How to Handle the loss please?

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Tina
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How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Wed Jun 15, 2016 5:51 pm

I had to have my beloved pet Mookie aged 20 put to sleep on monday and I feel so guilty I cant stop crying. People may say to me its justa cat but 20 years and my only companion its been really hard and I dont want to wake in the morning or do normal things. I am of course forcing myself to do these things but my stomache is in knots and I constantly feel guilty. Did I do the right thing? did I let her down? could I have saved her and given her extra time?
I noticed she felt poorly the night before and it was quite sudden she was mewing form top of her lungs for me to sit with her and hold her, I did so all night and in the morning she became worse. she was spotting and yowling loudly. I took her to the vets they offered stereroids but due to money I couldnt afford to continue the costs and the vet said I would be prolonging the inevitable without very costly examinations ultrasounds and further going into thousands she wouldnt survive, I so much wanted to say just give me the stereroids lady and let us go home I want my morning hug with my cat. I havent had the chance to have that yet with my cup of tea and her to pad her paws on me and snuggle close to me. I want that ok lady!
I could feel me seething inside. so I had my beautiful cat put to sleep and right now upto my eyes in bills for the poor cat and trying to sell things to pay for it. I cant bare to look behind me because its where she would be sitting her cat tree or climbing the desk to press her nose into my face.
I am Wiccan by birthright and so my cat was also my Familiar and loved sitting beside me with gemstones which she would love to steal.

I feel guilty riddled with it as if ive let her down, I took her to the vest instead of having that final morning cuddle and just went to grab her kissed her face and shot out the door. I was stroking her face through the pet carrier. I let her say goodbye to my neighbours cat who now howls outside for her. I feel so awful.
I took myself to a counscellor yesterday and I sobbed like a baby, inside there outside on the way home. I feel embarrassed but I cant stop crying at all. so much so I lost the ability to talk and struggling to now. I usually bottle up grief and it goes inwards I get angry and pent up, this time I am a crying machine, dr counscellor said its better out then in. I have suffered losses close together mother, and now my cat my final link to my mum.
have bottled up emotions from my mother dieing and now I am suddenly crying whereas before people must have though she is an ice maiden, I was simply holding it together to force myself to not be viewed as a raving lunatic in public sobbing.



yes I am getting help for it but, I feel terribly guilty.

I miss my cat and just want to sit hugging her now, I miss her cheeky face and her running around the room. I wouldnt even mind now if she broke an ornament she was prone to climbing bookshelves she broke 2 sets of venetian blinds this year by making a cat faced hole in the blinds while climbing onto the window cost me a fortune! :-) and decided mumy isnt waking early enough to clean my cat litter so im going to destroy two duvets by going for a wee on it. Oh yes she learnt in the last two years if mummy wont clean the kitty litter ill wee on her bed see how she likes uncleanliness then.
I know in time I will get another but it will have to be a kitten and the same name similar I want to feel as if im giving my old cat another chance.

Tina

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bobbys girl
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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby bobbys girl » Wed Jun 15, 2016 6:53 pm

I am so sorry for your loss Tina. It is never easy to say goodbye to one of our little ones. But as is often said on here, better a day too early than a day too late.

I may not share many of your beliefs, but I do believe there is far more to our existence on earth than we generally acknowledge and that death is not an end. Mookie is waiting for you along with my Tommy.

We all understand that she was not 'just a cat', but a friend, companion, soulmate. Any time you want to talk, we are here for you.

RIP Mookie, play happily at the Bridge. (Hugs) to you Tina.

Sue x

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Wed Jun 15, 2016 7:35 pm

Hi Tina, so sorry for your loss, my little girl died suddenly on the 4th june, i got her ashes back today and i buried her in her favourite place, the hurt im feeling like you is horrible, having a cat for 20yrs shows that you cared and you should be proud that you had your cat that long, you did what you had too, and i believe our little fur babies will wait at the rainbow bridge, I cant help with how you handle the loss because im still trying. People grieve in different ways all i know it hurts but i also believe that ill be ok, the support on here has really helped me
take care
Sharon

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Crewella » Wed Jun 15, 2016 9:33 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss, and get really cross when people say things like 'just a cat'. She was your close friend and companion, of course you will mourn her passing and grieve for her. 20 is a fine age for a cat, so you obviously took good care of her. Please don't feel guilty - there is no easy way for them to go, and you did all you could for her and to save her suffering. Given her age, I would have mede exactly the same decision, hard as it was. (((hugs)))

