The hurt is unbearable

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
shazxx50
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The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Mon Jun 06, 2016 1:59 pm

My beautiful girl, grew her wings on Saturday, she was being treated for mega colon, which was well under control with medication since april, on Saturday she was at my bedroom door as usual waiting for me to feed her, breakfast eaten then she went out in garden, she was a housecat and only sat outside for short periods, she collapsed at 8.15 and died in the vets carpark whilst on my lap at 8.55, it was so quick, vet think she had a blood clot, im so lost without herand the pain im feeling is unreal, she was so well despite the bowel problem, eating so well. Pooing normally, my house feels so empty as does my heart
RIP Miley 04/08/2008.....04/06/2016

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by bobbys girl » Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:04 pm

I am so sorry to hear your news, I do feel for you. It is traumatic for you but at least she went quickly and she was with you.

RIP little Miley, play happily at the Bridge. Big ((hugs)) to you.

Sue xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:55 pm

Hi sue, it was so quick but this pain is unbearable, every where i go, i picture her there, im a emotional wreck
xxxx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by alanc » Mon Jun 06, 2016 5:05 pm

Very sad to hear of Miley's death. It is terrible when we loose them, especially when it happens quickly but the pain does get better with time. At least you were with her.

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by bobbys girl » Mon Jun 06, 2016 6:27 pm

shazxx50 wrote:Hi sue, it was so quick but this pain is unbearable, every where i go, i picture her there, im a emotional wreck
xxxx
We lost our old boy Tommy just after Christmas. We knew it was coming, but it was still a shock and we still miss him and think of him every day.

Gracie has taken over his basket and favourite seat in the window of the caravan. Bob has taken his favourite spot on the car roof. Everytime I see them I think of Tom. The sadness is still there but the grief is easing.

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Janey » Mon Jun 06, 2016 6:28 pm

So sorry for your loss, thoughts are with you.

RIP Miley xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Jamsie22 » Tue Jun 07, 2016 8:20 am

I am sure a great comfort for your cat that you were with her at end. The pain and emptiness is terrible, but all you can do is think of good memories and it will gradually ease.
Thoughts with you
Jamsie22

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Tue Jun 07, 2016 11:07 am

Jamsie22 wrote:I am sure a great comfort for your cat that you were with her at end. The pain and emptiness is terrible, but all you can do is think of good memories and it will gradually ease.
Thoughts with you
Jamsie22
Thank you x

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:08 pm

Hi Shaz, I read your post with a pain in my heart for you. I had exactly the same reaction to the 'empty places' when my wee black cat Armand, died unexpectedly on a routine visit to the vets and exactly a month later, our beautiful silver and white tabby, Cody died from renal failure. The pain is intolerable, but, as I was assured by other bereaved cat lovers on this site, it does ease. I still cry and miss them so much but I now look at Armand's chair under the big window and smile, think, Armand loved to sit there and soak up the morning sun, and the same thoughts with Cody's morning spot on the bedroom sofa, whereas before, it truly broke my heart,unbearable. Unfortunately, to love is to ultimately grieve and you will have to go through it but take heart, I promise it will ease. Thinking of you. xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:25 pm

issiandarchie+68 wrote:Hi Shaz, I read your post with a pain in my heart for you. I had exactly the same reaction to the 'empty places' when my wee black cat Armand, died unexpectedly on a routine visit to the vets and exactly a month later, our beautiful silver and white tabby, Cody died from renal failure. The pain is intolerable, but, as I was assured by other bereaved cat lovers on this site, it does ease. I still cry and miss them so much but I now look at Armand's chair under the big window and smile, think, Armand loved to sit there and soak up the morning sun, and the same thoughts with Cody's morning spot on the bedroom sofa, whereas before, it truly broke my heart,unbearable. Unfortunately, to love is to ultimately grieve and you will have to go through it but take heart, I promise it will ease. Thinking of you. xx
Hi thanks such a lovely post, i know it will get easier, but at the moment every waking hours i have her on my mind, ive just got in from a late shift and she is usually waiting on the back of the sofa for me, it hurts so bad, i think if her passing was due to her colon problem it would be easier to deal with, i feel so sorry that she went through manual removal of her bowel x2 then had a operation, all in the space of 7 weeks, then to just pass from a blood clot, its so unfair i just want my baby back xxxx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Mayday21 » Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:45 pm

