Feeling Broken

Help & Support for those who have lost a beloved cat
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melisajayne
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Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Sun Apr 22, 2018 6:59 pm

Hello all, I’m not really sure where to start. I’m completely lost and I remembered catchat has helped me before. On Wednesday evening I lost my little shadow, partner in crime, cuddle buddy and baby of the house Greg. He was hit by a car right outside my house. I can’t stop playing the events over in my head, he suffered significant head injuries and all I can think about is seeing the Facebook post, running outside, seeing a crowd of people, his lifeless body, his face and picking him up, being covered in his blood and taking him inside where he died in our porch. I just feel so awful, sick, anxious, anger, immense sadness. I feel sad for failing him, anxious it may happen to one of my other 3, sick at the series of events that led to his accident and completely and utterly broken. Our home feels weird, it’s silent, he was such a big character, filled up a room with his craziness. He was only a year and a half, way too young to go. Everything I do reminds me of him. We had adopted him from Cats protection last May alongside his brother George, we hadn’t even had them a year yet. I don’t know where to turn. It happened at 9:30pm and so every night as the sun sets I find myself clock watching, waiting for that time to pass. I have read some of the other posts here, it’s reassuring to see that how I feel is normal but I also feel so sad for all the losses that everyone has experienced and for that I am sorry for you all also. :cry:

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bobbys girl
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by bobbys girl » Mon Apr 23, 2018 7:44 am

I am so, so sorry to hear your news. Believe me, I know just how you feel, we lost our Tommy the same way. I still remember the events of that evening with crystal clarity. In the early days it was on a loop in my head - over and over again, what if, what if....

The pain does ease with time but never really goes away, and now we have two kittens, we are doing all we can to frighten them away from the road.

RIP sweet Greg - snatched away far too soon. Play happily at the bridge with my Tommy, until we meet again. A great big ((HUG)) to you.

Sue xx

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Ruth B
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by Ruth B » Mon Apr 23, 2018 7:58 am

I am so sorry for you and I know nothing I can say can really make a difference at the moment, but when you find yourself replaying those last moments in your head try and think about the good times you did have with him instead.

Try and take comfort in the fact that you were with him for his last moments and even if he didn't seem conscious I'm sure he was aware of it at some level, it also sounds like it was quick so he didn't suffer long from his injuries.

Like many cat owners, I worry every time I hear the cat flap go and one of mine goes out, will they be safe outside, but i also see how happy being out makes them. I know if anything happened to any of them I would be heartbroken and tear myself apart over it and wonder should I have kept them in where they were safe, but in the end my cats' happiness has to come before my possible pain and guilt so I continue to let them out.

The only thing I could suggest for the time being for you, know the days are drawing out, could you keep them in over night, get them in about 8.00 while it is still daylight and let them have access to outside again after you get up in the morning. Most accidents do happen during twilight or darkness so statistically it might help and at the very least it might help you feel you are doing something to protect George, but partly it depends on whether George will accept the restriction.

Hugs to you and George, he no doubt will be missing his brother as well, and as Bobby's Girl said, the pain will ease in time, but you will never forget what happened, to forget it would mean forgetting Greg, and you would never want to do that.
'

melisajayne
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:24 am

Thank you Bobbys Girls and Ruth.

Your messages mean so much to me.

I can't help but kick myself for not teaching them to be more wary of the Road, Greg had no fear, he'd try and take on passing dogs, he chased my neighbours hose if she was watering the garden, he use to catch pigeons, take on the big cats, he ended up with a terrible abscess last summer because he took on a cat way too big for him. He was way too confident on our driveway but now i am so wary of my other 3 going out there, especially George as he is still young. My older boys Edgar and Clarence are much more in touch with passing traffic.

Ruth i totally relate to your words about letting them outside. I was very reluctant to let them out after it happened, for the first few days we kept them in at dusk but it was beginning to cause them more stress as they were frantically trying to get out and i know practically it won't work trying to keep them in. Lat night we kept the cat flap open, Clarence went out after dinner and didnt come back till this morning, i was so anxious, i kept waking up and asking my boyfriend if he had come in, i struggled to sleep. I hope the anxiety and pain when they go out at night will get easier.