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:09 pm

Crewella shaz Bobby girl, thank you for the replies, yes I feel like she was an Angel my mother said she would be her eyes and ears watching me. I feel ive lost her again along with Mookie. The guilt is still there I'm 50.50 on it still it'll take time and I'm glad I found this place canyon sleep right now I best find something to do till I can sleep.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Thu Jun 16, 2016 4:28 pm

today has been a strange one since mondays loss, its gone by too fast but too slow too, feels like yesterday. I did the worst thing I could do turn off alarm and oops I overslept I was awake all night then...I slept till 3pm how ever will I sleep tonight. Now I am zombie mode dont want to move about much dont want to look behind me or around me. I dont like what im seeing its 'emptiness' how to get past this phase, seen a counselor cried lots but dr little help.
I know its all a matter of times a healer, but she was all I had and so feel ive lost everything and pretty much have. The people I know in reality are hangers on mainly users there if they feel like it and low and behold told them of the death of my cat and magically they disappeared. a couple even blocking my number, amazing all the drama you hear from them and mention onetime, I wont be coming over my cat died I need a bit of time.
tried ringing nope number blocked, mys sister her family same sister said oh well its only a cat, told me not to be negative and if I felt low to deal with it. she put phone down on me when id said cat was put to sleep today. Charming! she was same when mum died she didn't cry or bat and eyelid. I wonder if she is a robot to be fair. same when I was in hospital and flat lined she went home and said' well you survived didnt you. I know she doesn't like me but, amazingly turns up moans at Christmas etc if i buy gifts and dont give cash, should see her face at the christmas table, oh gifts 'you shouldnt have' then scowls. I one year spolt them rotten with gifts, instead of cash but somehow cath kidston is worse then cash. God only knows why.I bent over backwards saving to get gifts wrap them I was excited. I have nobody this year to wrap gifts for. They expect cash only. or say oh dont bother ok! or if I say im coming round bought something, they go no dont worry. I bought cupcakes recently they said we dont want cake got enough. I rung again said I bought some anyway at a local fete. resonse was oh we got some at bakers this morning. I said thats funny you said you didnt fancy cake.
i wont do it again, and this year im not turning up id rather spend christmas on my own and not anywhere near them. im so very tired of the fact people expect you to hear all their drama yet anything happens to you and its goodbye dont want to know. ive not had a hug since my cat died it was same when my mum passed a few years ago no hugs nothing. im fed up.
I have no family I have no cat. I am digging deep. I have no partner, and no friends I just have me it seems. unless I am 100% bouncing off the walls cartwheeling and in a 1005 smiling mood then nobody likes it. apparently grieving is not ok by them. I am not a robot like them I shed tears im human. grief tot hem = negativity my sister states its a negative state and wont talk to me.

my family are weird...so are my friends. lack emotions, whats wrong with people. they are so selfish the people I know.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby bobbys girl » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:02 pm

Well you can't choose your family but you CAN choose your friends. Perhaps you can get some new ones? Until you do find someone local you'll have to make do with this (((HUGS))) :D

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:26 pm

Sending you lots of hugs Tina xx
god bless you xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Fri Jun 17, 2016 8:08 am

thanks im dealing with other things raining on me right now, loud deaf 98 year old neighbour wo hates everyone and shouts at everyone..( nobody likes her!) she was always yelling at my cat to not be in the communal garden incase she ruined her poppies, which two days before my cat passed, she hissed went in the poppies and didnt dig them up but potty trained in there. ( she never once did that I guess it was a parting I hate you moment!) good on the pussycat! :lol: .so I was woken e up 7am I was asleep my cat was in my dream and I was outside playing with her like old times it was cute it was nice, but I wasnt in my home I was somewhere it seemed peaceful with a bench and roses climbing behind it a church window behind. ive been there before in sleep. seems like the cats safe happy somewhere. my neighbours just turned her tv down and heard her shout and laugh my only word I can think of describe her is 'nutbar' she gets carers to slam windows and doors like they are breaking a wall down because she yells at them so much they slam everything. I have to deal with the fallout.I need one of her WW1 hard hats incase my ceiling falls on my head.

