Night time terrors

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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bobbys girl
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Re: Night time terrors

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Aug 03, 2016 8:38 pm

issiandarchie+68 wrote:Glaswegians will talk to anyone, it takes me ages to get down the street,
It's just the same here in NI - and I love it!

The town I come from has a population of over 150,000. Where I live now, there are 53,000 in the COUNTY - and I think I know them all. :lol:

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by JulieJulie » Thu Aug 04, 2016 11:09 am

Hello Issi,

I came over to this board after losing my beloved Lucy 2 days ago.
5 years ago I lost my beloved Tortie, Honey, and found CC. I was grief stricken for 6 months, didn't want to get up and out of bed. I feel your pain, and I'm pleased that you seem to be coming out of the other side of it.
I was interested to read your early posts about dreaming about them - what a great privilege for you - I believe that these dreams are our pets coming to visit us, and am greatly comforted when this happens, there is no reason to be upset by this. I'm not some dotty old mare, I'm a professional woman (on the outside, at least) but I do believe in spiritual 'something' and I've had experiences that have been enough to make me think long and hard about the afterlife etc.

After I lost my darling Honey, I told myself that if I wanted to keep on having pets, I had to start dealing with the loss better. I life without pets is no life, and the shelters are crammed with cats and dogs who desperately need us to be strong for them. I have therefore had to become a lot stronger in dealing with the losses - using whatever means I have had to. Due to other issues I've had Cognitive Based Therapy (helps you change your outlook on bad things in life), and I've also taken pills to help me sleep and deal with anxiety. Not what I really want for myself long term, but to get me through short term pain and trauma, invaluable.

I never want to become one of those people who says it's too hard to have pets because of the loss. I agree with what someone on here said, that you don't' bond as deeply to the older adoptees - not because you don't love them as much, but I think there is a different perspective - the focus on an older rescue cat is THEIR needs - they need a home, and we are caring for them, so we know that however many wonderful years we have shared, they were a bonus for a life that otherwise might have been ended (in the hands of some so-called charities), or lived out in a pen.

As for my boyfriends over the last ten years, well quite honestly I never asked their permission to bring cats or kittens home, they just came home one day and there they were! They wouldn't dare to tell me not to keep them, although I have respected their requests to keep within a certain number of pets....

It's lovely to share such beautiful memories. As I read your recollections it was lovely because it reminded me of the wonderful things about my darling cats who have passed over. Keep writing here, keep a journal if it helps, keepsakes, light a candle for your babies to remember them. It does get better....eventually....x

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Crewella » Fri Aug 05, 2016 7:31 pm

That's a lovely post, Julie, and I heartily agree with every sentiment expressed in it. (((hugs)))

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sun Aug 07, 2016 10:05 am

Hi Julie, I am so very sad to hear of the passing of Lucy and appreciate your kind thoughts. I personally, don't believe in the afterlife or souls but would never dismiss anyone's beliefs out of hand, your words are a great comfort. I can't light a candle either, that's because for years whenever I have lit scented candles, my dear hubby has blown them out! My GP did offer me counselling.I offered my services behind the bar at the interval,but declined. A dear friend is a trained Counsellor, her considered response to my grief being 'well, we all have to die sometime!' She herself takes Prozac, is anorexic. I am coming to terms with the loss of Cody and Armand but believe my feelings of despair and loneliness have been exacerbated by tightly holding my emotions in over a very bad couple of years for the whole family. My pets demise has brought home with force a sense of my own impending mortality, memories of youth, loss and missed opportunities. My hubby, extremely intelligent scientist, but whose answer to every DIY problem is a tube of superglue, just shrugs, explains the theory of chaos and impermanence as a fact of life. I listen, sometimes I nearly wake up, but rational explanation doesn't help does it? Your comments on facing the fear and taking in other needy cats has given me pause for thought. Other forum members think the same way. I mentioned it to my hubby, and he has gone from definitely no more to I'll think about it. Can't do it just now, Gandhi a big cat with an even bigger personality, Cody was unique in that he loved her on sight, wouldn't happen again and it took a few weeks before he accepted my Wee Geezer, Armand. I will be thinking of you today, sending good vibes (yes, I'm an ageing hippy) and really hope your other pets bring you some comfort in this painful time. My beloved big grey cat Gandhi has twice draped across the keyboard looking for attention, worse than a toddler. :).

