Grieving once more

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Hannah1980
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Grieving once more

Post by Hannah1980 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:23 am

18 months ago my beautiful ginger cat died - you lovely people on here helped me so much with your understanding. Although my Jasper died in August 2014, I didn't get confirmation until 31st October that he had been taken to a local vet and cremated without my knowledge (I only found out for sure what had happened following a complaint and investigation of said vets).

Jasper was only 4 when he died following a cat fight and he came into my life not long after my mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. He helped me through so much and after his loss it took me at least 6 months before I could stay in my flat again.

For months at random times I would burst into tears just thinking about him and missing him and decided that I wanted to help other cats so I began fostering, on 19th August 2015 - 51 weeks after Jasper passed away.

I fostered 2 lovely cats who had been dumped at a local vets by their owner - they were both underweight when they arrived but they soon gained weight and they helped me deal with the loss of Jasper - it felt as if I was doing something good in Jaspers memory.
The younger cat, a 5 year old pure white female with different coloured eyes had a couple of health problems - she received treatment and was out on special dietary food and in November she was in season which was a shock as the Cats Protection thought she was neutered.

The plan was for me to adopt both cats once the younger one (Milko) had been spayed, neutered and microchipped. I was a little worried about the cost of the special diet food but she was worth every penny.

I now won't get the chance to adopt her - she became ill on Monday last week and myself and my partner were going back and forth from the vets. She had a day long drip on Weds and came home in the evening but was clearly very poorly - we took her back to the vets Thurs morning as planned and she stayed in overnight.

On Friday I spoke to the vet who said that she hasn't improved and that they were going to do an ultra sound- an hour later I received a call to say that her kidneys were beyond repair and that she would be put to sleep that day (they had spoken to cats protection and they was nothing further that they could do)- and was asked if I wanted to be present, which I did.

That wait on Friday afternoon was awful - when they bought Milko out it was clear she was very ill - the vets were amazing and I stroked her as she fell asleep. I've previously seen 2 animals euthanised and heck I was with my mum when she died but on Friday I was a mess. When I got home I was hysterical and was physically sick.

I've been trying to give lots of attention to my other foster cat, Honey. She came with Milko and although they weren't particularly close, they would often snuggle up to each other.

I keep breaking down in tears and feel bad because I need to comfort Honey. Saturday I felt kind of ok but yesterday was a bad day - I had a voicemail from the vets and phoned them back. Been told that I will be waiting for a long time for Milkos ashes because she is a cat protection case I don't think the crematorium will pick her up plus they have staff off sick at the moment. I've been given the option to collect her from the vets and take her to the pet crematorium myself but right now that feels impossible.

I am grateful that I will get her ashes (something which I sadly didn't get with Jasper), and despite me being willing to pay for the cremation, cats protection are adamant they are going to pay (they have been brilliant).

Right now my head feels like a mess - Milko slept next to me pretty much every night and reminded me of Jasper in many ways. I can't believe she has gone and how much pain I feel.

I'm sorry for waffling - getting upset so will leave it here for now.

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bobbys girl
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Re: Grieving once more

Post by bobbys girl » Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:01 am

Oh Hannah, I am so very sorry to hear your news. Sending you the biggest of ((hugs)). I know how hard it is but try and take some comfort in the fact that, in the short time she was with you, she had a loving, happy home.

Just a thought, could your partner collect her and take her to the crem. for you?

Thinking of you, Sue xx

Hannah1980
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Re: Grieving once more

Post by Hannah1980 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 4:00 pm

My partner has said that he can take her to the crem but as I was the one who looked after her (I don't live with my partner) I would feel like I was letting her down.

Still in shock over what has happened and trying to make sure that Honey is ok but I feel like I'm falling apart

Karenanne
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Re: Grieving once more

Post by Karenanne » Mon Feb 08, 2016 5:11 pm

So sorry to hear your news, Hannah. I know there is nothing I can really say but I am in a similar position and I have found talking to people on here helps a little. Like you, I feel I am falling apart and though I have wonderful friends, I think many of them are now feeling I should 'move on'. (It was only Tuesday) How wonderful of you to rescue two more cats though. I bet Milko had the most amazing and wonderful time with you. Thinking of you xxx

Hannah1980
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Re: Grieving once more

Post by Hannah1980 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:21 pm

I am lucky in that I have tonnes of pictures and videos of Milko - downside is I've been sat watching them and am in a state again. It is so nice to know there are others that understand - the pain is so raw and I know that it will ease but right now it is so painful :(

Wanda6688
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Re: Grieving once more

Post by Wanda6688 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 10:53 pm

So Sorry to read your post - how very sad - yes I know it is raw however it will get better but yes there will be times when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I did and and still do after the loss of my boy late last year. Someone said to me on here - 'they take a cat shaped hole from your heart' - so true. I hope all our fur babies are together at 'The Bridge' and having fun.

Thinking of you - take care xx

Mainecoon
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Re: Grieving once more

Post by Mainecoon » Wed Feb 10, 2016 7:40 pm

Thinking of you at this time X X

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