there everything was nice and cosy. I paid to do a course few years ago they are now demanding admin fees of £35.00 if I want to continue the course eventhough I explained ive paid for what they owe me prior they insist their pdf files do not get corrupted and I must pay the fee. kind of them. im trying to smile about it all but it seems everything is digging at me right now. the fies are showing as ascii folders with weird text no idea.
least I can listen to the news for free and not have my tv on because I can hear every word.
well my eyes burn im usually awake 7am anyhow but today I was so tired I dared to sleep at that time after listening to my neighbour shouting with carers at 2am. I get she is very ill I understand it and id be probably the same at 98 but, wish she'd be kind to those who help her, we only want to help. id gladly do her garden outside for free instead of the fees she pays others, and the poppies are hanging everywhere onto the path, its a mess. my uncle taught me how to do a garden properly it was his thing he got prizes for it. im pretty sure I could tend the garden and make it nicer. well im awake so she best expect me not to be in a good mood.
there are many ways I could probably think of to annoy her back but, I cant be bothered to, although, its starting to feel like justifiable.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Crewella » Fri Jun 17, 2016 4:18 pm

Nope, no point in getting into a cycle of negativity with someone, however annoying. You'll end up the loser because you'll know you could have been the better person, and when your down, the more things you can do to help you feel good about yourself, the better.

It may not help you, but personally, when I lose a cat I tend to try to focus on helping another one. Probably easier for me to do because I foster for my local cat rescue anyway, but I do find it helps to focus on something that needs me. I did take on my Paddington a bit too soon as I spotted a plea for help (he was FIV+ and on death row) the day after finding my Greebo dead in his basket, but it felt right to do it as Greebo had also been an FIV+ stray. I must admit I resented Paddington a bit at first, just for not being Greebo, but he had a warm bed and good food and I doubt he noticed ...... and now of couse I love him to bits. It doesn't necessarily have to be another cat, but it does help to focus on something else, something positive. xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Fri Jun 17, 2016 6:41 pm

Crewella wrote:Nope, no point in getting into a cycle of negativity with someone, however annoying. You'll end up the loser because you'll know you could have been the better person, and when your down, the more things you can do to help you feel good about yourself, the better.

It may not help you, but personally, when I lose a cat I tend to try to focus on helping another one. Probably easier for me to do because I foster for my local cat rescue anyway, but I do find it helps to focus on something that needs me. I did take on my Paddington a bit too soon as I spotted a plea for help (he was FIV+ and on death row) the day after finding my Greebo dead in his basket, but it felt right to do it as Greebo had also been an FIV+ stray. I must admit I resented Paddington a bit at first, just for not being Greebo, but he had a warm bed and good food and I doubt he noticed ...... and now of couse I love him to bits. It doesn't necessarily have to be another cat, but it does help to focus on something else, something positive. xx


Hi, I agree with Crewella, I know i will get another fur baby, im not really yet thou, but ive found looking at maine coon kittens and there sweet little faces helps me, it may help you too. Worth a try xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Mayday21 » Sat Jun 18, 2016 9:47 pm

Hi Tina don't worry about people & they're actions. I was told by my ex best friend's husband in no uncertain terms to get over losing Mayday. I told him where to go & was abused. No man speaks to me like that! I don't see them anymore - was very hurt at the time but other avenues have come my way. I think I've moved on, new things in my life all through my own self reliance & they're still in the same place. Take care & I'm estranged from my sister which happened when my mum died: only 2 of us & I'm on my own no kids & she's 7 yrs older. Mum & I helped her with $ when she got into huge financial difficulties. And I don't miss her one bit - her relationships based on $. Though she too loves kitty Kats. Take care & hugs from me & my 3 fur babies. Vivian

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Kris35 » Thu Jun 23, 2016 10:28 am

Hi Tina. I had to reply to you because me and a friend are/have been in the same situation. I have no family or partner either. I even had a group of people that didn't have family a few years ago (online). When my friends beloved dog died, I didn't think she would get through it. Like me, she struggles to connect to people and feels very isolated and so we put all our love into our animals. I thought she would die but after a year or so she got a rescue dog and doesn't cry over her beloved animal that died anymore. I never thought she would live let alone be able to move on with life. What has helped her is to surround herself with people that are the same as her - people who struggle to connect. Not sure if you feel like this, but if you do, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have all this to come as my cat is 18 and a half and I'm dreading it. I keep saying my cat will want me to be happy but nothing really helps to lessen the dread as I feel she is all I have (like you do). But it's nice to know my friend has managed to move on and that gives me hope. So sorry Tina. We love them with all our hearts don't we.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Sat Jun 25, 2016 1:39 pm

