Overwhelmed with guilt

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unigeezer
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Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by unigeezer » Tue Jul 11, 2017 7:39 pm

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I just lost my constant companion of nearly 17 years, my beloved "Morty", on 7/8/17. It was the most traumatic and painful experience of my 61 years to make the heart wrenching decision to set him free. I wrote two poems for him in my grief, and each word is from my still broken heart. A few of my favorite photos of Morty are included, below.


“Seventeen Years of Joy”

So loving and sweet, and one of a kind
Was Morty my cat to me
Another like him I never will find
And now he’s finally free

Always licked me hello, and put on a show
His antics brought smiles and laughter
Wherever I’d go, Morty would know
I would be back home soon after

A wonderful life he surely had
Seventeen years of joy
We never spent a day apart
He was my baby boy

Though the pain of his passing will linger forever
Happy memories will help dry the tears
I know it was fate that brought us together
His meow was music to my ears

Rest in peace now Morty my boy
May you run and play in your dreams
With eternal hugs, and your favorite toy
We were truly the best of teams

- T. Peterson


“Final Good Night...”

Morty, dear boy, how I miss you so
It was so very hard to let you go
Time, they say, will heal the pain
Though my heart cries out for you in vain

Consumed with guilt by the choice I made
And will remain ‘till to rest, I’m laid
I need so badly to turn back time
When you were young and in your prime

Your ashes are all I have to hold
And will keep me warm when the world is cold
Together we’ll take our last journey in flight
When we’re scattered into that final good night…

- T. Peterson
Attachments
Morty Butt.jpg
mort fly.jpg
mort laptop.jpg
mortpaws.JPG
532333_10151105350289473_198297581_n.jpg

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Ruth B
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by Ruth B » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:55 pm

Welcome to the forum, so sorry it wasn't in better circumstances.

He looks like he was a real character.

There is very little that I can say at the moment that will make you feel better, however please believe me that in time you will be remembering the happy times together far more than the sadness of the end. In the end, we have to accept that many of us will out live our furry darlings, and at the end the best we can offer is a pain free end, we don't need to let them suffer, which is what you have decided for him. It hurts us so much to do it, but our hurting means that they aren't and for me that is the most important thing.

Everyone copes differently, some want to talk about it, some prefer to keep quiet and concentrate on other aspects of life, others write poetry, it is whatever helps you get through the days.

So many of us here have been through it, the guilt, the grief, the wondering if anything could have been done differently, if you need to talk then please do, we are always more than happy to listen, and we tend to understand far more than a lot of non pet owners that we have lost a member of our family.

Your poetry is wonderful, far better than anything I could have come up with, and while you will never find another like Morty, there are plenty of cats and kittens out there that would appreciate the love you could offer them, maybe when the time is right you will see one that captures your heart and you will also know that Morty would understand and be happy that you can love another.

unigeezer
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by unigeezer » Tue Jul 11, 2017 9:50 pm

Ruth B wrote:Welcome to the forum, so sorry it wasn't in better circumstances.

He looks like he was a real character.

There is very little that I can say at the moment that will make you feel better, however please believe me that in time you will be remembering the happy times together far more than the sadness of the end. In the end, we have to accept that many of us will out live our furry darlings, and at the end the best we can offer is a pain free end, we don't need to let them suffer, which is what you have decided for him. It hurts us so much to do it, but our hurting means that they aren't and for me that is the most important thing.

Everyone copes differently, some want to talk about it, some prefer to keep quiet and concentrate on other aspects of life, others write poetry, it is whatever helps you get through the days.

So many of us here have been through it, the guilt, the grief, the wondering if anything could have been done differently, if you need to talk then please do, we are always more than happy to listen, and we tend to understand far more than a lot of non pet owners that we have lost a member of our family.

Your poetry is wonderful, far better than anything I could have come up with, and while you will never find another like Morty, there are plenty of cats and kittens out there that would appreciate the love you could offer them, maybe when the time is right you will see one that captures your heart and you will also know that Morty would understand and be happy that you can love another.
Thank you Ruth for that thoughtful reply. I feel that getting my feelings out in writing helps a lot, rather than keeping it bottled up. Morty inspires me endlessly, and this one just poured out, in continuous rhyme:

“Furry Friend”

Farewell to you, my furry friend
Soulmates were we to the very end
My broken heart may never mend
The pain’s too deep to comprehend

You’re still here, I must pretend
Most heartfelt words I’ve ever penned
A letter that I cannot send
Need someone with an ear to lend

In years to come I must contend
With a lonely life I can’t transcend
I know that now, until the end
To kitty heaven you will ascend

-T. Peterson

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bobbys girl
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by bobbys girl » Tue Jul 11, 2017 10:10 pm

So sorry for your loss. Your poems make me feel like I knew Morty, beautifully written and from the heart.

It takes time, but the pain will ease. Until then, you have us. RIP sweet Morty. (Hugs) to you.

jackie278
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by jackie278 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 8:36 pm

I know the feeling of sadness, my beautiful cat of 14 had to be put to sleep due to bladder cancer just 2 weeks ago, hard decision to make but simple in so much as I was easing her suffering. Easy decision no way once it hit me.
I have cried every day since, cant eat ,keep sleeping as so down.
She was my best friend I took her in my car everywhere, on holiday, illuminations, and just everywhere. She loved me unconditionally she never hurt me, humans did.
I feel like I will never get over this, and feel like I let her down with having her put to sleep, I am racked with guilt ever since.

My life is empty and I still look around the house for her, she slept on my bed, I hate it without her.

Jackie

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bobbys girl
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by bobbys girl » Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:30 pm

Oh Jackie I am so sorry to hear that. It's never an easy decision to make, but it is sometimes the final act of kindness.

She sounds an amazing little girl - she came with you in the car, wow!I

I wish there was something I could say to take away the hurt. But we are here for you. It will get better, just take your time. (Hugs)

unigeezer
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by unigeezer » Thu Jul 13, 2017 1:48 am

Jackie my heart aches for you and I feel the same way. It's been so debilitating that it's hard to function, but we must live on for our babies.

When I got up this morning, I wasn't fully awake and thought Morty was still here with me. When the brain fog cleared, I wrote down these words. His name isn't mentioned in this one, so some might think it was written about a person. But to me, Morty was more human than many people I've known.

“Lucky man”

Where have you gone, old friend of mine
I look but you’re not there
Alone I sit here, lost in time
At the empty room I stare

My darkened world once shined so bright
With laughter, smiles and love
In you I found my guiding light
Like the Northern Star above

We’ll meet again, someday, somewhere
Then spread our wings and fly
Our special bond was oh so rare
What a lucky man was I

- T. Peterson
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mortface2.jpg

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Mayday21
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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by Mayday21 » Thu Jul 13, 2017 2:40 am

Hi Unigeezer & Jackie I concur with Bobby's Girl & Ruth's words. Unigeezer your poetry is absolutely fabulous. And as for your feelings my suggestion go with them & post whenever & whatever you'll receive wonderful support here. And as I've posted in the past the universe has a strange way of helping deal with things & one never knows when she'll step in. RIP little fur babies & we'll all meet one day at the Rainbow Bridge. Vivian

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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by Mainecoon » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:55 pm

Thinking of you & beloved Morty ( now at Rainbow Bridge ) x

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Re: Overwhelmed with guilt

Post by Charlie Poppet » Wed Aug 23, 2017 7:58 pm

I'm new here too. What a lovely post; I really liked the second poem and, of course, those gorgeous photos. He was clearly happy as 17 is a great age for a cat. I resonate with your grief as I'm losing my boy and this is why I've joined the forum. Wishing you the best.

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