Recent Loss - gain.

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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cookie
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Recent Loss - gain.

Post by cookie »

Hello, kinda feel anxious about posting this but I figured it would be nice to have people to relate too. Just last week on Wednesday I lost my 7 year old cat. He hadn't been ill as far as I know so needless to say it was shocking and horrible. The night before he had been cuddly and playful. The next day I found him dead in his bed. We think he had an diagnosed heart condition its the most likely cause of sudden deaths.

Ollie had been the centre of my universe. I suffer from depression and PTSD and he helped so much. To be honest sometimes he was the only thing keeping me going. Particularity after loosing my mum 18 months back. I still miss him and find myself weepy and unmotivated for the most part. I keep wondering if I missed something or did something wrong. He was such a strange cat, unlike any I have owned. He wanted to be cuddled and fussed all the time. If I went out and came home he would cry till I picked him up and cuddled him. To be honest he was more like a living stuffed toy than any animal.I miss him so much.

I adopted a shelter cat fairly quickly (Monday). Part of me feels this is kinda selfish and mean. Honestly having an animal to love and care for really helps with my mental illness. More than any other therapy or medication. I couldn't stand being alone and thought a rescue cat would be as in need as I was. He cant replace Ollie but I thought he would help fill the hole with something new.

Sully is my new cat and was an abandoned stray before getting to the shelter. He spent 6 months there being socialised and was diagnosed with F.I.V. He was largely ignored as his prone to being rather defensive and sometimes even biting. They believe he has suffered abuse but can be very sweet and loving. When I went into the shelter though he came straight up to say hello. Upon finding out he was found on the same estate I grew up in I figured maybe it was meant to be.

His been home a couple of days and has for the most part been affectionate. He has had an upset tummy but after some advice that seems normal for a new home. I'm keeping and eye on him ans slowly introducing him to other people too. Whilst I feel in time we will be good friends I do still feel guilty and sad about my other cat. I'm wondering if anyone has advice or an experience like mine?
Bluebell
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Re: Recent Loss - gain.

Post by Bluebell »

Hi cookie and sorry for the loss of your dear friend. I can completely relate to that feeling of needing to fill the gap left when you lose a cat. We had our old girl until the age of 18, she was a little fighter and kept going with arthritis, hardly any teeth, and a heart murmur, until eventually we had to have her put to sleep, one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I missed her so much and only lasted 3 weeks until I adopted another rescue cat.
This was not a happy ending for us, despite being told the cat was a friendly family cat, she never settled with us and was very bitey/scratchy. We stuck with her because we had made a commitment, but after 4 months she voted with her paws and went for a wander and never came home.
Still I felt the desperate need for a cat in my home. I have always had cats and just hate the house without one. In my opinion they make a house a home. So after a month we were off to the shelter and came home with two cats! They are very loving sweet cats and they've been here for 3 weeks now. It feels like they belong here and I truly believe they were meant to be with us.
I hope my story helps you a little. I bet your new Sully is delighted to finally be with a loving owner having been overlooked for so long. You will bring each other joy and companionship.
alanc
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Re: Recent Loss - gain.

Post by alanc »

Hi Cookie. I can relate all to well to your loss and continuing grief, having lost my 5 and a half year old Badger very suddenly to cancer a year and a half ago. Fortunately, I still have Tilly. I think you have done the right thing in getting another cat and it is not at all selfish - far from it. Another lonely unwanted waif now has a loving home. Sully will never replicate Ollie, but he will be your little cat all the same.
PS How about some photos of Sully and Ollie?
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Kay
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Re: Recent Loss - gain.

Post by Kay »

The way I look at it is - you have a cat to look after and he is out of the shelter and in a home - everything else is a bonus

Which I hope very much you both will be cashing in very soon

Ollie would be so pleased to see you happy again, and another needy soul having the loving care you gave him
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bobbys girl
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Re: Recent Loss - gain.

Post by bobbys girl »

You've made a big difference to the life of an FIV cat and that's a wonderful thing to do!

We went through a similar thing with dogs once. Our 13year old family dog had a stroke and we decided that as his quality of life would not be good it would be for the best to have him pts.

The same day we got a lurcher pup (by serendipity not plan) she was one of the best decisions I ever made. We had her 17 1/2 years and she was wonderful.

I am sure Ollie would want you to be happy. You gave him so much, now it's Sully's turn.

Sully? Monster's Inc?
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Ruth B
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Re: Recent Loss - gain.

Post by Ruth B »

Firstly I want to say please try and not feel anxious about posting here, we all understand and as you can see from the other posts we have all been through similar situations and understand what you are going through.

Unfortunately sometimes things happen quickly and there is nothing that anyone could do to have prevented it. Many years ago, we had a tortie cat who seemed a bit off colour, a trip to the vets revealed she needed some dental work. That was done and for about a month she seemed fine, then she started to just go quiet and wasn't herself, then she stopped eating and drinking so she was quickly taken back to the vets. He checked her over and could feel a massive growth in her abdomen. Before she had had the surgery to remove the bad teeth, she had had full bloods works done and a really good examination as she was about 12 years old and they wanted to make sure she was healthy for the anaesthetic. The vet that had examined her then was the same one we saw that last night and I fully believe him when he said that there was nothing to feel or see in the blood works done less than six weeks before. It just seems that sometimes these things occur very quickly and there is nothing anyone can do to spot or stop it.

You certainly aren't selfish wanting another cat, some people prefer to wait, I tend to be phoning charities within a week of losing one. Even though I always have at least two cats the loss of one always leaves a gap, if Ollie was your only cat then I feel that gap must have felt huge. As you know Sully can never replace Ollie, but filling that gap makes a big difference. I also have no doubt that from Sully's point of view you have done the most generous thing possible giving him a forever home. As I have seen it put on adoption notices, 'you can't change the world, but you can change the world for one cat'. I don't know much about FIV cats, but I am sure it wouldn't have helped him find a home with someone else, so again taking him home is pure generosity.

If having a cat helps with your depression and PTSD and helps you reduce any meds and treatments then having another is the best possible thing you could have done. I'm not against medication i know it can do wonders for some conditions, but if there is something you can do that means you need less medication and can still stay healthy then, in my opinion, that is the best option.

I hope you and Sully have wonderful years together and I hope you will continue to update us on any antics he gets up to.
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