Thank you all, I wont retaliate but its so hard to ignore it when people are so petty around you its silly it makes them have a bad day and yourself so, I dont understand why anyone would want to do that it sure dont make sense, yet im not them so I dont know how their minds work.
My cat well I am missing her so much I found her to be a chatter she would mew at anything and everything and tried hard to communicate with me, its strange I understood what noise what was problem. usually a mreh noise meant mummy I want my teddies out of washing machine already. boy could she headbutt your face if you ignored and squash it with hers. id miss tv anything due to it. I really miss those little moments, id even not care if she tipped her cat litter tray upside down1 yes she would do that if she felt it wasnt emptied within a few minutes of her going to to toilet! yes it had to e super clean and she had a thing for washing powder smell on everything shed go crazy for it. :lol:
I hope to get another in time I miss the daily cuddles, I have to save as right now I am struggling I admit my funds are low and im struggling to juggle everything to keep a head above water. ive not received my bill yet but im petrified. I spent so much before she was sick because she was sufferinf constipation and for 2 days decided she didnt like certain food no more. she was doing this more and more in her final year being fussy. and destroyed 2 matresses because I didnt empty kitty litter and was having a lie in she came up sat on my bed and mewed and went for a wee. :roll: her way of saying if you stay in bed im weeing on it I want attention mrs! she also broke 2 sets of Venetian blinds in 6 months stuck face through them. I cnat afford another set so one window is bare with curtains. she has basically knocked my money out of my bank. so im doing what I can selling my clutter on bid site and my jewellery trying to get help with funding for my pets funeral.
It happened at the time when fridge decided to break....so its hard to deal with. I had a feeling something may happen in back of mine and was thinking id be stuck if cat passed and in the red. low and behold it happened. I blame myself for not saving enough but, its hard to save for a fridge freezer same time.

im a bit stuck for cash eventhough im doing everything I can do. yet I do not blame the cat at all, she was sick and it was her time. just need to figure out more to do to make money.
I wont be selling myself thats a no no so goodness knows. im barely eating to fund it.ive never been this stuck for cash in my life ever. im ashamed to admit it.
so im being crafty making jewellery items to sell to bless as im Wiccan ive been doing that so, far not sure if they will sell can only hope and pray.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Mayday21 » Sun Jun 26, 2016 10:12 pm

Hi Tina money worries are awful but re your vet bill most vets will accept a payment agreement. Keep your head up. Hugs Vivian.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby SafJas » Wed Jun 29, 2016 9:57 am

Hi Tina, sorry to hear of your loss, I am still recovering from my loss on Friday 13th May. I still have my tearful moments, and I wonder if I did as much as I could for my dear boy, it's all part of the grieving process, and it will take time to heal your broken heart. As for the reaction of other folk, you must try to rise above this, I have had to deal with the same reaction from most folk I know, but believe me there are plenty of us who feel as you do, so never feel ashamed, deal with it in your own way girl, and if you need to have a good cry, then go ahead, don't fight it. You know in your heart of hearts that what you did was for the best.
As for your family, well it might help to know that I am in much the same situation. I have two younger sisters, both of whom have partners, but I am alone. It's only natural that when all we have is our feline friends for much of the time, their loss will be felt much greater than if we also had a partner for support. I have always been a good listener, and helped family and friends whenever I could, but sadly this is not usually reciprocated. One of my sisters I only see 2-3 times a year (she lives only 10 miles away), the other sister (the youngest) I see rather more often, I help her in any way I can because she has learning disabilities (as does her partner), she has rather more empathy than the other. I recently joined a local group that offers art therapy to folk who are struggling with issues such as mine, it's only a couple of hours a week and I find it helps me to be among other people, some of whom have been far more depressed than me, it sort of puts things into perspective. I have also taken it upon myself to weed, pick up litter and sweep some of the areas of the street where I live, it's had a positive impact, and as a result other folk are starting to take better care of their frontages. I would advocate that you go ahead and do something with your neighbour's garden, if you have the time, it's good for the soul. There's an old saying "its never too soon to do a kindness, for one never knows how soon it may be too late". Live by your own standards, and don't worry too much about what other people say.
I will be adopting another cat on Saturday, he's very similar to the one that I lost, and although I don't expect him to be a replacement (they are all different), I will feel happy knowing that my other cat will feel less lonely. The cat that I am adopting has had a rough start, herpes eye when young (apparently well controlled), but more recently he had to have 7 teeth extracted because they had decayed. The new boy (5 years old) is coming from a very busy home, it's caused him to be stressed and nervous, this has led to some undesirable spraying behaviour, but I feel ready to take up the challenge, and I can certainly offer him a peaceful life here.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Crewella » Sat Jul 02, 2016 12:18 pm

