Re: Night time terrors: 1 year on

[issiandarchie+68]

It's been 1 year yesterday and 11 months today since my beloved cats Armand and Cody died. Has it been hard? Yes, of course, as it is with the loss of any loved one. In my old age, I find the pain of loss harder to bear, as if grief stacks up inside my heart, a reminder of my own and siblings impending mortality. In time, the raw grief eased, I no longer feel winded with pain when I open the door and they are not there but if I'm honest, I must admit I have shed a gentle tear every single day. I still expect their soft little bodies to plop onto the bed for morning cuddles, chip up to the food bowls at tea time. But yesterday I made a decision. Grief, as opposed to sadness, is a terrible, wounding cruel lodger. It devours your day, wears you out, so I decided to kick it out, bags and all. I am going to let love and a celebration of Cody and Armand's life take it's place, no space for memories of their final hours. Bad memory? Shove off. Good memory? Welcome in. Did we move to Spain, sadly not.. blooming Brexit put paid to that, but our home is on the market. We are downsizing, releasing the equity, give a little to my son and grandchildren, then travel, enjoy life. (No we ain't rich, never will be with the amount we spend on cats, books and wine!) We still have our much loved (adored) Big Grey Cat Gandhi. He's a character, a great comfort. I must add, when news of Cody and Armand's demise spread, I got the most heart warming support from friends, neighbours, family and not forgetting CC. Even the plumber and postman gave me a hug! A revelation for a Yorkshire cynic such as me.. but I still think a friend in need is a pain in the butt .
Well, I must let you get on, I'm sure you have things to do, places to go...whereas I just have a teetering pile of ironing to get through.

Love and hugs dear friends
Issi
xxxx

[Kay]

One door closes and another opens - a well-worn cliche but so often true

We are all likely to outlive many cats, but that makes for a lot of cats living out their lives in comfort and love, and that can only be cause for celebration

Good luck with your plans - do you plan to take Gandhi with you on your travels?

[bobbys girl]

There's not a day goes by that we don't think of Tommy. He passed a few weeks before Armand and I well remember sharing your raw grief.

Tommy is buried next to his doggy friend Rosie and the plants that mark the spot are coming alive with the spring. To see them makes me sad that they are no longer here but happy that they are together again and my belief that love conquers death and I will see them again.

I hope you find a buyer for your house (at the price you want!) and I hope you find a wonderful new home. My Godmother decided to downsize last year. She didn't find the house she wanted and the buyers were itching to move in. So she is renting part of a very swish converted coach house in the area she wants to live and is taking her time. I hope she AND you finds the perfect place soon.

I hope too, that you will stay in touch.

Sue xx

[issiandarchie+68]

One door closes and another opens - a well-worn cliche but so often true

We are all likely to outlive many cats, but that makes for a lot of cats living out their lives in comfort and love, and that can only be cause for celebration

Good luck with your plans - do you plan to take Gandhi with you on your travels?

Hi Kay, no, dear Gandhi will not be coming with us. He hates being enclosed, yells the place down even on the short journey to the Vets! The lad is absolutely thriving as an 'only' despite his mega colon,although he is much more clingy. Try to imagine 7kg of pure muscle and thick grey fur, topped with wet nose kisses sitting on your chest every night before you drift off to sleep. Actually, I wouldn't miss it for the world . He knows he's a much adored handsome fella..with paws like a bear cub!

Issi

[issiandarchie+68]

There's not a day goes by that we don't think of Tommy. He passed a few weeks before Armand and I well remember sharing your raw grief.

Tommy is buried next to his doggy friend Rosie and the plants that mark the spot are coming alive with the spring. To see them makes me sad that they are no longer here but happy that they are together again and my belief that love conquers death and I will see them again.

I hope you find a buyer for your house (at the price you want!) and I hope you find a wonderful new home. My Godmother decided to downsize last year. She didn't find the house she wanted and the buyers were itching to move in. So she is renting part of a very swish converted coach house in the area she wants to live and is taking her time. I hope she AND you finds the perfect place soon.

I hope too, that you will stay in touch.

Sue xx

Hi Sue, yes, I remember your pain at Tommy's passing and yet you still opened your heart and supported me in my own grief, I'll always be grateful for your kindness. Coach house sounds wonderful, I've always liked quirky properties, love the Mews Houses in old Glasgow lanes. Our home has been on the market just over a week, loads of viewings, 6 Notes of Interest, closing date for bids Monday at 3.p.m. Will definitely stay in touch, I think of you as a friend.

