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Does it get any easier?

Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2015 10:58 pm
by Wanda6688
'The Cat' 2.jpg
'The Cat' 2.jpg (7.69 KiB) Viewed 5443 times
Hello,

My cat was put to sleep on Monday evening after many infections but it was found he had a tumour in his mouth. I have cried constantly since then and feel I will never get over it, I know I will but I miss him dreadfully. I live alone and work from home so he was with me 24 hours of the day and now he is not here I find myself wishing he would walk through the door but I know he won't. How do you get over this feeling of complete loss? I don't know how to deal with this level of emotion - I am working but then at tea time I start to think of him and then I cry again. The evening and mornings are the worse times - basically when he would have come to me for food and love. My neighbour has been round every day asking how I am but all she says is 'cheer up' -I know she is being kind but I don't want to cheer up, I just want to grieve in my own time. Can anyone offer any advice? thank you for listening xx

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:16 am
by bobbys girl
I am sorry to hear your news wanda. It is never easy to lose one of our little ones and you are right, the grief takes us all in different ways.

We have a collage of photo's in a big frame. It has pictures of all our cats, past and present. Favourite pictures, silly pictures, they make me smile everytime I look at them. Yes, and sometimes they make me sad too, but the happy memories win out in the end.

We are here for you, anytime. (hugs)

Sue

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 9:44 am
by jillyvillyvoo
Och poor soul. It is never easy, lost our cher in April and it still hurts but it is better as I focus on all the cute, silly, beautiful things she did that made me sooo happy. Even the darn annoying things she did that could drive me mad :) . I know it is too soon for you to do this but that time will come, take your time and do it your way. I have her brother here still, so that keeps me occupied. I also have a few pictures and her ashes on my fireplace. Again not everyone would want to do this but it helps me. That's what I mean by do it your way. I often say this but it's true, when they go they leave a big cat shaped hole in your heart But all your lovely memories will help to fill it. Big hug for you. x

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 11:44 am
by Kay
I was in your position when I lost my Siamese Tum Tum, after 14 years of just her and me

what helped me most was leaving her bed by the wood stove, and promising myself that one day when I was ready another cat would sleep there - it gave me something to look forward to instead of only looking back - Cushty joined me three months later

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 1:58 pm
by Fastern
I feel for your loss because we are approaching the same situation with our friend Bob. On learning the bad news on Sunday night was bad, especially for Linda, but it has gotten better through the week. We still have Bob for now but he is not the same Bob he once was. Avia, the other cat, even went downstairs to keep him company two times last night and she was terrorized by Bob over the years. I will wake up in the night at a noise and look toward my nightstand looking for Bob but seeing nothing. Fortunately, Bob came up stairs this morning for the shower, first time this week and he is still keen on going outside for patrol. I know we are going to have a big void when the date comes this month or next month and I do not look forward to it, but I know it will pass, but if you never loved it would not hurt so much. It just takes some time.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 2:16 pm
by Jamsie22
My cat only died in late October and I totally empathize with you. I found mornings and evenings too very difficult. One thing I did was scan a few photos and put together and got framed. I look at these every day and its a nice comfort. It gets slowly better. Think of the good memories.
Jamsie

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 4:05 pm
by Wanda6688
Thank you all for your comments, they have helped a great deal. To know that complete strangers have spent time reading and replying to my post restores my faith in human nature. Yesterday was a rough day which is strange because the day before I looked at all the photos I have of him without getting upset, so I am not sure why I went a little backwards yesterday, I guess that is what grief does to you. I haven't got my poor boy's ashes yet but maybe when I get them it will help, I sleep cuddled up with his little fluffy blanket which did have his smell but that is now wearing off, so once I have his ashes I will have him next to me when I go to sleep and when I wake.

To Fastern - I really feel for you, it is hard when they get sick and they are 'not the same cat' but today I was thinking about my cat when he was younger and full of fun so I know it will get better, take care and post on here when you need to - there are wonderful people out there willing to help.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 1:26 pm
by BarryK001
Hi.

Many of us here have suffered the loss of our beloved little friends. Grieving is a strange process (at least in my case). I think I'm doing ok and then it hits me like a wave and I get upset again. Most days I have a wobbly moment - 2.5 months after it happened. I guess we all react a bit differently but for me it's a long slow process. So take your time and hopefully in the end your thoughts will be of all the happy memories.

Barry.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2015 3:47 pm
by notjustacat
From my own experience it does get easier. But that doesn't mean to say over time that you no longer have those sad thoughts of a furry friend that is no longer with you. When I had to have my 16 year old cat Rudi PTS I, like most of the people on this forum who have lost a feline was devastated by the loss. The house felt so empty how would I ever get over it. Well in my case I took on a 4 year old very very nervous female rescue cat called Cheyenne. She in no way will replace the one I lost, however she has required all of my attention to start to bring her out of her shell. Two years on she is still a mission in progress. As for Rudi she will always be with me in my heart. You are in my thoughts.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:50 pm
by Wanda6688
Thanks for all your comments, it is getting easier, I miss my boy dreadfully but I can now think back with smiles to the good times when he was younger and healthier. I still have a major wobble now and then, usually at the strangest time, for example in Tesco's last night I went down the pet food isle and then realised I didn't need to buy any cat food, I think the people around me probably thought I was a little crazy! I will never replace him but when the time is right I will start to look at getting another furry friend, they give you so much pleasure and love and yes occasionally they drive you mad, like the 5 in the morning 'wake up call'. Take care everyone and thank you x

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2015 9:47 pm
by Crewella
I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful boy, it's so hard to lose them. You never forget, but you do find a way to bear it and with time it really does get easier.