That's a lovely thing to do, SafJas, and I do personally find that it helps me to get over the loss of a cat if I then focus on helping another one. I hope you and your new boy have many happy years together. xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Tue Jul 05, 2016 3:04 pm

thank you I have contacted local cats protection about volunteering at events. I cant make it to some but, I am at least on the insurance list so I can help. I miss my cat so much I just cant handle the fact her little paws and mew isnt greeting me when I wake infact I dread going to bed and waking up. Those times were her time she would wait for me to sleep and leap on bed excited for a cuddle, she was a wonderful happy cat with a bright sparky personality. cheeky too! breaking things climbing bookshelves windows and stealing food from the fridge. oh yes bacon anything, she knew how to open it with her paws.
she didnt like my neighbor and would walkover mew at him as if to say "listen you moron, I dont like you, and im happy to tell you, if I should die I will haunt you in your sleep, enjoy your life for NOW! ill get you eventually." I use to have to pick her up to take her inside she didnt like him as much as I didnt, lol! yet she loved neighbors home and away and those afternoon channel 5 films. shed look at me and go well switch 5 on already! :lol: also that and the fact she knew it was the time id get her treats out and she could have a scratch on the head.
she would do something I never understood that is try to kiss you on the lips.shed also try to force you to kiss her face. I had no issue to kiss her on top of the head after a bath but its not something you really want to do, so to force me to she'd headbutt me! :roll:
mostly she slept on mums fleece blanket pulling it of me with her paws, it got so I had to buy her, her own fleece blankets. it didnt work, she wanted that one! the paw print one! not the pink fleece! :lol:
Oh Gosh I miss her like a human being but after 20 years why wouldnt I she was there when I came home from anything from break ups, to bullying at school to bad days at work. to happy days where she would climb me when sun bathing and knock the sun lotion all over me. oh yes she did that I was covered in it! and kicking cups of coffee off the breakfast bar to get to me! the most over excited cat when company is about she loved the attention.
I had a dream last night about my cat, my mum in it saying dont worry she is with me now! you will get another one a long way down the line when you can afford one...give it 2 years. itll be a russian blue and it will be very loving. so dont worry, ive got her now shes home.
so I am still crying and feeling miserable, every so often I get ok moments those are when im very busy but them im missing the cuddles and wondering where misses is going to sneak to next. she must have been tired of listening to me, yes I talked to my cat about my day and asked her about hers, crazy cat lady! ;) but always felt she was listening.my mum said before she passed that cat will be my eyes and ears when you need me hug her talk to her, ok? so I feel ive lost mum twice.
keeping busy here studying right now long distance ive got to get my head into it but when you feel sad you think about it and its hard to focus. I am trying though


tyvm for replies im still processing it all as you all are Safjas hope new cat gives you strength and happiness! Crewella all Im sorry for your losses.

amazing forum and nice to know others love cats so much, and why not they are so beautiful arent they?!

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Tue Jul 05, 2016 6:49 pm

Hi Tina, ive just got back from 2wks away, so its now 4wks since my Miley went to the rainbox bridge, the feelin i felt when i returned and she wasnt here, was heart breaking, she would usually sulk for the first few day's, as if to say how dare you leave me!!!. I went into the garden to her resting place and told her all about my hols.... i ordered a canvas print of the last photo i tookof her and that was waiting for me on my return, its a beautiful photo. Ive decided that i will get another fur baby in sept, but she will have to be totally different from Miley, i could never replace her, this is getting me going and helping me cope, so at the moment im buying all the things my new puss will need in readness for her arrival... the hurt remains but im looking forward to a new chapter in my life and i have so much love to give to another fur baby, keep your chin up my love xxx :D Sharon

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby issiandarchie+68 » Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:31 am

Hi Tina and Sharon, just popped on to see how you are. I laughed reading about 'the fridge raiding'. My Gandhi is a big muscular moggie with a large portion of Russian Blue thrown in, he can open the fridge, been known to drag a blueberry pie across the kitchen floor, loves pastry, scones, buttercream. Good job neither of us has a particularly sweet tooth, all have to be kept under lock and key until I can eat them or take to Cats Protection and PDSA charity shops for colleagues. Sadly, since the demise of my lovely pets, I have given up, after years of helping out, working in both. Still support them, remained good friends with staff, but simply can't face the big screen of homeless pets or lend a shoulder to cry on to bereaved customers. Gosh it's hard, we miss our furry companions, I sometimes preferred the company of mine to my grandchildren :) but exciting news Sharon, on plans to share a piece of your loving heart with a new cat, good on ya girl! Just catching up but good luck to you too Safjas, what a lovely thing to do in the midst of your heartbreak. Uh ho..have to go.. Gandhi draped across the front of the screen, rubbing his wet nose along the mouse, somebody please tell him it's not a real one!