I spent the weekend sat outside with my 3 boys, we buried Greg in the garden and i feel at peace out there with him and the others playing. seeing them outside makes me happy as they are so relaxed and comfortable out there.

Thank you very much, i will never forget Greg. He had a massive impact on my life in the last year, i learnt a lot from him. I will try to work out how to upload a picture of all four boys. They are my world and will always be my world.
x x x x

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fjm
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by fjm » Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:43 am

I am so very sorry. I lost a much loved cat to a road accident, and I know how the anxiety stays with you forever after, and the worry of trying to balance the risk with the happiness of cats get from roaming. It does get better, but never really goes away. As others have said, do try to remember the good times and all he has taught you, rather than going over and over those last, terrible few minutes in your mind. I have found talking about it, or even just writing everything you can remember down and putting the paper away in a drawer, can help. You are recovering from a traumatic experience, as well as grieving for a beloved companion - be kind to yourself.

melisajayne
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:18 pm

Thank you fjm you have hit he nail on the head. I feel like not only am I grieving the loss of a very much pet/member of the family way to young but the whole circumstance around this loss was incredibly traumatic.

Your right, talking about it does help and since writing on here I feel a whole load better (although I do have a long way to go). I went back to work today, the first time since it happened (I had already taken annual leave last week and just as well). I found it emotionally exhausting and came home and had a cry, it was the first time I came home form work and was greeted by 3 little faces instead of 4 but as I sit here writing this Greg’s brother George and his older (non biological) brother Clarence are hurtling around the garden. It reassured me that letting them outside is the best move, albeit hard.

Thank you once again everyone for your kind words, they really do mean a lot at this incredibly difficult time.

I wish I could work out how to upload a photo on here without it being too big. You’d be able to see my four lovely boys.

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bobbys girl
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by bobbys girl » Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:47 pm

I use picresize to reduce the size of my photos. I'd love to see some photos of your kitties.

Any time you want to chat - there's always someone here to talk to.

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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by Mayday21 » Fri Apr 27, 2018 2:14 am

Hi Melisajayne, so sorry to read about Greg but glad that you turned to this wonderful forum for help. As Bobby’s Girl posted, you’ll always receive empathy, support as well as wise words to help you through your grief. Everyone here has experienced various forms of loss - loss of a kitten through FIP, youngsters like Greg, adults & very senior cats. Post whatever you’re feeling & whenever. RIP Greg & enjoy them”Bridge” with all our furbabes. Your three will be wondering what going on & will in all probability try to comfort you in some way. Vivian

melisajayne
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Fri Apr 27, 2018 7:19 am

Still trying to work out how to re size my photos, i will try and do it at the weekend.

I took a lovely one the other day. I had been longing for it to rain all week, to wash away the blood where Greg got hit. On wednesday, a week after he passed it did just that. A rainbow formed and went down in the direction of his passing. I couldn't believe it. I felt like he was telling me he was ok, i felt at peace and a sense of relief. I still miss him dearly and from everyone's response i understand that will never go, but the pain is slowly easing, I still struggle to think about the happy memories as they make me sad but my other three boys are giving me great comfort and lots of cuddles. Thank you Vivian, I just hope Greg is looking down on us smiling or being a cheeky little monkey over at rainbow bridge. <3

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bobbys girl
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by bobbys girl » Fri Apr 27, 2018 7:32 am

Couldn't be more appropriate, a rainbow - from rainbow bridge. :)

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fjm
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by fjm » Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:38 pm

That is lovely - a message of hope and light. I am glad you are recovering from the first devastating shock; we do not forget them, but the pain does become more bearable with time. Every now and then, even years later, it can stab you to the heart again, but those moments gradually become less frequent. I am glad too that the other cats are rallying round and being a comfort - just what you need most, I imagine.

melisajayne
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Sat Apr 28, 2018 8:44 am

Thank you again ladies, it’s so nice to talk to people who understand, I’m always a bit apprehensive when telling non cat lovers how I feel but this forum is so welcoming and understanding. So I can’t thank you enough. You have definitely helped the initial healing process. I finally worked out how to get a photo to a suitable size to upload... although it’s made it a bit blurry but here are my boys Left to right George, Edgar, Greg, Clarence<3