Hugs

Issi
xxx

[Mayday21]

Hi Issi I recall you losing your beloved Armand & Cody & Sue losing her beloved Tommy and agree with your comments re CC - so much understanding & support. Who's going to look after a Ghandi while you go travelling? Fusses to him from me & the 3 puss-kateers. Vivian

[issiandarchie+68]

Hi Issi I recall you losing your beloved Armand & Cody & Sue losing her beloved Tommy and agree with your comments re CC - so much understanding & support. Who's going to look after a Ghandi while you go travelling? Fusses to him from me & the 3 puss-kateers. Vivian

Hello dear friend, how are you and tell me more about your 3 puss-kateers, all well I hope? To be honest, between selling up and settling into a new abode, we will not be going abroad for a while, although we will be travelling to the far South of England, Northern corners of Scotland and many points in between to visit family and friends, leaving dear Gandhi in the expert care of our cat sitter. He's an old man now, gets very depressed and ill if placed in a Cattery and both us and the Vet agree the darling boy doesn't deserve that. You know Viv, we always expected he would be the first to go, not wee Armand and certainly not my darling Cody, but we love him more than words can express, happy to care for him for as long as it takes. He appreciates your hugs and fusses, once again drooled over the keyboard in response . Tell me this, did you ever make up with your friend and her crass husband?
Hugs

Issi
xx

[Mayday21]

Hi my dear cc friend Issie the 3 puss-kateers are good. TC the boy & Harper still besotted with ea other. Snow the bossy boots. Strange you ask about my friend & husband. I've started transition to retirement & just after I submitted my leave forms was walking to the bus & she was waiting for her bus & greeted me like a long lost friend - which I was. Well to cut a long story short she came with me on my bus. They've had a torrid time. Lost their 6yr old Staffy, Floyd, to an aggressive cancer - chemo didn't work. She told me she'd missed me & he realises he shouldn't have said what he did. Told her I'd missed her too & that we'd been friends for a long time. On telling her I was doing transition to retirement (which started yesterday 3/4) I'd contact her to catch up but I did have a few things on the go atm.

Glad that Ghandi's going to be in good hands. Expect the black paw on your return. I think it's amazing how this forum binds peeps from all corners of the globe & from all walks of life. Take care & drive safely on your travels. Fusses to Ghandi. Snow's up on bed - demanding BREAKFAST. Vivian

[melshop]

Issi, I would like to say thanks for your post, I lost my cat Sooty last Saturday and Billy about 14 months ago I now have my lovely big Mr T left who I love to bits. It is so easy to get wound up with grief and not celebrate their lives. I have been on here reading others posts and yours really gave me comfort in how your are coping and moving on. I am not going to allow myself to think about their last moments and just remember the good times and all the fun I had with them.

[issiandarchie+68]

Oh Mel, I am so very sorry to her of the loss of both Billy and Sooty but so glad you have the love of Mr T to comfort you. I am not on CC very often these days, I don't feel I have much to contribute, so imagine how moved I was to log on and absorb your kind words. My heart filled with warm gratitude. You see, I used to write on the general chat thread of my cat's exploits, oh the joyous times we had, my cat loving GP recently reminding me of the time I posted about my husband handing her a requested sample in a Vet's tube marked up with Gandhi's details and other such happy nonsense. But then came the painful time I had to write about the loss of my Cody and Armand, seeking solace, support in moving on. I felt after my darlings and so many other losses over the years, I would never be happy again, but I am. I won't lie and tell you flashbacks of their last moments do not occasionally resurface, that I did not shed a tear one morning while bathing, a sudden memory of Cody at the end of the bath demanding I 'drip' the cold water tap and Armand sitting on the bathmat, snuffling happily, but then I smiled, remembered how happy they both were, the absolute joy they brought into our lives, preferred them to my grandchildren to be honest. We have downsized, have new cat loving neighbours, my beloved Gandhi is thriving as an 'only' despite mega colon and thyroid problems, he is I3yrs old. He has become even more affectionate which suits us just fine, like Mr T, much adored. We installed a cat flap but the wee devil went straight through neighbours flap, ate all Balou's food, wouldn't come out. He has now been issued with a cat ASBO and is under house arrest, totally unconcerned, has just walked across the broad windowsill, batting off the Christmas cards like skittles, hooligan. Do you know what helped me my love? I grieved but as time went on, I would sternly tell myself to stop scratching or the wound would remain open, painful, but good memories, are the lovely lingering, soothing balm protecting a light scar, always there, but softly healing over. I really wish you joy and happiness in 2018. Please give Mr T a huge hug and as many sloppy Christmas kisses as he will tolerate, and thank you once again.