Hi Shazxx rest assured no matter how our fur babies leave us the wrench of their departure & realising we'll never hold, see, & pat or hear them again is unbearable & we'll never forget them. You'll receive heaps of support to help you with your grief. Grieve in your own way & time. Always remember if we didn't love them so much & they us, we wouldn't experience grief - in my humble opinion I look as that as a positive in that we can feel such loss. Hugs to you. Vivian

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:31 pm

'It's so unfair.. I just want my baby back'. I feel for you. Even now I wake and rage against the injustice of it all, I long for my pets to return. My husband said 'you are not God, you don't get to decide'. It will hurt for quite a while I'm afraid. My sweet Armand followed me everywhere. I still can't take a bath with the door closed because he used to tumble in, the wee darling never learned to open doors, he would shake himself vigorously and then settle for a chat, he never shut up, bit like me. I didn't listen to the shower radio for 5yrs but after he died, I turned it on and it had broken. All 3 of them used to be behind the door on our return but especially him, he rolled about burbling away with joy when the door opened and I miss them but I do really really want to assure you, you get used to it, you will remember those times but the awful pain eases. Incidentally, my remaining cat, Gandhi, size of a small dog and with a huge, loving personality, also suffers from bowel problems, needs daily meds, so I fully understand the amount of time and love you invested in your wee Miley and your deep grief...and yes its bloody unfair.xx
Last edited by issiandarchie+68 on Mon Jun 20, 2016 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Wed Jun 08, 2016 4:58 pm

I wish i could post her photo, but for some daft reason i cant, she was half maine coon, black with a tiny bit of white a big girl and a right moody mare at times, she came to you not the other way round lol she defo ruled this household..... its lovely here today and we are trying out the new gas bbq, i should be out in the sunshine, but i cant..... miley always sat by me when i sat on the bench, also today is the day she is being taken to the pet crematorium..... i cant get my head round that i wanna fast forward to next Wednesday when i can bring her home and put her rest, lay her memorial stone and know at least she is home, all i do is weep..... we are going away on 18th i had all her care arranged x i kept having horrible thoughts which are so silly its unbelievablebut its the way my mind is thinking, i woke up duting the night because i swore she was trying to get in the bedroom door, ofcourse i know she wasnt....... i love her so much and cant stop thinking about thd pain she went through having her bowel sorted, she wasnt happy with shaven look!!!!!! , its nice knowing that you guys understand how im feeling, because if anyone said to me, " its just a cat" i dont think i could hold back knocking them out hahaha, im not a violent person, but to me Miley was my world, she was the little girl i never had, ive got 3 sons xx
sharon xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Crewella » Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:49 pm

I was so sorry to hear that Miley passed, and I know it's really raw and painful right now, but please try to remember that you did your best for her in difficult circumstances. There's nothing more you could have done to help her and I'm quite sure she knew how much you loved her. It will take time, but the pain will pass. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Fri Jun 10, 2016 3:14 pm

Crewella wrote:I was so sorry to hear that Miley passed, and I know it's really raw and painful right now, but please try to remember that you did your best for her in difficult circumstances. There's nothing more you could have done to help her and I'm quite sure she knew how much you loved her. It will take time, but the pain will pass. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))
Hi Crewella, Thank you, I did all i could for her but i couldnt save her from dying, that the hard bit, but i know i wouldnt of known she had a blood clot and it wouldnt of mattered even if i had got her to the vets in time, they couldnt of saved her.
the next hard bit for me is when i get her ashes back, my other half wants to bury her in the garden, and i was in agreement, even brought her memorial stone but now im having second thoughts, but my other half doesnt want her in the house ( he has his reasons) so for the time being whrn i collect her she will go in our summer house, until i decide if i want to bury her, its stupid thoughts in my head again, its cold its dark she will be scared in the ground, she was a house cat, i think i may leave her in the summer house then sneak her in and hide her under the bed hahaha...
today was the first day i didnt cry when i came downstairs xxx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:11 am

Hi Shaz, I can understand the dilemma you and your hubby find yourselves in with Miley's ashes, your concerns are perfectly valid. Armand and Cody hated being alone and so (seems silly, I know) we asked for a ' joint cremation' with other pets, although each time wrapped in their favourite individual warm blankets. Both times, their ashes were mingled with the other animal and scattered in the Crematorium remembrance garden in Irvine, we didn't attend. Oh gosh i'm crying thinking about them :(. We held them and said our goodbyes at the Vets, told them our wishes and left, they quietly made all the arrangements. We don't regret it, those little pile of ashes weren't my darlings, they had gone but live on warmly in our hearts and memories. It's a very personal, emotional decision. xx

Issi
Last edited by issiandarchie+68 on Mon Jun 20, 2016 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Crewella » Sat Jun 11, 2016 1:37 pm

I do understand your feelings, they're perfectly natural. I had a different view of the ground and took my babies home to bury them in our garden when the end came. I felt that they would want to become part of the garden and be happy in the arms of good mother earth. Like Issi I buried them with something they loved.

