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Not doing so well

Posted: Wed May 16, 2018 9:25 pm
by ginger2011
Sorry, I'm new here. I don't even really know what to say...
Two weeks ago I spent my last evening and night with Ginger. I knew she would be leaving me the next day. I really don't have the words to express how I feel.
I would give everything I own to be able to have that night with her again. I miss her so much.
I'm just not doing so well tonight.

Re: Not doing so well

Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 6:04 am
by Lilith
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about Ginger. It's awful when they leave us, even when letting them go free of pain and illness is the last loving thing we can do for them.

You've come to the right place; at some time we've all felt, or are still feeling, like you.

Love and virtual hugs, and please keep posting x

Re: Not doing so well

Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 6:52 am
by fjm
I am so sorry - grief hurts, both emotionally and physically, and only time softens the pain. Would it help to tell us more about Ginger, remembering happy times as well as the sadness at the end?

Be kind to yourself. Letting a beloved animal go peacefully when the pain and distress become too much is the last and kindest gift we can give them, but it can leave you feeling shattered and guilty as well as grieving, knowing with your reason that it was the best and only thing to do while your heart begs for a few more hours, a few more days. Many of us here know those feelings - you are not alone.

It is probably too soon to think about it now, but when you are ready the best memorial for a beloved animal is to share all the love and understanding they taught us with another small one in need of a home. We do not replace the ones we have lost, but love expands to embrace a new companion, and caring for its needs fills up some of the aching void.

Re: Not doing so well

Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 7:27 am
by Ruth B
Welcome to the forum and I'm sorry it is in such sad circumstances.

I can't add much to what has already been said except to add my endorsement to the sentiment that when the time comes the kindest thing we can do is to let them go quietly, even though we know we will suffer from doing so.

Everyone here understands what you are going through and no one will be of the opinion that 'it was just a cat', we know how much a part of the family these animals become.

Time does heal, but it can take weeks or months, let yourself grieve and don't feel ashamed to cry. Grief also takes many forms and emotions, as well as the sorrow, guilt and doubt are common ones. if it helps to talk there are always people here willing to listen.

Concentrate on remembering the good times with Ginger and when you are ready we would all love to hear more about her.

Re: Not doing so well

Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 9:08 am
by AndyMac
I can understand your pain Ginger - I had to put my cat to sleep 3 weeks ago - she had cancer in her abdomen and developed fluid on her lungs. She had been with me 14 years and the first few days I felt so alone and guilty but the pain does ease. I do miss her every day and I got her ashes in a nice urn which sits in the living room beside a photo of her. In the evenings I look at her photo and smile and think of the happiness and comfort she gave me over the years.

Re: Not doing so well

Posted: Thu May 17, 2018 6:33 pm
by ginger2011
Thank you for your kind comments. They are truly gratefully received.
At some point I will share mine and Ginger's story but for me it is not the right time right now. I am on an emotional rollercoaster and I think it will be hard for me to write about her until that settles down.
I have been through this before...twice in fact, so I recognise the truth in all your words. I've also offered support to friends who have been there but somehow it still doesn't lessen the pain when you go through it again.

I don't know how many of you have read the trilogy by Philip Pullman, His Dark Materials. The characters in the books have 'Daemons' This is a quote from Wikipedia that explains a bit about them:
A dæmon /ˈdiːmən/ is a type of fictional being in the Philip Pullman fantasy trilogy His Dark Materials. Dæmons are the external physical manifestation of a person's 'inner-self' that takes the form of an animal. Dæmons have human intelligence, are capable of human speech—regardless of the form they take—and usually behave as though they are independent of their humans. Pre-pubescent children's dæmons can change form voluntarily, almost instantaneously, to become any creature, real or imaginary. During their adolescence a person's dæmon undergoes "settling", an event in which that person's dæmon permanently and involuntarily assumes the form of the animal which the person most resembles in character. Dæmons are usually of the opposite sex to their human, though same-sex dæmons do exist.

Normally, a person and their dæmon must stay within a few yards of each other; for example, Lyra Belacqua shows significant discomfort when her dæmon flies up to the second story window of a tower while she is standing outside the building. Another character expresses surprise when a shaman's dæmon is able to travel over forty feet from him without discomfort. Such separation from one's dæmon—sometimes called "pulling"—causes extreme pain and distress for both human and dæmon, and, given enough distance, results in death.

The most detailed account in the books shows pulling to be torturous both physically—like "an iron hand pulling ones heart out between ones ribs" —and emotionally.

I always felt Ginger was my Daemon and the pain and loss that Lyra felt when she is separated from her Daemon feels even more real to me now.
Thank you again,

Re: Not doing so well

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2018 8:16 pm
by Bertie 2017
Hi these feelings are natural ,I lost my cat Bertie ,and even nine months
Later ,I am finding it hard ,Bertie was my whole world my everything ,and I expect
You feel ,the same way about your cat ? ,then is a lot of help online ,and many
Charity’s run support lines , which I feel are a great help , have you thought
About making a memory box or wall , something in time you will treasure ,
I know it doesn’t feel like it now ,but the pain will ease ,and you will
Find your many happy memories , will always bring a smile :
And comfort in time ,

Take care