Issi
Last edited by issiandarchie+68 on Sun Aug 07, 2016 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sun Aug 07, 2016 7:14 pm

Sorry folks, please ignore blank space. I have been trying to post pics of cats without success.

Issi
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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Kris35 » Mon Aug 08, 2016 10:27 am

Hi all,

Thanks for the kind words Issi! :) Totally forgot about this thread even after getting a reminder for it the other day. "Draped across the keyboard" just made me chuckle.

Julie, I have experience of the afterlife - with witnesses so it wasn't me going mad. I know there is something out there but not sure what. To do with time and space I think. I wish though that when we died, that was it really! Sorry to hear about Lucy. I'm dreading when my old girl goes - she is hanging on in there! I would like her to get through this summer and she is still enjoying life so fingers crossed she has a few months left yet. I will be suicidal when she goes. Urghhh!!

Kris

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Crewella » Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:58 pm

Issi, I have to reduce the size of pics that I put up on our rescues Cat Chat homing page to 400 x 300 pixels, and pics of that size always load on here OK for me. It will probably take bigger ones, but I know that size will work!

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Re: Night time terrors: 1 year on

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:15 pm

[attachment=1]cats 013.jpg
My Cody..beautiful inside and out ..very much missed.

Update: 30th March 2017
Isn't she lovely? I still haven't fully come to terms with the fact that we lost her so quickly at such a young age, sometimes it hits me in the stomach and stops me in my tracks, but, as with Armand, as from today I will be celebrating her life, not dwelling on her final few days. Always a place in a corner of my heart, dear Cody.

Issi
xx
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Re: Night time terrors: 1 year on

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:41 pm

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My sweet Armand. A bundle of joy. Think about him every day.

Update:30th March 2017

Well..it's been a year today and 11 months tomorrow since my beloved wee geezer Armand, and my beautiful little lady, Cody died. Has it been hard? Yes, of course, in a way that the loss of a loved one affects me more, takes longer to come to terms with in my old age. It frequently brings home a sense of my own mortality. On my darlings demise, I totally went to pieces but in time, the raw grief passed. Likewise, I don't feel the pain of their absence during the night or when returning home. I admit I have shed a tear every single day, still expect their sweet little bodies to plop onto the bed for a morning cuddle, chip up to the food bowl at tea time, but there comes a time when grief can be a nasty lodger and needs to be kicked out, a celebration of their lives invited into our hearts. Have we moved to Spain? Thanks to Brexit..ggrrr.. no we haven't but our house is up for sale and we are downsizing, releasing the equity to enjoy life travelling, visiting relatives etc. We still have our beloved big grey cat Gandhi. He's an absolute character, been known to pull the papers from the Estate Agents lap then jump on his knee and drop his soft pink ball for throwing! I feel I must mention that as it was noticed my darlings had gone,my grief brought out the best in friends, neighbours, relatives, even the postman gave me a hug! I didn't have a single negative response. For me, a typical Yorkshire cynic, it has been a welcome revelation..although I still think a friend in need is a pain in the neck :). I follow the threads on CC from time to time, feel empathy with CC members and their poorly pets, pray for a good outcome but also give thanks for the support offered here. Well, I mustn't delay you any longer. I am heading up to my allotment to check on the beautiful heritage roses I have planted in Cody and Armand's memory, a joyous reminder of my beautiful companions. I hope you are all, in the main well. I would love to hear how other people are coping.
Love and hugs
Issi
xx
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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Kris35 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:42 pm

Beautiful Issi.

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:47 pm

Thank you darling. I've been trying to post pics for ages. Both very small cats, Armand used to sit like that all the time. I've been thinking about you all afternoon, wish I was near to wrap you and your wee one in hugs. Hope she recovers her health.

