Can't shake this guilty feeling

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rossi11
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Can't shake this guilty feeling

Post by rossi11 » Wed Nov 23, 2016 3:56 pm

Hi All,

Yesterday my partner and I took the tough decision to put our beautiful boy Storm to sleep. Storm was diabetic the past 5 years and coped exceptionally well with injections and control. However, this year we found out he had lung tumours and decided not to treat him at the age of 14 but keep him happy at home.

The vets (as well as many other people) said we'd know when the time was right to put him to sleep. I've prayed to God everyday asking that he is taken in his sleep but this didn't happen. This past week Storm was un-happy, still eating but only a little. We gave him daily pain relief hidden in condensed milk - which he loved! But yesterday morning he wouldn't even take this and just looked sad in appearance. He was having up to 7 coughing fits a day which last for about 40 coughs per episode, followed by 5 minutes to gain his breath back.

Once at the vets, they agreed it was time and within seconds Storm passed. When the injection was being pumped in all I could do in my mind was scream "stop, stop, stop" and then it was too late. He was gone and there was no going back. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt for taking his life away from him and feel sick to the core.

I'm not posting this for "self-pity" but I do need reassurance of any kind possible. This year has been horrendous with the passing of my Dad, followed by my other cat and now Storm.

My cats have only ever given unconditional love and I miss them dearly.

Ross

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Ruth B
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Re: Can't shake this guilty feeling

Post by Ruth B » Wed Nov 23, 2016 8:11 pm

It sounds like you have had a really tough year and a lot to deal with emotionally, it's no wonder you are feeling so cut up about things, then having to make the decision to have a cat put to sleep has just given a focus to all those emotions. It won't help much to hear it, but everything you are feeling is perfectly reasonable and normal. I've been there, and gone through the range of emotions including the guilt and the uncertainty of having made the right decision and all I can give as comfort is to say you did the right thing. Quality of life is very important and it sounds like Storm's quality had deteriorated rapidly, rather than let him suffer you let him go peacefully and quietly with you there to hold him, which in my opinion is the best any of us could ask for. Your cats gave you unconditional love, you have returned that in letting Storm go when it was his time rather than hang on to him purely for your benefit not his. Yes it hurts us to let them go, but that is far better than keeping them alive and letting them hurt instead.

Also think of it as a bit of an opportunity. Storm and your other cat had obviously lived full happy lives with you, when you are ready there will be another cat or kitten needing the care and love you can offer. It might be days, weeks, months or even years, but at some point you will see that cat or kitten and know they are meant to be part of your family.

Take care of yourself and the rest of your family, my own Father died earlier this year and I know how hard it is to deal with for everyone involved.

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Crewella
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Re: Can't shake this guilty feeling

Post by Crewella » Thu Nov 24, 2016 6:20 pm

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through such a tough year, but I agree with Ruth. Your boy sounds as though he had had enough, and all you did was allow him to slip away with some dignity rather than go on, suffering and in pain, for a few more days. It's the kindest and most loving thing you could have done for him and, tough as it was, you came through for him. I really hope you can gain some comfort from that, in time. (((hugs)))

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Re: Can't shake this guilty feeling

Post by OHWS » Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:48 pm

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Last edited by OHWS on Sun Nov 27, 2016 12:43 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Mayday21
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Re: Can't shake this guilty feeling

Post by Mayday21 » Fri Nov 25, 2016 6:15 am

Hi Ross thought I posted yesterday but must have logged off before submitting. It's early days & you'll go through all the grief emotions. If I had my time again with Mayday I think I'd prefer to have made the choice for her as I felt when I found her outside her little hutch in the early morning hours & still feel I abandoned her when she really needed me. Yes we had a short time before her end finally came & I was bereft in my loss. Elsa had hyper thryodism & ckf I had to make the decision for her. Yes it was hard but I couldn't let her suffer & I was with her to the end. I'm sure the vet wouldn't have said it's time for Storm for no reason. On that note, do you have a good relationship with them in that you could go & talk to them about how your feeling - all of which are very natural. You'll receive genuine, understanding compassion from people who post here. Be gentle with yourself. RIP Storm. Vivian

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