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Lost Friendships

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 8:05 pm
by Mayday21
Hi I just joined yesterday & emailed Wanda last night hoping to give her some comfort. Now I'm reading posts & found I had to post something.

Not only have I lost my lovely 21 yrs 7 mths Mayday two weeks tomorrow but my best friend's husband told me the other day in no uncertain words "to get over it & go visit someone else." I've not heard from my best friend & we used to talk every day. So I'm hurt over this too.

Mayday left me @ home in the early hours. I feel guilty I didn't get up to her. I did have her up on my bed earlier in the night but she started to get a little sick - dry food cd - so I put her down on the carpet. She meowed @ 3:15 & I got up @ 4am & found her outside her hutch.

A work colleague who's a Buddhist tries to comfort me with their beliefs. I'm going to my first meditation class tomorrow. Oh Mayday was given her name as someone tried to drown her the May long weekend in 1994 & I heard her frantic meows & saved her. The image I was going to attach is too large. She's a grey tortie.

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 11:30 pm
by jillyvillyvoo
Well what does he know! Nothing! I am so sorry for your loss and also the way you have been treated for grieving. Your mayday was a real lucky cat, first to be rescued by you and then to live so many years, a credit to you. Most of us on this forum can relate to what you are going through so we are here for you. I'm fairly new too, and I lost my darling cher in April age 13. Thankfully I had some supportive people around me. Please you shouldn't feel guilty, I was the same but you cannot dwell on what might have been. Focus on, and cherish all the lovely moments, and there must have been a lifetime of them as she was a great age. She loved you, you loved her so of course you will greive, we all get through it in different ways. I have only a few pictures of Cher, I have her ashes and thankfully I still have her brother. You do what you have to do and take your time. If your friend is not there for you to talk to then talk to us.

Perhaps your friend is embarrassed by her husbands cruel words, people like him make me so mad so I won't go on, I don't want to further upset you. Their will be others from this forum come along and give their advice too. One day at a time, it's all we can do. Huge hug x

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:00 am
by bobbys girl
I am so sorry to hear about Mayday and I second everything that jillyvillyvoo has said. Your friend's husband is an idiot! :x

I have a good friend with a husband like that, but perhaps with our age (50's) she has reached the point where she will say 'oh shut up and go play with your tractor'. Perhaps your friend will come around with an apology, if not you deserve a better friend!

We are here for you and we understand. Mayday was a lucky girl to have found you. (hugs)


Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 1:19 pm
by BarryK001
I assume your friend has never had a cat and doesnt understand the deep bonds between cats and their human slaves. Not excusing his behaviour but maybe they have some problem or stress going on in their lives that render them less than sympathetic? Anyway, very sorry to hear of the loss of Mayday - and I hope whoever tried to drown her got prosecuted. How can people do that?


Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 6:37 pm
by Mayday21
Hi Barry don't think anyone was found to be charged. Yes a couple of people have made similar comments but I thought our friendship was one that we all could talk it out just like family upsets. They have two staffys who they adore & so do I.

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 7:58 pm
by Mainecoon
Thinking of you at this time . XX

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 7:24 am
by Mayday21
Thanks Mainecoon. Really appreciate the support. I'm on my own & Mayday was my darling girl who I loved so much & used to tell her every day for over 21 yrs & now she lives in a little box on my bedside table. She was a lovely girl! So gentle & loving.

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:23 am
by Mrs Kane
A lot of people can be like this. Don't let it get you down or think less of them. Cats are hard to bond with and a lot of people can't or won't give them the time to do so.
When you bond with a cat it's something very special and it can take weeks, months or even years for this to happen. A lot of people seem to think that cats are aloof because they are so distant but I feel they're very much like people. They take time and lots of love in order to trust you, and quite right too!

I would put it to your friend's husband how they would feel over such a comment over the death of one of their staffies. Perhaps then they will see how this loss is affecting you and be a little more compassionate.

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:56 pm
by notjustacat
Hi Mayday 21. What a fantastic long life you have given to Mayday a true testimony to your love and devotion for her. I know you were drawn to this site as you were drawn to the place that brought you and Mayday together in the first place. There are no better people qualified to understand your grief than these fellow feliners. Also your logo Mayday 21 is a most fitting tribute to her. As for friends that don't understand, if they have never had a feline then they never will. However it doesn't make them all bad people. Time will make this more bearable she will always be with you, carried in your heart. Bless you.

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2015 7:35 pm
by suelily
Sorry to hear of you losing your gorgeous wee girl. I have been through it also. A big burly guy I worked with at the time of having to put my wee girl to sleep laughed because I paid couple of hundred pounds to get her cremated. That was hurtful. Then within a couple of weeks his wee staffy died and he fell to bits in work about losing his wee friend. I gave him a cuddle because I knew how he felt. I would never make fun of anyone who loses a pet. It is a shame your friends husband said that but your friend may be embarrassed but that shouldn't stop her being your friend. Hope you both work it out. x

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Sat Dec 12, 2015 10:10 pm
by Crewella
I'm so sorry, it really doesn't help when those around you don't understand. This poem has always helped me:


From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a cat,"
or "that's a lot of money for just a cat."

They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent,
or the costs involved for "just a cat."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a cat."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a cat,"
but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by
"just a cat," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch
of "just a cat" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a cat," then you probably understand
phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a cat" brings into my life the very essence of friendship,
trust, and pure unbridled joy.
"Just a cat" brings out the compassion and patience
that make me a better person.
Because of "just a cat" I will rise early, take long walks and look
longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a cat"
but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a cat" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts
away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that its' not "just a cat"
but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being
"just a man" or "just a woman."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a cat,"
just smile,
because they "just don't understand."

Re: Lost Friendships

Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 6:26 am
by Mayday21
Crewella thank you so much for the poem. It was lovely & sums up how we lovers of felines feel & think about our fur babies. I miss her dreadfully. And have even thought instead of going for a swim I should have stayed @ home with her albeit in the last year I never was out at night. I think this weekend I'll write a letter to her c/- The Rainbow Bridge. Hugs to everyone.