I don’t know what to do please help

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
VickyJ
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I don’t know what to do please help

Postby VickyJ » Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:55 am

I found my cat, my special cat Raisin dead this morning. I’m in total shock and devastated. I have (had) 6 cats, he was my special one, followed me everywhere and with me all the time.

There were no signs of illness, he was only 5, last night he was eating and playing with his sister, just totally fine. I can’t believe it, I miss him so much already and feeling like I’m not going to get through this.

He was over weight and I’m wondering did I miss something. Is it my fault. I tried to revive him this morning.

I just don’t know what to do.

Please help me

Vicky

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Kay
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby Kay » Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:07 pm

how awful for you - I do so understand your shock at losing your boy so suddenly and without any warning

it was probably his heart, and he would not have suffered - an undetected underlying condition can happen with animals, as it does for humans, and you would have had no way of knowing - even if you had there would have been little that could be done, and you would have been constantly worried about it

he spared you that, so you and he enjoyed his time with you - I hope when you begin to recover from the shock you can remember that time with pleasure

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Ruth B
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby Ruth B » Wed Oct 18, 2017 6:26 pm

I am so sorry for you, it is bad enough to lose a favourite pet when you know they are ill or old, but to lose one suddenly and at such a young age must be an awful shock.

Without a post mortem we can't be sure just what caused it, but I agree with Kay it was probably an underlying heart problem, that couldn't be detected, and nothing you could have done differently would have made any difference, when his time came he had to go.

Concentrate on the fact that he had had several good years with you, he was obviously well loved and he didn't suffer at the end, it was obviously very quick, possibly while he slept. Try your best to remember all the good times you had together, if you have a photo of him when he was obviously happy then having that close to hand as a reminder of the good times can help. Don't be afraid to cry if you want to and don't let anyone tell you 'he was just a cat', these pets are part of our family and when we lose one it is like losing a family member and no one should be surprised if we grieve for them.

RIP little Raisin.

VickyJ
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby VickyJ » Thu Oct 19, 2017 7:00 am

Thank you both so much for your kind words, they actually really help.

I’m still in shock and I can only take it minute by minute at the moment. I’m crying so much and I feel for my kids as I’m not being a good mum right now. I can barely function.

Raisin was around me all the time, even walked with me & my daughter to school, now I can’t bear to step out the door.

I know time does make things slightly easier but I just want to sleep until it gets better.

Xx

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bobbys girl
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby bobbys girl » Thu Oct 19, 2017 7:35 am

Hi Vicky, I am so sorry for your loss, what a shock. I agree with what the girls have said. Something similar happened to one of our cats and it was a terrible shock. But I now know there is nothing we could have done and believe that it happened suddenly and he did not suffer. That at least is some comfort. The pain of grief does ease with time. Just know we are here for you.

RIP Raison, (hugs) to you.

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Ruth B
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby Ruth B » Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:33 am

I will start by saying that this is coming from someone who doesn't have children, but in my mind showing your grieve in front of them isn't a bad thing. They no doubt are feeling his loss as well and I don't know how much you have talked to them about what has happened but it might be a good opportunity to talk about an awkward subject. If nothing else then seeing how much Raisin meant to you will hopefully reinforce in their minds about how much animals matter, which is a lesson which will be with them for the rest of their lives.

My family has had cats since I was 6 years old and let me see all the ups and downs of pet ownership, the happy and the sad was shared, and i have always been grateful to them for not hiding the truth.

VickyJ
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby VickyJ » Thu Oct 19, 2017 11:57 am

Thank you so much for your replies. It really does mean so much.

Raisin’s sister is helping me a lot. She seems to be sticking with me and currently asleep on the sofa next to me. We both miss him so much.

This morning was terrible. When it’s feeding time it’s even more obvious that he’s not here.

Walking to the front door and him not being there is heartbreaking. I bought a cat ornament off Amazon which I’m going to put on the front doorstep so I can say ‘hi Raisin’ whenever I’m opening the door. Sounds silly but it may help. I’m just searching for anything to ease the pain.

Thank you so much again. I really appreciate it.