Issi

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Wed Jul 06, 2016 12:14 pm

shazxx50
issiandarchie
crewella
mayday cats face looks like its stuck in a piece bread
Kriss33 ive heard at the vets of cats living to 22-24 ;-)
BobbysGirl- true can chose what pet I haveyet the last one chose me
she ran round the room in circles then ran at me like a rocket, I carried her hom in my mums car inside my jacket
she had her paws round my neck at that point as a kitten her eyes shut she fell asleep could feel her heart beta on mine.
thats when I knew id look after her and she was mine. she was very tiny she was under the age to be taken from her mother. I felt she was
too young and didnt agree with it! I hand fed her. she was no problem instantly she understood thing what to do and when. amazingly she only had a few wee accidents.
whereas I might say ive had many ( not that kind!) just accidental people in my life. bwah ha ha!

Shaz im glad you had the canvas done and was able to get away, I understand when I came home from holiday she was so distraught, she would hide and sulk same as if I went into to hospital.she then became clingy in older years very afraid of being alone
when my mum passed I had to be with her almost 24/7 she couldnt stand to be on her own and would panic,to the point she would hyperventilate it sacred me. on the up hand fridge raider indeed was sittign enjoying playing final fantasy and had headset on talking to a friend.
there she was under my chair eating strawberries and cream. I only heard when she mewed 'UH OH' she would mimick words. bowl clanged on floor I should have bene angry but it was too funny! she mimicked many words as cross breed. mau/ not sure she was dinky. she never grew much miss tiny.
ohll mew she sounded like a lemming! she never exploded though or jumped off cliffs holding an umbrella, yet she dug herself into many holes often. ( see what I did there?) note to self stop gaming so much!
im a bit of a sad one in the fact I keep my cats teddies she had a bambi teddy same size as her she would sleep with head on. she had to be surrounded by teddies. she was always sleeping with face on them. I miss her every day but know my mum has her now. I know if she wants to come back as another cat she can. I belive
that in this lifetime she has gone and wont be back, she had her time and shes up there happy. I know its be a case of giving a new one a home new lessons to learn and new personality. I just hope they dont try to mew down headsets like my cat did or phones. oh yes shed get me to put comp headset on her so she could hear their voice and mew at them.
she became like it when my mum passed she liked ot hear voices, especially as her eyesight was going. id have to shout loud for her to find me, so thus she loved sound! music especially, me playing guitar for her! she loved lay down sally. oh yes she was a clapton cat! as im spiritual my cat loved be part of it all healing gemstones, shed happilly stealk them and she had several in her pet bed.
infact if removed them she would mew for them. I keep those still.id love to work on animals doing gemstone healing because that is something I have been successful with in the past. its getting to the people to help is hard.i do energetic healing and boy I think my cat was a vampire she would gleam as much vibes off me as possible, I think its how she didnt age and ran round like a car battery on fire.
my mum use to go watch out here comes 'dooks of hazzard again!" as she flew off a table to meet me! go daisy dooks! my mum would yell. think funniest times, I shouldnt laugh at were when she would be tired and do the ive missed the bed..leap from hallway she'd do a run up and then land infront of the bed. look up at me like you moved the bed! and pretend she hadnt and climb up again.
I still keep a box of toys, and ive excess cat food, I need to donate or keep it goes out 2017 I plan on a cat by then. I need a fur baby. im unsure if I will be able to have kids see, im meant to consider having an ablation due to stomach issues ongoing I cant go out right now:S and im thinking there must be something else can be done. usually at this point id snuggle fur baby and shed kiss my face purr and all would feel ok I could handle anything.
Thank you so much all, I dont think id be handling things at all if didnt have this forum. im staying busy hands on studying , sewing head in books, its the best thing to do. gaming wont solve my problems and wont give me grades, so I allow myself a break to do that now and again but its not my whole life, it was a longtime again, yet I realised in doing that you achieve nothing really.

did your cats like music?

