What to do when your animals are all you have?

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Kris35
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What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Had my Tezzy pts this morning and I am beferft of course. But the thing is - I was never close to her like I'm close to my other cat. I think my life is so unbalanced and with no security and they were the two constants in my life. Now Tezzy has gone, I feel a great big void. I am depressed anyway and seeing a therapist. I just cannot get along with people and feel like I am always going to be alone.

Does anyone else here feel the same? Like your animals are all you have?
jillyvillyvoo
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by jillyvillyvoo »

Not all I have in life but sometimes the best parts of it. When your depression gets better you will see things differently I just think we are so fortunate to have these lovely creatures, especially when things get rough. Unconditional love, just there for us. Big hugs so sorry for your loss x
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bobbys girl
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by bobbys girl »

Hi Kris, I am so sorry to hear about Tezzy. It is especially hard on you when you are feeling so down. I hope your therapist is helping you and not making you dwell on things (as some do!)

I know how hard it can be to make friends - I had a rough time at school (long, boring story) but I think if you can find something you like doing (with me it was working on local wildlife projects), you will meet people with similar interests, without going out of your way to 'make friends'. Perhaps a local animal shelter needs volunteers?

You meet people in the strangest places. I met my husband at the Job Club! :lol: And you have always got us.

RIP Tezzy and (hugs) to you.

Sue
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Mayday21 »

Hi Kris I can relate to you. I suffer the black dog which is hereditary. Since 2007 I've bn volunteering for a vet & he, his family & vet nurses have been a tower of support not to mention my self esteem. So sorry for your loss &'Jillyvoo, Crewella, Wanda & others were such a great support to me when I lost Mayday in Nov last year my last constant & I was devastated with grief as I also got abused by my bestie's husband & our friendship hasn't bn repaired but I'm ok. I focussed on a cat rescue org which I've had an association with since 2004 but more hands on now. We're here for you - you're not alone. Vivian
Kris35
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Thankyou Jillyvillyvoo, bobbys girl and Mayday21,

Jillyvoovoo, so so fortunate to have these babies, but right now I don't think it has been worth it. The pain and loneliness is right in the pit of my stomach. You all know how it feels.

bobbys girl - I hate therapists that make you go over the past - might work for some but not for me. Its the situation I am in right now and have been in for a couple of years that needs to be sorted but their is no magic wand.

Mayday21, really sorry to hear about Mayday and the abuse. I rang the Blue Cross yesterday (twice) and one woman I spoke to was great and she said about volunteering.

Thanks for the kind words. I need to go and put Tezzy in the freezer now. Ive even been thinking about having her body freeze dried (just found out about it yesterday) but I kinda think its disrespectful to her body. I have thought about it hough. Having her body here is a comfort. I am going for one last hug. xxx
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by bobbys girl »

When we lost Tommy (and I still miss that cat everyday) I laid him out on his towel in the old mobile home we have (my workshop). I brushed him and sat with him and let the other cats in to sniff him. The following morning I buried him in our garden right next to our old dog Rosie - Tom's best friend. Me and OH had a little service for him and I found a heuchera plant, online called 'Tommy' and have ordered one for his grave. I still talk to him on the way past. It does help - a little.

I have a friend who was attacked at work (in a Bank) in England. Part of the settlement from work was that she get 'counselling' for her PTS. Her marriage broke down and she moved over here, with her son, to be near her parents. She was doing her best to make a fresh start, but every time she met with her counsellor, he made her go over the events again and again 'how does that make you feel?' he would ask. :x I would have banjoed him, idiot!

Good luck with the volunteering.

Sue
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Hi Sue,

So sorry about your loss. It is so freaking difficult isnt it. Not sure Im up for volunteering yet though. It did cross my mind to get another cat last night but the other old girl Ive had for 18 years would not like it so I think maybe best not to.

Mental health education needs to be reassessed in my mind. I went to see a psycologist last year when I thought I was losing my other girl (and other stuff) and when I told him I couldnt get off the loo (sorry) he told me there was a bug going around. It wasnt that - it was stress tummy. Other stuff he also didnt get. I almost half expected him to say "spring will be here soon".
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bobbys girl
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by bobbys girl »

Yes, there is a lot to be desired about human healthcare these days, a 'pill for every ill' or it's all in your mind! Some vets are still in the Dark Ages, but they seem to be willing to learn and to try new things - and (our vets at least) go out of their way to find out what's causing a problem. Sometimes think I would be better seeing our vet than my GP! :lol:

I like to imagine Tom and Rosie playing and sitting together in the sunshine - just like they used to. I'm with Shakespeare when he said 'there are more things in Heaven and Earth (Horatio) than are dreamed of in your philosophies' (or words to that effect) :D
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

I hope animals' do live on - selfishly I hope mine are all around me in spirit, or just happy wherever they go. I have seen a human ghost but never an animal ghost. I hope my Tezzy is happy. So up and down again today.
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bobbys girl
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by bobbys girl »

I've told this tale before. A short while after our Lurcher Katie died, my OH had to go to England on family business. While he was gone, on no less than 3 occasions I saw something grey out of the corner of my eye. When I turned there was nothing there.