Vicky xx

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Mayday21
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby Mayday21 » Thu Oct 19, 2017 11:16 pm

Hi Vicky so sorry to read of Raisin's sudden passing - what a lovely name. I hope his sister is providing you some comfort as you go through the grieving process. I'm sure you've seen how much support you'll receive here as you work your way through & around your emotions. It will take time so please don't try to rush the process. We never ever forget our special fur babes no matter the circumstances they leave us. The cat ornament at the front door sounds lovely. Perhaps in time you may post a pic of it. When Bobby's Girl lost her lovely Tommy around 18mths ago she found a plant of the same name and planted it in memory of him. Bobby's Girl hope I've got things correct. RIP little Raisin. Vivian

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bobbys girl
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby bobbys girl » Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:41 am

You are right Vivian. That plant has been beautiful all year and makes me smile every time I see it. I also have a picture of him as a screensaver on my laptop. I see his sweet, soppy face every day and wish him 'goodnight' when I turn off the 'pooter.

Just looked it up - there is a plant called the Japanese raisin tree. Don't know how hardy it is but it is related to buckthorn which is very hardy. Just a thought.

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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby VickyJ » Fri Oct 20, 2017 10:18 am

Thank you so much Vivian and Bobbys girl.

Thank you so much for looking up that plant name. I’m going to look for it today.

I’m still struggling so much. Not sleeping and crying through the night. I’ve only lost animals to old age and I’m find it hard to comprehend and I’m not moving forward like I have previously when losing pets.

My last cat to pass away was in August, my Fizzybear, but he was 18 and I came to terms with it much quicker.

I know it’s only been a few days, but I feel like I just want to die, but I can’t as I have responsibilities. I can’t bear feeling this way and my family are getting fed up with me.

I miss Raisin laying in random places and tripping over him.

I feel guilty that I am still living and he isn’t. I’m afraid to bury him, he’s in a blanket in a box in another room, because I don’t want to put him out in the cold and rain. My other kitties are buried in the garden and I’ve always felt this guilt and I don’t want to feel this yet again, but I need to put him to rest next to my other fur babies. I don’t know what to do.

Just ridden with guilt, shock and sadness and I really need help.

Vicky x

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Ruth B
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby Ruth B » Fri Oct 20, 2017 11:18 am

It will get better, but it will take time, the suddenness of it is what makes the difference, all the emotions come at once and you have to deal with them all at that one time.

My Father passed away about 18 months ago, he had cancer and for the 6 months prior to his death he had been going steadily downhill, we all knew it was just a matter of time. When he finally did go, there was the initial feeling of grief, but then mostly what I felt was relief, it was all over. I then went through a massive guilt attack as I felt I had felt worse when my cats died, particularly Patch who went rather suddenly declining rapidly over a few days, her death really tore me apart. Eventually I realised that I had actually gone through most of the mourning process when my Dad was still alive.

I think it is the same when a pet dies of old age or at the end of a long illness, you have already gone through most of the grieving process and while it still hits you, it is why you can recover quicker from it, like you did with your other cats. With Raisin there was no warning, no time to prepare, with Patch I had a couple of days when I really knew what the final outcome would be, but it still took weeks for me to really get over it. All the emotions that are part of the normal grieving process get condensed into a few weeks, adn because they are condensed they are so much more potent.

On a purely practical note, you must think of burying him soon, the longer you leave it the worse it will get as nature takes its course with the body. You already have him in a box wrapped in a blanket, could you get something like wickerwork fencing from a garden centre to put over him so at least you feel you have given him some shelter and a plant to remember him by is a good idea too.

Big hugs to you and your family.

VickyJ
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Re: I don’t know what to do please help

Postby VickyJ » Fri Oct 20, 2017 2:51 pm

Thank you Ruth for your kind words and for sharing your story with me.

I can understand what you are saying about grieving for your Father before he passed. My Father-in-law also died of cancer in July this year and my husband also did a lot of his grieving before.

People always say that a sudden death is much kinder but it’s not for those left behind,

I have now buried my boy. I feel he is happier now and I have made it a nice place for him and I will be adding to it.

Thank you once again

Vicky


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