Time to say goodbye

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
Kris35
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Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 4:08 pm

My darling 18 year old cat has IBS and Pancreatitis. One minute she is asking me for food and the next she has little interest in anything. I tried her on some drugs the other day but they spaced her out. So she started eating without any drugs and I thought she might live another two months. I don't want her on drugs as its just a matter of time now. Anyway I have made the appointment to have her pts tomorrow afternoon and I wanted to ask if there is anything any of you had wished you had done differently when you had your cats pts?

I'm worried I'm making the wrong decision but I am scared she will suffer at the end and her quality of life is such that I dont think its fair anymore.

Thanks,

Kris

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bobbys girl
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by bobbys girl » Thu Aug 18, 2016 5:12 pm

Oh Kris, I am so sorry to hear that. We reached that stage with Tommy and had made the decision before he got too bad. it is THE worst thing to have to do. In the end HE took the decision out of our hands, Bless him.

We are so glad we took so many photos of him. I wonder if he knew as he took to looking into the lens and smiling at me. Just make the most of the time and give her anything she wants.

Know we are all thinking about you. Fusses to your girl and big ((hugs)) to you.

Kris35
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 6:00 pm

Hi Bobbys Girl,

Thankyou. Can I ask you - you made the decision to have your darling pts but HE (Tommy?) took the decision out of your hands? Did he pass over before? Sorry, hope this isn't a rude question but not sure what you mean and my head is all over. Ignore me if its too sad to remember.

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bobbys girl
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by bobbys girl » Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:09 pm

After I posted here I told the story (briefly) on another thread.

It was the Sunday after Christmas and Tommy had gone down quickly within 24 hours. We decided the time had come and were going to take him to the vets the next day. He asked to go out and I well remember watching him walk off into the night - I said 'don't be long', little knowing that would be the last time I saw him alive.

Half an hour later I went to look for him and something drew me to the gate. We live in the country, with no street lights so I took a torch and when I shone it across the road - there he was. It was almost as if he had decided he had had enough and had gone off somewhere quiet to die. But a car got him first.

I carried him back to the house and laid him out on his blanket. I let the others see him. Purdy came to say goodbye and sat with him for a while.

We buried him next to his friend Rosie dog. We both miss him SO much, he was such a big, gentle, beautiful boy. But we know he is not suffering anymore and hope to meet him again sometime. I love this picture of him. It makes me smile.
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Crewella
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Crewella » Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:24 pm

I'm so sorry Kris, you knew this was coming but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. All I can say is what was said to me on here when I was in a similar position - better a day too early than a day too late. You know she's on the way out, you are just saving her from unnecessary suffering.

As has been said, just love her, make the most of your time together, and take some pics. Thinking of you tonight, give her a gentle scritch from me. (((hugs)))

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:06 pm

Bobbys Girl,

I remember reading that now and I am really grateful and thankful that you jogged my memory because I'm worrying about whether its the right time or not and it's a relief to read other people saying they made the same decision. Its tough calling the right time. I am so sorry. The picture made me smile too.

Thankyou Crewella - yes, part of me wants to leave it longer - get some more days in with her, but it has to be done and sooner rather than later.

I will probably be quiet (or spam the boards) but if I am quiet, I will come on here in the near future to try and help other people. This will be the hardest thing I have ever done as my girl adn me are solid and I love her more than anything I've ever loved before. You all get it.

Thanks and chat soon. xxx

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Mayday21 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:32 pm

Hi Kris thinking of you. I had to have Elsa pts earlier this year. Mayday left me in the early hours and I was devastated. Felt I'd let her down not holding her after 21 yrs. I handled Elsa's passing a lot better as she went peacefully & I held her. It was still a great loss but I didn't feel I abandoned her at her worst. You'll get heaps of support here - post when you need it. (((Hugs))) Vivian

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:09 am

Crewella wrote:I'm so sorry Kris, you knew this was coming but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. All I can say is what was said to me on here when I was in a similar position - better a day too early than a day too late. You know she's on the way out, you are just saving her from unnecessary suffering.

As has been said, just love her, make the most of your time together, and take some pics. Thinking of you tonight, give her a gentle scritch from me. (((hugs)))
Oh Kris, I feel so sad for you and your wee girl Oody. I've quoted Crewella's advice because she's put my thoughts into comforting words so much better than I could ever have done. Stay strong honey, I will be thinking about you and your darling companion today.

