One week after I lost the greatest of Gatsby's

[Karenanne]

it is now exactly one week since I lost my wonderful Gatsby. This week I have felt such guilt and so many what ifs. More tests. Could I have saved him? I didn't find Gatsby, he found me. A little unwanted stray who turned up in 2011 and wouldn't go away. We went through so much together. He was ill. He disappeared when he got locked in a house for eight days..I walked the streets for hours. He was a disaster cat who turned into my beautiful, black little boy. I thought he would always be here. Tonight I lit a candle and placed a rose on his new spot in the garden. The neighbours must think I am insane. I am barely functioning. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I just keep crying. Today though, I felt for the first time that my grief is all about me. My loss. My sadness. I hope I gave him the best life ever, however short. Maybe I will be able to have another cat..or two. No-one will ever replace Gatsby but I have read that black cats are overlooked in rescues. Maybe I should do some volunteer work with a rescue or donate. Maybe that will be Gatsby's legacy. I hope the pain goes away and I can remember all the good times. I would do anything to hold him just once more. My neighbour said "he always smelled of you". I didn't even want a cat, let alone a black cat. This is breaking my heart. I am sorry for just rambling on. Sleep well, my beautiful great Gatsby. You were a legend. Why on earth did you come running everytime I opened a mayonnaise jar...and why did you crave company but refuse to sit on my lap? I miss you so much xxx

[Hannah1980]

I am so sorry for your loss and I completely understand the emotions that you are going through right now. I too wasn't even thinking of getting a cat until my ginger boy came into my life at a difficult time - might sound daft but I sometimes think he was something of a feline angel - honestly don't think I would have got through losing my Mum without him.

It is incredibly hard when you lose a beloved pet - growing up we had lots of pets, but my Jasper was my first pet who was mine and not a family pet and losing him hit me hard - harder than I ever thought possible. For months I would burst into tears at random times and places - I never thought the pain would ease - but it did, in time. I still miss him and always will. What helped me massively was fostering 2 cats - I was intending on only fostering one, but the 2 were an emergency case and if they hadn't been taken on they would have been put to sleep.
I never thought I could love another cat as much as I did with Jasper, but these 2 unwanted cats stole my heart and helped me to remember Jasper in a good way - and me looking after them was something I did in his memory.

Now going through the grieving process once more after losing one of the foster cats (who I was meant to be adopting - I'm still adopting the other) - I've only had them for 6 months but the pain is still immense.

Know that you are not alone in how you are feeling - grief when we lose pets is just as painful as when we lose family members. With me it was one week short of a year before I began fostering (only because I was unable to be in my flat for the first 6 months after I lost Jasper). Fostering or some sort of work with animals could help you a lot - it won't bring your precious cat back, but there are so many cats out there unwanted and unloved. I've heard that black cats are not as desired as other cats which I think is ridiculous - doesn't matter what colour they are - each cat has their own different personality!

Do whatever is best for you at the moment - I know right now thinking of the happy times will be difficult but in time you will remember your little one with good memories.

The "what ifs" I think are normal - feeling guilty etc but try to remember that you gave your cat a loving home - and that is a lot more than can be said for many cats out there who are left abandoned/neglected

Hugs xx

[Karenanne]

Thank you so much for your kind words, Hannah. It is good to be able to talk to people who know how I feel. I am so tired now as I didn't really sleep again last night but I will write more later. I finally managed to post soemthing about Gatsby on fb last night. This morning I had a message from someone looking to rehome their two black cats due to a marriage break up. Really don't know. It may be too soon. Xxx

[bobbys girl]

I am so sorry to hear about Gatsby. I second everything Hannah has said. We lost our old boy Tommy just after Christmas and we still miss him so. It makes me sad when I do a head count and find one missing. In his own quiet way, he was a big influence in our kitty family - always there to break up arguments and keep the others in line.

I can't tell you when the time is right to adopt more kitties, but I really feel that you will know in your heart. All of our cats have come to us that way. Grace AND Tom arrived within days of losing Cassidy, Grace as an abandoned kitten left at the vets and Tom just turned up in the garden.

I had never PLANNED to have a cat - God (or fate) decided otherwise. I'm sure whenever you do, that Gatsby would approve. (Hugs) to you.

Sue

[Kay]

the way I look at it is, that taking on a couple of cats needing a good home is worth doing for their sake, rather than yours - and looking after them and getting to know them will be a distraction from grieving for Gatsby

if you come to love them as much as you loved Gatsby then that is a bonus, but these things take time, and the new cats won't know your heart is still grieving whilst they tuck into good food and sleep in a warm bed