Issi
xx

[Mayday21]

Hi Issi last week was only thinking of you & wondering how the downsizing, travelling & most importantly Ghandi were progressing. Low & behold you posted to Mel ... the universe works in amazing ways. Fusses to Ghandi from me & the famous 4 from Oz. And Mel thinking of you & treasure those memories. I often dream of Mayday who always slept with me. I’ve even woken up stroking the sheet beside me thinking she was there. Bentley is the only one who makes his way on to the bed in the early morning hrs. Vivian

[melshop]

Ghandi sounds so much like Mr T, lovely big fluffy older cat with thyroid problems, who famously stole someones sunday roast one day, and managed to get it through a cat flap! that was in his younger days though. He also loves to bang on the cat flap when it is locked over night to wake me up and make me get him food, usually at 3 in the morning.

I do treasure the memories, and luckily took lots of pictures and video the two I lost, I can now look at them without crying so feeling better. It is so lovely to have a site like this to talk to others who have gone through the same thing, I have found it to be a great comfort.

Thanks to you Issi and Mayday for replying

Mel

[issiandarchie+68]

Well, here we are, not 1yr but 2 yrs on since the loss of wee Cody and Armand. This morning I wept painful tears, the sun was flooding through the windows and a sudden memory of the day in May we adopted,or rather Cody adopted, us. Oh how happy we were. It was an absolute scorcher of a weekend. She jumped into the carrier, no fuss no bother, came home,walked out and sat on the sofa, began to wash herself as our 7kg bruiser of a cat Gandhi, watched in bewilderment. I remember vividly her waking me at 3 a.m., beautiful eyes wide, rolling on her back, reaching out. I still can't believe she's gone. As for Armand, what a poor wee soul. Nobody wanted my wee black boy, so many health issues, and yes, he did disrupt the family, Cody and Gandhi together a cat match made In heaven, he was such hard work, but we adored him. Now we all grow older, beloved Gandhi is, as my straight talking hubby says 'on his way out' and I wonder, where did the years go? what was the point of it all? Such short lives. But today, I finally deleted all the text messages I sent and received about the illness and demise of my beautiful pets. Is this a step forward? I honestly don't know but, just as I have with the loss of a child, parents, family, other pets, I have to move on don't I? But can anyone tell me, why does it get so much harder as we age?

Issi

[bobbys girl]

Oh Issi, I read your post and had to go away and think about it. That is one profound question! The brief, perhaps trite answer is that it is the price we pay for loving someone.

My mum is feeling this a lot right now. She is 91 on Friday. Her side of the family is quite long lived but recently she lost her cousin (92) who she was very close to when growing up. My cousin (the only one on dad's side of the family we were still in touch witt) passed away a couple of weeks back at the same time as the husband of her life long friend. Talking about this and remembering many events over the years bring happy as well as sad memories. But I realised that all these things make us the people we are.

I had an 'aunt' (my grandpa's cousin). She was born in 1892 and was an old lady when I knew her. She had no children and, from the sound of it a fairly love-less marriage. But that lady had such a profound influence on my life and the person I am.

I think what I am trying to say is that we are all linked and you never know what influences you have or what a difference you might make to someone's life.

You gave Armand and Cody a wonderful life and they blessed yours. I don't know if you have any faith in a higher being. But I do believe there is a plan to the cosmos and we are all a part of it.

Beyond that - many (HUGS)

Sue xxx

[fjm]

I think perhaps that as we get older we are more aware of the finality of death, and of our own mortality. And each loss reminds us of the others and breaks another link to our past. I got Pip and Tilly while my parents were alive - my mother was with me when I first met Tilly, and my father, already in his 80s, climbed up to the flat roof to rescue Pippin when he jumped out of the bedroom window, high on painkillers after a massive operation. There may be lovely cats still to come in my future, but none will have known my parents, or the house where I grew up, or even me when I was so much younger... Perhaps it is simply that when someone we love dies they take with them a piece of our history, and as we grow older our history - the past - is longer than our future can be, and therefore important to us.

I hope the memories are happier now - of the good times rather than the final days.

[issiandarchie+68]

Forgive me for tagging on to my initial post but I feel it's appropriate. When I originally posted the somewhat profound question of 'what's it all about?' my initial thoughts were you might think I had been at the gin and ignore me. But to my surprise and delight it turned into the most intelligent and insightful discussion, one I have read many times over.

Well it has now been 3yrs since Armand and 2yrs 11 months since Cody died. Sadly and by cruel coincidence we now have to make the heart breaking journey to the Vet with beloved Gandhi almost 3yrs to the day. Since moving to this house, he has had a wonderful 2yrs, in and out the cat flap, investigating the woods,blessed with love as an 'only', fed like a king and sooo many cuddles it's a wonder he isn't bald. But he has also had his bad days and these having been getting more frequent and ever more painful for him. His appetite is poor, and the spark is slowly diminishing. My poor love.