Issi

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:17 am

PLease everyone, I feel bad as you've all left such nice messages but she improved dramatically in the night - its not happening today. :) Am wondering if now the drugs gone from her system she might make it for a bit longer. If I can keep her like this - purring, rubbing up against furniture, demanding food etc for another week then both my vets will be back from holiday (they are both off next week). So sorry about this - but place your thoughts with others - we are ok here for now. Phew....

Thanks all.

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Crewella
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Crewella » Fri Aug 19, 2016 11:21 am

Good grief no, don't feel sorry - that's wonderful. It's lovely to hear that she's feeling better! :)

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bobbys girl
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by bobbys girl » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:09 pm

No need to apologise, that's good news. I hope it continues.

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Janey » Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:58 pm

I’m so pleased to read this, I hope that she continues to feel this well. The oldies do surprise us sometimes. Sending loads of keep well wishes xx

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:14 pm

Thanks Bobbys Girl and Janey. I think she might need to go soon (next fortnight) but right now she is so much better than yesterday. I'm finding that keeping her mentally stimulated is helping - I do this anyway but more so at the moment.

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 12:34 pm

Hi guys, has anyone heard from Kris35 and Oody? She hasn't posted since 'Pancreatitis' in August. I do hope she is ok. Kris, if you are reading this, love and hugs, thinking of you.

Issi
xx

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 12:46 pm

Hi Issie,

Funnily enough I was just recording my girl playing - yes playing at almost 19. I'm going to send the video to my vet so they know what she is like at home because all they see is her cowering at the vets. She is doing fine and I have no idea why. She hasn't been to the vets for a couple of months - I made an appointment to have her PTS but so glad I didn't. I guess I just wait for the next flare up, but Issie I cannot believe my cat is still eating well and playing. Thankyou for your concern, much appreciated (I get email notification on this thread). xxx

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bobbys girl
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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by bobbys girl » Sun Nov 06, 2016 3:08 pm

That's wonderful news Kris! :D The video will be something nice to treasure over the years. Can you post it here?

I was looking through last year's photo's recently. I have one taken of Tom about a month before he died. He looked so sweet sitting in the afternoon sun. I took a pic then decide to take another, close-up. As I did he shot off after something. As photo's go, it's a not very good blur. But I kept it to remind me that, right up to the end, he enjoyed life to the full.

So glad to hear that the old girl still wants to play.

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 3:13 pm

Well that really is excellent news and go Oody :). My beloved Gandhi is thriving still although now 12yrs old, very sooky and loving. Good to hear you are well, I still miss my little ones but thankfully, as all the lovely folk on here advised, time does heal and I think of them fondly each day. Loads and loads and loads of BIG hugs to you and your wee pet.

Issi
xx

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 5:36 pm

Thanks BG and Issie,

It's been up and down - you know what it's like. One day they are great and the next day you're thinking you might have to have them pts. I know she doesn't have long left but she is good lately. Issie I'm glad Gandhi is doing well. It's also REALLY good to know that time does heal. I know it does because of my friend losing her dog and I thought she'd never get over it. But the more I hear it, the better. I do remember you a few months ago in deep distress. I'm sure you still have bad days though?

BG that made me tear up a little bit. It's all we can do isn't it - to make sure they are still having fun/an interest in life up to the end. For some reason my mobile isn't allowing me to send pics or vids to my email so I'm going to have to go to the phone shop to see if they can figure out what it is. I will do though, when I get it and if I can figure out how to do that on here.

xxx

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Janey » Sun Nov 06, 2016 6:35 pm

That’s great news :) I did wonder how she was doing, so pleased for you all.

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Mayday21 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 8:07 pm

Hi Kris nice to read on Monday morning before leaving for work. Ear rub for Oodie & fusses from me. Vivian

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by issiandarchie+68 » Mon Nov 07, 2016 11:30 am

One thing I feel I must say to you Kris, yes, I was in deep despair, cried bitter tears everyday for months but, as time has passed, I don't have 'bad days' more like 'bad moments'. My wise and lovely Cat sitter, who works for Cat Protection, told me I would be happy and then suddenly, a wave would wash over me and the tears would come, and then I would smile again, and it's true. My sister, who lost her eldest granddaughter, nephew, husband and dog in the space of a few years,said ' you will always remember your loved ones but the time comes when you have to let them go, otherwise you will never be happy again.' Invaluable advice. I had a good day Saturday, but in the evening sobbed painfully when I heard a familiar sound from Armand's favourite evening spot, under a side table, carpet warm from heating pipes, and for a split second, expected to see him stretch his elegant wee legs out, but I didn't let it define the rest of my day. I only tell you this not to put the focus on me, but for when the time comes, and I sincerely hope it's not soon, and you are in mourning,you can look back at this and other supportive CC messages and know that you will find a different kind of happiness again.