Missing Greg today, first Saturday morning off after a week at work, he’s normally waking me up at 5:30am but I slept in till 8, I woke up and played a video of him purring on me. It was bliss <3
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fjm
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by fjm » Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:30 am

What a wonderful line up - all those beautiful green eyes totally focussed on you. Knowing cats, do I suspect food was involved?!

melisajayne
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:51 am

Hahaha of course, how else would I get a perfect picture of them :D

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bobbys girl
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by bobbys girl » Sat Apr 28, 2018 6:56 pm

Oooh, bootiful!! Black kitties rule! :D

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Lilith
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by Lilith » Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:36 pm

:o :o :lol:

How on earth do you tell them apart? (Sorry - silly question!) Marvellous photo!

So very very sorry to hear about Greg. My Tess, too, eleven years ago. I was only yards from her and she'd grown up as a feral on this street. One minute everything normal, the next ...

Hugs and best wishes to you and your boys x

melisajayne
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:39 am

Hey Lilith we find it easy, with personality and small differences in body shape and size :D , to others they have no idea! Although as you can imagine, the night Greg was hit we didn't know who it was until we had rounded the other three up in the house. we grieved all of them before we realised it was him. it was torture. Im so sorry you also experienced what we have gone through <3

I love Black cats, they're my favourite. I don't understand why they're so difficult to re home (why people wouldn't want to have a black cat?!).

When the time is right (not for a while) we will give another little black kittie the oppurtunity of happiness in our home.

Question for all of you, George has started being quite disruptive, he is pulling up the carpet on the stairs. It's something he and Greg did when we first got them but managed to tame the habit with plenty of scratching posts and mats. Im concerned its either a sign of distress or unhappiness/grief(?) or perhaps he is craving attention because his brother is no longer there to play with him?

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Lilith
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by Lilith » Tue May 01, 2018 2:48 pm

Ah poor George. Yes, it wouldn't surprise me on both counts. I think all you can do is give him time ... funny, I read the other day about 'time doesn't heal, but it anaesthetises' and so it does.

I wouldn't let him get away with it, I'd tell him 'no!' in a low voice, but then give him lots of praise if he stops, and also praise for doing anything right (I find this works with my Molly, who has no excuse, she's just plain naughty lol.) But at the moment you're all in shock and not surprisingly, and this is probably his way of showing his anxiety - almost like regressing to kitten naughtiness when you come to think of it ... I wonder if he thinks Greg will come and join him on the stairs?

But time I think is the remedy. All the very very best, purrs and hugs x

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bobbys girl
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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by bobbys girl » Tue May 01, 2018 6:34 pm

My two black kittens, brothers Freddie and Billy are inseparable. They cuddle together, eat together and wash each other. Billy is the more adventurous of the two and often, when he is out exploring the garden, Freddie, who is more of a home bird, will suddenly realise Bill isn't there and wander around the house calling for him. He will race up and greet the returning Billy like he has been missing for months!

George is missing Greg and going through all the things they used to do together. When he is doing something you don't want, try to distract him with something else. Time is a healer for all of you. That's not to say there won't be scars, but you will make it.

Special Fusses to George (and kitty kisses from Bill, Fred and the rest of the gang)

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Re: Feeling Broken

Post by melisajayne » Tue May 01, 2018 8:00 pm

Thanks ladies, I have bought a feliway diffuser to hopefully help reassure him. He is certainly missing his bro, they were inseparable and were certainly play mates. Hurtling round the house/garden!

The problem with the stairs is that it’s in the middle of the night so we give our best ‘GEORGE NO’ a go, all half asleep and not with it. He slept on me all night last night bless him, I hope he is finding comfort in us and maybe his older non related brothers <3

“... funny, I read the other day about 'time doesn't heal, but it anaesthetises' and so it does”. - couldn’t agree more!! It’s certainly not healing at the moment, the pain of missing him is growing stronger but I’m hoping it’ll anaesthetise soon!!

Just wanna give you all another thank you. I know I’ve already said it but it is so nice to speak with people who understand. The problem with pet grief is that most people assume that by after a few days/week you’ll be Better but I’m far from it. Being able to share experiences on here with people who understand is a gift and thank you for that!

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