

And now I am hijacking your thread lol :oops:

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by CIHALL » Fri Nov 06, 2015 9:42 am

Hi there

Weirdly I want to start this post by saying I never wanted a cat. Always loved them, but never thought of owning one. Took less than 10 seconds for me to fall in love with our wonderful Giggsy.

I never knew how loving and loyal cats could be. We ate at the same times, he slept in bed with us. It was clearly his Kingsize bed that he let us sleep in. Watched football together, even bounced on a trampoline together. It was always Giggsy and my wife and I against the world. All these great times made it the worst time ever when we lost him so quickly to cancer.

I've written loads on here about what it was like after so won't say it again, but is sucks, and still does 8 months on. Two things have helped. You guys are amazing, so caring to spend time helping others.

Secondly, having Giggsy's ashes in a frame with his photo is amazing for us. He still watches football with us, he's the last thing we see before we go to bed. We even drop him with family when we go away so he's not alone.

Some may think I'm daft or weird, but I don't care. Giggsy was a great part of our lives, he deserves to know he's still so loved even though he's not here. Man I miss that little fella.

Keep helping people everyone x

Chris

BarryK001
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Fri Nov 06, 2015 10:48 am

After Lucy was killed I worried myself sick that the same would happen to our other cat in due course. So we've altered her going out times to periods of minimal traffic activity in our road. It means getting up at 4am though! We don't let her out in the day any more, at least not until I can make the back garden secure.
I've also taken to driving at 10mph in our street forcing cars behind me to slow down. Maybe it will get the message across, but I doubt it. I contacted the council about speed bumps - no money. However, they say they will make it a 20mph zone.
I love cats and it's great having them around - but it hurts like hell when they depart.

Then comes the question whether to get another cat. I'm certainly not ready for that yet - and would Lexi want or accept a new companion? The two of them were truly bonded and it was fascinating watching their interaction - but I have to say that Lexi now seems pretty happy on her own. If only we could read their thoughts!

It really does help to talk with others in similar situations who can understand what we are all going through. It must be so much harder for people coping with this on their own.

Barry.

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Fri Nov 06, 2015 10:52 am

bobbys girl wrote: I just wanted to say that when we lost Bobby's adoptive mum, Lily, Bob would sit in the window for hours looking for her and calling. But then he and I became very close and now he comes to me for his cuddles. He has become a real Mummy's Boy. :D
Hi,

How long do you think it took for Bobby to recover and get back to his old self?
Lexi also went through a "period of mourning" for want of a better description, but she now seems to have adjusted to the new situation.

Barry.

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bobbys girl
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by bobbys girl » Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:53 am

I'd say about two months in total. But it was a tailing-off, at first he was there for most of the time he was in the house. Every so often he would cry like a kitten. Then, after a while it became an occasional thing, almost as if he had just though of her.

More worryingly, he did head off across the fields looking for her. But I am pleased to say he has stopped doing this.

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by Mainecoon » Sat Nov 07, 2015 7:45 pm

We see everyday where Kara was killed .. right outside our house . As mentioned previously after 2 months without dear Kara ... we now let the cats out at 1st cat alarm call (!) normally around 4 am ish ! Tavy was always very timid when Kara was around & is now doing what she did ie sleeping on the left side of bed & demanding attention by yelling at us .. exactly like she did & he now appears more confident in himself ! Wise old Rhea at 16 ( been there , done it !) is now craving affection more ... & still looks out for her We are undecided as yet whether to get another cat , but for past 20 odd years have nearly always had 3 ! Certainly their personalities have changed since her untimely death . Thinking of all bereaved cat people at this time xx

BarryK001
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:13 pm

Mainecoon wrote:We see everyday where Kara was killed .. right outside our house . As mentioned previously after 2 months without dear Kara ... we now let the cats out at 1st cat alarm call (!) normally around 4 am ish !
Sounds very similar to us. Lucy was run over in our cul-de-sac - not quite outside our gate but close enough that it's hard to avoid. Very upsetting every time I go out. I've also started the 4am routine! Poor Lexi probably thinks it's permanently dark outside these days, but I'd rather get up every night and keep her alive.