Issi
xx

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Mon Nov 07, 2016 12:01 pm

Thankyou Janey and Mayday. xx

Issie, thanks so much for that - this is what I like to read. I have seen your progress over the months and remember clearly when you were going through those awful dark days. It's invaluable information. Your sister's words made me tear up a little bit - but in a nice way. I like to think that Armand is still with you there in spirit. Sometimes, with my old girl, I wish she would pass over sooner rather than later so I can start the healing process, because when they are up and down like this, you are living on a knife edge. xx

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Riddled with guilt

Post by Gabby » Tue Mar 20, 2018 12:47 pm

I had to say goodbye to my beloved Persian cat Gizzmo last Sunday, he was 17. He had kidney problems and up until recently
was doing fine but then last Monday I noticed that he wasn't eating much of his food and throughout the week it got less and less. I rang the vet on Saturday and had an appointment for Sunday. When we got there we was expecting the vet to give us some medication (as he hadn't had any until then) but the vet examined him and said he had a large mass in his stomach and their is tests we can do to confirm but there's nothing they can do. The vet recommended euthanasia, to be honest we both (my partner and I)that it would be the best for Gizzmo as we don't want the cancer to get hold of him.
It's now Tuesday and I'm riddled with guilt that I killed him and what if this and what if that, I'm crying all the time as I miss him so much but I just feel that I let him down as at the end neither of us wanted to see him die we wanted to remember him as he was, not dying in my arms, but now I'm riddled with guilt and that he will never forgive me.

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Lilith » Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:12 pm

Hi Gabby, welcome and hugs.

Why is it, when to release a being from a horribly diseased and disabled body is the last act of love we can give, do we then feel so guilty? We all do, and we shouldn't. Wherever Gizzmo is now he is free and healthy and lively again and I believe you'll be reunited some day.

You've done your best for Gizzmo. Please try and hold on to that, and keep on posting on here - we're here to support you.

Lots of love and hugs, Lil x

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by booktigger » Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:29 pm

Sadly guilt is a part of the grieving process, if you hadn't let him go you would also feel guilty. The important thing is the decision was made with his best interests at heart, RIP little one

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Gabby » Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:59 pm

Thanks for your support it really helps.

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by papa cat » Tue Mar 20, 2018 4:36 pm

Quite a few years ago I had a cat that had an obstructed bowel and treatment was essential to try to clear it.
My vet decided to to perform enemas on her to try and clear it, she was sedated not anaesthsatised, but she died on the operating table.
I still feel guilty about it and l sometimes wonder if :-
(1) I should have agreed to it or was there another procedure that would have cleared it.
(2) Would it would have been kinder to have euthanased her rather than have her die during the procedure...probably in terror !

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by Kris35 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 5:49 pm

In my view, it's best our little darlings be pts sooner rather than later. It's so hard to call it though isn't it? Really sorry to hear about your losses Papacat and Gabby - I've still got it all to come. *hugs*

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by booktigger » Tue Mar 20, 2018 7:14 pm

papa cat wrote:Quite a few years ago I had a cat that had an obstructed bowel and treatment was essential to try to clear it.
My vet decided to to perform enemas on her to try and clear it, she was sedated not anaesthsatised, but she died on the operating table.
I still feel guilty about it and l sometimes wonder if :-
(1) I should have agreed to it or was there another procedure that would have cleared it.
(2) Would it would have been kinder to have euthanased her rather than have her die during the procedure...probably in terror !
I'm sorry to hear this, but if she was sedated she wouldn't have been aware of much, and without treating an obstructed bowel, it would have been very unpleasant for her

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Re: Time to say goodbye

Post by bobbys girl » Tue Mar 20, 2018 8:31 pm

So sorry to hear about Gizzmo. It is never easy to let go, but you have done the right thing.

I can't add any more to what Lilith and booktigger have said. Just know that we are here for you and understand what you are going through. (Hugs)

Sue

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