I planted a shrub over where they lay, and I found this Pam Ayres poem a great comfort:

Woodland Burial

Don’t lay me in some gloomy churchyard shaded by a wall
Where the dust of ancient bones has spread a dryness over all,
Lay me in some leafy loam where, sheltered from the cold
Little seeds investigate and tender leaves unfold.
There kindly and affectionately, plant a native tree
To grow resplendent before God and hold some part of me.
The roots will not disturb me as they wend their peaceful way
To build the fine and bountiful, from closure and decay.
To seek their small requirements so that when their work is done
I’ll be tall and standing strongly in the beauty of the sun.

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Sat Jun 11, 2016 3:26 pm

Thank you both, i think i will bury her ashes, when? That i dont know, received her memorial stone today, i cant bring myself to open it thou, ive also brought a special solar light to put on her resting place, its a week today she passed and im still leaving and coming home with a empty heart, im trying to keep busy as i have a holiday to look forward to next sat, i dont know if any of you have read this, i found it on ebay, its lovely and by reading it helps me
Sometimes when you're feeling sad, when all you want is me,
i softly jump and curl up in a ball upon your knee
some nights when your heart does ache,worn out by tears you weep, I lie and softly purr to calm you to sleep
some where far beyond this place, a land where all is free
Im calmly watching over you, and waiting patiently
Someday when the time is right, your voice will call to me, and once again ill jump and curl up on your knee.
Isnt that lovely? Its a magnet, which i brought and ive placed it on my mircowave ,I hope Miley is with me xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Wanda6688 » Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:07 pm

Hi,

I have followed your post but so far I have not replied - sorry for that - it upsets me as I completely understand that feeling of sorrow and loss. I have my boy's ashes on my bedside table - maybe a little morbid but there is a part of me that doesn't want to let him go - yes, I should and he should be free but I miss him so dreadfully - even though I have a 2 year old tortie female living with me now who is adorable. It is so hard, they mean so much to us but it has to be your decision what to do with her ashes. Maybe wait a while as it does get easier, albeit slowly.

Take care xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:48 am

I don't think that's morbid at all Wanda, the closeness to your beloved pet's ashes comforts you and who knows how any of us will feel another day? I once watched a programme in which a young woman had the ashes of all her deceased pets over the years, sewn into little pillows, which she kept on the bed, and in cushions, placed all over the house. Whereas I would never go that far, I certainly didn't scoff. I have 2 'cat cushions' which I bought some years back from CatFlap, a local cat charity, on my bedroom sofa, or should I say the cat's sofa. Cody especially, and Armand used to love sitting on them of a cold evening. They are black with a white all over cat pattern, match nothing. They are covered in my pets hairs but I can't bear to move or wash them. Likewise, the front of the sofa is like mohair with all the threads hanging down, thanks to wee Armand's claw sharpening techniques, but we won't replace it. Neither will we replace the 40yr old Habitat pine kitchen table, even though under the cloth, the wide legs now resemble matchsticks, because that's where beautiful Cody used to 'scrabble' when she wanted food or simply our attention. I had to clean up the shavings every single morning. So you see, in a way, I'm doing exactly the same as you are, keeping them close.xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Sun Jun 12, 2016 4:21 pm

issiandarchie+68 wrote:I don't think that's morbid at all Wanda, the closeness to your beloved pet's ashes comforts you and who knows how any of us will feel another day? I once watched a programme in which a young woman had the ashes of all her deceased pets over the years, sewn into little pillows, which she kept on the bed, and in cushions, placed all over the house. Whereas I would never go that far, I certainly didn't scoff. I have 2 'cat cushions' which I bought some years back from CatFlap, a local cat charity, on my bedroom sofa, or should I say the cat's sofa. Cody especially, and Armand used to love sitting on them of a cold evening. They are black with a white all over cat pattern, match nothing. They are covered in my pets hairs but I can't bear to move or wash them. Likewise, the front of the sofa is like mohair with all the threads hanging down, thanks to wee Armand's claw sharpening techniques, but we won't replace it. Neither will we replace the 40yr old Habitat pine kitchen table, even though under the cloth, the wide legs now resemble matchsticks, because that's where beautiful Cody used to 'scrabble' when she wanted food or simply our attention. I had to clean up the shavings every single morning. So you see, in a way, I'm doing exactly the same as you are, keeping them close.xx
I agree too Wanda, if my hubby was in agreement with me having Mileys ashes in the house, she too would be sat on my dressing table, i have her collar under my pillow i stroke it every night before i go to sleep xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Mayday21 » Sun Jun 12, 2016 8:27 pm