I remember when a teenager, my Aunt told me 'don't expect others to be constantly sympathetic, you are not the centre of their world, nor they yours and you don't know what they are going through behind closed doors'. While I have in the main found this to be true, I can honestly say that on the deaths of both children and pets, me and hubby have been met with nothing but kindness and support from friends, acquaintances and scattered family, who are as wonderfully quirky, argumentative and dysfunctional as anybody else's relatives! These and other random acts of kindness throughout my life have given me much hope, there are lots of good people out there and I count myself blessed to know so many of them. On Gandhi's death, I will try hard not scratch the wound, attempt over time to soothe the scar with the balm of good memories,in the belief it's not time but what you do with it that heals.

Well the clock has struck and my husband tells me it's time to go. I'm so afraid, it gets harder to bear the pain of goodbye with each passing year. But we absolutely adore my beloved Gandhi and will not see him suffer. On returning home, for the first time in a long life, there will be no welcoming creature behind the door to greet us, but as with all life, (even the planets eventually die) the time has come to say goodbye and move on with the life we have been given.

Thank you again so much for all your comforting words, uplifting tales both happy and sad, from my first post on General chat 10yrs ago to my re joining after a short break in 2016.

God bless

Issi

[Bertie 2017]

Hi ,yes losing cats ,is painful ,and the grief is so controlling ,It will destroy you ,if you let it ,
But as you have said ,we have something ,death and grief ,can never take away from us ,
Yes that’s the love and bond we share ,( and always will ) with our amazing beautiful
Beloved cats ,not forgetting the many wonderful memories ,we hold dear in our hearts .so
Yes ,I am sure ,it’s the right time for you ,as for myself ,I feel I need ,too let go of the past ,
And accept Bertie’s loss ,before it destroys me ,and it isn’t fair ,on Bertie’s brother ,Basil
I am sure ,my grief is effecting him ,I noticed how my many mood swings ,is upsetting him,
He didn’t touch his food yesterday ,because I was in a meltdown ,I need too heal ,not just
For myself ,but basil ,because the truth is , Bertie is never ever coming back home again.
But still knowing that ,doesn’t stop me ,missing him so much ,but he has a special place in my heart ,now and forever ,xx

[issiandarchie+68]

Losing Gandhi: A quick update: My beloved Gandhi had a large tumour blocking his bowel which resulted in waste matter building up and hardening like limescale in a pipe all the way up his digestive system. As you can imagine, this caused painful inflammation and stretching of the bowel and a huge amount of discomfort. He has been treated twice over the years. We are of course, very sad and what an awful coincidence the journey should be made so close to the dates of the deaths of Armand and Cody. Fate is definitely ruled by Committee and they should all be sacked. No more pets in our lives but some happy, loving memories as hopefully there will be of us when our time comes, and still a real determination to make the most of our lives. Now I'm getting up of my bum and heading for a shift in the stockroom of Cancer Research, which is a lot more cheerful than it sounds. There are some very funny, totally mad survivors of life's hard knocks working there... .

Issi

[booktigger]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost Ghandi, RIP little one

[issiandarchie+68]

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost Ghandi, RIP little one

Thank you Booktigger, you are kind. The house feels empty and our hearts are breaking but no more pets. I sincerely hope all is well with you.

Issi

[alanc]

Sorry my condolences are rather belated (been rather occupied with family illness), but I am sorry to read you have lost Ghandi. RIP little cat.

[issiandarchie+68]

I'm so sorry to hear a member of your family has been ill. I hope all is well now and life has returned to normal. I have always followed your posts and remember your utter despair when losing dear Badger so early in his life, yet you offered me such generous support on the loss of 3 cats in 3 years and I'm very grateful. I don't have to tell you of the heaviness which will press on our hearts for some time to come...and yet...I have had three invitations today to go out and enjoy the excellent sunny weather, one a wee trip to the seaside, so that's exactly what I am going to do. To quote my friend who is shortly coming to pick me 'Sun on our shoulders,toes in the sea while munching a large 99 cone.. lovely, a simple celebration of Gandhi's life'. Everyone has been so kind.

Issi

[Mayday21]

Hello Issi I’ve been absent from the forum for a while & catching up on people’s posts. Please accept my belated condolences on Ghandi’s passing. He sounded such a grand old gentleman. I’ve often said that with pets “there’s such a fine line between pleasure & pain” what apt words by Annie Lennox. RIP old man Ghandi. You were & will always be very much loved as were Cody & Armand. Vivian