I felt a bit silly, but on his return I told OH. He wasn't surprised. He said he'd asked Katie to keep an eye on us while he was away. She had always been our 'guard dog' and had been very defensive of us, the cats and our property. We never saw her again but Purdy often used to sit on Kate's grave.
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

I wonder why they sometimes dont show themselves in full. I often hear about people glimpsing human ghosts out of the corner of their eyes. Weird, but we know very little I think - and we are all energy and atoms. I dont understand it but I know there is definitely something out there HUGE that we dont understand.

I just hope we are all reunited when we go ourselves. I love it that Katie came back to you or was already there anyway. If there is life after death, I just want them to be happy wherever they are. So sad and so hard this grieving process but our animals' want us to be happy. I keep telling myself that. Love you LOADS Tezzy if you are reading this. Love you forever.

God I sound mad but want to cover all bases!
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bobbys girl
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by bobbys girl »

No, not mad, questioning, open-minded and those are good things. The more we find out about this thing we call 'life', the more we realise there is SO much more going on - such an adventure!

And if you want examples of mad - you should hear me arguing with the telly. OH says 'having a rant again dear?' :lol:
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Wanda6688 »

Hello Kris 35,

So sorry to hear about poor Tezzy. I know how you are feeling, when I lost my boy last Nov, I was in bits and did go to a dark place. The others on here helped a great deal but it is only through time that you get through the feelings you are going through right now. I live alone (which I actually quite enjoy) but that means you can do whatever you want, being alone is not such a bad thing. I now volunteer with my local Cats Protection group and I have found like minded people from all sorts of backgrounds, but the one thing we have in common is our love of animals - especially cats. That has helped me. Although probably too soon for you, maybe think about getting another cat - it took me 3 months of heartache but now I have Molly in my life - a 2 year old Tortie female who is adorable.

I do hope the therapy helps and please write on here whenever you need to - we all know what you are going through - and yes it is hard but it does get better - I didn't think it ever would but believe me when I say it does - eventually!
Take care
Wanda x
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Jamsie22 »

Hi Kris 35

I understand what you're going through. I live on my own and lost my pet cat Alice last October. I felt i was doing a good job caring for her and she was certainly a constant and gave great security. The only advise I can give you, is take each day at a time and think each day that you're worth something. If you can give cats love in itself represents that you have alot to offer.

Take care of yourself,
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Kris35
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Thanks all. Keep expecting her to be there - I forget for a few seconds every now and again.
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Hi Wanda,

I read part of your story on here when Tezzy was ill last week. I wanted to ask you - do you think you can love Molly as much as your boy? I cannot ever imagine feeling as I do about the old girl I have left now Tezzy has gone. I thought about getting an old girl from an animal rescue place (not now as my current old girl would stress) - I don't hink I want to have another 18 year relationship with an animal. If I get them old then I cant get too attached to them. But I am curious as to whether if I did get a rescued young cat, would I be able to love this intensly again?

How are you coping without your boy - be truthful - does it get any easier? Does having another cat help?
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Jamesie, its tough isnt it. Half wish I didnt give a hoot you know.....

Do you have any more animals? Sop sorry about all your losses - wish they could live with us forever. Maybe they are.....
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Wanda6688 »

Hi Kris35,

It does get easier, honestly, but it took me a long time and I still miss my boy and have a weep every now and then (like now as I write this!). There does however come a time when you remember all the fun times and the joy that they bring you.

Having another cat has helped a great deal but I often tell Molly that there was once a very special cat that lived here - yes, crazy I know! Molly is completely different to my other cat, both in looks and temperament, this was deliberate on my part and yes I love her as intensly but maybe in a different way - she just makes me smile.

I am sorry for what you are going through - it is hard I know. Don't rush into getting another cat - you will know when the time is right as I did and also you will know when you meet a new cat whether they are right for you - I met 2 others before I chose Molly - there was just something about her.
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Kris35 »

Oh God, your post gives me hope.....thankyou. Crying myself now - for your loss and for mine.
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Re: What to do when your animals are all you have?

Post by Jamsie22 »

kris,

I don't have other animals and almost got a replacement cat recently, but time wasn't right. I agree with Wanda that you can't rush it.

Take care,
Jamsie
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