Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

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Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

Post by Tatirivs »

My cat Phoenix died today and it was my fault. It was a horrible a accident. I am in complete shock and really struggling.

My beautiful cat hung himself and died. He would wear a harness and leash in our backyard . We had a cat that was hit by a car 4 years ago and we're just too scared to let them out now. We thought we came up with the perfect solution. For 2 years it was. Until today.

We have (had)2 cats. Bowie and then we got Phoenix after Ziggy passed. It was hard on Bowie and he wanted a friend. They were the best of friends.

Bowie loved Phoenix and was his mom/dad/ best bud rolled into one.

I work from home and let Phoenix out. He loved to be outdoors . Bowie doesn't and was happy to watch Phoenix from the inside. Phoenix loved to sit on the fence to watch squirrels. He loved to catch butterflies. I would check on him throughout the day. Today I came to check in him and instead of finding him on the fence like I have for 2 years. He was hanging. His harness which should have released became a noose somehow. I got him down and did mouth to mouth and tried CPR. Screaming at the sky at the same time. I brought him inside and continued to try and revive him. Bowie was there and was pawing at his friend. Then I raced the vet. It was too late . He is gone.

I have no idea how I can cope with this. My husband is doing a great job of not being angry with me but I don't know how. I know the loss on him is so great. I have twin toddlers that I have to look after and a job to do. I can't think of anything but Phoenix. I grieve for Bowie. I haven't even begun to really mourn because I am still incapable of forgiving myself. I don't think that is possible.

All I can do is replay the loop in my head of finding his body limp and then trying to revive him. All I want to do is scream . Or take some sort of drugs that can make me forget/ not feel. Then I remember I have kids and a husband and can't so I am trapped.

Any advice would be appreciated.
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Re: Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

Post by bobbys girl »

I am so very sorry to hear the news, what a terrible shock. I wish I could make it right for you. I wish there was something to say to take away the pain. It IS a very real pain isn't it?

There are many of us here who have a similar loop playing in our heads, what if, what if - it doesn't help.

We lost our darling Tommy Dec 2015. He had been ill for a while with CKD. Just after Christmas he went downhill and we had decided to take him to the vet one last time, the following day. Tommy took the decision out of our hands. He asked to go out and my last words to him were 'don't be long'. When, after half an hour I went to look for him. He was dead on the road outside our gate, a glancing blow from a car. He NEVER went over the gate. I know he wasn't well but to lose him like that was awful. With every post like yours I re-live that awful moment. But the pain does fade and becomes, in my case, a resignation, I can't change what happened. As a friend of mine often says sxxt happens.

You were trying to keep Phoenix safe. You are right it was a horrible accident. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

Sending you a big virtual (hug). RIP Phoenix, you were much loved and are much missed.

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Re: Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

Post by Kay »

you gave Phoenix the life he wanted, along with a whole heap of love - no cat could or would ask for more, and you have nothing to reproach yourself with

it is, I know, unbearable how the final minutes play over and over again in the mind, but this will pass, and happier more consoling memories of the life lost will begin to intrude, and push the bad memories away - let Phoenix be remembered for his life, not his death

you may find that putting together a memory book of photos and little stories can help this process, and bring some smiles back into your life - and Bowie will need your comfort and your smiles too
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Re: Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

Post by Mayday21 »

Hi I can only agree with Bobby's Girl & Kay have posted. I'll add that you can post whatever & whenever & you'll receive understanding, empathy & support. Also I believe when the time is right the universe will let you know the time shouldbyou consider a mate for Bowie. RIP Phoneix. Vivian

PS I just read Vicki's post & her words support my statement above. Vick if you read this I've thought of you over the last few weeks.
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Re: Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

Post by VickyJ »

Thank you Mayday21 for thinking of me.

It’s been just over 5 weeks now, I miss him constantly and have good and bad days, which I guess is to be expected.

Thanks again xx
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Re: Grieving with guilt and I can't take it. Please help.

Post by Bertie 2017 »

Hi I was crippled with grief over my
Bertie, getting his back end and tail
Trapped in the washing machine door
I keep telling myself it was a freak accident
One I couldn’t for see it played over in
My head me closing the door and finding
Him there , even after the washing machine
Was replaced I found it painful and it
Took me a while too forgive myself for
Something , that was a freak accident
What your feeling is normal , and my
Heart gos out too you , trust me it
Will get better and please don’t be
So hard on yourself , I hope you find peace
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