Hi Wanda, Shazxx & Izzie - Crystal lives in a box on my dressing table, Mayday's in a box beside my bed with a pic of her & her collar & Elsa girl lives in an Urn beside my TV. She watched the super bowl with me the day before I found her gone in the back legs due to ckf & had to make a decision to pts. And Shazxx I used to put Mayday' in her box in bed with me as she ALWAYS slept with me & it gave me some comfort when I woke during the night and reached for her. Hugs to all fur babies. Vivian

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Wed Jun 15, 2016 6:47 am

Well today is the day, ill get the call from the vets to say my girls ashes can be collected, with a heavy heart ive decided to bury her ashes in my garden in a area she used to sit in, i know it will be hard knowing that she didnt like the outdoors but i read the above poem and the words are true....i have to remember its her ashes she is at the bridge waiting and being free xx i have her collar under my pillow and thats staying, i will wrap her in her blanket and she will be ok xx
whilst on facebook, i came across a america cat site, they had some memories bracelets, so i brought one, it has a little paw and a little heart charm, then 22 beads, for every bead a cat was fed in mileys memory, i found that a comfort, i also donated all her food, bowls( kept one) her carrier and other bits and bobs, to the cat charity at the vets. It helps knowing that her stuff can help another fur baby
once again i cant thank those above who have shared there stories with me, your kind words of support have really helped me in the past 10 days.we all loved our fur babies
in time i know my empty heart will want another to love and im sure Miley will approve of another little girl xx
Sharon xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Jun 15, 2016 8:44 am

We buried our old lad Tommy next to his friend Rosie dog. Rosie has a very old breed of rose 'Rosa Mundi' to mark her grave and Tommy has a Heuchera called 'Thomas'. Both are just coming into flower and are looking beautiful. They make me smile.

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Wed Jun 15, 2016 12:46 pm

bobbys girl wrote:We buried our old lad Tommy next to his friend Rosie dog. Rosie has a very old breed of rose 'Rosa Mundi' to mark her grave and Tommy has a Heuchera called 'Thomas'. Both are just coming into flower and are looking beautiful. They make me smile.

They both sound lovely resting places xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Wed Jun 15, 2016 7:22 pm

My little princess is resting under the bush she used to hide in ( she would try and get the birds), i wrapped her little box in her blanket and buried her with a single red rose.... RIP my beautiful girl, mummy loves you and will alway remember your funny little ways, wait for me at the bridge xxx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Crewella » Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:26 pm

That sounds a lovely resting place for her and a fitting tribute. Must have been tough, well done, and I hope it helps you. xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Thu Jun 16, 2016 6:34 pm

Crewella wrote:That sounds a lovely resting place for her and a fitting tribute. Must have been tough, well done, and I hope it helps you. xx
Thanks crewella, xx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by Kris35 » Sat Jun 18, 2016 8:06 pm

Shaz, my friend lost her dog three years ago and I thought she would kill herself as she and her pup were always together and her dog was very reliant on my friend. I really didnt think she would get over it. She was howling, shaking, and suicidal. She has since moved to Spain but we are in touch. She can now talk about her dog without getting upset and she says the dog she has now kinda replaces her other dog which she never thought would happen. I say this because even though it took her a couple of years to grieve, getting anotehr animal and time has helped her and neither of us ever thought she would make it. So it will get better. I am dreading my 18 year old cat going - shes never had a collar but I got her one a year ago as I also want to keep it with me. Her ashes are going to go into a cushion type thing that crematoriums make so I can cuddle her at night. And day. Honestly, its gut wrenching and I feel for you. Makes me a bit teary as I know I have this to come. Hugs. xxx

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Re: The hurt is unbearable

Post by shazxx50 » Fri Jul 15, 2016 7:08 am

Hi all, hope your all well, Ive made the decision to get another fur baby, i am on the list for kittens who are due end of july, so hoping the mummy has a female she will be ready for her forever home beginning of oct, mum is maine coon and dad ragdoll, so she will be a mix of the two. Since Miley passed my home and heart are so empty so i hope she understands why i need to get another cat. I speak to her every day in the garden xx

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