Overwhelming grief

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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Tracey1979
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Overwhelming grief

Post by Tracey1979 » Fri Apr 22, 2016 10:18 am

I lost my cat Jeff on Monday. He had hapatitis and went downhill very quickly. He was only around 8 or 9. He was a stray brought into the vet practice I worked at, and I took him home to see if an owner came forward. That was 6 years ago nearly to the day. He saved my life. I have suffered depression my whole life, and before I fell pregnant with my daughter I hit the bottom. I decided to end it all. But couldnt leave him without me, so said that when he was gone, I would go too. It gave me time to get help and then found out I was having my daughter. So he really did save my life, kept me going for something amazing to come along. He was my special boy and I am devastated I will never have him cuddle in again. Never hear his awesome powerful purr. Never again have to brush his fur from my clothes. Or see him running to the kitchen at the sound of a tin being opened. I have had pets all my life, every loss a heart break. But this is the hardest. And I dont think this loss will ever heal.

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bobbys girl
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by bobbys girl » Fri Apr 22, 2016 2:34 pm

Oh Tracey, I am so sorry to hear your news. Losing an older cat is hard enough, but you can accept it more. But one in the prime of life is so sad, so cruel. I wish I could say something that would take away the hurt. Just know that we are here for you.

RIP Jeff, one special little cat. (Hugs) to you Tracey.

Sue x

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Mayday21
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Mayday21 » Fri Apr 22, 2016 9:25 pm

Tracey hugs to you at this time of loss and grief. He was such a lucky boy for you to take him in and love him and he returned that love to you tenfold: that's what unconditional love is all about. Post whatever while your going through this and you'll receive heaps of support. Thinking of you as others will be too. Vivian

Wanda6688
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Wanda6688 » Fri Apr 22, 2016 11:39 pm

Tracy - so sorry for your loss, I know how that feels - time is great healer and although you won't feel it now, it is true. Post on here whenever you need to.

Take care xx

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by GillianH » Sat Apr 23, 2016 9:01 am

I lost one of my cats in December 2004 (road traffic accident - well actually it was a man over the road from me driving up our quiet residential street way too fast) and if I think about him a lot I can very easily feel the grief, pain and loss I felt all that time ago.

It is under a week since you lost Jeff so you will of course be feeling numb from this as is only natural when a much loved pet passes away.

Be kind to yourself and as others say post on here whenever you want to.

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Kris35 » Fri Apr 29, 2016 10:23 am

Tracey, I too have depressiona and was thinking about topping myself when my cats went. I lost one two weeks ago and have one old girl remaining plus a stray boy. What I have found by reading this site, is that some people feel just as we do, but getting another cat seems to help them. I have two friends who were the same as me when their dog/cat passed over - they were suicidal and I didn't think they would make it. Both lost their companions two years ago and now they both have other animals and are going through the same thing worrying about losing the. I say this because they do love these other animals just as intensely and having them has helped them. I know about the empty feeling. The pit of depression in the stomach. The thought that I don't want to go on. The one thing that is helping me is to plan a future for myself. I think its a lack of connections that make it worse for some people. I cannot connect with humans so all my love goes to the animals and so when they have gone I feel like I will have nothing left. I am trying to work on that.

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Kris35 » Fri Apr 29, 2016 11:05 am

Tracey, I have my old girl here at home and she is being cremated next week. Its weird but her being here is comforting to me. I even thought about having her freeze dried but decided this wasn't for me. Someone was telling me yesterday they have a 3D photo of their passed over dog which helps him feel like she is still there. God its so hard isnt it.

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Kris35 » Sun May 01, 2016 11:28 am

Also just to say - it comes in waves with me but I have found the Blue Cross "pet" (hate that word) bereavement line is good - depending on who you get, but on the whole they have made me feel better - just for a while, then it hits again. But they are worth a ring when you are on a downward spiral.

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Wanda6688 » Sun May 01, 2016 9:16 pm

I used Blue Cross in the very early days and found them very helpful. Yes, I totally understand that the grief takes you in waves - one minute you are OK and then it hits you so hard you are back to where to where you started. I guess that is what grief does to you. Did I suffer depression - well I guess I did, I cried an awful lot and had very little interest in anything, but for me it passed, very slowly admittedly but it did pass. I almost think that we need a fast forward button for this type of loss, we know that the feeling will pass but we have to go through all the horrible stuff before it does. It will pass believe me - please take care and remember that with time you will heal and feel better.

Wanda xx

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Kris35 » Sun May 01, 2016 10:21 pm

You are similar to me Wanda - I live alone and work from home. I remember when you posted the thread "does it get any easier", so its a bit of a relief to see you coming in here now and posting. And I know from my two friends who both wanted to kill themselves when their animals' passed over that it does get easier and I never thought they would get through it.