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by saam » Thu Sep 22, 2016 9:55 pm

[color=#000000]BarryK001[/color] wrote:
[color=#000000]Mainecoon[/color] wrote:We see everyday where Kara was killed .. right outside our house . As mentioned previously after 2 months without dear Kara ... we now let the cats out at 1st cat alarm call (!) normally around 4 am ish !
Sounds very similar to us. Lucy was run over in our cul-de-sac - not quite outside our gate but close enough that it's hard to avoid. Very upsetting every time I go out. I've also started the 4am routine! Poor Lexi probably thinks it's permanently dark outside these days, but I'd rather get up every night and keep her alive.
That sounds me a lot!

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sun Sep 25, 2016 10:54 am

Hi Barry, your post and the subsequent replies make very interesting reading. I found something I could relate to in all of them. I won't go over 'old ground' having derived comfort from my new friends on CC on the recent demise of 2 of my beloved cats, but I'm not convinced cats miss their departed companions. I think they will walk around the house/garden mewling to basically say 'where have you gone?, can I move up in the hierarchy now?' but that's just my opinion. When my wee Cody adopted us by crawling up my hubby's trouser leg and then clinging to his shoulder, we worried how such a tiny little creature would be accepted by my resident big grey bruiser Gandhi. Yet within 24hrs he adored her, washed, played, slept, ate with her 24/7. But on her sudden and swift death, he did as I have described above, then settled, has never looked or been healthier, more loving as an only, the furry beast is draped across my knee, hanging like an old shawl as I type. 4 weeks prior to losing Cody, our equally wee cat Armand, died unexpectedly at the Vets. We were devastated, but apart from Gandhi sniffing all over the bedroom sofa which all 3 cats had commandeered, neither cat seemed to miss him at all, even though Armand had daily made his presence felt, chatted non stop, galloped around the home, stole their food from under their noses. Incidentally, years ago, our young cat Tiger,was killed on the road where we lived. To this day, I still cannot pass the spot without tightly closing my eyes to try and block out the image of his little body and I still feel a tug on my heart. Do I really miss him or is that reaction just habit?

Issi

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bobbys girl
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by bobbys girl » Sun Sep 25, 2016 11:06 am

issiandarchie+68 wrote:To this day, I still cannot pass the spot without tightly closing my eyes to try and block out the image of his little body and I still feel a tug on my heart. Do I really miss him or is that reaction just habit?

Issi
No Issi, it is not just habit. I still feel this way about Tommy.

BarryK001
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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Wed Oct 05, 2016 4:18 pm

Well, it's just over a year since Lucy was killed. Whilst the raw pain of the early days has subsided we still think about her a lot and are left with a residual sadness. She really was such a lovely cat and as you can tell she has left an enormous pawprint on our hearts. Meanwhile her Mum Lexi is doing well - and I'm still getting up every night to let her out and back in whilst there is no traffic around!

I hope everyone who has had to / is dealing with something like this is coping. Cats give us so much pleasure but wow, it hurts when they depart.

Barry.

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Oct 05, 2016 5:19 pm

Hi Barry, Thanks for up-dating us. I know what you mean, I still miss our Tommy. He was such a larger than life character. There will never be another like him. You talk about an enormous pawprint - well Tommy had enormous feet!

Please give Lexi a fuss from me, I'm glad she's doing well.

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by BarryK001 » Thu Oct 06, 2016 8:55 am

I forgot to mention that we succeeded in getting a 20mph speed limit in our area, so at least something positive has come out of it.

Barry.

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Re: Issues surrounding losing a cat.

Post by Mainecoon » Thu Oct 06, 2016 6:59 pm

Yes I know how you feel as we posted about the same time about a year ago about our very sad RTA losses . Like you in your road , beloved Mainecoon Kara was killed right opposite our house in a perceived quiet road by an inconsiderant driver . Every day we see where she was killed & it is just so hard even though just over a year on . Now although we have Elsa ( very shorthaired rescue found frozen in garden ... hence the name ! ) we still miss Longhaired Kara so much. We still do the 4 am night call to let the cats out !!

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