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Wed Jul 06, 2016 4:08 pm

My miley didnt like any thing, the hoover, ironing board, if they came out, she was off like a rocket, not too sure whether she liked music tbh, she wasnt a social cat, she ignored most ppl, only wanting me for food, she wasnt a lap cat, unless you had treats of ham and cheese, she quite liked crisp too, funny puss really........she did improve with age, allowing me to sit beside her, she was a maine coon x a big girl total fluff and a adorable face, i get upset most days still, but im coping, my job is very full on and yhat keeps my mind busy, its the coming home its empty xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby issiandarchie+68 » Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:06 am

All cats are different Shaz aren't they? Just like people, we love them for their different personalities. My Gandhi is a BIG sook, loves his cuddles. I call him the Velcro Kid, I look down and he's leaning against my leg as if he is stuck there, sleeps on my hubby's pillow, resting his cheek on his head. Cody had the softest body, silkiest fur, sweetest natured cat ever, loved everybody, but would only 'paddle' your lap or sleep on your tum when she wanted. Armand, the Wee Geezer, was very vocal, but lived in the dining room for 2 months. Hated being picked up, very nervous outside his own environment, never a lap cat but oh boy, if he heard my voice, he came out from wherever he was relaxing, vocalised loudly for attention, couldn't even look out of the window he would come racing and yelling for loads of strokes, followed me everywhere, even to the loo. Adored being groomed so much, I had to ration it, didn't want to make his little body sore. My evenings are very quiet now but mornings are the worst. I still wake expecting to see them and I can't have a glass vase of flowers in the living room, painful memories of Cody sticking her head through the tulips, trying to drink the water, even though I had left her favourite tap dripping and had bowls of clean water everywhere. I have a big pile of ironing to do and I hate it. Cody and Armand always kept me company, entertained me. Cody would bounce onto chest of drawers, onto my shoulder, then top of the wardrobes where she would parade and supervise. Armand would burrow into the pile of clothing so deep, I frequently tumbled him out onto the bed much to his annoyance, would tell me off loudly. We aren't getting any more cats. I'm tempted but, as my hubby says, another cat will not cure what ails me, it's a living creature, not a sticking plaster. We still have beloved Gandhi and it's time to move on. I suppose he's right but......

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Thu Jul 07, 2016 5:10 pm

issiandarchie+68 wrote:All cats are different Shaz aren't they? Just like people, we love them for their different personalities. My Gandhi is a BIG sook, loves his cuddles. I call him the Velcro Kid, I look down and he's leaning against my leg as if he is stuck there, sleeps on my hubby's pillow, resting his cheek on his head. Cody had the softest body, silkiest fur, sweetest natured cat ever, loved everybody, but would only 'paddle' your lap or sleep on your tum when she wanted. Armand, the Wee Geezer, was very vocal, but lived in the dining room for 2 months. Hated being picked up, very nervous outside his own environment, never a lap cat but oh boy, if he heard my voice, he came out from wherever he was relaxing, vocalised loudly for attention, couldn't even look out of the window he would come racing and yelling for loads of strokes, followed me everywhere, even to the loo. Adored being groomed so much, I had to ration it, didn't want to make his little body sore. My evenings are very quiet now but mornings are the worst. I still wake expecting to see them and I can't have a glass vase of flowers in the living room, painful memories of Cody sticking her head through the tulips, trying to drink the water, even though I had left her favourite tap dripping and had bowls of clean water everywhere. I have a big pile of ironing to do and I hate it. Cody and Armand always kept me company, entertained me. Cody would bounce onto chest of drawers, onto my shoulder, then top of the wardrobes where she would parade and supervise. Armand would burrow into the pile of clothing so deep, I frequently tumbled him out onto the bed much to his annoyance, would tell me off loudly. We aren't getting any more cats. I'm tempted but, as my hubby says, another cat will not cure what ails me, it's a living creature, not a sticking plaster. We still have beloved Gandhi and it's time to move on. I suppose he's right but......


Hi, i dont think i could imagine my house without a cat, i feel guilty and disloyal to Miley but i have her within my heart, and i hope she is watching me and nodding in approval, i wont get a new puss till middle of sept as i have hols booked and i want to be able to settle a new cats into our home, ive been buying bits and bobs, i feel like a mum to be again, buying all the bits hahaha.....but i want everything in place, i donated Mileys stuff to a local car charity, i couldnt use it for another cat, that to me wouldnt feel right..... having this to do is helping but i know when i bring a new fur baby home it will be a mixed emotional time for me.......but as you say no cat is the same all sweet in their own little ways xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby issiandarchie+68 » Fri Jul 08, 2016 2:20 pm