Am hoping the OP is ok. I sent Tracey a PM to see if she wanted to talk on the phone - really hope you are ok Tracey.

issiandarchie+68
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Wed May 04, 2016 9:33 am

On March 31st I took my little black cat Armand, to the vets for a routine visit and mentioned he was coughing badly. I wasn't worried, he had been very ill when we took him in 5yrs previously and was always a little wheezy. He died at the vets. A tumour in his tiny chest and lungs filling up with fluid. I was distraught. Exactly a week later, I took my beautiful silver and white cat to vet because, despite being very healthy up to that point, she was losing weight rapidly. She was put to sleep last Friday, a skeleton, a shadow of her former self, due to kidney failure. The grief is overwhelming. Armand was 11 and Cody 8. I sank into deep depression, can't eat or sleep but the support I have received from 'Catchat', friends and family have made me realise I am not alone. Last night, I actually slept after realising my 3rd cat Gandhi, is missing his pals, they all got on very well, and he needs me. My point is this, I have seen notices in our local area (Glasgow) looking for people to adopt and/ or help out with all kinds of animals. They are offering financial help with feeding, vets fee, transport etc. I know from personal experience that the love and affection exchanged with our pets can be a lifesaver and I wonder if helping out/adopting as I have outlined would help? Seems a shame to waste the love in your hearts. Unfortunately, as I am now 68 and my husband 69, there will be no more pets for us after the demise (hopefully not in the near future) of my beloved Gandhi.

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Kay
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Kay » Wed May 04, 2016 6:56 pm

you sound an ideal fosterer to me, especially for older and/or special needs cats, which are often long term projects

your experience of looking after cats, and the time you could give to them, would be a godsend to an overstretched rescue

and if you fall in love you could always adopt

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Mayday21
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Mayday21 » Wed May 04, 2016 8:14 pm

Hi Issie I agree with Kay's post. The best thing I did other than joining this forum was to get involved with Little a Paws Kitten Rescue Assoc here. Deb & her fur babies were God sends. Vivian

Wanda6688
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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Wanda6688 » Wed May 04, 2016 11:21 pm

I also agree with the other posts - I know how hard it is to lose a much loved pet but I have been helping out with my local Cats Protection and I find that it gives me something back. I don't do much for them as I work full time, but when I can help, I do. Sometimes with their homing events and taking cats to the vets when needed. There are so many cats that need our help and although it doesn't bring our own much loved cats back, it feels good to know that I have helped in a small way the other cats that need a home, it does make a difference.

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Mon May 16, 2016 9:41 am

Wanda6688 wrote:I used Blue Cross in the very early days and found them very helpful. Yes, I totally understand that the grief takes you in waves - one minute you are OK and then it hits you so hard you are back to where to where you started. I guess that is what grief does to you. Did I suffer depression - well I guess I did, I cried an awful lot and had very little interest in anything, but for me it passed, very slowly admittedly but it did pass. I almost think that we need a fast forward button for this type of loss, we know that the feeling will pass but we have to go through all the horrible stuff before it does. It will pass believe me - please take care and remember that with time you will heal and feel better.

Wanda xx
Looking back over my posts about the death of Cody and Armand, 'a fast forward button' again caught my eye. How true. The pain is easing, although I still feel awful every morning, as if the grief has built up in my insides while I sleep. A friend, who has lost four cats, told me to 'go with the flow', weep and then act as normal, so I do. I am beginning to experience long periods in the day when I think of them fondly, although with my beloved Cody, it has only been 2 weeks. She was so lovely in looks and nature, even my neighbours were upset. I admit that, finding myself unable to eat ( I lost 18lbs in a month) or sleep and sinking into depression, I sought help from my Doctor. She has given me a mild sedative to help me sleep and it helps. Our remaining cat Gandhi, a big muscular, loving cushion with an enormous personality is a great comfort but we have decided against getting another cat. Hopefully he will be with us for a long time yet but he is coming up for 12yrs, so on his demise, as active 'baby boomers' OAPS we are selling up. We are not rich but with the money from the sale of the house,if we rent, we can live in a decent house in the sun with a little money behind us. When there,I will look into helping out at the local animal rescue centre, like many of you, I can't live a life completely devoid of cats. I mention this because naturally, the loss hurts like hell, we can't just erase it, but we can and do get caught up in grief. A dear friend admitted to me yesterday she felt guilty as she wept in pain more when she lost her dog, Daisy, than she did when her father died, but its like a sore, scratch it, it never heals, soothe it, the scar is still there but it doesn't hurt so bad (or so I'm told!). I adored Cody and Armand, miss them enormously, always will but looking to a new life in the future (hopefully!) has helped to ease the pain a little.

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Re: Overwhelming grief

Post by Bromz » Sat Jun 06, 2020 4:29 am

Hello, this story must be familiar
As i was cleaning the house i notice a Furrrry cat sitting very confidence
like a king on the sofa, and so i adopted him
or maybe he adopted me ,not sure what happen there
he was a very gentle and a noble cat
Once he killed a venom snake that was sneaking into the house
i woke up and he was siting near the snake as if to say "My life matters"
he died from kidney and liver failure at the age of 15

i made a small tribute to his life
https://youtu.be/BstALsT1KqI

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