Personally, I find it very helpful to find a homeless cat to fill the cat-shaped hole in your life. As you say, you will never replace the boy that you've lost, but it allows you to focus on something that needs you.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:35 am
by Wanda6688
Sorry to be so self indulgent but I have gone downhill tonight - not sure why, almost feel I am back to where I was over 10 days ago. I still haven't got my boy's ashes yet, the people at the vets said they would call me but still nothing. I will call tomorrow as I need some sort of closure - not sure getting his ashes will do that but I hope it will help somehow. I miss him so very much xx

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 1:43 am
by Crewella
It's not self-indulgent - you're bound to get 'down' days, it's all part of the process. Personally, I do feel that getting them 'home' does help to bring closure. I always bury mine in the garden and plant a shrub, and I find that the small 'ceremony' of planting the shrub really does help bring some closure.

Choose something that suits you, and your memories of him, but I do think that doing something to mark their passing really does help. I'm sorry you''re sad. xx

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 4:32 am
by Mayday21
Wanda I agree with Cruella. I'm thinking of you & will also do a Buddhist ceremony for your precious fire ball. They're just so special. I know how you're feeling. Post whatever you like. And you can always email me. Take care my dear!

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2016 2:07 pm
by Wanda6688
I haven't been on here for a while but thought I would post an update. On Friday I will collect a lovely 2 year old tortie female (Molly) who is coming to live with me. It has taken me 3 months before I was able to think about getting another cat but I realise that I need one in my home and life. To anyone who has lost a cat, it does get easier but in my case it took a long time and I still think about my boy several times everyday, I still miss him. Molly won't replace him but I look forward to welcoming her into my life and I hope we have a long and happy time together.

Take care everyone and thanks for all your support - it really did help a lot xx

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:19 pm
by Mayday21
Wanda I'm sure you & Molly will be great for each other. And I'm rather fond of Torties as you know. I've adopted Jezebel who is still under the bed after 5 weeks but does come out late afternoon early evening so we do a bit of bonding then. I'm also fostering 2 who were surrendered. The little blue/white boy I've named TC (Top Cat) is gorgeous 1st time a boy for me & Snowflake girl. TC 8mths, Snowflake 15mths & Jezebel 1yr. Snow bullies Jezebel but I think we'll get there. TC desperately trying to befriend Jezebel. Keep us posted on Molly. So happy for you. A home isn't a home without a cat or 2, 3.... :D Vivian

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2016 11:31 pm
by bobbys girl
Well done Wanda, I hope you and Molly will be very happy together.
Sue xx

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2016 7:59 pm
by Zaccydupe
I haven't been on here for a while as it either upsets me so much or comforts me. My heart goes out to you, it is so difficult when losing a much loved puss, they are so faithful and loving and forgiving. \my beautiful Zac had to be put to sleep 6 months ago aged 8 and I miss him and cry for him so much. I wish I could make it easier for you but please remember that so many cats need a loving home so please don't leave it too long before you adopt again, it just may help you. Sorry if that seems insensitive that is the last thing I mean. Love to you H xx

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2016 11:57 pm
by Wanda6688
Molly has now been with me for nearly 2 weeks, she is lovely. I have just reread my initial post when 'The Cat' was pts and the hurt is still there, but Molly has given me something back. I have given a home to a cat that wasn't wanted anymore. Surely that is the greatest gift we can give - whilst it hurts when we have lost something dear, the greatest gift we can give is a home to a cat that needs it. I am glad I have done that x

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:17 am
by bobbys girl
We can never replace our lost little ones, but we can give a bright, new start and a loving home to another one, or two.

Glad to hear Molly is settling in. :D

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:29 pm
by Davey
Wanda, I was so sorry to read your posts about your cat. I didn't see you mention his name anywhere but I empathize with you so much. I took in an unwanted kitten found near my work back in October. She was about 4 months old at the time and since then she has lived with me and my other cat, Jim. The past 5 months have been a complete adventure and I named her Dolly but on Saturday evening she was found dead having been knocked over by a car. I am so terribly upset and had not realised how much I had come to love that little cat. I feel absolutely bereft and so depressed about it all. I know its not very 'macho' to feel like this but she was such a beautiful little cat, in looks as well as her nature. Like you it is going to be so hard to work through this. I am so pleased you have taken Molly in. Tortoishells are truly fantastic cats and I wish you all the best with her.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Mon Mar 28, 2016 9:08 pm
by bobbys girl
Sorry to hear your news Davey. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. My OH, another Davey, is just the same.

We lost our darling old boy Tommy, just after Christmas. We knew he was on his way out (CKD) but in the end it was a car that got him. My Dave could not even bring himself to dig Tommy's grave. We still miss him so, he kept control of the others - there is a power struggle going on without him.

RIP Dolly, I'm sure Tommy will find you at the bridge.

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2016 6:46 pm
by Mainecoon
So sorry about your loss . We lost our beautiful long haired Mainecoon x Kara to a RTA on 2/9/2015 , she is so so very missed .Now we have shorthaired Elsa , a Siamese X acquired Dec 2015 & very badly in need of treatment as frozen in garden / dehydrated & hours from death . A hard choice .but we feel have given another rescue cat another chance of a good home . Thinking of you at this time . XX

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2016 10:37 pm
by Mayday21
Hi Davey so sorry about Dolly. Losing them through any circumstance is heartbreaking. You'll get compassionate support here. Take care. Vivian

Re: Does it get any easier?

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2016 12:13 pm
by Kris35
Hi Wanda,

How are you now? Does it get any easier?