I know what you mean Shaz, it's a lovely feeling preparing for a new cat. I do miss that. I think my husband is right although it pains me to say it. I am 68 and he is 69 and at this stage in life, we are grieving not just for the loss of beloved Cody and Armand, but other beings who have brought us such joy over the years. Roll call: Thomas, Sam, Samantha, Tiger, Jasper, Smokey, Armand, Cody.. not to mention dogs, goldfish and although this isn't the 'right' forum, a child. We both had very stressful jobs but my dear husband has also worked as a Chemistry tutor most evenings for 7 months over the winter years, every year since the 1970's, and once the greedy tax man had taken his share, my hubby never said in regards to the health of family pets 'how much?' but simply asked 'what will cure..' Even in old age, he's continued to trudge onwards, never questioned a fortunately usually reasonable, vets bill. But, much as we don't want to become afternoon telly and Tea dance pensioners and enjoy being told we look and act much younger than expected, truth is, we are both ageing and we are very tired. We crave peace in our hearts, it can only be broken so many times and we still have to face Gandhi's demise. It's time he stopped tutoring, enjoyed full retirement, which he has promised to do at 70yrs. Does the prospect of a home without cats make me sad? Yes.. very. Would I ever grudge the happiness that a wee animal can bring and receive in a new home? Not at all. It's exciting and wonderful, just not for us any more :( .

Issi

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:38 pm

What lovely words, and yes i agree i think you and your hubby deserve a rest, I have had another cat years ago when i was 18, her death didnt effect me like Mileys did, but that was 32 yrs ago .... now im feeling old hahaha...... all new bits now brought and put away until i get another little girl
I wish you both well and god bless you both
sharon xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Tina » Sat Jul 09, 2016 11:17 am

yes a new cat can be a plaster but it can also be a blessing in disguise. I bet hed soon say I like it its cute you cant help it personality shines through. maybe one day.
I find ageing difficult im in 30s now and I want to keep reaching for face creams and thinking should I wear this at my age? its a funny thing age. although I feel young im struggling with loss, there seems to be more and its hard when you are left behind.
dreamt my cat was alive last night there was a secret flap in the wall, the cat was going through a tunnel to reach outside and traveling a long way away.the neighbors said it was due to depression she needed long holidays and the vet said it would be good for her! my mum was in the dream too. ( such a bonkers dream!) I called her she came running through flap in wall to see me I got a hug mum said see shes never far away silly.I woke up cried into pillow said my life's a nightmare I dont want to wake up into this life its horrible.What keeps me going is saying whatever happens im alive things could be worse and I think on things that are worse for someone else.Yet I do feel as if ive been to hell and back and I have and still going through it.
I admit doing the chores vaccing ironing I too wait for that little face to come watch me, when I did the washing and hung it indoors because the whirly is communal I dont want my underwear and such in full view. the little monkey would lay under the washing line sniffing the washing! I go scram cat my black tops will end up fluffy! low and behold after drying ironing id be getting the fur off of things. im not having the issue now. yet I still find the odd hair around they wont go unless I throw all my clothing out.she loved anything clean the smell of laundry and she was swimming on the carpet in sheer happiness. ahh I miss her and not feeling motivated today, some days I feel more motivated others it hits me and periods of motionless happen dont want to move or do a thing. because she would be watching or joining me. have her teddy with me often so it feels like she is by me. its same size as she was. feel daft to have it around me. yet I miss hugging her she was soft and her fur was silky, plus shed try to kiss your face eskimo kiss, she was so sweet, I feel like I killed her and cant forgive myself, everyday I feel like an evil person because I did that to her sent her to her death and she trusted me. I wont ever get over it I am trying but, I am angry at myself.
sewing is keeping me busy im still learning how to sew things never been shown and the machine is new so I have to check manual. it is easy enough to set up.

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby shazxx50 » Sat Jul 09, 2016 6:16 pm

My curtains which are on my patio door, have Mileys fur on them, im not going to hoover them ever...... i bet when i have to move the bed ill find lots of her fur as when the hoover came out thats where she went to hide, Keep yourself busy Tina... your get there eventually xx

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Mainecoon » Sun Jul 10, 2016 7:03 pm

Thinking of you at this time . We have 2 oldies ..18 year old Rhea cat & 18 year old Pippin dog , & had beloved Peter Cat PTS at 19 years old . Please dont feel guilty at all as a Human Nurse I see lots of very sad cases & we at least can hopefully as animal lovers ( where possible ) ensure our pets have a dignified end . Thinking of you at this time .

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Re: How to Handle the loss please?

Postby Mayday21 » Tue Jul 12, 2016 9:51 pm

Tina Mayday was not quite 21 when I took that photo "face in a piece of bread" she was gorgeous & I still miss her. I loved her & she was my darling girl. She also had 3 legs which made her even more special as someone tried to drown her & I fished her out of the water when she was about 3-4 weeks old hence her name as she was screaming in the water. Vivian


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