Issi

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Kris35 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:58 pm

Ahhhh thankyou. I would love to live in a field full of cats. Bliss!

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Crewella » Fri Aug 12, 2016 4:04 pm

Two very beautiful, very elegant, cats. xx

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 9:41 am

Thank you Crewella, black cats are notoriously difficult to photograph and this pic does not do wee Armand justice. We hadn't had him long when taken, but despite the fact he had sore skin from 24/7 flea bites and various illnesses, considered un - rehomeable, he was a total bundle of joy, became sleek, more rounded, with big round clear green eyes. Always chatting, burbling, charging about the house, followed me everywhere, including the loo!. House isn't the same without Armand and Cody, very empty although on the plus side, my big grey cat Gandhi, is thriving as an only. I thought about taking in other cats, my hubby says if it will make me happy, just do it. But he has also admitted he will be devastated on Gandhi's demise, will have been through the pain too many times, can't really face going through it all again with another cat. I understand, he is nearly 70yrs old and like me, wants peace in his heart. I miss my darlings badly but, as so many of you said, it does get easier doesn't it? Never forget them but the raw grief is being replaced with wonderful, joyful memories. It was a privilege and honour having them in our lives but time to move on, shower Gandhi with more love and affection.. who am I kidding .. the big soft walking cushion is and always has been spoilt rotten. :). I continue to read the various 'threads', feel like I've made new friends, can empathise but at the same time, draw great comfort knowing none of us have to 'suffer' alone.

Issi

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Mayday21 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 9:59 pm

Issie what beauties. I'm on hols as of Wed I'll try & post a pic or 2 of my "charges" as they charge round the house. Harper has a thing for my tea bags & tries Yi fish them out of my cuppa! :lol: :lol: Hugs for Ghandi. Vivian

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Mon Aug 15, 2016 9:25 am

Tea bags? Hope it's a good Yorkshire brew :). I grow lots of catmint on my allotment, would bring home armfuls, cats not interested. Brought home carrots with the 'fronds' still on them, Cody was in heaven, would roll about all over them, bat them about the kitchen floor, sent her a bit high actually. I used to have to remove them before she lost control of her claws! I'm looking forward to your pics, kissed Gandhi for you, in response, he drooled over the keyboard.

Issi

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Crewella » Tue Aug 16, 2016 10:31 am

It IS hard to get a good pic of black cats - I always feel guilty because I rarely seem to get any decent pics of my Merrick, and certainly none that do justice to the beautiful 'mini house panther' that he is. I should try harder - there will come a time when I will look back and wish I had, as this thread reminds me. :(

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Wed Aug 17, 2016 2:59 pm

I know exactly what you mean. Loads of pics of Gandhi and a very photogenic Cody, few duff ones of beloved Armand.. but.. one day he looked up at me with his big green, round eyes and newly shiny fur.. snap. .the perfect un-posed for photo which I cherish but haven't posted here on this forum. The family love the 'panther' one because when he jumped on the bed, we knew he was getting better, relaxing into his new life. Vet had told us when we took him in he might only survive 2 months, he gave us 5 joyful, frustrating, noisy, demanding, greedy tum, absolutely adored years. xx

Issi

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Aug 17, 2016 6:27 pm

issiandarchie+68 wrote:Tea bags? Hope it's a good Yorkshire brew :). I grow lots of catmint on my allotment, would bring home armfuls, cats not interested. Issi
I have just one catmint in the garden. I'd like more but it takes me all my time to protect the one I've got. They all like it, but Gracie really tickles me. She lies alongside the plant, grazing on it with a look of bliss on her face - junkie!.

That is a lovely picture of Armand. It is so difficult to do them proud with a photo.

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 11:03 am

This is the pic of my sweet wee geezer Armand that I love so much. Miss the joyous little creature every day.
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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Wed Oct 19, 2016 11:33 am

Hi all, can I ask your advice (again, what would I do without you). As you are aware, on the sudden and unexpected deaths of my darlings Cody and Armand, I was bereft. I still miss them dreadfully, one of the reasons we are selling up in the Spring, although we still have beloved Gandhi, house has lost it's heart. With your help, I have 'moved on', filling the void like the tide and a hole in the sand. However, over the past few days, the pain has come back with an almighty crash. I can hear, see, feel, smell them as if they are still here, their last days, especially Cody's, she was so young, piercing my heart as if it was yesterday. The pain is palpable and I weep bitter tears, constantly very emotional and sad, despite fighting it, keeping busy. My question is this, have any of you experienced this, months after your loss? Is it normal? Should I up the tablet and Gin intake?

Issi

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by alanc » Wed Oct 19, 2016 1:00 pm

HI Issi. Yes I still feel Badgers loss greatly, and that was 15 months ago now. I think about him most days. I mourn him much more than any other of my cats, probably because he was till so young (5, allt the others made it to late teens) and his death was so sudden and unexpected.
Alan

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Oct 19, 2016 7:46 pm

Oh Issi, I do feel for you. I know how it creeps up on you.

I was trawling through some old photo files last night, looking for a particular photo. Didn't find that but I did find loads of photos of Tommy, including two almost identical poses on the same step. One when he first came to us and was still very wary of us and the other taken a couple of weeks before he died. I miss the old boy so much and sometimes it all comes crashing back.

A loss like that does take time. You can't put date to it - it just takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself and, who knows, a Gin or two might help. ;)

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Thu Oct 20, 2016 3:29 pm

Thank you guys, you are so kind, understanding, and yes, copious quantities of gin might just be the answer :). I have 'followed' your posts and know you have been through the grief of missing your cats but still find it in your hearts to help others. It's odd but yesterday and today I am coping better, although, I too think about them every single day, miss them badly especially when they are not behind the door to greet me with their sweet little faces and mewls. Both wee delicate cats but big personalities. I was at the beautician t'other week for my brows and lashes dyed, well us oldies have to make the effort not to frighten the children, when she advanced with the lotions and asked me how my cats were doing? You have guessed it, the tears flowed and I did what we all have done at one time or another, kept gulping, dabbing, sobbing, while assuring her 'I'm fine, really I am.' good job we are well acquainted. When I first read Badgers story, I wept as I find it hard to accept Cody's passing at so young an age, your beautiful Badger at 5yrs old even younger. I grieve for 11yr old Armand but we didn't know he was ill, didn't have to watch him suffer and he died peacefully at the vets while being prepared for xray. I have also been caught unawares with pics of pets who have honoured me with their love and companionship over the years. Is that Tommy in the CC pic? Gorgeous cat, great pic. Black cats are notoriously difficult to photo.

Issi

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by bobbys girl » Thu Oct 20, 2016 6:29 pm

Hi Issi, no that's my Bob - I'm his girl! :D He's my FIV+ tripod cat.

People still ask 'still got your dogs?' The last one, Rosie died 3 years ago. I think it has reached the point that I feel upset for the person asking. Shame there isn't generally the depth of feeling for cats.

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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Mayday21 » Fri Oct 21, 2016 8:57 pm

Hi Issi the emotions creep up when you least expect it. I was out to dinner with friends visiting from OS & they knew Mayday & when I was talking about her the tears started. They understood what she meant "Viv she was your child!" And I'm crying now & about to leave home & put my tourist guide hat on! Vivian
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Re: Night time terrors

Post by Ruth B » Sat Oct 22, 2016 7:26 pm

I don't say a lot on these boards but I do read them, and I do understand what you are going through.

I just wanted to say that this isn't something you can put a time limit on. I was talking about things with my OH the other day and I'm not even sure how we got on to the subject, but we ended up discussing Patch and her last days. We both ended up in tears. Patch had to be pts over 10 years ago. Most of the time we are just remembering the good things, but occasionally something will set us off and it is still as raw as ever. The good memories however help get us through the bad ones and we can look back on all the litter quirks that each cat had and smile.

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